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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753122">Your Ghosts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrexRep/pseuds/StrexRep'>StrexRep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Welcome to StrexCorp [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Welcome to Night Vale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Cannibalism, Child Death, Digging out bullets, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, Eventual Fluff, Flashbacks, Gaslighting Mention, Grief/Mourning, Guns, Hurt/Eventual Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied non/dub, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just keep added them, Masochism, Medical Procedures, Medical Torture, Medical Trauma, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Pregnancy, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Sadism, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, The chapters with it will have warnings and things, Torture, We're talking chapters 10 onwards but 10 is the major one, and 29, much later, unless I add in between chapters before they are published</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:34:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>145,971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrexRep/pseuds/StrexRep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An expanded story of Kevin.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Welcome to StrexCorp [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Training</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, a lot of the fic is going to be just abusing Kevin to start with. </p><p>Ok, so this is Part 3 of the Series (although Part 4 had things before, it intersects this one).</p><p>- I will be working on adding 'The Weather' to the fic. I won't add it chapter-by-chapter on the Alternate version of Act 2, but I will be adding a weather to the start of Act 2 Alt. -<br/>Here is the link to the weather playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2DBErMr8AELZbXLlOpULIF?si=V9AmKEHeSB-nQ7e9P4NtkA">On Spotify</a><br/>The Weather for Your Ghosts is (you guessed it) - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6A8T6qWPBo">Call Off Your Ghosts - Dessa</a><br/>I will try not to use actual weathers for chapters but as I named the fic after the song, it would be odd to pick a different one.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good morning, Desert Bluffs.” The cheery voice repeated and repeated and repeated and repeated and repeated and repeated. The radio cracked and coughed the words in a way that they had not been spoken. Again and again and again and again. It was what he woke to now. His own voice through the silence. The silence was why he couldn’t sleep. His voice was why he couldn’t wake up.</p><p>Even the air didn’t seem to want to stay to listen to the distorted words. Over and over and over and over. His lungs deflated. He begged them to stay that way but they did nothing to oblige. </p><p>A woman marched into the room. Her dress came to just below the knee and just below the shoulder. Her voice was not sweet. She was obviously trying to have a sweet voice but her voice was not sweet. Again and again and again and again. What was she saying? Did it matter? It didn’t matter, Kevin decided, lulling his head away from her and blowing out harshly through his nose. Please stay deflated, he begged silently. She kept talking all the same. Those unsweet, unuseful, unhelpful words. Those vile, toxic, ridiculous words. </p><p>Vanessa walked through the corner of his vision and he jumped to life.</p><p>The woman also jumped but she jumped in reaction to him jumping. She hadn’t liked jumping and so made his body jump once again. Upwards and outwards. His fingers spread. His body tense. Not him, just his body. He was not surprised or caught off guard by this, he simply felt the pain rushing through his arms and up his chest, through his heart, and neck. It was over in less than a second but what is a second when time doesn’t work? It felt much longer and also much shorter, depending on which of their viewpoints you looked at it from. It was obvious that the woman wished his body could stand to draw it out.</p><p>The woman continued talking and Kevin could not stand it any longer. That unsweet, vile, high pitched venom. Her voice was more torture than her torture most of the time. He wondered if this was intentional. If she had realised how she grated on every part of him.</p><p>“Shut up, Lauren.” He rasped. It was meant to be a sneer. He hadn’t thought about it but his throat seemed like sand at that moment. Not because of the words, he didn’t think. He didn’t stay pressed against the back of the chair. He didn’t know when she had last let him have a drink. He had become habituated to the migraine, afterall. </p><p>Another shock. In the electrical sense only. He knew the consequences now. Kevin laughed for a moment and then stopped himself in shame. </p><p>He could see Lauren out of the corner of his eye, smiling. Lauren didn’t smile. Not in here. Not when she wasn’t in public. Kevin remembered the first time he had seen her facade drop. He had been scared more than he had ever been scared in his life but wasn’t actually sure if it was because of her expression or if it was because of the knife in her hand or if it was because of the biorobotic men holding him in place and the blood of Vanessa on the window to the control room. He had seen what Lauren had done to Vanessa. His beautiful Vanessa. The one with the smile that he loved and the memories that they held. The touches they had shared and the love between them. How he yearned to tell her just one last time.</p><p>“Are you even listening, Kevin? Your lack of cooperation is just not productive. We need a nice, productive voice, Kevin. StrexCorp deserves that much, don’t we?” Lauren said, tapping her taser on the back of his hand but not touching him with the metal prongs, “Sometimes I wonder if you actually like this, Kevin. Are you being this unproductive because you like this? Do you enjoy pain, Kevin?” </p><p>“Are you always such an insufferable woman?” Kevin asked, feeling a smile pull at his face but fighting it back, “Do you-” </p><p>Kevin was interrupted by a harsh slap across the face. Lauren seemed to wait for him to continue. She didn’t talk, which was a first for her.</p><p>“Vanessa hit way harder.” He laughed, trying to stop himself but failing. He felt sick at how successful they had been at making him insufferably happy. It still wasn’t enough for them, “I thought you were trying to hurt me? You might as well keep talking, that’s worse than you-” </p><p>Lauren slapped him again, harder, leaving a large red mark where her hand had collided. Kevin couldn’t help but laugh and wheeze and laugh and smile. </p><p>Lauren just watched him and that made Kevin laugh even harder. </p><p>“Oh, Lauren!” Kevin cried in faux joyous laughter, using the bridge to ground himself into a normal talking pattern again, “Again! Again!” </p><p>He looked down and shook his head, trying to contain himself. He shouldn’t love fighting her this much. “You really think that’s how people act? Lauren!? You think that I’ll magically just bend to your will because you flash some images in my face and shock me? You slap me like a five year old and get a psych to tell me that smiling is healthy? Really, Lauren? Really?” </p><p>Lauren sighed, giving a defeated look and waiting for Kevin to acknowledge it. When he saw her face his heart stopped for a moment, staring. Was she really giving up? She couldn’t be? He had worn her down? After all this time? How long had it even been? I was meant to win… Cecil had told him so… but was this really his victory? Just like that?</p><p>He went to raise his hand, forgetting the restraints that held him in place and wincing at the cut they gave him.</p><p>“Oh, Lauren. You know that I’ll win in the end.” Kevin giggled, his tongue running across the inside scars of his smile. It felt horrible to do but his tongue was just so attractive to what shouldn’t be there, “You don’t have to beat yourself up about it. It’s just how the future goes.” </p><p>“Oh, Kevin. You really have bested me, I know.” Lauren said, although he could tell that she didn’t mean that, “I suppose that I’ll let doctor Reed see you then, Kev. I obviously am not helping your disposition. My poor puppy Kevvy. So sick and not at all smiling.” </p><p>“Don’t call me tha-” He was cut off again by her taser. His whole body reacting.</p><p>She held it on him for longer than she had before. Longer than she maybe should have. Long enough to burn the skin noticeably under the metal. A scar he’d carry forever. </p><p>Specks started to dance in his vision, slowly fading out to the sight of a thin, boney face. Another woman with no obvious StrexCorp mutilation. He wasn’t sure that she didn’t have any but whatever it was wasn’t visible. </p><p>She just sat there, staring at him. Kevin assumed she was waiting for him to come to, so kept his eyes moving to postpone the awful conversation he knew he was about to have. It seemed to work for a few minutes but eventually the doctor just continued anyway. </p><p>“How are you feeling today, Kev?” She asked, taking the pen off of her clipboard clip. It tapped against the clipboard but there was nothing for it to record yet, unless she was that interested in a man staring randomly around the room.</p><p>He didn’t answer until after she had restated the question twice. It wasn’t clear if she had bought that he wasn’t fully conscious or if she was simply more patient than him. He couldn’t stand hearing the question again. Hearing her call him that stupid abbreviation. </p><p>“Numb.” He replied, clicking his tongue and looking away from her. It wasn’t a lie, emotionally at least. It wasn’t the answer she wanted but he was sure that most StrexCorp employees must feel numb. There was no way they could do such horrible things with such happiness. Not really. Except maybe Lauren. She felt something but it certainly wasn’t happiness. </p><p>“Oh no! That’s not good.” The facade started. Reed was smiley. It was hard to tell if she was smiley due to a lack of empathy or if it was to hide her real feelings. Either way, her enthusiasm was clear. She had dropped the smile and tilted her head as if trying to show sympathy but not really understanding what sympathy meant, “Well, maybe working will help. Work makes everything better.” </p><p>Kevin glanced at her and then rolled his eyes. He had thought that she was unarmed but a sharp shock ran through him and a burning rose in his temples alerting him to the electrodes that had been stuck to his head. It occurred to him that Lauren had probably knocked him out and he hadn’t even realised. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.</p><p>“So, Kevin, we are going to be productive in today’s sessions, aren’t we?” She hummed, smiling wide again, “What do you remember today, Kev? It’s important that we at StrexCorp know what memories are really distressing you!” </p><p>“Don’t ca-” He stopped talking as he saw her reach for the button again. His stomach twisted at the mere thought of another shock, “I remember a lot of things, you’ll need to be more specific. Your definition of distressing and mine are polar opposites.” </p><p>“Favourite memory?” She asked in a clinical tone, looking back down at her clipboard and then shocking him anyway, “Oh dear, my hand slipped.” </p><p>Her voice was plain. It neither sounds like she took pleasure for it nor regretted it. </p><p>“Oh, my induction into Strex, of course. Distressingly favourite!” Kevin smiled mockingly, sticking his tongue out and crossing his eyes. </p><p>“Replace eyes.” The doctor mumbled, making a note on her clipboard, “Tell me about your induction.” </p><p>Kevin’s blood ran cold. She couldn’t be serious. His eyes were perfectly fine and Strex only used what they needed. They prioritized saving money, they wouldn’t replace his eyes if they didn’t need to, surely. He would have struggled but he didn’t want to repeat his earlier mistake. His restraints were not well kept and each time he forgot about them or pulled at them or was shocked they cut into his wrists, ankles, and upper arms. He was sure that they had been sharpened. </p><p>“You brought me in here and here we are.” He retorted, getting another shock. He panted, dizzy and weak. Every muscle in his body was sore already but the last shock had taken the last of his energy, “Lauren and the representative bots pulled me into the station. They held me on my chair and pulled my eyes open. Lauren was talking and talking but I wasn’t listening…” </p><p>Kevin trailed off, staring past doctor Reed and towards Vanessa. She was standing against the far wall. She was the only thing that was clear at that distance. He couldn’t risk another shock, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He took a deep breath but it wasn’t enough to stop his voice from shaking. </p><p>“... I was looking at Vanessa. Lauren saw that. I guess she didn’t want to share the attention…” Red flashed in his eyes and he looked down to his restraints. He saw the cold metal hands of the robot representatives holding him to his office chair, “... I struggled so much and I couldn’t save her. I screamed and cried and Lauren didn’t like that either.” </p><p>Doctor Reed took notes and then waved dismissively. </p><p>“That sounds like a wonderful time, Kev! That’s great!” </p><p>Her words passed over Kevin but didn’t go in. He was watching the blood pool at his feet and could only focus on the burning in his face. It would have taken more than he had to stay present, to keep talking. He heard her talk but her words just carried over him. He heard himself talk but couldn’t tell what he was saying. </p><p>Reed also didn’t know what Kevin was saying, but this brought a smile to her face again. She put the clipboard to the side and hummed, standing and walking closer to him. </p><p>Kevin could feel her touching him, his arm, but couldn’t move. He couldn’t see her. He could only see his blood soaked studio, courtesy of Lauren Mallad. He could see her, standing over him. Towering. She was taller than he remembered. She was taller than she had been when she was standing in this room just a moment ago. </p><p>He had no idea how long he had been stuck like this but he felt a weight lift off of his chest. His anxiety and pain seemed to melt away and the room came back into focus. He was alone again. That made him happy. He couldn’t tell if it should make him happy or not. He was not free and he still needed to fight. He still needed to win. The thought made him laugh, gently and in a way that felt pure. </p><p>At least, his laugh had felt pure until he had noticed his arm. </p><p>A tube ran from the fold up into a medical bag of who knows what. He loved it. He hated it. His brain was telling him that it was a terrible thing. That the tube would be his downfall, or at least the medicine inside it. His heart told him a different story completely. </p><p>His heart leapt with joy. Pure, unadulterated joy! He pulled at his hands and shivered as he felt the beautifully warm blood heat his cold hands. It was beautiful. </p><p>No! What were they giving him? His thoughts raced, wanting to escape. Wanting more. Sensations in places he hadn’t imagined. Heat in his face. So happy. So wrong. </p><p>“Kevin!” He was snapped back into reality again by a tall nurse with a strong jaw. They were carrying a tray of food and smiling at him, “It’s your favourite today. Pasta Salad. Are you hungry enough to eat?”<br/>
Kevin tried to swallow but his throat was too dry. He looked at the water and the nurse had immediately put the cup to his lips. </p><p>“I snuck you a juice box too.” They told him, humming as he watched Kevin drink, “I hope they haven’t been too hard on you today.”  </p><p>“No.” Kevin said as he swallowed the last mouthful of water, “Juice?” </p><p>A small laugh came from them. A genuine laugh. Then they looked out the window to check for Lauren before holding the juice box up for him to drink. Again Kevin finished it quickly. </p><p>“Just questions today. No images yet, so that’s a plus.” Kevin hummed in a sing-song tone. He knew it was the medicine but he hoped that they wouldn’t notice.</p><p>The nurse, whose name was Alex, just smiled and offered him food. Alex’s entire job was to feed Kevin. He was the only person still in the training facility. Alex had told him so as they had discussed their hobbies a few days ago. Kevin was sure that there must have been cameras on him because Lauren had mentioned painting to him yesterday. Alex had assured him that it was a coincidence and showed him with a mirror that there were no cameras. This hadn’t fully convinced Kevin at the time but today he was feeling so joyful that he just didn’t care. </p><p>“Alex.” Kevin purred between mouthfuls, rocking his head back and forth, “What have they given me?” </p><p>“No idea but you seem happy, so I’m happy.” Alex said. It took him a moment to realise that their wording was perhaps not the best, considering their position and company, “I mean, you seem to be enjoying it. I haven’t seen you enjoy anything in a while.” </p><p>“Why do you work for Strex? Such a lovely person, I thought they would have taken that away from you.” </p><p>“I applied for the job because it paid well.” They explained, letting Kevin’s wrist out of their restraints, “Don’t pull out your IV. I will be fired.” </p><p>“That’s a good thing, surely.” Kevin hummed, “Except then I won’t see you and that would make me sad.” </p><p>Alex handed him his pasta salad and Kevin savoured it. Alex always made it just the way he liked it. It made him feel special, even in a place like this. </p><p>“Your turn. Tell me about you, before this. Tell me about your childhood or your first crush. Something special to you” </p><p>“Oh…” Kevin started, spinning a piece of pasta on his fork. He tried his best to get comfortable in his seat, “Well… I mean, you’re pretty special to me. I wonder how long I’ve been here a lot but never when you’re here.” </p><p>“It would be nice to hang out outside of work.” They mused, looking into Kevin’s yellow eyes, “Other than me. Tell me a special memory or something.” </p><p>He froze. Reed had asked him the same. He was sure she had asked today. It had to be coincidence though, he assured himself. Alex was just interested in him. Interest in him. The thought made Kevin smile so wide he felt one of his stitches pulling at his skin. He didn’t even care. </p><p>“Well, Alex, I would love to teach you my father’s caramel recipe. My brother and I would always try to sneak some before it cooled but my father said it would burn our hands.” Kevin excitedly explained that he watched his father melting the sugar and cream and how it tasted just heavenly when cooled on a tray, “It was just my favourite treat and one of the only times my brother and I wouldn’t argue. It looked amazing when it was gooey.” </p><p>“I’d love you to show me how to make it.” Alex leant forward, cupping Kevin’s cheek softly and causing his heart to leap, “You’re a very special person too, Kev.” </p><p>“Please don’t call me that.” Kevin laughed, leaning against Alex’s hand, “I despise that name so much!” </p><p>“Sorry. It’s just what they call you. I had no idea.” They took their hand back and checked the window again, “If I let your arms go fully, promise you won’t try anything?” </p><p>Kevin thought. He didn’t know what he would try with his legs still bound. He could try hurting Alex but he certainly didn’t want to do that. I could pull out his IV but he could do that now if he was that bothered. He honestly was welcoming it’s comfort at this point.  </p><p>“Promise.” He agreed and leant back to give Alex space to lean over him. </p><p>Once he was free, Kevin handed Alex the bowl and stretched as much as he could. It felt amazing. Better than anything he had ever remembered. </p><p>“Thank you,” </p><p>Alex smiled softly, sending shivers through Kevin as he watched their face. They put the empty bowl on the floor and leant forward again, pressing their lips against Kevin’s. Kevin certainly did not move away. He reached a hand up behind their head and pulled them closer, making the most of this short burst of affection and how sweet it felt at that moment.</p><p>As soon as he pulled away and Alex sat back down, Kevin felt a guilt in the pit of his stomach. Vanessa was standing right there, after all. </p><p>He looked towards where she had been and she was no longer there. Had she left because of Alex? </p><p>“Oh no…” Kevin breathed, staring at that one point on the wall, “...Vanessa.” </p><p>“Vanessa?” Alex asked, following his eyes and then looking back at him.</p><p>“My…” Kevin thought about his words. He thought carefully. He thought about his feelings and he felt a surge of that burning joy in his chest and a rush in his head, “... intern! My intern!” </p><p>Alex tilted their head, looking back and forth one more time before questioning, “The dead one?” </p><p>The air fell silent. The silence seemed to weigh down on him. Alex’s words weighed down on him. Then their words sparked a sick and amazing happiness.</p><p>“You know Vanessa? Oh, she’s so lovely, isn’t she?” Kevin cried, leaning back in his chair and letting Alex restrain him again. He hummed a tune, his radio’s tune, “She loved that song and I love her.” </p><p>Alex clicked their tongue and then stood, walking out the door as Kevin called after them.</p><p>“No, Alex!” Kevin yelled between ecstatic laughs. He didn’t even know where they were coming from. He didn’t know why he was so happy! “Please, Alex, come back!” </p><p>He felt tears run down his face, laughing harder and harder. He couldn’t control it.</p><p>“Lauren!” He called. Why had he called her? He didn’t want her here! Not now! Not ever, but particularly not now! “Lauren! Lauren! Lauren!” </p><p>Kevin breathed deep to try and control himself but all he could do was laugh. All he could do was cry.</p><p>He kept calling her. He couldn’t stop himself, crying that he was so happy. So deliriously happy. He thought about the Strex representative he had killed and his laughing grew harder. His smile grew wider. The blood. It made him so happy. The feeling of his throat… hose… Why did it make him so happy? The feeling of that warm life source. He couldn’t control it! At least when Lauren had come in she was laughing with him. No. </p><p>She was laughing at him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYLcu5tFjUU">People I Don't Like - UPSAHL</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin starts to question how long he's really been with Strex as his days blur together and it seems that he's not feeling right at all.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How pathetic, Kevin.” Lauren said eventually, wiping a tear from her eye, “All of this talk about never giving up and all it takes is a few dopamines and endorphins? Just wait until you breathe our wonderful StrexGas. Oh, and I have a cocktail you’ll just love for tomorrow.” </p><p>She moved over to him and Kevin squirmed. He couldn’t contain his laughter, he just felt so happy. He couldn’t even concentrate on what she said. She laughed at him and called him ‘pathetic’. Oh how that word sounded so sweet in his ears now. How her voice rang through his whole being until he over flowed with ecstasy. </p><p>He flinched as she ripped the IV from his arm and whimpered as he saw the blood. It was not a happy whimper but it had mixed with his now quieter giggles. </p><p>“Lauren, I have no idea what you just said.” He admitted as he breathed deep. His chest hurt so wonderfully. His stomach hurt so delightfully, “I just heard you call me pathetic and then I got... distracted. So distracted.” </p><p>He didn’t look at her, which was good as she had walked behind his chair and he would not have been able to follow her movements anyway. </p><p>“Where are you going, Lauren?” He sang. He’d completely given up on any sense of dignity at this point. His only relief was that he knew he had given up on himself yet. That meant that when these beautiful, horrible hormones had worn off that he would be back to his normal self. </p><p>“I’m going to give you some gas, Kev.” Lauren sang back, tapping something against the canister to let him hear it. It made him surge with a flurry of smaller laughs this time, quickly dying down. </p><p>“What does it do?” Kevin asked, rolling his head side to side, “I’m so happy, Lauren. How could it make me feel any happier than I already am?” </p><p>“I know, Kevin. We all are. That’s the magic of the Smiling God.” She had replied, setting up an array of tubes next to him. Kevin just watched in fake admiration. He was scared. Even through the wretched happiness, he was scared.</p><p>“Wow, you’re so good at putting those together.” He hummed as she struggled to attach it, “There was something else in that medicine, Lauren. Come <em>on</em>, we’re friends. Tell <em>me</em>. I want to know why it’s so… <em>delightful</em> today!” </p><p>He drew out the ‘on’ and ‘me’ for effect. It didn’t seem to change Lauren’s mind as she vehemently ignored him this time, rolling her eyes. Again and again and again he repeated ‘come on’ and ‘tell me’. Again and again and again until she had shoved a mask onto his face. </p><p>“Breath deep, Kevin.” Lauren told him, running her free hand through his hair. It felt devine! Her hands felt just devine. He did exactly as she said, even as every fibre of his being was telling him that this was going too far. </p><p>As colours started to swirl around the room, making no sense at all, he tried to remember his day and all he could remember was the colours, transparent and swirling and bright. His memories meant nothing. He lived in the present, not the past. The past only shaped his very existence and that was not at all important.</p><p>Then Kevin jolted awake. </p><p>He looked around. Lauren was not there. He had an IV in his arm again but he did not feel nearly as strongly as he had before. </p><p>Was it all just a nightmare? How could it have been? He never fell asleep on his own. His medicine never allowed him dreams. Why would he suddenly be able to dream and why would it be of this horrible, grey place? He was so cold. How could he sleep when he was so cold? </p><p>“Oh, you’re awake.” A voice came from behind his chair. He recognised it as Alex. Beautiful Alex. He had desperately wanted to apologise for yesterday, although he was not sure how much of that had actually happened, “How are you feeling? Lauren said you were really sensitive to your treatment. They had to change what they were giving you.” </p><p>Kevin’s eyes narrowed in confusion and then he sighed deeply. </p><p>“I ache.” He admitted, watching Alex walking around the room, “What happened?” </p><p>The nurse shrugged, shaking their head. </p><p>“All I know is that I was asked to look after you overnight.” They explained, kneeling down and taking some pasta salad out of their bag, along with a juice box. They put the box on Kevin’s lap and loosened his arm restraints, “No touching your IV.” </p><p>“I know, I know.” Kevin hushed them, starting to eat again. He was still full from yesterday. He wasn’t exactly used to getting food everyday, so he ate anyway. He never knew when Strex would decide he needed to eat, “How are you, Alex?” </p><p>They knelt down in front of Kevin. That wasn’t unusual. They would often sit like that. It meant that Kevin could see their face and that Kevin felt like someone wasn’t standing over him like everyone else did. </p><p>“I’m happy just to see you, Kevin.” They smiled, fiddling with something outside of Kevin’s vision, “Lauren says she thinks you’ll be ready to return to work soon. I bet you’re going to miss my salads, huh?”</p><p>Kevin nodded, his mouth too full to answer verbally. </p><p>“You want to know the secret ingredient?” Alex asked, wincing for a moment and then looking back up to Kevin, who quickly swallowed his food, “That way you can make it for yourself, unless we get the chance to meet when we’re both off work, right?”</p><p>“Yes, but… are you alright?” He asked, leaning forward to try and see what had happened.</p><p>“I just thought you might like to try the ingredient on it’s own.” They hummed, their shoulders twitching for a moment. It looked like they had laughed or cried but their face did not tell which one, “Close your eyes.” </p><p>Kevin was not sure about this but Alex had been so good to him. So very good to him. They had never hurt him, emotionally or physically. Not to mention he had felt guilty about yesterday. He had felt guilty about the fact he had just wanted to hug them and kiss them since he had known they were here. He felt guilty that he looked at Alex like that at all. It’s not like he could even blame the hormones that they were giving him because he couldn’t even feel them doing anything right now. He closed his eyes. </p><p>One of Alex’s hands settled next to Kevin’s own on the arm of the chair, keeping them steady as they leant over him. Their other hand made its way up to Kevin’s face, over his lips, and Kevin nervously licked the liquid that was on the hand in front of him. It tasted warm and metallic. He recognised it from somewhere but he hadn’t tasted it in a while. It wasn’t unpleasant and certainly the delivery method was making it far more enjoyable. Kevin could imagine himself liking or even loving whatever this was, as he continued to lap it into his mouth. It was so odd, there seemed to be more of it on their hand than would be possible unless… </p><p>Kevin opened his eyes and looked down. He could barely see the hand now, as it was so close to his face but what he did see was red. He choked, grabbing at Alex’s wrist and pushing it away. </p><p>“What the hell, Alex?” Kevin spluttered, feeling his stomach turn in repulsion, “That’s blood! You put your blood into it? Please tell me you’re talking metaphorically! Please!” </p><p>“No, not at all.” Alex laughed, standing up straight and wiping their hand on a napkin, “I didn’t put my own blood in, that wouldn’t be-” </p><p>“That’s worse!” Kevin interrupted, argue with himself whether to try and fight him or whether to just ask for his restraints to be put back on. He didn’t know why that was even a valid option to him. Of course he should fight, right? Right? “How could you? I trusted you! I lo-... I trusted you!” </p><p>“Kevin, I don’t kill people.” The person before him tried to justify, putting their hands on Kevin’s shoulders and pushing him back. They were reattaching the pieces of sharp metal around his arms, “I just used Strex’s blood bank. They don’t use it for anything and I’ve always had a certain… fixation. I just thought that you would share that with me.” </p><p>He felt like he was going to throw up. He heaved and gasped for air and heaved again. If he threw up now he would see more of that deliciously, disgusting, blood filled pasta salad. How had he not tasted it before? It was so obvious? Had he just been ignoring it? He couldn’t even think about it now, feeling his whole digestive tract tensing up and moving. </p><p>“Kevin…” Alex continued, stroking his face and leaving a streak of their blood on his cheek, “I’m sorry, I thought that you might react like this. I try to hide that I like it so much. I know Strex wants us to but I hate how I do.” </p><p>Kevin still didn’t talk. Opening his mouth wasn’t really an option right now. He calmed down. He had to admit the pleasure that had shivered down his whole body when he had first tasted the warm, sticky liquid. It disgusted him but he had to admit it. </p><p>“I can bring you more pasta salad tomorrow, Kevin. No blood.” Alex told him, grabbing their bag and putting it on their back, “I’ll give you some space, Kevin. I’m so sorry, I should have known that you… I know there are people who share my interest, even if they are... “ </p><p>They trailed off and then slowly left the room. Kevin’s eyes followed. As soon as Alex was out of the room he let out a trembling moan, banging his head against the back of his chair. He still felt so sick but he couldn’t tell if he was sick at Alex or sick at himself. It hadn’t even tasted like italian dressing. It wasn’t tomato. There was no way he hadn’t just lied to himself and in that he knew that he was as bad as Alex. It didn’t even look like tomato dressing. </p><p>He licked the last of Alex’s blood from his lips, sighing at how it made him feel. So disgusting. So magical. </p><p>Alex had gone before the end of their time, so Kevin just had to sit, thinking. Tasting. Imagining. </p><p>He hadn’t had a soft touch from anyone other than Alex for years. He thought it must have been years. He just wanted someone to treat him like a person again but that seemed to have been too much to ask. There was some expectation for tears in the back of his brain in a place that he had long pushed down. Sure, they escaped a lot. It was less nowadays. Even now when he felt like sorrow should be filling him, he was still feeling that disgusting happiness and wonderful pleasure that now came with thinking about his old life. </p><p>Lauren had come in at some point, as time had started blurring into itself as it did when he started to imagine. She hadn’t engaged him, simply setting up what would probably be the images again. He didn’t engage her either. He was frozen. </p><p>“Ok, Kevin, head up.” Lauren eventually told him, Kevin obeying immediately, “What is Strex’s motto, Kev?”</p><p>“Believe in a Smiling God?” Kevin replied, a wide smile on his face now. The smile was part of the motto and therefore he would be wrong if he did not have it. Being wrong right now scared him to the bone. He had sworn that just yesterday he had been a grumpy and uncooperative grouch! That was yesterday, right… Alex had acted like that was yesterday…</p><p>“That’s right, Kevin. Good boy!” Lauren laughed. She was smiling and it was a beautiful smile. Kevin happily accepted when she stroked his hair and held out a caramel for him, “I know they're your favourite.” </p><p>His heart swelled with happiness. Lauren had remembered how he loved caramel. How his father used to make it for him. He hadn’t told her that and even then she remembered! </p><p>“I can’t reach it, Lauren.” He hummed, a cheerful tone where you could very obviously hear his smile, looking at his wrists and then back up to her, “but thank you.” </p><p>“Kevin…” Lauren said, sounding genuinely concerned, “You can reach, just take it.” </p><p>“Oh, Lauren, my hands are tied!” He laughed, lifting them to show her and then realising that he had lifted them, “Oh… Oh what a silly head I am! When did you take these off?” </p><p>Lauren’s smile faded but not like it used to. She looked between Kevin’s hands and furrowed her brow. </p><p>“Kevin, are you ok? Do we need to get a doctor in here?” She asked. It made Kevin smile even wider. </p><p>He examined himself. IV? Check. Smile? Check. All the way to his ears? Check. Eyes? Eyes? Yep, that definitely hurt. Plus, he now couldn’t see. They were in his hands! So delightful! They were so wet and slippery. So delightful! </p><p>He heard Lauren calling for the doctor. Delightful. How had he been so resilient and grumpy just yesterday? No… even earlier today. Now everything was so black. Nothing. He couldn’t see the white of the walls or Vanessa or the tools they used to ethically change him into his lovable self! So happy. So happy now that he could feel the Smiling God, wrapping his way around him and whispering the most pleasant secrets in his ears. </p><p>“He just forgot he didn’t have restraints on and then…” Lauren gestured over him. She didn’t sound upset or disapproving about this. She almost sounded proud of the fact that he had torn his own eyes out, “... I was just about to take him to his studio but I guess he needs new eyes now.” </p><p>“It’s ok, when he is on the injection instead of the drip he’ll be more settled.” Doctor Reed told Lauren, sighing and addressing him, “Kevin? What do you remember?” </p><p>“Oh, great question there, Samantha!” He joyously started, dropping his eyes and pointing just left of her, “I remember my radio station being taken over, and my wonderful, delicious time with Alex. I remember smiling and laughing and…” </p><p>“What about before that, Kevin?” She pressed, making Kevin think hard, “Your childhood or…?” </p><p>“Well, I only have a few memories of my childhood. Such amazing memories though. Delightful ones. My father made caramel for me, that mouth burning and boiling inside me. My grandmother covered me in blood and took me out to eat several hands full of worms…”</p><p>“Ok, stop stop.” The doctor said, waving her hand before remembering that he couldn’t see the gesture, “He’s fine. He’ll just need time to calm down.” </p><p>“Why did he malfunction in the first place, Samantha!” Lauren demanded, “You said that he would be functioning soon! You didn’t tell me he would be… this isn’t what I want. I want a tool, not some maniac!” </p><p>Samantha looked her up and down and then rolled her eyes, “You want both, actually. He’ll be ‘functional’ as you put it when he calms down.” </p><p>He felt the IV pulled harshly out of his arm. It was delightful! Oh, and he had teeth. They felt so good in his fingers. He had his teeth back again. </p><p>“You remember those?” Samantha asked, pulling at his optic nerve with a pair of forceps. It was  such a pleasurable pain!, “We gave you them back when you stopped biting us. Remember?” </p><p>“You pulled them out!” He said, trying to hold a laugh, “one by one by one… on the floor… no anesthesia… when… such happy memories… why can’t I place it…”</p><p>A sharp push and Kevin could see again, although things seemed very two dimensional. Another few minutes of Kevin rambling and another sharp push and he had his second eye. </p><p>“Well, Kevin, when you’ve calmed down a bit, we’ll take you back to your station.” Lauren told him, moving back over and offering him the caramel again. </p><p>Kevin took it with delight. As he chewed he pointed to some scars on Samantha’s arm. </p><p>“I did that, huh?” He asked, biting an already worn down nail, “I did such horrible things, didn’t I?” </p><p>“Oh, Kevin.” Lauren started, stroking his hair again, “Yes. You took out several representatives. It’s ok, though. A few lives don’t matter when we will be making far more money than any of them were worth. We also save money on paying them, so that’s good.” </p><p>Kevin didn’t reply but nodded enthusiastically. He started to feel very tired, like someone who had gone without coffee trying to complete their daily routine. He hummed as his eyelids fell and then raised again slowly. </p><p>“I should get to work, otherwise my lazy self might just fall asleep here and now.” He told Lauren, putting his hand to his eyes again. Lauren froze, expecting him to pull them out. He didn’t. His hands slipped off his face again, humming a single tone, “Sad and lazy… I need to work, Lauren. I haven’t done any work in so long. That makes me sad and I want to be happy.”  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX3Gw82f6GU">Blood - My Chemical Romance</a> (of course)</p><p>"How delightful, I'm totally disgusted by pasta salad. Can't stand the taste or the smell. In fact, to look at it causes me to heave." - Taking Off (70A)</p><p>Also, I know it's Tuesday in some place, but it's Wednesday here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Beg</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A short chapter this time.</p><p>Lauren takes Kevin back to his studio and establishes some ground rules.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4lT68enKY0">Beg - Evans Blue</a></p><p>So, Lauren is going to be pretty sadistic in this throughout, except when she's trying to win people's favour. It will mainly be directed at Kevin.</p><p>~Hi, it's me again. She lightens up. I wrote this when I thought it was just going to be YG but considering Beautiful Maladies (not yet posted) and later acts, the above statement is inaccurate now.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Did I tell you about Cecil, Lauren?” Kevin mused as she dragged him across town by his hand. He stumbled as he walked, surprised and happy that he could even walk on his boney and overworked legs. It was so hard on the cycles, producing all that wonderful energy for the Bluffs. The memory had come back as they walked and it delighted him to see all of the lovely things he powered, although how they were still powered without him violently pedaling as he was shocked for being so inefficient. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had confirmed her knowledge of Cecil and asked Kevin not to think about him. How did Lauren know Cecil? Well from his show of course! It gave him so much joy to have let her listen to the other radio host. His voice always rang in Kevin’s ears. Disgustingly handsome. Wretchedly deep and beautiful.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“These are such new buildings, Lauren. It must have taken a long time to build this beautiful city. I remember when this town was so small. So small and sad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Kevin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crime free</span>
  </em>
  <span>, beautiful Desert Bluffs.” She smiled back at him to check he had got her meaning. He most certainly had not, so she clarified, “You’ll be a crime free worker too now, now we’ve taught you how to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not do</span>
  </em>
  <span> crime, Kevin. You’ll work and work and won’t have time for crime. No time for violent revolution or pressing yourself against doors. None of that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about the lazy people, Lauren? Those who do not want to work?” He asked, suddenly sounding sad, as he was pushed into the radio station by her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kevin, why would people not want to work? Working is more important than life itself, wouldn’t you say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t say that… I wouldn’t go that far…” His body shook as he said that but he couldn’t place why. He must have just had low blood sugar. Surely working and missing meals or water would be less productive and inefficient. Surely Strex wanted… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thoughts were interrupted by Lauren pushing him down to the floor of his studio and locking the door behind him. She was looming over him and he was a worm beneath her. Were there stars behind her? He could see stars! Beautiful stars! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You will work if you want to live, Kevin.” Her tone was serious and she was no longer smiling. She was looking down at him like he was an animal that had just peed on the floor. Endearing but overall extremely angry and disappointed, “Kevin, you may have a hard time adjusting to not having your medicine as much. You still have to work and you still have to be happy. Happy to work.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stared up at her, unsure on how to react to what seemed to be a horrific threat on his life, even after he had given in. Even after he had agreed to work for them and given in to the primal urges that allowed him to be half laid across the floor, hands submerged in blood, without so much as flinching. In fact, feeling a much more pleasant way about it. In fact, wanting to add to it. A small moan escaped him as he thought about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smile dropped for a second, realising how wrong the whole situation was, so Lauren stood on him with one heel. The scream died in the blood soaked foam that lined the walls and faded from existence as did the splashes from his legs quickly moving in reaction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, you’re special. Do you know why?” Lauren asked, grabbing his hair, “Do you know why I spent so much time and money on someone as </span>
  <em>
    <span>precious</span>
  </em>
  <span> as you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To have a voice of Stre…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pushed him down violently and laughed at his reaction, shaking her head. “This room, Kevin. You’re not the voice, I am. I will tell you what to say. There is a prompter on the desk. I can’t believe you’ve forgotten this since last time. Every time, you forget his wonderful conversation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This ro-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t finish before she grabbed his collar and pulled him to his feet, grabbing his neck next and holding him tight against the wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This room is soundproof, Kevin.” Lauren purred, “Strex doesn’t want their vice president looking violent, after all. I need to look happy and warm and welcoming, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She allowed him to fall to the floor. His lungs strained to fill, panting and breathing hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Beg for your medicine, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes slowly moved up to watch her pulling a syringe and bottle from her handbag. She moved back to set the bottle down on his desk and he couldn’t tell if he was scared or attracted to the situation he found himself in. He could feel his smile and his heart race but he had just been told he was the toy of a violent sociopath, so fear seemed like a reasonable response. This wasn’t fear, was it? This was happiness. That’s what he’d been taught, right? This was happiness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll give it to me regardless?” He said. It was more a concerned question than a statement and he could tell that she had picked up on his accidental intonation. She hadn’t acted like he was out of line for saying such a thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get what you don’t beg for, Kevin. Food, water, medicine. You work for me and I give you what I want to give you.” She told him, swinging the syringe by it’s finger holes. It didn’t take Kevin a single moment to decide whether he valued his dignity or his medicine more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please.” He whispered, crawling over to her and kneeling before her, his hands grabbing at her dress, “Please, give it to me. I need it, Lauren. I can’t feel anything and it’s scary. I’ll do anything, just let me have my medicine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She squatted down, moving his hand off of her. A sharp prick and a soft moan as the liquid coursed into his neck. It felt like so much more than it was and he needed a moment to enjoy and appreciate the feeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard her leave and lock the door on her way out. He was finally, truly alone. At least for now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure, the room was soundproof and no one would hear him if he screamed now but they may have had cameras on him. He didn’t want Lauren to come back in and he didn’t want another person there either. His hand was on Vanessa’s and that was enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes travelled over to the prompter on the desk, seeing it blink to life and the start of the broadcast on screen. They then travelled to the other side of the room and to the control booth were Vanessa’s beautiful hair still hung from her blood on the window. Her head was now on a shelf at the back of the room in a jar. It was perfectly preserved and Kevin knew that it was a purposeful decision that he could see it from every angle in the room, and God did he try to find somewhere in the room where he could not see her and could not feel her eyes on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Vanessa.” He whispered, stroking her hair as she put her head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry you have to see all of this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat there. He sat there, stroking the air for several minutes before a man entered the control booth. He was mainly made of metal plates and wires. His finger stretched towards Kevin’s seat, telling him to get ready for the broadcast. Kevin set one, last, small kiss on Vanessa’s forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he stood, taking the chair and sitting on it, leaning forward and like riding a bike saying those words again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Life goes on. Life goes on and on and on. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Introductions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin 'meets' Damien. </p><p>Double posting today because they are short ones.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I should mention now that this fic is going to jump back and forth a lot and there are many times where Kevin will be like "Oh, this is the first time for [whatever]" and actually it's been many times before. </p><p>Basically, if Kevin thinks it's the first time for something, it probably isn't.</p><p>Also, Damien isn't Diego. Diego will also be in it but seperate.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A man entered his studio at the end of his broadcast. Kevin couldn’t look around as he was finishing up but he could tell they were a tall man. A suit and a haircut. That’s all he had to go from. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Having slipped back into his job nicely, Kevin tried to see through the eyes of the man behind him before remembering that that was no longer an option. He let himself stifle a laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bang!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, that was blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s first reaction was, as any good StrexCorp representative would, to dig the bullet from the hole in his leg and hand it back to the man staring down at him. A smile and service. His fingers stayed, playing with the wound. There was a lot of blood. It only hurt as he thought about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next bullet had its opportunity for Kevin to fully experience it. The ripping of his skin under the force of the tip. His bone breaking as the hot metal crumpled against it. His nails quickly digging it out and dropping it into the outstretched hand that requested it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who do you belong to, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s face was lit so perfectly. His eyes couldn’t raise to the man’s face. His body pulsed with fear and delight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“StrexCorp.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time was in the hip. Oh! Wonderful! It was far harder to follow the wound to its warm, shiney source. He moaned softly as he touched nerves. As he broke more blood vessels. As he stretched the wound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t find it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything was going grey. No. Just his arms. He tried hard and finally pinched the metal piece, pulling it out with a spurt of blood that made him giggle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Open.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin did as he was told. He didn’t choose to. His mouth was open before he had realised. The next bullet threatening the back of his throat in the most delightful way. He almost choked on the hard metal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the face was close to his. This was one of those moments he wouldn’t remember but he would desperately wish he could. He had to stay present. Enjoy it while he could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who do you belong to, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smaller man tried to talk around the gun. It came out more as an ‘ooo’ than an actual word but was accepted, earning the reward of being pushed back by the force of it thrusting further before redrawing. Kevin coughed and sputtered. He grabbed his chest and bent over, only to be forced to sit back in the chair by the cold on his head. His own salvia wiped on his forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your mind, body, and soul.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t reply, just smiling more and more. This wasn’t like Lauren who just wanted him to feel pain. The man cared about him. He could hear it. He wanted his </span>
  <em>
    <span>devotion</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His heart fluttered and a blush came over his cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s difficult.” Kevin argued, getting a bullet in the arm. He tugged at the skin and retrieved his prize again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man didn’t speak that time, sighing and wiping Kevin’s saliva from his gun before clicking on the safety and returning it to the holster. Once it was gone, Kevin sat back and let himself look up to that face. He remembered it but also remembered that he always forgot it. It was like Vanessa’s, but male. Bearded but not long. Hair slicked back but not shiny, like it naturally just fell that way. Strong jaw. His glasses sat at the perfect angle to look down at Kevin. This must have been how Vanessa felt when he used to look down at her through his glasses but there was no love in this man’s appearance. Even the love Kevin so desperately wanted to see in the gaze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re starting to enjoy these sessions, now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could only hum in agreement, leaning forward again and pressing his face into the man’s suit. He smelt like the most expensive oud and alyssum. The flower was an undertone, almost unintentionally there. The oud pronounced itself in a similar way to his tall, strong stature. He barely had time to note the scent before having his hair pulled back away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s bad enough you got blood on my hand, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room was spinning again. So much blood on himself. Four places. He was bleeding from four places. He was lapping his own blood from those soft fingers but he hadn’t remembered starting to do that. His tongue twisted around a thick ring and over each joint. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enough.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His skin was pulling closed. Was it doing that itself? No. Short, blonde hair and focused eyes. His favourite doctor. Patching him up. Stitching his wounds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samantha, send him to Lauren’s office when he’s finished. I have a call in ten.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren tapped her foot as she watched Kevin, who was trying his best to tie a tie. He was smiling about it, but it kept slipping or being too short or looking a real mess. Her patience was running thin and it was unclear whether the man was simply incompetent or if he was purposefully trying to get on her nerves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How have you never tied a tie before?” She finally breathed, hands outstretched in an exasperated gesture, “I know this town was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>small…</span>
  </em>
  <span> but this is ridiculous!.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just got shot in the arm, Lauren.” Kevin pointed out, humming at the thought, “It felt amazing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, I don’t want to hear about that.” She waved her hand, pinching the bridge of her nose. It made her feel sick to think what joy Kevin got from Damien. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you do.” He continued with a chuckle, “He smelt so nice and he put his gun in my mouth-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was stopped by his body tensing all over. A familiar feeling but Lauren was still sitting down this time. She only stood and leant over the desk to pull two sharp needle-like things from his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My shirt…” Kevin frowned, panting to try and get his breath back before smiling up at Lauren again, “How do I tie a tie, then?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes set on him and he put out the two ends of the tie. She wanted him to falter so she had an excuse to discipline him but he just kept his arms where they were, smiling up at her like she was his favourite teacher. She ended up being the one to concede, walking around the table to tie it for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He hummed as she finished, stroking it down onto his chest. His voice had gone to that low, lifeless voice before raising its intonation again, “I promise I won’t make you send me back this time, Lauren. I’ll be good.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You best.” She sighed, looking over his fresh outfit, already having blood fade through from old wounds that split as he twisted and the two burn marks from the taser’s electrodes. She stroked his face and his hair, staring into his black, glossy eyes, “You know you could have avoided this, Kev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...in.” He finished for her, putting his fingers together as if praying and resting his elbows on the side of his chair. He called it his ‘StrexPosture’, “Well, Lauren, I had some funny ideas about life back then. We all could have avoided things. We all could feel more fulfilled.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So true.” She agreed, standing and gesturing for him to follow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She led him back to his studio and locked the door behind him as he had turned to invite her in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… Ok, Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So these chapters aren't my favourite. It gets descriptive again and everything next chapter, don't worry. These are more to introduce that Lauren and Damien are going to be very aggressive and Kevin is very broken now.</p><p>I may edit these chapters later and add more description to them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Life on the Air</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren gets bored with pushing Kevin around and shows him his old voicemails.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kevnessa stuff and happily grovelling Kevin going to resentfully compliant Kevin. The vague suggestion that Kevin really likes being choked.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This seemed to be his life now. Sure, it was his life before this but at least he left this room. At least he met people and went on dates. Maybe not that last part, but he had the opportunity to if he wanted to! He had no opportunities here. He had a Strex-approved day and a Strex-approved night. He had a Strex-approved relationship, when he decided he wanted to humor it. He had a Strex pet, chained to the corner and mainly neglected. He ate its food most days, it was better than his own and his own wasn’t nearly enough. The ‘animal’ could eat whatever it was he found in his office. Usually mice or insects.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Work on his laptop, compiling spreadsheets of viewership and analysing his words. Get his coffee, food, and medicine, once he had sufficiently begged for it, from Lauren. Broadcast. Get feedback and punishment from Lauren. He got a reward yesterday. Not a single word off script. He wasn’t sure which he prefered nowadays. Work on his laptop, compiling spreadsheets and analysing his words. Sometimes he got to make sounds for his soundboard! Normally after one of the sound crew had come in when he hadn’t expected them. They seemed to have learnt not to do that recently. Speaking of which, Lauren had been late with his breakfast and there was half a hand looking very appealing on the corner of his desk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today felt completely the same. He had fallen asleep on his work and had woken up screaming and crying. Such a wonderful dream! The Smiling God had devoured him in the most painful way. He wiped away his tears and got straight back to work. His migraine was quite severe today and it made it hard to focus on what he was saying in his headphones. He could barely remember yesterday's report and needed to hear it again. Still, he got through it, chastising himself for not being able to be more efficient about it. When did that start? He knew Lauren would have his head, so maybe it was the fear of that which had triggered it. The thought made him shiver pleasantly, running his hands over his knees.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He had learnt where the cameras couldn’t see now and often had his laptop set on his knees while he sat in his beautiful blood while working. It had all but dried with the lack of the sound team visiting. He wanted to replenish it himself but he didn’t eat enough to risk low blood sugar and passing out on the job. The last time that happened, Lauren dragged him back to the training facility. At least he would get to see Alex and tell him about his new love of blood. He imagined that Alex would reject him. He hadn’t been nice last time. He had pretended like it didn’t make him feel those irresistible trembles of love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fortunately, Lauren wasn’t much longer and although Kevin had started to eat some of the raw meat that was left, it tasted off. Kevin sent his laptop quickly on a dry spot and crawled over to her with his biggest smile. She would be happy to see his smile, he’d thought. He rubbed his hands together to get some of the dried blood off so it wouldn’t go on her dress.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you today?” He asked, humming joyfully at her feet and putting a hand on his face. She usually loved it when he did that. It accentuated his smile, “I have the most wonderful pain in my head! It won’t go away. It’s just gnawing and gnashing and gnawing. Is something wrong? Normally you shut me up before this Lauren. Are you... “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Kevin.” Lauren replied, taking his seat and sorting his medicine. Kevin knelt up, ready for when she asked him to beg but was disappointed when she simply took his arm and gave it to him anyway. Normally she put it in his neck. Normally she touched his face and moved his hair. This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t routine. He needed that. He needed his routine!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… Lauren, that’s not the right order.” Kevin laughed, scrambling to his feet. He scratched his arm where she had injected him before sorting his composure, “Something must be really wrong. Don’t you want to tell your good friend about it? If it’s to do with sales, then maybe you could… take it out on the person responsible… I mean, I’m not adverse to helping ei-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked up at him in confusion and then shook her head. “You’re boring, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt his heart sink. She couldn’t mean that their relationship had got boring, could she? No, she must mean on the radio or as an employee. She had fun with him. She had so much fun with him. It had only been one day that he had stopped making mistakes and he had thought that was the goal, right? He knew she had fun with him, she always seemed so happy about their time together. She always seemed so invested in his productivity. She was so invested in his efficiency. Right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well… I can try harder to excite my listeners with some wonderful stories and opinions if you…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not on the radio, Kevin.” She interrupted, sighing loudly and rolling her eyes, “This is boring. You want to beg me, you want me to punish you. Your reports are spot on and your broadcasts are better than that. You’re a model employee.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can be worse if you want.” He responded coyly, wringing his fingers, “I can… stand up to you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you, if you wanted to?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, that was a challenge right? A delightful challenge. The one person that he couldn’t touch just gave him permission to touch her, right? She actually wanted him to put his hands on her, the hands she called dirty and disgusting. Oh! He couldn’t contain himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand shook with excitement, giving a quiet noise to the air and Lauren being the only one receiving it. She just stared at him. Her eyes burnt into him as he imagined what he could do. His hands on her neck. His teeth in her shoulder. His face in her hair. Blood everywhere. What he would do, just as soon as she clarified that he had that permission, that incredible permission he desired so badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have your old phone.” She continued when she realised he was just excitable. It made a bang as it hit the desk. Her arms folding, she looked up at him, “You have voicemail. Unlock your phone, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This made no sense, she wanted him to attack her but now she had changed the subject? He had been waiting for this opportunity for longer than he remembered, so why was she taking this away? Was this her new version of torture? It wasn’t very effective but maybe she had thought it would? Lauren was smarter than that, right? Maybe she had just misinterpreted it. Maybe she didn’t realise how excited she had made him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to check that.” He hummed, waving a hand dismissively at the screen. His eyes fixed on her. Fixed on her neck. Her wonderful slender, squeezable neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do if you want to stay out of training.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her voice was serious and his smile faded for a second, only to pull at his face again as he nervously looked down to the device. He took his phone and tried a few passcodes. He didn’t remember his passcode. He tried Vanessa’s birthday and the date of All Smiles’ Eve, although he doubted that as he didn’t celebrate when he had set the passcode, and then he tried the DBCR address number and was let into the phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A picture of Venessa and himself looked back at him. They were so happy. Not deliriously happy. Not what he called happy now. His smile got smaller and more genuine as he saw it. He had never forgotten her face, that would be difficult with her interning at the radio station so seeing her everyday. He had just forgotten what it was like to hold her. Their relationship was much more professional nowadays. Maybe because he didn’t want her to stay in here with him. He wanted her to be free to go whenever she wanted. She could go whenever she was comfortable. She didn’t have to stay with him. He pushed that thought out of his mind and called the number for voicemail. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Two new messages. First message;</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hi Kevin, it’s me Sunshine. My doctor’s appointment went well…’” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s smile dropped completely now. He hadn’t heard Vanessa’s voice in longer than he could imagine. Longer than he wanted to think about. He didn’t remember why she had gone to the doctor. He didn’t know why she would call him with the results. They worked together. Was this her calling in sick one day? Why to him? Why not station management?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘...I know I’ll be back in the office today but I was just so excited to tell you…’” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart stopped and his stomach turned, putting a hand over his mouth and an arm around his stomach. He didn’t know why he felt so horrible suddenly. Maybe because he hadn’t been drinking? Yeah, that must have been it. He didn’t remember what Vanessa was talking about and she was just his intern… right? She didn’t… call him Sunshine while she stroked his hair and looked out over their heavily watered garden. He didn’t… lie in her arms while he talked about his day. He didn’t kiss her. They didn’t… He wasn’t wearing her ring on a chain on his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘... Kevin. Don’t play this on the air, OK. I don’t want my mother to know yet! She’s so old fashioned, she wouldn’t understand…’” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was the one that didn’t understand! He staggered back and stared at the floor. The spatter pattern on his wall moved into two and back into one and back into two. He begged Lauren to stop. He wasn’t begging her but the words were dancing in the air. They weren’t his voice. They weren’t his perfect StrexVoice. They danced with fear and bargaining. He begged her not to make him listen. He asked her what she meant. His StrexVoice asked her what it meant. His voice, his real voice, asked her what it meant. They blended together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘... You’re going to be a father, Kevin. We’re having a baby. All the sickness was just morning sickness. I’m pregnant. I can’t wait to see you. I’m on the way over now! Ok, I love you, see you soon.’”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin covered his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t handle it. He turned around, putting his arms down but then realising his mistake as he saw Vanessa’s face staring at him from her jar. He immediately turned back and whimpered, shrinking to the floor. He was shaking. He was crying. Oh God, he was crying in front of Lauren.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re not quite there, yet.” Lauren hummed, picking his phone up again and clicking the button to listen to the next message, “I know you don’t ever remember these when I show you. Takes you about a month or two. We’ll get there. Eventually they won’t affect you, when we’ve fully killed your imperfect self.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘Sunshine.’” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Vanessa’s voice was whispered as she spoke this time, trembling, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“‘I know that we might not see the morning. I can’t believe you just ran out to face them. Kevin, please, be safe. They’ve won, Kevin. Cecil lied to you, you need to accept that! Cecil lied to us. Cecil was probably with them this whole time, Kevin. We should have seen it.” There was a short pause, “Kevin, I love you. Please don’t get yourself hurt. We can survive this if we’re smart.”” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin hissed into his knees, saying Cecil’s name with such malice and venom. He laughed, saying it again and again and again. Cecil told him he would win. Cecil gave him such hope. Cecil knew what would happen. Cecil was from the future. Cecil wanted to hurt him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘Oh no. They’ve got you. I… I can’t move, Kevin. I want to save you but I can’t move. I’m so sorry, Kevin’” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her voice turned to panic, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“‘No, don’t look at me. Kevin, no! Kevin, no, please, they’ll… She knows I’m here, Kevin…” Another pause, “She’s coming…”” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The voice on the phone changed but before Kevin could hear a single word, Lauren turned it off and put the phone back in her handbag. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is your medicine kicking in? It might be slower, I put it in your arm.” She said, taking the lid off of his coffee, “I hope that it works soon, Kevin. You shouldn’t have to suffer what Cecil did to-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! You and Cecil! You’re both so fucking precious!” He blurted, exploding back to his feet, “You think I don’t know who talks next? Who killed my Vanessa? My Donny?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Donny?” Lauren asked, looking confused, “You haven’t given it a name now have you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His fist collided sharply with her face. His coffee collided with his. He shook. It was burning but he really could not care less. Red shot across his vision as he grabbed Lauren’s neck. Tight. He didn’t need permission to choke her. He didn’t need permission to hurt her. Who gave her permission to hurt his family? Who gave her permission to hurt him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His grip only relaxed when a sharp pain hit him somewhere quite a bit more delicate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whimpers escaped his mouth but he tried to distract himself. This was not time for those types of thoughts! It was disgusting that he had even let the thought flash through his brain where the memories and love for his precious Vanessa rightfully lived. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lunged himself at Lauren and she flipped him onto the desk, knocking his microphone to the floor. She choked him and it felt so good, but he fought the idea of just allowing her. He gasped and gaped, struggling to find even the smallest of breath under her crushing grip. He instead tried to use her own tactic against her but his leg was easily caught by her skirt and bounced back downwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Static started to creep into his vision, grabbing at Lauren’s hands desperately. He braced for the darkness again, only to be disappointed when her hands loosened. He almost pushed them tighter again but thought better of it. He was angry and he needed to remember that. He needed to fight his training. He needed to fight his medicine. He needed to fight the pleasure he had been expected to feel for such disgusting things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was just staring at him. It made him feel pretty awkward, honestly. He wanted to fling himself back at her but his head was spinning and there were multiple hers to throw himself at, which needed to focus into one target before he could do something about it. She seemed so disinterested. Did she </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>him to attack back? Was this boring her as well? Was this some game to her? What could he do better? Why was that the question on his mind? Her face had turned so sad and he didn’t want her to be sad. No! He did want her to be sad… but it made him sad. Why?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re disgusting, you know that?” Lauren said, moving away from him and picking up her own coffee mug as her eyes looked over him. It was a real mug, shiny and heavy. Not like the paper cups she let him have. He still fashioned knives out of them but they were harder to than porcelain. Black with yellow words saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Reach your full productive potential’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Aw… just like his grandma used to knit onto pillows! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin sat up on his desk, reaching down to get his microphone and checking it was ok. They could easily replace it, as they had done before when Lauren used it to hit him and broke it. He blushed at the memory, feeling those lovely feelings again. He'd missed them since yesterday. The rush just after his medicine kicked in. What had they been fighting about? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. Now he was on the floor. There was blood on his head. Whose? Who knew? How delightful! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, I’m going to let you leave your room. You can walk around the office, as long as you’re good.” She told him. She had blood on her coffee mug too. Was it from the same person? Who knew! So delightful, “Sort yourself out first. I’ll bring you some clean clothes and coffee.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand travelled through his hair and then down in front of his face. Whoever was bleeding had got blood in his hair. How did that happen? He licked it off his fingers, scrambling to his feet. The first few times he tried, he ended up back on the floor again. The room was spinning and it was hard to get back to his chair but he managed to slump down into it and took a shaky breath. He rolled his head back and closed his eyes, thinking about a wonderful world after Strex, and then it crashing down around him as he had become accustomed to it doing. He thought of Lauren’s hands on his neck. He thought of Vanessa’s hands on his neck. Oh, that was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was back faster than he had wanted but he ignored her until he was ready to actually talk to her. He didn’t care if she watched him, she had told him to clean himself up and he was. She didn’t press him to interact any more and that was a small victory at least. She didn’t need to most of the time, he supposed. His new coffee was put next to him. He could smell the sickly sweet hazelnut syrup as it danced in the air. Would he even still enjoy it? At least she wasn’t trying to ruin caramel for him. She’d had him on black for so long, so it was obvious that she’d added something. Was that the whole reason for this visit? Her methods of greeting him were becoming increasingly grating if this was the whole purpose for her visit.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bit of a 180,” He commented, taking the cup and a sip, “It makes it far more obvious. What are you testing now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s meant to help you get along with people.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Side effects?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The usual.” Lauren started, holding the shirt she had brought out towards him, “Dizziness, nausea, laughing fits, headaches, existential crises, death.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She held the last one, the ‘th’ seeming to never end. He wasn’t sure if it was a threat or her way of trying to get him to drink it faster. It was ineffective either way. All he felt right now was the sick medically-induced happiness and a lust for her blood over the walls. He looked over to Vanessa again, realising that he would need to keep Lauren’s blood away from Vanessa’s. After all, Lauren deserved it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No 'Donny' and Donovan are not the same, don't worry. It's just the same name. Yes, for that reason. That is a long way away.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Freedom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin gets to leave his studio but is immediately confronted with the fact that other people were allowed to keep their lives or build new ones. This brings back negative feelings that he's not meant to feel and then there's Cecil... </p><p>Kevin isn't sure if he can handle being anywhere but his studio but he soon find a goal worth being out for.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It is Monday here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>His door and his heart opened, Kevin trembled as he thought about leaving his studio. What was Desert Bluffs even like, anymore? Would his friends still be there? He knew that some of them wouldn’t be. He knew that a lot of them had fallen to Strex training. There was a lengthy report about it. Who had done that report? He couldn’t remember but he remembered the list of those who were ‘ethically handled’. He didn’t remember who but he remembered it was long. So long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath, smiling wide and pretending that everything was alright. He was in clean clothes, Lauren had washed the blood from his hair for him. Yet still, the workers went silent when he stepped out of his studio and into the equally bloodstained office cubicles. They quickly started typing faster than they were before. Their eyes avoided him. They were scared. They were smiling. Were they scared of him or scared of what they’d been told about him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren went over to a woman and started talking to her. The woman’s posture relaxed a lot, seeming to enjoy talking to Lauren. Lauren had that effect on people. She was charismatic. She had that friendly-motherly tone of voice and posture. She was someone you would want to be your manager, until you realised what a manipulative and psychopathic woman hid beneath her sick, sweet smile. This changed completely when Kevin came over, the woman flinched and moved closer to Lauren. She was wincing, at his face Kevin had assumed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin. Nice to see you outside your studio.” The woman smiled but he could tell that she was lying. His smile widened painfully for a few moments. She was looking between him and Lauren.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to the Sunrise all-day diner. Would you like to join me?” Kevin offered, trying to put her at ease. He could certainly use a friend other than Vanessa. They were growing apart, him and Vanessa. It might have been to do with her staring at him all the time from the control booth. It could have something to do with being a ghost. It could be because she was taking her internship seriously. He couldn’t tell much any more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” The woman said, looking at Lauren as if to ask for an excuse to refuse. Lauren had given her a smile but Kevin couldn’t tell if she was encouraging her, “... Well, I’m very busy at work, Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about after you’re finished? You need to get food at some point.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… have a family to look after.” Her voice wavered for a moment as if she wasn’t sure it was safe to say to him but she seemed reaffirmed by Lauren asking how her children were. They went on, having a conversation about her children. Her beautiful children.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This woman had children. Living children. Who went to a school, presumably. She had people she loved. Kevin wanted so much to tear her apart there and then but took a deep breath and reminded himself that it was Lauren’s fault he did not. It wasn’t this random worker’s fault. You can’t just blame people for having what was ethically, brutally ripped from between your fingers and waved in front of your face whenever you got ‘boring’. There wasn’t a reason that Kevin could think of that this woman didn’t deserve a family. He could think of many reasons he did not deserve a family. He could think of many Strex approved reasons that he didn’t deserve a family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, Sarah asked you a question.” He was snapped away by Lauren’s words and looked between them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry, I was thinking about my own family.” Kevin hummed, hoping that this would be more appropriate than saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I was thinking about your heart on my desk’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Instead the woman’s face had turned to horror at the mention of his family. He didn’t even know what Lauren had told people about his family. Lauren could have said anything, “You remember Vanessa, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was an awkward silence made awkwarder when he realised that the typing around him had stopped too. He looked around the office and as he did the typing returned. Everyone was listening. Everyone was productive, so why did it matter right? That’s why Lauren hadn’t reacted to the pause. Pauses happened, right? They weren’t listening...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry about what happened.” Sarah was quiet, looking down at her hands. Her smile was still wide but it was now only on her lips. Kevin could feel she was going to talk again, so beat her to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for what? We’re as happy as can be! So very happy! Just the happiest. We’re having a baby. Did Lauren mention?” His voice remained joyful. Lauren had called him a model employee, after all. He was going to be a model employee. Just watch. He would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>the most model employee.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The typing stopped again, this time much a more tense and heavier feeling in the air. There were even a few gasps. He didn’t look around. They could feel bad. Where were they? They didn’t fight back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They were at the company picnic… </span>
  </em>
  <span>He pushed his thoughts to the side. They could all gasp all they like.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… I’m going to go and get breakfast. I’m looking forward to some real food. I’ve been eating the StrexPet food and it is simply not for human consumption!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren laughed nervously, waiting for Kevin to have left the room before assuring everyone that everything was alright and it was just stress.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Outside the station, plumes of smoke came from two men. One was standing and talking about his day and how Lauren would kill him if she found out he was taking an unproductive cigarette break and how the whole office sucked up to her. The other sat on the floor, listening, or not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Lauren snapped and the man standing quickly put his cigarette out on the wall, but as he was going to run back inside he fell to the floor as the man who was sitting held his ankle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you just put that out on </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>radio station?” Kevin growled, tightening his grip, “Which department are you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Finances.” The man replied, obviously very scared. He was kicking away but was being careful enough not to kick Kevin himself, “We’re cool, man, I gave you my packet. We’re friends.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled at the word, humming to himself and then letting the man go. They were friends. He didn’t have friends. It was nice to have a friend in finances. The man was careful not to push Lauren on the way past, mumbling apologies to her as he slipped back into the building.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Lauren repeated, demanding an answer but only getting a laugh and another plume of smoke. The morning had been hell. More hell than Strex normally made his mornings. The very least she could do was let him have a smoke, “Kevin! What are you doing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh… I have a headache.” He told her, lifting and finger and taking a long drag. He could see how much it infuriated her and dragged that out for as long as possible, “You need to be more specific. I’m trying to make friends, if that’s what you mean.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled as a few people with bright smiles were passing by and they smiled back. They exchanged blessings of the Smiling God and Kevin joined in. The people seemed to walk faster when they saw Kevin. Surely he must have some friends here still? These people all seemed new to Desert Bluffs and although Desert Bluffs always distrusted outsiders it seemed very much like this was taking it too far. These people were outsiders themselves and he was born here!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God he wanted to fade into the floor. So many eyes on him. So many eyes around him. People covered in blood. He could barely take seeing them. They weren’t the people he remembered, but he was forgetting what he remembered more and more nowadays. He saw Grandma Josefina and her demons, which was comforting, but she was too far away for him to wave or say hi. Would she even remember him? Did he even remember him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t smoked since highschool.” Kevin told Lauren, holding the smoke inside for as long as his burning lungs would let him and then put the cigarette out on his wrist and the butt in the bin nearby. It hurt for a second before his frayed nerves ignored the sensation. Had he always been able to do that? Who knew. Who cared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It turns your teeth yellow. The Smiling God doesn’t like that.” Lauren said sadly, pointing towards his mouth. Kevin’s teeth could easily be replaced, sure, but that was more money wasted on such a small part of their company.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How would you know that?” He replied, starting towards the diner and lighting another, “You don’t speak with him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lauren</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You don’t know what he wants.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words set in for a moment and Lauren followed him. She could hear that he was not happy and it angered her, especially as she had only let him out on the provision that he smiled and acted as a role model for Desert Bluffs! How dare he immediately start acting like a child! How dare he immediately start acting like he was a prisoner, when she was giving him such an amazing privilege as freedom!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.” There was that sugar-sweet, ‘I want something from you’ voice again, “Kevin, I’ve been nice to you. I feed you and I got them to attach a shower room to your studio. Didn’t I? I don’t want to have to…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused as another couple passed them, smiling and blessing them as she linked arms with Kevin. It made Kevin’s heart flutter until he remembered that it was Lauren that was linking arms with him. He had hoped for Vanessa. They were about the same height. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... to put you back in your studio for good. We have plans in the works and you need to be ready to represent your whole community. The whole of the StrexCorp community. The whole of the Desert Bluffs community.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words boiled his blood. He giggled. The words cut deeper than most. He laughed. His hand worked his way into his hair, gripping and pulling and straining. He was so happy to feel so happy. It was wrong but it felt so right. Lauren had obviously noticed but he quickly let his grip loosen and his fingers slip away from himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need a higher dose, Lauren.” There was a subtle urgency in his voice, gripping her hand with the same hand he held his cigarette, “I don’t feel happy at all anymore. I don’t feel anything much at all, these days. I just want to feel again. Anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked with him, letting him hold her hand. It made it look like he was more stable that he was currently being. She took a drag of his cigarette and he had never been more attracted to her than that moment. He would never be that attracted to her again, either. It was the anticipation of her blowing it into his face, he thought. She didn’t do such a thing and his attraction was lost again. He was sure it was to do with the smoke. It reminded him of those weird romance movies like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pulp Fiction</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they approached the diner, Kevin put the cigarette out, again using his wrist, and put the butt in his pocket this time. There wasn’t a bin around. Lauren had told him she’d consider his request for a higher dose, but he was sure that she was just saying that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat in a tight booth. Everyone stared. Everyone kept to themselves. They kept their eyes to themselves but they stared. Kevin could feel it. It wasn’t at Lauren. They knew Lauren. They trusted Lauren. They didn’t know this Kevin and what had they heard about him? Obviously awful things, seeing as the waitress refused to address him. He felt so new here, even though he was born here in the Bluffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. It’s because they can see you’re worrying. We don’t like worrying.” Lauren told him. Her smile was sincere, for once, but it didn’t help. He was smiling and projecting happiness, so how would anyone know he was worried? It didn’t make sense. “Remember, they don’t remember you. You’re just a disembodied voice on the airwaves. It’s all you’re meant to be, Kevin. Your body is nothing except for Strex property.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This resonated with him, perhaps a little too much. He was, after all, just a voice. It was his role. His job. His life. He wasn’t a person anymore. Just a voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He finally said, “I suppose that makes sense, it just feels weird being back here. I feels nostalgic but… I don’t remember this place. I remember but I don’t. They do pancakes and waffles. Lemon pancakes and orange waffles.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few people turned when he spoke and then politely returned to their meals. One couple who were closer could be heard whispering his name and it felt like gold to him. They recognised him. They listened to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, they don’t do either of those things.” She corrected, taking a menu and pointing to exactly where those items used to be. He knew they used to be there. The whole menu was different but she wasn’t calling attention to that. She was making it clear that what he remembered was gone. The rest was nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll be fine here, Lauren.” He nodded, taking a toothpick and stabbing at the back of his hand, “You don’t have to worry about me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good.” She started, taking the toothpick out of his hand, “because, Kevin, I need to be focusing on planning our expansion, not on you. Now, I think that maybe Cecil might get in touch soon. I heard that little broadcast where he told you about how much happier you would be with Strex, after all. That’s why we attacked when we did. He was right. You are so much happier, aren’t you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin froze. He vaguely remembered what she meant but didn’t want to think long about it. He didn’t want a flashback. The one from earlier was still dancing in his head. It was still pressing on his hands and arms. He could tell Lauren was seeing if he could push it down. He could, he told himself. He wouldn’t react. Training wasn’t an option. It couldn’t be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he said ‘It’s this version of you’ and seemed very relieved. It makes sense that he spoke to you, now, right?” She continued, smiling and accepting the coffee order. She pushed one in front of Kevin, “We don’t know when to expect it, though. We don’t know what he’ll say. You need to be ready at all times.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a sip of coffee. It was far too hot but he swallowed it anyway. It felt good, the way it burnt his throat. The pain in his stomach. The bitter taste on his lips as his numb tongue caressed them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren… I don’t think that will be a problem. I can take care of Cecil.” His grip on his coffee tightened as he said his name, “I won’t let him know our plans.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our?” Lauren repeated, raising an eyebrow, “Kevin, you’re our voice, not…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. It would have been so much easier for you to take me down with a friendly radio host like me holding my hand and guiding me towards the awesomeness of the Smiling God! Imagine if I had a mentor that I looked up to. That I loved. I would have followed them straight into the gaping maw of the Smiling God. I would have followed them straight into Strex’s arms. Vanessa was ready to surrender too, you could have used her to lead me to you. It would have been easier, right. You need me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was shocked, staring at him. Several people were staring at him. He had grown louder than he meant to and dissolved into laughter again as he slumped back into his seat. He looked around at the people. He looked at their food and drink. It was all so sickeningly sweet. Addictive. Sugary. Fattening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure I can make Cecil… </span>
  <em>
    <span>much happier.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He ended, putting all of his scorn into the last words, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>So much happier.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. How Many Times Now?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin daydreams about one of his times in training, when Alex had allowed him to see Diego against Lauren's instructions. </p><p>Diego is mad at Lauren for sending Kevin to training, although Lauren tells him that Kevin deserves to be there.</p><p>Kevin and Diego crying together. </p><p>In the Present, Lauren tells Kevin to talk about Night Vale on the radio.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So we're starting to get into the jumpy around bits more now. There is going to be a lot of stuff that's in the past mixed in with what's in the present. </p><p>So, with that in mind, more notes at the bottom</p><p>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br/>----ALSO WARNING TIME----<br/>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br/>I know I said chapter 10 but... </p><p>Mild warning? Mention of arranged reproduction. I'll put  ************* around the specific paragraph or you can skip the chapter. The chapter summery tells you everything you need to know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Back so soon?” Alex stood over him, eating the pasta salad that they were always eating. Every time. They really needed to find something new to torment him with, it was getting ineffective now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess so, how many times does that make it?” Kevin asked, his yellow eyes setting on the screen behind the nurse. They hadn’t usually had it set up before they started. He usually had to watch them plugging in the cables and fiddling with his electrodes. He guessed they were already on his head by the lack of the doctor’s presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not paid enough to keep count.” The nurse hummed, offering him a forkful, “It’s not got anything on it today. I’m just contracted to eat it, I can’t eat blood every day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin looked at it and then back up to Alex, shaking his head. The fork moved back away and they ate it themself as they turned away and moved back to turn the screen on and the lights off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, wait.” Kevin waved his bound hands, trying to close his eyes and quickling realising he had those damn clips to hold them open, “Is Diego here? I heard he was coming down to oversee some things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at him and lowered the remote. A deep sigh left the person’s lips and they shook their head. They weren’t mad, Kevin knew when they were mad. They didn’t talk when they were mad. They had this wonderfully passive-aggressive method. They had every reason to be mad when there was someone so blatantly standing in the way of them doing their job. When Strex had put the panels on to mimic a different love rather than the one Kevin actually fawned for in front of them. Sure, the mock-Vanessa hair and face had an effect on Kevin, but they wanted badly to swap it to one that mirrored Diego when Kevin was reacting in such a way and Kevin knew it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can go and get Diego.” Alex mumbled, refusing to look at Kevin, “Lauren will have your head for talking to him, though, if it’s not necessary. So, I guess you’ll have to wait for Sam to have her lunch. I’ll make sure she needs to leave early.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stared at them. There wasn’t much else he could do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s in it for you?” He asked, eyes flicking up and down the nurse as they fidgeted with the controller. It looked like they were struggling to press the buttons but Kevin knew that wasn’t the case. They were just fiddling, “Come on, there is no way you’re just doing this for me. You hate when I come back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause. Alex seemed to be deciding the best way to handle the situation, especially considering they had just openly told Kevin they would lace their colleague's meal with laxatives in order to gain favour with him. How on Earth could Kevin really think that they hated him being here. They hated a lot of things about Kevin and Kevin’s situation. They’d grown fond of him, after all. They’d grown to hate Daisy, Kevin’s assigned partner. She didn’t even like him! Alex would have made a much better assigned partner, but nurses didn’t get to have that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have to eat a whole box.” They bargained, holding up their lunchbox, “Not today, tomorrow. If you eat all of it, I don’t have to. I’m sick of this stuff, I want a hot meal from the canteen. I’ll even share that with you too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deal!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the morning was the images. Lauren’s face and pleasant hormones. Damien’s face and pleasant hormones. Strex logos and pleasant hormones. The government and electric shocks. Blood and pleasant hormones. Love and shocks. Some of the images didn’t make sense. Some of them made so much sense. That one advert of Lauren talking about the Strex family, that was the worst.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are imperfect. Think about your imperfections.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shock </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You deserve to be perfect. Think about perfection.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hormones. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Strex.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin! Oh Smiling God!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He winced as the electrodes were pulled off and the clips removed. His eyes blinked rapidly, trying to focus as they flooded with much needed tears. He wasn’t sad, but his eyes must have been open for a least four hours without rest. They were burning with dryness. Burning with the sweet relief of tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Diego?” He could recognise that voice anywhere. That smell. The feeling of his arms. As soon as his own arms were free he pressed as close as possible, laughing into his smooth satin waistcoat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am going to literally kill her.” He breathed, stroking Kevin’s hair softly. All of the torture and hardship seemed to melt away. He had missed this so much. He had missed Diego so much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, are you daydreaming again?” Daniel had put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, causing him to jump and spin on his chair, “The broadcast is in five minutes, get yourself ready.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin waited for Daniel to be out of the room before mimicking him as he shuffled a few things around on the desk. He had every right to daydream! Not only had he finished all of his work but he had helped Daniel finish his as well. If he wanted to think about better times, that was his business! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I missed this.” Diego hummed, sparking a cigarette and passing it to Kevin, who accepted it and leant against the larger man, “I can’t believe our father let Lauren send me back to Red Mesa!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, he doesn’t like the idea that I have friends, either.” Kevin explained, although he was sure that Diego knew that. Diego probably heard a lot more about it than Kevin did. No one ever told Kevin anything to his face except when it was insulting, whereas Diego was actually part of the family. He could imagine Lauren yelling at him. He didn’t want to imagine that. “How is Red Mesa, anyway?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Boring.” Diego sighed, running a hand through his hair, “We don’t actually own it, it’s just a place to sit back and watch from. We might as well be in Pine Cliffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin blew his smoke downwards, wrapping an arm around Diego’s back as they spoke. Neither of them spoke for a long while. They just enjoyed each other’s presence. They knew it would come to an end again and Kevin felt the pain of that knowledge far deeper than he wanted to admit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daniel knocked on the window, making Kevin jump again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes life gives you lemons. Squeeze these lemons directly into life's eyes to show life that this was a bad idea. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego looked down at Kevin, stroking his hair softly as Kevin fell asleep. Kevin didn’t sleep easily and Diego had promised to stay next to him while he got a good night’s sleep. He made a few quiet phone calls, careful not to wake the other man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now for the news.” Kevin read from the prompter, keeping his joyful tone as he read, “Remember to feed your StrexPet twice a day with StrexFeed brand StrexPet food! We’ve seen an increasing amount of StrexPets coming into StrexVets about bad stomachs and hunger. Twice a day! No more. No less. Strex.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling God, how many times did he have to say Strex in one broadcast? Was this propaganda or just some weird self kink for StrexCorp?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing? You shouldn’t be here!” Lauren’s voice woke Kevin with a start. He jumped in front of Diego in reaction, the man watching him in mild shock. Lauren quickly forced him out of the way and down to the floor as if she had expected the reaction from him. She probably had. Kevin whimpered as he hit the ground, his eyes going back up to see the two stood with guns pointed at each other’s faces.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego looked like a beautiful chiselled angel standing tall to protect him. The light shone from every curve and dip. Lauren looked like an angry business woman. Lauren was an angry business woman. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re hurting Kevin. Why?” Diego demanded, Lauren completely ignoring him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re meant to be in Red Mesa, why are you here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two stood growling at each other for more than a minute before Kevin opened his mouth to speak. He didn’t really have anything useful to say so the interruption from Lauren was certainly welcome. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin is in re-education. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Training</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You know, what all resistant employees are meant to go through?” Lauren said in a matter-of-fact way. Diego simply scoffed, drawing more of an answer from her. Neither of them lowered their weapons, “Kevin is my staff, I can decide whether or not he is fit to work.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re fit to work.” Diego retaliated, gesturing to Kevin to move behind him as he noticed Lauren’s gun twitch in Kevin’s direction. She always twitched before she made a decision. She was choosing whether or not to shoot Kevin. The scared man kicked off the floor, rushing behind him and putting his arms on Diego’s back, “Kevin’s broadcasts have been fine, I’ve been listening to them, so why does he need to be here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren laughed, looking over Diego’s shoulder at Kevin. He was smiling and looking very proud of himself. It was sickening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He attacked me.” Lauren stated, shrugging and relenting her weapon. She still held it, but away from Diego now. The rose gold glinted in the clinical light, “I didn’t know what he was going to do to me if Daniel hadn’t pulled him off.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego looked round to Kevin for a moment as if asking if it was the truth. Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed into an awkwardness, looking away from Diego with some shame. Lauren made it sound worse than it was but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>attacked her. He had pulled her hair and smacked her face on the desk, sure, but she hadn’t mentioned that it was in reaction to threatening to amputate parts of his body that he was particularly attached to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t attack Lauren.” Diego sighed, turning and putting a hand on Kevin’s face. He stroked the scar running from his mouth and Kevin pressed into the touch, “I can’t protect you if you’re going to do that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Kevin hummed, bringing a smile back to Diego’s face, “It won’t happen again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked between them for a moment before putting her weapon away with a sigh. Diego didn’t return his. He wasn’t about to let her make herself comfortable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, what will Daisy-chain say about all of this?” She asked, gesturing to the two of them in a circular fashion. He felt Diego tense at the words but the other man hadn’t replied. He was leaving the reply for Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What could he say? She wouldn’t be upset, would she? She wouldn’t really care, would she? Kevin had a hard enough time wrapping his head around how boring and lifeless the woman was without having to worry about her actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>caring</span>
  </em>
  <span> about him. He was sure she had found her own non-Strex approved partner like he had himself. She never minded when Kevin shrugged off date ideas and they only ever got together when they had to. She didn’t remember his birthday and he didn’t remember hers. She often called him by the wrong name. They were only together because Strex told them to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’d probably not care.” Kevin finally replied, looking up to see Diego’s reaction. The man was still. He didn’t seem to mind the answer so much as the conversation topic, “She probably realises.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kevin.” Lauren started, changing what she had planned to say when she was given a warning look from Diego, “Remember that she was picked for you. You two are compatible by all means. All preferences, all genetics. Did you need a reminder of what your children will look like?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin turned away from her, rubbing a hand over his mouth before he answered. He was about to answer. He was about to ask for the other pictures. They had made ones of his and Daisy’s potential children, sure, but they had also made ones of his and Vanessa’s. They had tried to use it to torment him. To tell him that their children wouldn’t be perfect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘That jawline is weird’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lauren had told him </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘and you both have a problem with the MARK3 gene. You don’t want blind children’. </span>
  </em>
  <span> He had argued that he didn’t care. He had argued that Strex could fix blindness, although the argument had angered him. He felt the joy and the loss and the grief of seeing those pictures. He wanted them back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get out.” Diego had said instead. Kevin wasn’t clear on whether this was because he knew what Kevin wanted or whether he was simply annoyed by the idea that Kevin was expected to ‘provide Strex with new workers’. He didn’t really care which. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>*************</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now, the weather!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was greeted immediately by Lauren sitting on his desk. He tried to ignore the intrusion and instead looked through what was coming up after the weather report. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, look at me.” He did as he was told, “After the weather, you need to talk about Night Vale. Anything about Night Vale. We need their attention.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can they even get our signal?” Kevin asked, eyes fixed on her, “What’s the point of addressing a town that can’t hear us?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sure they can.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren left, turning at the door and shaking her head at Diego before locking it behind her. Diego sighed, pulling Kevin closer again and kissing his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How many times has she sent you here, Kevin?” He asked, his gun next to Kevin’s ear but pointed away. Kevin thought hard. Harder than he’d thought for Alex. He still couldn’t think of a number. More than twice. How long had it been? Could he remember that? More than a year with Strex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” He replied, hiding his face. He let his tears soak into Diego’s waistcoat. It was something they hadn’t taken from him yet. He didn’t know if Diego noticed or not, but he never mentioned it if he did. Kevin would smile and cry into him. His shoulders would move and he would go limp, but Diego never scolded him for this. He didn’t think he was against training but he never expected Kevin to enjoy it like Lauren expected of him. He never expected Kevin to be submissive. He never expected anything from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shushed Kevin and the smaller man felt something wet soak through his hair to his scalp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our Station Management has just told me that we should expect some lovely relationship with another town soon! How lovely, Desert Bluffs, a sister town! Their name is Night Vale and management wanted me to tell Night Vale that we </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>be seeing them soon!”  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I realised while writing that there are long gaps between the seemingly-random creulty and the explanation (but not excusing) behind such things. Especailly the gap between the previous Damien chapter and it's explanation (in chapter 29). So, I just kind of wanted to point out that I want to keep this very much in Kevin's perspective (at least in this arc) because this fic is about Kevin. At this point he has fragmented memories and forgets things often due to the trauma he's dealing with on a daily basis. He doesn't know why things are happening so neither do you. </p><p>Although some is explained in the 'Strex' arc (this one), a lot of it will be in the 'Desert Otherworld/Recovery' arc. Like I said in the first chapter the majourity of this arc is just abusing Kevin (although we have some nice Diego standing up for Kevin in this chapter).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Blood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Desert Bluffs may be a strange and blood soaked place now, but that doesn't mean that they share all of Kevin's interests. </p><p>Lawerence Lavine talks to Kevin about this and Kevin realises that he's not feeling quite as happy as he's meant to.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Drugs. Drug Addiction. That's what this chapter is mainly about. </p><p>Oh, and Pasta Salad. Because pasta salad. So ***WARNING*** for throwing up. I would just skip the chapter if you don't like throwing up, but the bits will be labeled. It's semi-graphic. I don't describe it but feelings.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been several months since Lauren had given him this amazing news. He’d hear Cecil again, might actually meet him. Kevin couldn’t tell if he was excited to be friends or more excited for the time before Cecil being his friend. He certainly wouldn’t have an active role in making him his friend, no. He hated him for what he did, sure, but not enough to treat him like Lauren was going to treat him. That said, Lauren seemed so much more chilled out and genuinely happy recently. That may have been the fact that she was nowhere near him most of the time, so there wasn’t enough interaction for him to notice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Morning, Kevin.” Alia smiled as he took his usual seat in the diner, “What will it be today?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know me, Alia.” He replied happily, secretly still quite ashamed to say it out loud. It didn’t matter that it was normal or </span>
  <em>
    <span>acceptable</span>
  </em>
  <span> here to simply kill when you felt like it . It didn’t sit well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Waffles covered in blood?” She asked. She always sounded so beautifully repulsive when she mentioned blood. She always sounded so beautifully repulsed. People don’t tend to eat blood. Fascinated by it. Decorating with it. Smearing it over clothes and faces and mixing with hair but a line was drawn with eating it. Kevin could understand but he also really could not understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He made an excited noise, shuffling in his seat and nodding. His hands raised to his face, letting his jaw rest on them. He could barely contain himself as his knees bounced under the table. This was a daily routine now but he still found it hard to keep his excitement in check. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, but today Lauren wants something too.” Kevin said, his shoulders still raised in pleasure at the thought of his breakfast. At the thought of Lauren’s reaction to his gift to her. He thought of the most disgusting order he could, “Sardines, cucumbers, and broken glass, if you have it!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The waitress nodded, going into the kitchen with his order in her hand. He couldn’t tell how she had taken what he had said, considering the smile plastered to her face was unchanging. He could at least use his eyes to show emotion but people in customer service, no. Their eyes were always smiling too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was Kevin’s time to think. Not about Strex stuff, either. He liked to close his eyes and remember Cecil’s voice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘You win Kevin’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You liar.” He breathed, trying to put the voice to a face. He imagined an ugly, awful face. It didn’t make sense, he knew it didn’t. All of these people, all of these liars, had the most beautiful faces. Lauren, Lauren’s boss who’s name was Damien but that Kevin always forgot, the biobots, Samantha… Alex. All such beautiful faces. Sure, he was the exception to the rule, but that was a single example. Did he really hope that Cecil was ugly just to help explain why he himself  was so ugly? Did he really think that his own appearance would be justified by another person’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A metallic scent snapped him from his daydream and the plate in front of him sent the most delightful chills through every inch of his body. Alia had also remembered his coffee, which he’d forgotten to ask for. Caramel. Lauren couldn’t ruin that for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” His voice trembled with his happy shudders, “Alia, will you join me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” He recognised the voice she made and giggled, waving his hand before she could finish. She wasn’t just uncomfortable because she wasn’t allowed to stop working. Of all the people to leave her work to join for breakfast, Kevin was the last person that anyone would want to eat with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was just a joke, Alia! Keep working! You’re doing great. Always so efficient, Alia.” Kevin forced a laugh and it was not at all convincing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lifted his knife and fork, taking in the wonderful sight. Before he could start eating he was interrupted by someone sitting across from him. A friend! Finally! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, we’re worried about you.” The man said, putting a hand on Kevin’s hand. A weird way to start a conversation but conversations had become very stale and lifeless recently. Maybe he needed Lauren to up his dose again. He scratched his neck. He was getting itchy again. He was getting irritable again. “You have such… interesting tastes in food. Things most of us would see as… decor. No offence, just, you wouldn’t eat paint now would you, Kevin?“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to enjoy my breakfast, Lawrence.” Kevin said quietly, staring at it. It looked more and more appetizing as he spoke. The thought of the warm, sticky liquid that was slowly coagulating on top. The idea of the wrist it had dripped from. The taboo. Even here, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>acceptable</span>
  </em>
  <span> but certainly not common. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, if blood is your taste.” He whispered, looking around, “I get it’s a small amount so maybe the waffle drowns it out, but then what’s the point? It can’t taste nice, Kevin. I know sometimes I get a little on my lips and lick it off and it’s just awful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s the point of you pointing this out?” Kevin hummed, getting a few looks. He stayed straight in the chair, pushing the plate away and putting his hands together in a way that had seemed to become normal for him now. His StrexPosture.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, Kevin… I’m not trying to upset you. You seem defensive.” Lawrence continued, matching Kevin’s volume now. Matching Kevin’s posture now, “We just think that maybe you need some… social contact. When did you last decorate yourself? Your shirt looks dry and your hair is barely red.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is a shortage of workers, Lauren has asked that we conserve some of them.” Kevin retorted, breathing sharply out, “People will come in with the new ad campaign, I’m sure. Then we can all go back to doing what we love. Night Vale will have plenty of workers too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They shared a look for a few moments and then Lawrence stood, putting the money for Kevin’s meal on the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a sigh of relief and then another of shame. Kevin poked his waffles, thinking about the orange and lemon ones he used to order. The pancakes that Vanessa loved that were no longer on the menu. It had just crept up on him, the memory. His memories did that a lot. It faded just as quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The waffles stayed untouched. The coffee stayed untouched. Maybe a headache was what he needed. He was standing on his own. He was working and organising himself. He had an apartment outside his studio, just across the road in a high rise. He had almost forgotten what it was like for Lauren to boss him around. Part of him missed the structure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grabbed her sandwich from the counter on the way out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stocks were up. Population was staying level. Plans were being approved. Today was a good day to take it easy, Lauren decided. There were no reports to write. There were no memos to send. She’d efficiently distributed the work between other staff and deserved a break. It was important for her to take these breaks. It had made her feel so much better than when she was working everyday. Not to say that other employees had that right, but they needed to work daily so she didn’t have to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then there was a knock and she suddenly felt like she could murder whoever was disturbing her. In fact, her office needed a new coat of paint. The only problem was that she didn’t have a clean dress here and although Desert Bluffs was far enough gone to allow for that, she didn’t want to seem lazy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come in!” She called sweetly, sitting forward to look like she was working until she saw Kevin. Then her smile dropped and she sat back. Kevin wouldn’t care either way and nor did she care about Kevin’s opinion, “Oh, it’s just you. Something wrong?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin flinched when he saw her frown. He still wasn’t used to seeing her go from a smile to other expressions. Her frown meant abuse was coming. Her frown meant a punishment. He wasn’t completely against the idea, sure, but he had rather enjoyed having intact bones. He shut the door and put the sandwich down on her desk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got you breakfast.” He said, sitting in a chair, ridgid with his hands together and elbows out despite the chair having no arms. Hopefully this wouldn’t be too much of a hint to Lauren that he felt uncomfortable and the need to run away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is what I asked for.” Lauren laughed, gesturing at him. Kevin just tilted his head. He was very careful around her. Still cheerful. He had more personality now but still so careful. He liked being free. He liked having a face clear of bruising, despite his disposition for pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Lauren.” He breathed, “I still haven’t heard from Cecil. I don’t think he will be making contact, I think you’re wrong.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took the sandwich, looking at it and then smiling that fake smile. It stank. He was surprised it hadn’t turned her stomach the moment she smelt it. “How thoughtful. Oh, but Kevin, I already made lunch. It will go off, so I’ll have this later as a snack. When you’re not here. So I can </span>
  <em>
    <span>enjoy</span>
  </em>
  <span> it in private.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin laughed at her words as Lauren reached down, putting the paper bag next to her bag and taking out her own opaque plastic container. She was ignoring his statement. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. It was good that she hadn’t punished him for it but he wasn’t sure that just ignoring the issue would solve it either. She set the container on the desk, being particularly slow about removing the lid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have pasta salad, don’t you, Lauren?” Kevin asked cheerily, leaning down to pull her bin closer to himself in anticipation of the smell. Why did she have to do this? Did she just have it in her bag in case or did she know he was coming? That smell… “Please don’t open that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>***********************</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kevin. I don’t care about you throwing up, don’t worry.” Lauren told him, opening it and starting to eat. Her words had annoyed him, sure. He minded throwing up, but that didn’t matter, did it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At first he swallowed it down but he couldn’t keep doing that. He hadn’t eaten this morning and it burnt his throat. He had made the mistake of having spicy foods yesterday. He could feel it again, every small movement burning his oesophagus. Eventually he just let it come up, ducking his head so he was as close as possible to the plastic bin. He wanted to protect his own clothes more than Lauren’s floor. He drew it up, hugging it against himself as he continued to heave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was it you wanted, Kevin?” She asked, clearly enjoying herself. She watched with those eyes, like she was watching a comedy movie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you…” She waited for him to finish heaving before taking another bite, “...asked, I need your permis-...” And another. He had nothing to bring up at this point, gagging into the container, “... permission to increase my dose.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked thoughtful. She started eating slowly with her eyes set on him. He couldn’t look back. Each time he heard her chew or caught the scent he couldn’t control his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need my permission, you buy your own bottles now.” She told him, opening her mouth to talk again but being cut off almost immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re diluting it. I’ll pay more, I just want it stronger.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren licked her teeth and Kevin shivered. She took a bottle from her desk and held it up. Kevin scrambled to get his money out of his pocket, heaving again as he got closer to her lunch while bending over the desk to grab it. He pushed the money onto the table. Everything he had in this wallet. The bottle in his hands now. Looking for… where was it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Need a syringe?” Lauren asked, breathing out through her nose and pulling one from her draw, “Kevin, you’re blowing all of your money on this, are you sure it’s not time to quit?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her concern was as fake as her smile and he knew it. She didn’t really need to pay him anymore, seeing as almost his entire paycheck was going on the stuff. His apartment was paid before he saw the money and he bought the cheapest possible food to have enough left for his fix. He would have said something but the last thing he wanted was her meddling around the studio again. He liked that she left him alone and she wouldn’t leave him alone if she had to put him back into training.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Lauren. So very helpful you are.” His passive aggressive voice showed slightly more than he wanted to, “Have a good day, Lauren. Blessings of a Smiling God.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t return the blessing. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Sandstorm Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin has to broadcast without his medicine and it's only made harder when Vanessa shows up.</p><p>Kevin complains to Lauren about not having taken his medicine yet.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please, please, read the notes at the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“The future is what you make of it. Just know your supplies are limited. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the theme played, Kevin took a deep breath. It was the first time in a while he was having to do his broadcast without his medicine. It started pretty well. He played it off as if nothing was different. It was different, however. His imagination was running away with him and so were his words. He tried to keep a tab on it. Keep it on the news. Keep it on script… he hadn’t gone off script in so long but almost immediately did for this show. He hadn’t had time between seeing Lauren and the broadcast started. He itched. He itched so much. Why was he so cold? Why was he so hot?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He managed himself well after that, at least until he turned to Vanessa. He must have knocked something from his desk. No, nothing was knocked. Was it? There was definitely a noise but the floor was moving too much to see. Then, Vanessa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Radiant, beautiful Vanessa. Radiant, beautiful, living, breathing, vibrant and warm Vanessa. He couldn’t stop talking, he was broadcasting, but he wanted so badly to go and hold her. He wanted to run to her and hold her. Kiss her. That was, until he saw what made the noise and he saw the look on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was she so horrified? She’d just knocked a shelf, it wasn’t that bad! The shelf that she was normally on… oh, that’s why she was screaming. Building a shelf was a good excuse for listeners, though. She was just building it. Building it with his original Vanessa, who was just watching her. She often just watched.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to sign to her to calm down and stay there but it was very obvious that she was screaming. She wasn’t looking at him either. Her mouth was so wide. His room may have been sound proof, but the control room certainly was not. He had to just keep smiling and broadcasting. She could hear what he was saying, so sweetly like he had to, why would it panic her? She was trying to get into the studio and clattering with the door. Someone must have been coming for her to choose the room she could see was blood soaked over the opaque door into the offices.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He quickly went to advert and let her in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” She gasped, locking the door behind herself before turning and pressing their lips together in the most amazing way. He had moved into her, pressing her to the door as his hands held her face. He wanted to keep kissing her but now wasn’t the time. They’d have plenty of time when he’d hidden her from Lauren. They’d have plenty of time for the rest of their lives, if he could just make Lauren think he was alone in here, “What happened here, Kevin? What happened to you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa...” He breathed, but the advert wasn’t long enough to really help, it was over before he could explain anything. It was over before he wanted it to be. It was over before he’d drunk in enough of her light, “I’ll make an excuse, they won’t know you’re here. Uhm… quickly, I’ll explain everything after the broadcast.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin gestured for her to hide under his desk, careful not to cramp her by putting his legs under the desk when he sat back at the table. Her hand rested on his knee, but she didn't grip it in fear. She was just resting it there. It occurred to him that she might just be an extra vivid hallucination, he did also grab and shake the door and could have easily been making the noises himself. He could have knocked something off his desk. His StrexPet could have knocked something. The thought was quickly swept away by how scared he was for her safety. She was real! She had to be! He wasn’t about to let Strex hurt her! Not again!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He read an email that had been put on his desk earlier in the day, probably by Daniel but he liked to think his original Vanessa had put it there. That would certainly cover what was happening. His head was spinning and he could barely read but he needed to keep his professionalism and keep his professionalism he did. He kept the topic on Strex’s greatness as he was expected to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the portal. What was happening? His head spun and the only thing keeping him stable was his Strex training. It took over. So he followed it as well as he could for someone who did not actively remember it. He followed it without thought. That is to say, he forgot everything and let his body decide where to go and what to say. His feet moved into the portal and everything else was a blur. He had been to Night Vale. He knew that but the studio was unclear. There was no man there… or was there? No, Cecil was there. A picture… no, Cecil was actually there, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next thing he remembered was strong hands around his neck. Such strong hands. Then he was back in the studio, shaking and waiting for the weather report to end. His hands on his own neck where the other’s hands had been. He had been to Night Vale, right? That small, bloodless studio was in his head but everything had happened so fast he could barely remember. He clasped for the small happiness of knowing he had been there but it slipped through his fingers. His hands reached for Vanessa. She didn’t reach back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He checked under his desk and surely Vanessa wasn’t there. A trembling breath left him but he could not cry. They were watching. He had to smile. He must. He had to stay happy. Always happy. Always so happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, Vanessa. Now there’s two of you, right?” He told her, sitting up and adjusting his tie ready to start the broadcast again, “It’s ok, Vanessa… We’ll be ok, Vanessa. It will be even easier with two of you here now. We can clean you up and we’ll be happy. The three of us will be happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, I need a word about your… </span>
  <em>
    <span>broadcast</span>
  </em>
  <span>… earlier.” Lauren’s words were uncharacteristically nervous. It made Kevin’s stomach flip and his head spin again. She was never nervous. Angry. Worked up. Never nervous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It dawned on him that he had still not taken his medicine yet but Lauren stepped in front of his draws before he could fumble to get it. He just hoped that she hadn’t noticed. She neither scared or excited him without it. He trembled with the lack of emotion he felt towards what was a potentially horrible situation. He trembled at the idea that it wouldn’t feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>good. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He couldn’t handle the idea that it wouldn’t feel good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?” Lauren demanded, Kevin’s hand lifting and pointing to both Vanessa’s immediately. He had no intention of hiding a woman who was so obviously a delusion, except to hide the delusion from himself, “No, the new one. They were making a shelving unit or something? It sounded like they assaulted one of our biorobots and set you off. Where is Daniel? Oh, God, is Daniel ok?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin just nodded. She seemed so concerned about Daniel. He had seen Daniel that morning but he was sure there must have been some cause for her concern but the idea that she thought he would be sympathetic to her worry made him laugh. He looked over to where he was pointing. They were both there. His original Vanessa was bleeding as she always did, from her head. The beautiful red ichor dripped down her small, round nose and it always made him blush. The new Vanessa was doing the same, now, but the other side of her head. He had a flash of her bloodied arms around him, crying, but it wasn’t a memory… was it? It wasn’t a memory he liked if it was. He had to look away and put a hand to his face, not covering his eyes but his mouth and nose rested in his palm. She was too adorable to handle and he had to hide his blush from Lauren. Lauren would not be happy if he made noises right now but he just couldn’t help it. He was so in love. He felt so sick. The hums and laughs just escaped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, I thought she might be alive from the noises on your broadcast. A few other people had the same idea. Bad idea. Such a shame for them. A shame that the doubles disappeared too, we could have used them.” There was a pause as her voice sombred, shaking her head, “Such good workers, too. I’ll miss them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll miss them too.” Kevin hummed, although he had no idea who in particular she was referring to. It was just the right thing to say at this point, he supposed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your cameras don’t see that door and we couldn’t see into the control room.” She explained, offering him a cigarette. He took it quickly, standing and racing out of his studio. He didn’t care much how he looked, running down the hall and outside with his plastered smile. He hadn’t noticed the abandoned offices or strewn about paperwork. He hadn’t noticed Lauren start talking again but at the same time did not actually care that she had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he was outside, he remembered he had no lighter but Lauren had followed him and sparked it for him. Trembling. Trembling. Trembling. So happy. So happy. Trembling. He had to be happy, he couldn’t stop. No. Itching. Itching. No.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A deep breath and a sickly grey clouds. Death’s invitation being ripped from his chest where he held it so close. The embrace of noxious gases that comforted his soul. The ash and fire burning his tongue and chest. He felt like he was sinking. Itching. He was pulling on his scars.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Today has been hell, Lauren, and that’s saying something considering that I know you.” He purred, teeth grinding. His smile was still as wide as ever but his demeanor was otherwise that of someone who had just been told that the world was ending around them and they could do nothing to stop it. It was so cold out here. He regretted not picking up his jacket. He regretted a lot of things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see that you haven’t taken your medicine, yet.” Lauren noted, picking at one of her nails. She did this when she was angry but couldn’t show it. A smile and her nails. Sometimes masked as fiddling with a pen, sometimes a clipboard. Sometimes Kevin’s hand. Ripping the skin from his fingertips was less noticeable than actively assaulting him. Kevin always noticed. He didn’t know when he started noticing but he always did. It was probably when his hand had been added to her toys.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin scratched his neck as he took another drag, letting it burn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you wanted me to quit.” He pointed out, his hands now moving back to holding his own hair, “I haven’t eaten… I mean, I did but then you… I can’t take it without eating.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t blame me for your imperfect self, Kevin. I’m trying to help you kill it, aren’t I? You should thank me.” Her voice was almost sing-song, “You should be trying harder to do it yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes shot up to her, searching her face for whether she was serious or not. He didn’t think that having to take daily medicine made him imperfect, but this was Strex that he was talking about. They had sown up his third eye because it was ‘imperfect’. It was efficient. It was productive. He used to see everything that was going on in his beautiful town. Strex didn’t see it that way. They saw it as a distraction. They saw it as disgusting. They saw it as a weakness of Kevin’s. It was different from what their narrow world views knew and that made it imperfect. That made it wrong and disgusting, right? It didn’t matter how it had disorientated him. It didn’t matter how it affected his vision. It wasn’t what they saw as normal. They saw it as humane to cut it out. Ethical to refuse him anaesthesia. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Lauren. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>very grateful. I’m doing what I can, short of some automated system that just gives it to me when I’m short, to help </span>
  <em>
    <span>ease</span>
  </em>
  <span> your burden of taking care of me.” He replied, sinking to the floor. No one around. She’d made a designated smoking area just for him. That’s what she’d told him. It was another thing that kept him under her thumb. He could only use it when she said he could. He could sloach for a moment or hold himself without anyone else to influence. No one else smoked. Not that he knew. It gave him that time to relax, but he couldn’t relax anymore. Even in this sanctuary he had to smile. He had to keep face. Was it for them anymore or was it for himself?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t reply and at first Kevin was settled by the fact that she hadn’t but this was Lauren. Lauren never left something hanging. Lauren had to have the last word. She would normally find something to say pretty quickly. As he looked up to her, it was clear to see that she had found something, but he wasn’t important in that conversation. Texting. Tapping with those broken and blood stained nails. His stomach dropped, laughing and quickly back pedalling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or… </span>
  <em>
    <span>or…</span>
  </em>
  <span> I could just set an alarm. Take it with my alarm! I can do that, Lauren, I don’t need another system to. What a waste of money, am I right? Right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hand closed over his mouth, taking his cigarette with the other and stubbing it on the ashtray. Kevin moved backwards but she just followed him until she was pushing him against the wall by his face. He didn’t want to imagine what the concrete had done to his new trousers. She wasn’t even looking, just texting and Kevin just let her. He didn’t struggle or panic. Maybe it was what he needed, to just have whatever she was thinking of. To just give her full control. It hurt so much to fight her. It hurt so much to fight himself. To fight the part that wanted to scratch and bite and growl. He hoped it would at least be well hidden, so he didn’t look even more disgusting when people saw him. So they wouldn’t avert their eyes like they already did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While she held him, he focused on the poster behind her. He didn’t want to read her texts over her shoulder, especially after she’d made it clear a few weeks back that he was boring her. Especially when he had been sent back to training for that before. He could barely remember when that had happened. It said </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Resistance reduces productivity. Happiness increases wealth. Are you happy? Strex. Are you productive? Strex. Are you your perfect self? StrexCorp. Believe in a Smiling God. </span>
  </em>
  <span> At some point, someone had scratched away the ‘y’ in your and the word ‘self’. Kevin couldn’t remember who might be out here to do that. He wondered how they hadn’t fixed or replaced it. The person must be back in training...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words played in his mind. A flash of blood. His own screams. The searing pain in his face. Vanessa. Wanting to hold her. Needing to hold her, just one last time. He hadn’t got to say goodbye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes but he couldn’t escape it. It just got worse. Slashes at his arms, deep enough to disable them. The bots released his arms. His legs. Immobile but free. His tentacles tied at the tips to make them useless. His adrenaline. The taste of blood in his mouth as he bit into a man’s neck. Growling like a feral dog. A knife in his hand but not in the holding way. So warm. So sticky. So pleasant as it rolled from his twitching fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, what are you doing!” Lauren yelled as he screamed under her hand, kicking at the concrete floor and grabbing at her arm. When had he started kicking? He was frozen. He wasn’t fighting. So why was his body moving in this way that it couldn’t have been. In a way he didn’t feel it moving, “Can I get some help out here!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could feel the tears. The tears! The tears! Were they real? Oh God, he’d be sent back! They couldn’t be real! He had to get away. He had to get away! He couldn’t be crying! It was just blood! It must have just been blood! It couldn’t be tears! It couldn’t! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His shaking hands gripped and gripped and gripped. His shaking hands squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. Lauren’s neck. Bulging eyes. Choked breathes. Nails. So deeply embedded. Beautiful nails. Oh, it felt so good to have her gripping at his hands for once. To have her underneath him, pleading wordlessly for her pathetic life. His laughs. Oh, he loved laughing those laughs. Real laughs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The magic faded as two drones pulled him away and off his feet until he was suspended by his shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” Lauren choked, rubbing her neck and coughing. A cacophonous masterpiece that made his heart tremble. He wanted to hear it again. The choking. The coughing. He wanted to cause it so badly, “That’s not appropriate behaviour for this workplace.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughed, kicking towards her but feeling them carrying him off. Lauren was smiling. She was smiling and waving to him and for a moment he smiled and waved. It was so pleasant to see her give him positive attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Lauren!” He said joyfully before realising that that was not actually the reaction he wanted to give her and turning his waving hands around to hold his finger up to her. Still he laughed. Still he kicked. What was the point of fighting his imperfect self now? They would do it for him. They would kill his imperfect self. He hoped it would die this time. Die for good, like he wanted it to.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I didn't add more chapter in between (although I have later but before 29, so...) , so next chapter starts so big warnings in the notes time. </p><p>Make sure you read those, it's only for a few chapters and of course I will be putting everything (that's not to do with that) important in the chapter summeries in much more detail than usual, so if anyone wants to skip the next two (/three...?) chapters, then it won't affect too much. </p><p>Nothing about the warnings is detailed inside the writing itself, but it is as obvious as I can make it without details. Basically, nothing explicit. This isn't a smut fic. When I say that I mean, imagine fade-to-blacks and characters mentioning. Look after yourselves.</p><p>I will be doing the ****************** to label paragraphs with specific topics in, so there is that too. If there are any other precautions I can take to make sure everyone has a good reading experience, let me know.</p><p>Hey and, thanks.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Collar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>-Short version-</p><p>Kevin is given his StrexCollar and is must more compliant to Lauren's requests, as well as being more open to spending time with her. </p><p> </p><p>-Longer version for those who choose to skip-</p><p>- Kevin was sent back to training and given a collar through surgery. It is very hard to take off as the needles are not only embedded into his neck but the collar is tight around his neck. It flashed when it shocks him or releases drugs.<br/>- The collar shocks him for negative emotions or for wanting to harm certain people (such as Lauren). <br/>- Kevin is affectionate towards Lauren while thinking about Vanessa (He kisses her hand a bunch and invites her to his house). <br/>- Lauren refuses Kevin's offer but invites him to her house instead.<br/>- Kevin sets the collar off enough to make him pass out.<br/>- Lauren and Kevin talk about differences in opinion about broadcasts.<br/>- Lauren shows Kevin what happens when he tries to take the collar off and almost kills him. She takes Vanessa's ring from him while he's passed out.</p><p>That's about it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;**********Warnings*********&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;</p><p>Hi there! This is a warning for chapter; 10 and 11. There is also a warning on 12 and 13 but it is slightly different.</p><p>This chapter has some non-con in it (and yes, it's non. not ''dub''). It's not explicit and will be marked around the parts with **************************. It fades to black and is mainly around the end of the chapter (although there is a breif mention earlier). I am going to put it around one part that technically I don't think counts but I want to be safe.</p><p>The longer version of the summary tells you all of the plot points other than that, so if you don't want to read the chapter but do want to know the story, please read that instead.</p><p>Stay safe. Be aware of yourself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He wasn’t in training for as long this time but he felt so euphoric. He danced around the room. They had only restrained him while they prepared his </span>
  <em>
    <span>special request</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So much happier. So so much happier again! It really worked, although he had overheard Samantha, his favourite doctor, telling Lauren how shocked she was about the amount that he needed. The amount that the collar had injected in response to not only his detected hormone levels but his detected response to the new ones.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took Vanessa’s hand and her double’s hand and spun them around, kissing them and holding them close to him. Rocking from side to side, he told them how amazing he felt. Sure, the surgery had hurt and the needles still stung in his neck but it would make everything so much easier now. Sure, Strex didn’t waste money on anesthesia and he could vividly remember as his throat was pulled apart to make sure that each needle was in just the right place. So that the skin would heal in the shape of the collar. So that it would be nearly impossible to pry off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin faltered for a moment, wondering how long this would actually work and whether he could adjust his dose. He was immediately punished for this thought, a sharp shock throwing him to the ground. He felt like a doll as his sense came back for just long enough to feel his head smack into the stone. He smiled wide against the floor, the Vanessas falling next to him. He pulled them both close to him, relaxing in their cold embrace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Feeling better?” Lauren asked, leaning against the door frame. She had been watching him but he honestly couldn’t care less. He had been happy and wasn’t causing an issue, so it didn’t matter to her what he was actually doing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So much better.” Kevin breathed. His voice was much more steady. Much more uniform. He fell into line in so many ways now. He felt so happy, even if he had hoped for something that was hidden and didn’t blink when he thought horrible thoughts. Even if he was being rewarded for inwards aggression, punished for inwards shame, rewarded for the happiness that accompanied them. Doctor Berry looked amazing spattered across the ceiling. He was penalised for wondering if Lauren would look as good in such a state.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to go back to work, now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I …” Another sharp shock and Kevin got the message. He kissed each Vanessa, getting more shocks the longer he stayed on the floor. He scrambled to his feet, lanky legs wobbling like a newborn giraffe. He wasn’t tall, but his legs were certainly long. He had often wondered if they made his chest look short in comparison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Kevin.” Lauren smiled, putting her arm under his and leading him out and through the city. There were several concerned looks but Lauren kept assuring everyone that Kevin was fine, that he had a bad fall and his collar was for physiotherapy purposes. Strex was fixing his back. That made sense. Kevin started to join the explanations, telling people about how he had fallen and hit his desk. How he thought he was dead for sure. Lauren laughed these off and tried to keep him quiet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I am dead, Lauren.” He mumbled as they reached his studio and she set him down. It got a small buzz from the collar but he couldn’t call it a shock after the ones he had felt today. It would worry him, if the worry hadn’t triggered it to do the job properly. His hands clutched the chair as his breath left him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not dead, Kevin.” Lauren hummed, stroking his cheek. He leant into it, humming happily. The contact was more than welcome, regardless of who was giving it. He didn’t care anymore, he just wanted softness. Pleasant feelings. Even when those pleasant feelings came from someone who hurt him so much. Even when those pleasant feelings were pain, “Not until I say you’re allowed to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please...” He mumbled, moving to kiss her hand as his collar shocked him again. It jolted him and he held on tight to her arm so he could continue to kowtow to her. He decided it was best to act like he had initially meant the opposite, “Don’t ever let me go, Lauren. I don’t know what I’d do without you… without Strex. Wonderful Strex.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This seemed to please her and he continued with the affection. It wasn’t directed at her and he knew it. The collar didn’t care about that, at least. The collar may have stopped him from wanting to harm her, but didn’t force him to want her. May have stopped him from wanting to subdue her, but it didn’t care if he lusted for her or not. He felt warm just having a real person near him. Vanessa was amazing, sure, but she was so cold. So very cold. Cold as winter breezes in far off countries he had only imagined visiting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice, Kevin.” She said dismissively, looking at the nails of her other hand. It was fun to see him tense and gasp and falter to his collar. It was certainly fun to see how much he loved and hated every sensation but she had another potential toy on her mind, “If you’re looking for me to berate you, you’ll have to wait. I need to make sure you’re ready for our Night Vale take over. We’ll start buying up things soon and I need you keeping an ear on the radio.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin ignored her completely, running his scarred hand down her arm and back up to her wrist. Her skin was so soft. So scarless. So perfect. Nothing to fix. Had there ever been anything to fix on her? He had never seen anything to make him believe so. They could work on her personality… another shock… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come home with me, Lauren.” He breathed, silencing her completely. She had wanted to continue, she was ready to, in fact, but had never imagined breaking him to such a point that he would want to spend time with her. That he would want to come home with her. He had always held some form of malice in his voice towards her and she honestly had enjoyed that fact. She liked that Strex had such power over their employees, that even ones that truly hated them acted as if they loved them but now Kevin was actually acting like he did like her. It wasn’t like she would reject this fact, in fact she made a mental note of the collar’s effectiveness. If they used it on Cecil from the get-go they might save some money on converting him. Afterall, she only treated Kevin so badly because she deserved him as a toy, with all the time and money she put into him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He didn’t want to look up at her to see her reaction. He wasn’t even sure what he hoped her reaction would be. Would she hit him? Would she smile at him? She might take it the wrong way, but he wasn’t sure he would completely mind at this point. He didn’t seek out that attention from her. He would simply roll over and allow it if that was what was asked of him. He had in the past from others, though he wasn’t sure when.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What… Did you have in mind?” She asked, raising an eyebrow, “My place is probably better equipped for whatever you were thinking. Vanessa’s apartment is very… </span>
  <em>
    <span>cosy.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snorted at the comment, getting a shock from the other side of his neck. It was the same side that it had been when he didn’t get off the floor. Disobedience was on the left. He knew that now. Emotions on the right, disobedience on the left. Would it stop him when he was near passing out? He would need to test it. Another shock. He had barely registered that she had called his apartment </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Vanessa’s’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Coffee and maybe a movie?” Kevin offered, his hands returning to her hand with his lips the other side, “I’m yours, right? Why are you bothering to ask me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t answer, partially glad he was still talking back to her. She just smiled and as Kevin saw her smile, he saw Vanessa. Vanessa was far more beautiful. That wasn’t the point. The point was their positions. He couldn’t control himself and stood, wrapping his arms around her. If he could just feel like she was here for a moment. His fingers made their way into her hair, smelling it deeply. She was wearing Vanessa’s perfume. Not the same perfume, but the actual perfume that Kevin had given Vanessa before she’d died. He’d seen it on Lauren’s desk before but never imagined her actually wearing it. He didn’t remember a time where she had worn it before. It had evaporated from the bottle, sure, but it wasn’t Lauren’s taste. Lauren normally wore more woody scents, rather than the sharp citrus. It just compounded the delusion. It made it so much better, feeling so much better, and worse, making him feel so much worse. It made him sigh in pleasure. His free hand trailed her back, imagining Vanessa’s curves in the places where Lauren’s jarringly mismatched expectations.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Always, Kevin.” Lauren whispered back, running her fingers through his hair and kissing his neck just above his new collar. It sent a shiver down him. Her voice had broken the spell for a short time but he pushed it away. He had to hold back from calling her Vanessa but he had to cling to the fantasy. He couldn’t hold it back.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Vanessa’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lauren welcomed it. She loved it. Knowing that she had not only taken her away from him but that she was now stealing the affections that he desperately wanted to give to her. She was taking something that she had tried so hard to take from him. The one thing that she had failed to take from him. The last of his humanity was in her hand and she was ready to crush it. She continued, running a finger just under the button that held his shirt together as she kissed below his ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Vanessa’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help himself, a hand running down her front. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Vanessa’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.” She whispered, breaking the illusion. It took him a minute to recover without tears rolling from his eyes. It took him a moment to fail. The tears made the shocks sting harder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just drop by when you’re finished working then, I guess.” He said, pulling away and smiling at her. One hand moved to ‘scratch’ the corner of each eye, not caring about poking himself as his arms moved with their forced action from the collar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she left she let the other hand stretch out and slowly break away from each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was Lauren, Kevin.” One of the Vanessas said in his ear and Kevin shuddered, getting a shock before he had the chance to feel any shame about it. Getting another before he could reply to her. Getting several as he shrunk into himself. Did he even want to try to resist the emotions? The hormones were injecting themselves but not fast enough for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was time to test his hypothesis. It didn’t stop. His vision faded from the repeated jolts. It didn’t stop. It would never stop. His body spasming on the floor until there was nothing left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had returned, as they had agreed, before she left work. Kevin had to send one of the bots to get him fresh clothes, as his own were now covered head-to-toe in blood. The two of them walked through Desert Bluffs together, talking about how his broadcast had gone and how to make their propaganda more effective. Lauren explained the importance of money and subjugating the poor and Kevin listened intently. He agreed each time he was asked to. He wondered if Lauren counted him as poor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had mentioned linking it more to the message of the Smiling God and how worship was an important part of their community life so it would be more effective to link Strex’s values and the values of the Smiling God, seeing as they lined up pretty well by themselves anyway. Lauren hadn’t really listened fully and although agreed with the main sentiment, had not responded in the way Kevin wanted her to. It all just went back to money with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her home was much larger than his and stood on its own. It wasn’t a small apartment like his own, but a large terraced house with several bedrooms. They all had their own decor and Lauren made a point to show him around all except for one of them. He wasn’t sure if the one she hadn’t showed him was her actual bedroom or if there was something else behind those doors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you thinking of starting a family, Lauren?” Kevin had asked in passing, looking into an almost empty room that was painted in a pastel pink where the only objects had been soft toys of different varieties in lines along the edges. It was different from the other rooms and had caught his eye as she showed him around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no. So much money, children are. A waste of it.” She had told him, sending some of the strongest shocks through his collar and he felt his medicine trigger once again too. It hadn’t been that long since he’d taken some and he almost immediately felt that sweet, sickly, empty feeling in his stomach and the rush in his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin quickly wiped the tear from his face, smiling up at her and joyously agreeing. He was bent over, holding a wall for support, talking about how he would never want a family with the woman who had ripped his away. He felt almost like passing out from the electricity surging through his whole body. It was shock after shock as he felt his heart breaking with his own words. As he felt shame about feeling at all. He could barely stand and Lauren had to help him continue. She changed the subject, sure, but the dizziness took time to fade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can pick a movie, I’ll make drinks. I don’t think you’ll want to go into my fridge.” She told him. They had gone to the living room. He hadn’t remembered walking there or when the shocks had stopped. He hadn’t remembered holding the toy that was in his arms, a pink care bear that had stitches where his scars were. It had two hearts on its front and Kevin laughed, if that’s what you’d call it, when he looked at it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Ha Ha Ha’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Was it meant to be him? No, probably not. After all, it had two hearts and he couldn’t even think of himself as having a single one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok.” He agreed weakly, putting a hand to his neck and registering his change of voice again. He hadn’t always sounded so robotic, had he? He hadn’t always sounded so strained and wordless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knelt in front of her movie cupboard. There weren’t many of them, mainly rom-coms and horrors. He considered Saw but then thought better of it. He didn’t necessarily want this evening to go anywhere. He wanted Lauren to decide on that aspect and Saw would certainly lead the evening in that particular direction. He couldn’t think of how many times he had watched the series in the privacy of his own home. Instead he picked Bridget Jones's Diary and set it in the player before slumping onto the sofa. He sighed, getting a shock again. He wasn’t even sure why. What was he doing to cause it? Had it malfunctioned? He wasn’t thinking bad thoughts. Well, he wasn’t thinking thoughts that Strex would consider bad. The blood and guts in his head weren’t Lauren’s, they weren’t his own either. They were some fictional character’s insides. Was it the fact he was trying not to think of them? The thought made him laugh again, relieving the jolts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This turned into a theme for the evening. His face would relax and his whole body would twitch and his neck would burn. It was obviously annoying for Lauren, as well, who was often just settled onto his shoulder, her hands on his legs as she let him support her weight only to be nearly thrown off of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Kevin said after the fifth time, rubbing just under the collar and getting the biggest shock it had given him. It was enough to wind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, it will think you’re trying to take it off if you do that.” Lauren told him, pulling him towards her and sliding a finger in between the metal and his neck. His body spasmed for what felt like hours to him but must have been less than a minute in reality, “See?” She waited for a reply but Kevin laid still in her arms, “Kevin? ...</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kevin</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook him but he still didn’t respond. It scared her, although not because she cared for him. She didn’t have a voice to replace him! It would take so much training to get one! It had already taken so much training to get Kevin on side! So much wasted money and she had already wasted so much money on Kevin. Sure, Cecil was in the works but he was just that </span>
  <em>
    <span>in the works!</span>
  </em>
  <span> She hadn’t even gone to Night Vale yet to see what ‘in the works’ meant! He wasn’t ready to take Kevin’s position!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren stood, letting him fall to the cushions below, taking out her phone and calling her boss. He was not happy either. They complained about the money wasted and Lauren agreed. She had signed off on so much treatment, so much technology and still he wasn’t functioning in just the way she wanted. What had been the point? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he told her what to do with Kevin’s body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, it’s going to be obvious something happened to him if you just send him to the waste processing plant. You can’t do that. We need to make it seem like he skipped town. Put public opinion against him.” The man said over the phone, “The workers still seem to like him, for some reason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That won’t be hard. They like hearing him but they wince at him and are disgusted by the eyes. They are pretty horrible. Samantha did an amazing job on those.” Lauren agreed, picking up Kevin’s hand and taking the ring from his middle finger, “What do you want done with his jewelry? This is too big of a stone to waste? It’s massive… like… years of his pay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sell it.” He replied, obviously exasperated by the entire situation. Jewelry was the last thing on his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shame. I like it.” Lauren said, turning away from Kevin and looking at it on her finger. She extended her arm outward to look at it from a distance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need that money to train someone else for his role.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s Vanessa’s.” Kevin interrupted, hazily staring at Lauren from the sofa. He couldn’t sit up yet but his arm could reach for her. Lauren quickly explained to her boss what happened and then hung up. Kevin’s head rolled to the side, taking shallow breaths as Lauren took his hands and held them above his head. She made sure the ring was in a position where he could feel it on her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s mine, Kevin. Don’t you remember? You just gave it to me.” She told him. Her eyes were fixed on his and she was making sure he was focusing on her by using her right hand, the one without the ring, to hold his face towards hers,  “Don’t you remember, Kev? It was a gift to your favourite manager.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His body flinched straight away, just the thought of Lauren wearing Vanessa’s ring was a kick in the stomach to him. He had planned to propose to her over dinner. A movie style, down on one knee in the middle of a restaurant. He felt bad that he’d forgotten for all this time. He had worn it himself when she was right there. He could have done it anytime, he thought, and hadn’t wanted Vanessa to find out this way. He hated the look on her face now. His thoughts were getting so foggy from the shocks. He didn’t want this collar anymore. The medicine wasn’t worth it. Was it? Not worth hurting Vanessa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren turned and knelt over him, stroking his hair. He couldn’t move if he wanted to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin? Calm down. Go to sleep.” She ordered and he did. Not because she ordered but because his mind couldn’t think. Not because she ordered him but because the stars had come back down to the inside of this wonderfully spinning room. It wasn’t the same feeling as before. Not like when she choked him or shocked him. This was different. He felt like he was falling backwards into the sofa. He stared at her face as the room turned and smiled up at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am calm, Lauren.” He said in his joyous voice, a small buzz going through his body and then his collar fading into the background. He was happy. He was calm. He was watching what was happening from behind his eyes. “What time is it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter, does it?” She hummed, kissing him as she pressed her hand into his neck. It was only for a moment and then the relief of airflow was given to him again. He kissed her back, arms raising to pull her closer. He could barely think like this. His body was moving on its own and he was trying so hard to stop it but he wasn’t in control anymore.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Movie Nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Short version -</p><p>Daniel has a new robot version of himself and Kevin doesn't understand why they keep the original around.</p><p>Long version -</p><p>- Daniel robot is finished. It has Daniel's Amygdala and Daniel has an artificial one. <br/>- Kevin's collar doesn't react to him hurting Daniel.<br/>- Kevin threatens Daniel into talking to Lauren and Damien about Kevin being put on the Night Vale take over project. <br/>- Kevin learns he had a microchip in his brain which can control the memories he is allowed to see. <br/>- Kevin kills Frank from accounting and decorates with him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;**********Warnings*********&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;</p><p>Hi there! This is a warning for chapter; 10 and 11. There is also a warning on 12 and 13 but it is slightly different.</p><p>This chapter has some non-con in it (and yes, it's non. not ''dub''). It's not explicit and will be marked around the parts with **************************. It is a lot more through the chapter than the last. I've labelled start and ends of them because it's hard to tell where they are.</p><p>The longer version of the summary tells you all of the plot points other than that, so if you don't want to read the chapter but do want to know the story, please read that instead.</p><p>Stay safe. Be aware of yourself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I got your favourite popcorn for today, Kevin.” Lauren hummed, setting some caramel popcorn on the table in front of him as he sat patiently waiting for her to be ready to start the movie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been a few months and Kevin had stopped feeling quite so much as he used to. He wasn’t excited by the treat she’d offered nor was he suspicious of it. He wasn’t excited for the hot chocolate, even while she had put extra effort into the marshmallows and cream sat on top. It didn’t make him happy or sad, but it made him smile. That was enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve invited Daniel to join us tonight too.” She had told him as she had sat down. He was obviously late but this wasn’t a concern to Kevin. He didn’t have concerns much anymore. Daniel was a concern. He always acted so friendly to Kevin, yet Kevin was concerned for some reason. Another shock. He had memories of Daniel, right? Another Shock. He couldn’t remember why he didn’t like the man...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s celebrating. His robot just came off the line and it’s just perfect. Imagine Daniel but with almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>no </span>
  </em>
  <span>emotions. Strex-made face, all the other biologicals from Daniel himself.” Lauren hummed, seeming proud of herself for something but Kevin couldn’t really tell what, “We even managed to change out Daniel’s amygdala and give it to this bot. He should be able to lead the rest of the workers with little effort and an iron fist! It does mean that Daniel is left with an artificial amygdala, but… oh well. That shouldn’t cause too many problems. He’ll be happier without it. The artificial one is very well regulated, after all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds great, Lauren.” Kevin agreed, although he wondered what the point of keeping the other Daniel around was if there was a newer, better, more perfect robotic model of him. He was already more robot than man and now they had a second one. They had one that could do everything Daniel could do more efficiently. Why didn’t they make a robot Kevin too? If they gave it Kevin’s brain, would he be able to feel what the robot felt? How would that work with the Daniels having part of his brain? How big was an amygdala? All of these questions meant nothing but they intrigued Kevin. Still, it didn’t make sense that he was coming to their movie night. It was his and Lauren’s to have! Why would she invite someone else? “I would have thought he would want to celebrate with friends.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are his friends, Kevin. You’ve been friends with Daniel for a long time, remember? Even before Strex, if I remember right. Then he helped you in training.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words took a moment but then Kevin shook his head, getting a small shock as he denied the fact. He tried again to remember his relationship with Daniel but nothing came to mind. He could normally remember things like that fine. He remembered Vanessa fine… right? He remembered her… but he couldn’t recall anything they did together. He could remember her death but everything else was difficult to think of. Was it the same with Daniel? Why was it suddenly like this? He remembered remembering her! Didn’t he...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You two were so close before we came into town, Kevin. I would have thought you would be happy for him.” Lauren had continued, putting his drink in his hands and straightening his hair out as much as she possibly could, “I thought you’d at least remember being friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t refuse again, not wanting the shock, but the thought itself was enough to trigger it. He didn’t mind them too much anymore, but it still hurt. It still gave him a moment of horrible clarity that he hated. The second when it went off, it always seemed like his life flashed before his eyes, or at least relevant parts. Daniel talked to him when he was more human. Daniel during training. He’d forget it again as soon as the electricity was gone, but the feeling was still there. Daniel made him feel small. Daniel scared him far more than Lauren. It was part of his imperfect self and deserved to die. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin played with his mug, focusing hard on remembering why. It was torture not knowing why. Why had he forgotten the man so much? Why was his heart pounding and his legs telling him to run? Lauren wasn’t helping, continuing to talk about what was different about him with that artificial part. Doesn’t feel fear or sadness, lucky! Oh, but it increases his aggression, so was he not aggressive before? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>************S**************</p><p>
  <span>Then she said something that passed over Kevin and made his whole body tense. He remembered Daniel’s voice. His breath on the back of his neck. Hands on the tentacles that used to come from his back. The two Daniel’s he’d seen on Sandstorm Day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren had moved quickly when she heard the doorbell and Kevin enjoyed the alone time, trying to relax while he had time to. It was short but sweet and gave him time to drink at least a small amount of his drink. The house wasn’t large enough that it took long to get to the door, but was large enough to give him some breathing room before hearing those horrid words. A male voice saying them. A shock before they did their job.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There it was, the falling again. He was used to it now but it still felt odd being so disconnected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s eyes fluttered open. He was laying on Daniel’s chest with the man’s hand in his hair. It felt nice. It felt comforting. Despite the way Daniel always treated him, Kevin felt safe for the time he spent there. He remembered, looking at him, how Daniel would put things in his reports to upset him. How Daniel would tell him off for small mistakes. How Daniel called him sweet names when he did things well. His body and mind ached but he was safe for now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had no idea what was going on in the movie or even what movie itself was. Lauren had fallen asleep in the chair next to the sofa. She actually looked cute when she was sleeping, much to Kevin’s surprise. Her face was soft and she didn’t snore. Being with the two just felt right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What time is it?” He asked softly, rubbing his eye and stretching. He had wanted to stay lying, pretending he was sleeping still, but his need for the bathroom had outweighed his need for comfort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eleven.” Daniel hummed in response, watching Kevin leave the room. He had left before Kevin had returned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The morning came sooner than Kevin wanted, having watched the same movie several times over but still not sure about what the actual plot was. It was something about murder, which was great. The story was vaguely familiar and the twist had been a twist every time he watched. He kept forgetting it was on a train. The only way he knew it was morning was Lauren moving to sort herself out and get ready for work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daniel left earlier.” He told her as she set a coffee in front of him, “I don’t think he liked the movie. It wasn’t even finished.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a shock, another one of those unexplained ones. At least, he wanted to tell himself it was unexpected. He was disappointed in himself, though he knew he shouldn’t be, and he wasn’t sure which of the two emotions had really triggered it. It made Lauren’s hand under his chin feel like a small tingling as she turned his head to face her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did good, Kevin. Don’t worry about that. I need you focused for work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You left early.” Kevin was now humming, sitting on Daniel's chair as the man entered the office. Kevin was always early and since Strex took over Daniel was always late. Kevin was playing with a stress ball that had been sat on Daniel’s desk, “I thought you’d stay longer. Lauren says you enjoyed it. That you laughed a lot. I like making you laugh, Daniel.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daniel looked at him and then looked over the papers that were sitting on his desk. They were files about his robot copy and Daniel could tell exactly why Kevin was here. It had been the one thing on Kevin’s mind since Lauren had started trusting him again. Daniel still didn’t trust him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Next time.” Daniel responded bluntly, using one hand to gather the papers and the other to take the stress ball away from Kevin, “Was there something in particular you wanted, instead of wasting precious work time? Your broadcast is soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************E**************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We never just chat anymore, Daniel.” Kevin hummed as he spun in Daniel's office chair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You set very strict boundaries, Kevin. What do you want?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin huffed, sitting back in the chair and watching Daniel sorting the papers again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************S**************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You broke those, so I wouldn’t worry too much. I want to go to Night Vale with your bot.” Kevin stood, putting a hand on the back of Daniel’s head, trying hard to widen his smile even further than his already aching lips, “I need to go to Night Vale. So, help your </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span> out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did that a long time ago. I know your memory is fried but we are no-...” Daniel couldn’t finish his sentence, his face against the desk and Kevin putting all of his weight on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha! Ha! It looks like you don’t set it off. How odd… maybe because your bot is replacing you. That would be such a shame, Daniel. If they just let me do whatever<em> I</em> want with <em>you</em>. You’d be my… what’s the word? Equal?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***********E***************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a silence between them as Kevin leant on the desk, taking some pressure off of Daniel’s head but not allowing him to lift his head again. Daniel had to stare at him, had to think about the best reply so as not to incur further punishment from the radio host. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not in control of that.” He said, wincing as Kevin squeezed at a seam in the back metal plate of his head, “I can talk to Damien and Lauren. I can’t promise anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin hummed an appreciative hum but didn’t let go of the man’s head, instead pulling it up and hitting it against the table again. He was interested in whether Daniel still bruised. He certainly had blood. So much blood. Blood to spare, in fact. There was no reason he wouldn’t bruise but Kevin wanted to see for himself. To experiment for himself. No swelling yet, so he did it again and again until Daniel yelped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep! Go to sleep!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s hand slipped off of Daniel’s head and he took a much more relaxed posture on Daniel’s desk and the other man stood and composed himself. Kevin’s eyes simply followed him, hands propping himself up against the desk as his legs crossed over one another. He didn’t flinch when Daniel took his chin in one hand, their faces far closer than before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are not friends.” Daniel hissed, his red irises narrowing as he glared, “You are my subordinate and you will act like it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha! Ha!” Kevin laughed, letting Daniel do as he pleased, “I don’t understand your joke, at all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He squeezed Kevin’s cheeks now, fingers and thumb dipping painfully into Kevin’s scars. Kevin didn’t react, just staring at Daniel. It was hard to stay mad with the radio host when Daniel knew that he had complete control over him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go do your broadcast.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Sir.” Kevin purred, slipping off the desk and going to the door, turning back before he left to grin at Daniel, “Do you want me to forget this or remember it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Forget.” Daniel huffed, shooing him out of the room and closing the door with a slam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is Frank on your wall, Kevin.” Lauren’s voice wasn’t dismissive or annoyed as she spoke behind him, just watching Kevin deciding whether the guts were lop-sided before he moved onto finding a place for the other organs he’d torn from the man. At least one should go outside of his studio, he thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>************S**************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daniel is such a gossip, isn’t he?” Kevin replied, tugging at one side to straighten them before pulling out Frank’s liver and looking around. It was always the hardest organ to find a place for, just a lump of tissues and blood, “I think that’s the fastest I’ve killed someone. He could barely manage the </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘to’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************E*************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren gave a disapproving hum but Kevin could tell it wasn’t towards him. She loved efficiency and she loved seeing Kevin enjoying his own efficiency. She loved seeing him happily rubbing blood over his face. Her eyes followed him as he discarded the liver under his desk and moved on to cracking the ribs to expose the tar-stained lungs and fatty heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gross.” Kevin sighed, sinking in disappointment as he poked at the organs. They were normally his favourites to decorate with, after the intestines, “I thought I was the only smoker here…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He gave you smokes, Kevin… often.” Lauren reminded him, moving to help Kevin by pulling the pack of cigarettes from Frank’s pocket, “I text Daniel and told him not to tell anyone else. Frank was a good accountant and we can’t afford another one. We’re going to need to make a robot version.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re keeping his brain?” Kevin whined, letting Frank's body drop to the floor as he accepted the cigarettes from Lauren and put one in his mouth, gesturing for her to follow him outside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got several scared looks on the way out. A strand of his hair kept falling in his face, so he slicked it back with blood as he pressed his back to the wall and let Lauren spark his cigarette. He enjoyed the first few drags as he calmed himself, his free hand feeling for a new scar on his head, finding several that he didn’t remember having before. One was too big. One was too small, surely. One he remembered from when they took the top of his skull off. That one always made him feel good to feel, remembering the odd sensation when it was gone and the pain of them fusing it back on with metal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Lauren asked, taking her own cigarette and blowing smoke in his face. It made him shiver in such a pleasant way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The collar isn’t doing the sleeping thing, Lauren.” He stated, beaming at her with his widest possible smile as she watched his lips, “What did you do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The microchip? It will help you to keep your memories where they should be, which will make you more productive and cost efficient without those nasty side effects you had before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What nasty side effects?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Welcome to (the) Night Vale (project)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Short version -</p><p>Kevin gets to talk to Cecil once again and Lauren isn't happy about it.</p><p>Longer version -</p><p>- Lauren has started buying businesses in Night Vale.<br/>- Lauren has taken Kevin's collar off (and almost killed him again). (Microchip is still there)<br/>- Kevin talks to Cecil and is furious about hearing Night Vale wins but enjoys making Cecil panic.<br/>- Kevin wants to choke Cecil.<br/>- Lauren is not happy that Kevin waited until Cecil had threatened him to call her in.<br/>- Damien calls Kevin to his office but Kevin doesn't listen to him, instead asking about going to Night Vale.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;**********Warnings*********&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;</p><p>Hi there! This is a warning for chapter; 12 and 13. These are not as bad as 10 and 11 and it is mostly just suggestion.</p><p>This chapter has some ''dub''-con in it (By that, what I mean is both characters are consenting but their motives for such are to obtain something. I know that's not the meaning that most people use it for, but I don't like what most people use it for. Both are fully aware of everything).</p><p>It's not explicit and will be marked around the parts with **************************. In this chapter it is a single line but I will also put this around a couple parts that link in with last chapter, even though it isn't the same as the last chapters. In this chapter it is me being very careful more than anything but next chapter is more obvious.</p><p>The longer version of the summary tells you all of the plot points other than that, so if you don't want to read the chapter but do want to know the story, please read that instead.</p><p>Stay safe. Be aware of yourself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lauren started to buy businesses in Night Vale. Kevin sat at his desk and reported the artificial joys of StrexCorp and the life of the town. Lauren didn’t fill his medicine any more. She didn’t need to. He kept to the script. He did as told. He smiled and smiled and smiled. It had been at least a year now, surely. He never kept track of time. It was hard to keep track of time when you weren’t sure it existed at all. It was hard to keep track of time when your memories were being compartmentalised and you weren’t sure whether the breakfast you remembered for the day was from today or yesterday or the day before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren took the collar off, nearly at the expense of Kevin’s life, a few weeks later when it stopped being needed. Kevin had seemed reluctant at the idea but did nothing to stop her. She was pleased that she didn’t need to use his trigger phrase either. It had only been ten minutes he would need to make up for, as Lauren had helped him back into his chair as soon as he had come back to and demanded he carry on working while Dr Reed checked on his heart rate and vitals.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p>
  <span> It didn’t shock him nearly as much as it used to, at least he didn’t think it did. Kevin remained his freshly programmed self while the Night Vale take over went ahead. They spent their nights watching the movies that Lauren wanted to watch. Kevin would be given the choice and would joyously give it to Lauren. Holding each other. Kevin doing as he was told, when he was told, with whom he was told. Usually just Lauen but there were guests. He never remembered the guests.</span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had all but forgotten that he would soon hear Cecil, whether in person or on the radio as Lauren had predicted. He had stopped talking to Vanessa. He had stopped caring so much about blood. He just worked. He didn’t need anything else. He could rip a person up and feel nothing and that was just fine. This was what StrexCorp was. This was what he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now, Listeners, I take you to the weather.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t move, simply letting the broadcast take itself over. He had nothing more to do. His work was done and he could just sit and wait to need to continue his job. He was efficient and hated sitting still like this but all his work was done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think he can hear me anymore.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything suddenly came flooding back and he felt his chest tighten in fear and anger and bloodlust but he kept his emotions inside. He had worked too hard to push them away, to get out of that godforsaken collar, to have it all come back just because that horrible voice was mocking him again. He pretended he didn’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> who Cecil meant. He pretended that Cecil hadn’t just told him, in Cecil’s timeline, that he would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>Happier. Than. Ever. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>win.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That Cecil didn’t just doom him and the love of his life to whatever this was that StrexCorp called ‘living’. To whatever this hell was that he called ‘home’.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath as he spoke. He tried to keep everything level. He tried his hardest to continue not to feel. To just smile. To let his StrexCorp training do the talking. He wanted to make Cecil comfortable. He wanted to tell himself to ‘go to sleep’. He wanted the information Lauren needed. Then Cecil asked that awful question. It wasn’t Cecil’s voice he heard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you remember?” Reed’s voice came in his head. That’s not what Cecil said but that’s what he heard Cecil say. That’s what he heard for the thousandth time. He couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t! He was angry! Strex didn’t want these negative emotions but here they were, whether they wanted them or not!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let Cecil know what happened, censored for Desert Bluffs’ sake in case the weather finished earlier than intended, but exactly how it happened. Cecil could hear what he had condoned. Exactly how Cecil saw him. How Cecil saw it! Cecil wanted this to happen to him! Cecil had told him that he would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much happier</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That he would win </span>
  <em>
    <span>so incredibly happy.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That community radio would win </span>
  <em>
    <span>so deliriously happy. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cecil had known exactly what that happiness was and what it meant! This Cecil from the future had </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved </span>
  </em>
  <span>hearing that excitement in Kevin’s voice. The need for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> ending. Yet here he was, in Cecil’s happy ending, talking to Cecil about how much </span>
  <em>
    <span>happier </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Cecil’s reply. Cecil </span>
  <em>
    <span>won!?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cecil and Night Vale didn’t fall to Strex? Cecil wanted Night Vale to fall, didn’t he? Or was this just some sick joke? A sick joke on Kevin… On Vanessa… On Desert Bluffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin shook with anger, holding back a laugh. He enjoyed hearing Cecil so scared by his threat to simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>write it down</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His threat to </span>
  <em>
    <span>take a note </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the rebellion. Like he hadn’t remembered all these years. Like he hadn’t expected Night Vale’s response, so close to his own town’s. He couldn’t help but laugh. He had put together the same effort. The same hopes. Why did Cecil get to win? Why was Cecil so much better than him? So much more perfect?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Time is so weird </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t it?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Kevin told him, scooting backwards and opening his studio door as he listened to Cecil panic about his new situation. His old situation. He might not be able to take back what happened to Desert Bluffs’ but he could give Cecil the </span>
  <em>
    <span>happiness </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Cecil had given him. Show Cecil the power of the Smiling God. The power of Strex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, Lauren, I’ve just heard some interesting ideas about the future on the radio!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked over to him. He was waving at her to come over to him and she understood what had happened immediately, dropping the paperwork she was going through and gesturing at one of the other workers to clear it up. Kevin had never seen her move so fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil? Is he still there?” She asked quietly, closing the door and pushing Kevin back to his desk, her hand on his chest in a way it had been so many times, “Are you on the weather?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, the weather report is still going.” Kevin assured her, “Cecil tells me that Night Vale will have a secret revolution against Stre- OW!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rubbed the side of his face where Lauren had slapped him, staring up at her with a bright smile. The noise was more from surprise than pain, although his face did sting slightly. He had certainly had worse, although he couldn’t remember who had slapped him harder than that. He didn’t think he deserved a slap, anyway, when he had just given her such good news.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, I forgot how delightful you are to have around the studio.” He started, sitting back up again and watching her as she moved over to his equipment. She didn’t know how to use his equipment, as far as he knew but he wasn’t about to offer help, especially as she had forced him to watch </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘friendship is magic’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>the night before despite being told several times that he wanted to watch </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Blood and Black Lace’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>which he’d been recommended by Daisy before she had walked out on him, “Look, send Daniel. He’ll be good for them and then you and I can go and take them over ourselves.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why you?” Lauren all but spat, looking at the dials on some of his equipment. Kevin could feel the hatred in her voice and shuddered. If she didn’t want him around, he understood, but seeing her concentrating so much on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cecil</span>
  </em>
  <span>. On </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect, happy Cecil</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He could barely stand it.  “You’re nothing to this company except a pretty voice to whisper our messages to the sheep. You’re a propaganda bot, that’s all, and you can’t even perform that function most of the time! Just a piece of scrap metal holding a toy together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Such an... interesting… description of my job. You seem stressed. Are you stressed?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were meant to call me in straight away, Kevin. What did you say to him?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, I should go with you as a prophet of the Smiling God. Of course they’ll listen to one of his chosen ones.” Kevin told her, ignoring her other question entirely. This wasn’t about calling her in, she had wanted to talk to Cecil. She wanted Cecil to be her new toy and he knew it. He’d been so good and so compliant and now she just wanted to throw him to the side! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did everything she wanted, even things that disgusted him. Even things he hated doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to stay calm now, had to be good, “With your business expertises and my relationship with the Smiling God, we can lead our amazing company into the future.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t your company, Kevin.” She hissed, grabbing a different set of headphones and listening to what had been said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin would have spoken but she wouldn’t have heard and also speaking to her was a bit of a chore. It alway had been but now more so than ever. It was either ‘Kevin do this’ or ‘Kevin I don’t think you’re worth this company’s time’, it hurt! Well, not anymore it didn’t, it was just a dull reminder of his personality, but it used to hurt! Kevin was so nice to her and she just spat it back in his face! Kevin did everything she wanted. Kevin held her at night and read her words to the community during the day. Well, he got the last laugh. She still couldn’t control herself as well as he could and surely when Night Vale fell, Kevin could convince the boss to </span>
  <em>
    <span>exchange</span>
  </em>
  <span> their positions. Diego would stand by him. If nothing else, he and Diego could easily take over the company!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t met with the boss yet, that he knew at least. He often forgot these things. He had met him in the sense that he knew who he was and had remembered interacting with him, but that was the extent of their relationship in Kevin’s eyes. That was held for later that week, before they went to Night Vale. It was just Lauren in that meeting at the moment but Kevin was confident that she would allow him to join and allow him to go to Night Vale with her now that he publicly announced to Night Vale that he would. She’d just heard that part. He could tell by the curse words coming from her mouth. He normally associated such profanity with other activities when it came from Lauren, but he had apparently angered her enough to warrant them in this situation too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fidgeted in his seat as he listened to her, keeping an eye on how long the weather report had left. There wasn’t long left and although he would love to humiliate her on air by letting the city hear her dirty mouth, or better, it would not bode well for getting her boss, her father, to let him go to Night Vale. Especially with what she had taken to calling Kevin, much to his distaste. He sometimes wondered if her father knew that particular… quirk… of hers. What he thought of it. Did her father call her <em>'Princess' </em>too?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stood behind her and put one hand on the small of her back and took the headphones off her, putting them to the side as he whispered in case the weather ended sooner than expected. He wasn’t expecting the small blush on her face but very much appreciated it. He felt somewhat dominant over her in this position. He thought that maybe she felt it too. He wondered if she enjoyed that position, feeling dominated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, you need to go now.” He whispered, coaxing her out of the door, “So lovely to have you in the studio.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned to talk to him but his door closed before she could say anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin finished the report with little issue outside of the fury he felt everytime he thought of Cecil and his stupid voice and dumb face. That stupid, perfect voice. The distraction of Lauren being just outside the door was making it far worse than it would otherwise be. He went between bloodlust and just general lust, thinking about her blood. Cecil’s blood. Her and Cecil laughing at him together. Plotting against him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.” He ended, taking his headphones off quickly and turning to face her with his widest smile. He opened the door and as expected, Lauren was standing directly outside with her eyes on him. She had a way of knowing exactly where he was in a room, “Can I help you, Miss Mallard?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p>
  <span>Lauren was glaring down at him with obvious venom. She didn’t even react to him calling her </span>
  <em>
    <span>Miss </span>
  </em>
  <span>instead of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ms. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She went by Ms in the office. Kevin knew he wasn't meant to use <em>Miss </em>in public. Kevin only internally acknowledged it, tilting his head as if to ask what he’d done wrong. </span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damien wants to see you </span>
  <em>
    <span>now.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lauren growled, her arm raising to point down the hall, “My office. Put a tie and jacket on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she stormed away, Kevin sighed with his smile still plastered to his face. He pulled a tie from the draw and tied it around his neck, then tucked in his shirt and threw his black jacket around his shoulders. His feet dragged as he otherwise put on his normal happy persona and gave each of the employees on the way blessings. He told them what the Smiling God had told him about them. Some of them were shocked because of the personal details that his message contained, but he had gotten used to that at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he got to Lauren’s door, he quickly ran his fingers through his curls to make sure he looked as presentable as possible before he stepped into the room. It wasn’t like his hair would ever be ‘neat’ like Daniel’s, but he could at least look like he put some effort into his appearance. It was too dry to push back like Diego’s perfect hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was all but begging, although Kevin couldn’t really tell what she was begging for at all. He didn’t get involved, instead leaning against the wall next to the door and looking out of the window, daydreaming about Cecil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil’s neck, specifically. Cecil hadn’t really choked him hard on Sandstorm day and Kevin fantasized about teaching him some proper technique. Letting him pass out but not die. The thought made part of him feel ashamed. He made a mental note to remember that side while drinking tonight. It was part of his imperfect self and needed to die. He wondered what Lauren would have in for him to drink tonight. Probably spirits. It was often spirits. It was better when it was spirits, he had to drink less to get the same desired results.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was snapped out of his fantasies by a hand on his face, squashing his cheeks together, a finger dipping into the scars. The man was obviously annoyed but not angry. He was calm and collected, except for his hand on Kevin’s face and the closeness to Kevin’s face. He couldn’t have been more than a few inches away. Kevin could feel their breaths mixing in the air, Damien’s yellowing smile contrasting Kevin’s well kept dentures. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I asked you a question,” Damien said. His voice was like coal and oil mixed with gold. His whole demeanor was, even when misinterpreting Kevin’s whimper as fear, rather than the delight that was making the man tense. He almost felt pleasant knots in his stomach at the way his face was being pulled up and apart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had slicked back, salt and pepper hair and a strong jawline. His eyes were piercingly brown and complimented his skin perfectly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t listening.” Kevin smiled joyously and then realising that a lie might have helped the situation more than honesty, “The Smiling God was talking to me and he’s more important th-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was cut off as the man threw him to the floor, looking down at him with serious eyes. He didn’t step on him or kick him like Lauren would. Lauren was simply watching the two of them, her arms folded. Kevin had decided it would have been nicer if he had stepped on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing is more important in this company than what I am saying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin disagreed, but stood careful and brushed himself off, not replying to such blasphemy. The Smiling God was the most important to all, not just Strex. He would give himself wholly to them in a second, but Strex had needed longer than that, hadn’t they. Yet here was a man, claiming to be more important. His smile didn’t falter for a second. If it had, he would lose his chance to get his ticket to Night Vale. That was what this meeting was about, right? Night Vale. It didn’t matter if it was about his place there or his broadcast, it was about Night Vale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was there a reason you wanted to see me, other than to send me off to Night Vale?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damien laughed a single laugh. It was pale and humorless. It said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘you have the audacity to ignore me and then ask for something from me?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> without him having to say a word. He looked towards Lauren and made a sign for her to leave the room. He only continued once they had heard the click of the door closing behind her. He took his seat, leaning back with his eyes fixed on Kevin the entire time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You might be able to convince me to let you go to Night Vale.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Oil and Gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Short version -</p><p>Damien offers Kevin a chance to go to Night Vale but Lauren is not happy about it.</p><p>Longer version -</p><p>- Damien offers Kevin the chance to be the voice of both towns<br/>- Kevin finds out Damien has a wife, although he is not surprised by this<br/>- Damien upsets Vanessa (and Kevin gets upset by Vanessa) <br/>- Kevin loses a lot of time and sits in his studio for days<br/>- Lauren is not happy about Kevin going with her to Night Vale<br/>- Lauren tranqs Kevin and sends him back to training to try and stop him going to Night Vale<br/>- Damien comes back from Red Mesa to get Kevin out of training<br/>- Damien tells Kevin that if he ends up in training again, he won't leave<br/>- Damien tells Kevin that he won't come back for Kevin again</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;**********Warnings*********&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;</p><p>Hi there! This is a warning for chapter; 12 and 13. These are not as bad as 10 and 11 and it is mostly just suggestion.</p><p>The last chapter with a warning on for a while, but please be aware and look after yourself!</p><p>This chapter has some ''dub''-con in it (By that, what I mean is both characters are consenting but their motives for such are to obtain something. I know that's not the meaning that most people use it for, but I don't like what most people use it for. Both are fully aware of everything). </p><p>It's not explicit and will be marked around the parts with **************************. In this chapter it is just a continuation of what happened last chapter and talking about 10/11. </p><p>The longer version of the summary tells you all of the plot points other than that, so if you don't want to read the chapter but do want to know the story, please read that instead.</p><p>Stay safe. Be aware of yourself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You make a convincing argument.” Damien sighed, flicking two cigarettes out of their box and offering one to Kevin. He took one happily and the two made their way towards the smoking area. They were walking slowly and it made Kevin feel powerful to have a powerful man walking besides him like an equal. He didn’t get the usual stares as no one looked up while Damien was there. His back was straight and he stood tall with his own delusions of grandeur. They didn’t continue the conversation until they were outside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll make a good station manager one day, Kevin.” Damien said, lighting Kevin’s smoke before his own, “You’re a rebel. I</span>
  <em>
    <span> like</span>
  </em>
  <span> that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t flinch as Damien poked at his scars. He also wasn’t particularly impressed by the gesture. He knew exactly what it meant and the way his words had contradicted his previous actions towards the man. He remembered Damien vaguely, but when he poked his scar Kevin could feel a sharp pain in his legs. In his arms. He was almost sure the man had caused at least some of his scars himself, even if he didn’t know how or why.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span> The how and why didn’t matter to him, he would take as many scars and as much punishment as needed to get where he wanted. He didn’t need to be a station manager, he just needed Cecil.</span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just a happy-go-lucky guy.” Kevin told him, blowing colourless gas up into the air. He held it so long nowadays. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said that on your show too. I think that that is exactly what we need in Night Vale.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” He smiled, tilting his head as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Tell Lauren that’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It seemed that it worked as the other man simply nodded and leant next to Kevin against the wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stayed silent until it was time to stub their cigarettes. As Damien was about to throw his on the floor he noticed Kevin put his own out on his own hand and then offered his hand to Damien. The man didn’t argue, stubbing it into Kevin’s palm and then letting Kevin throw both into the bin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that your ‘thing’ or are you trying to impress me? Your tongue would have been more impressive, don’t think I didn’t notice that burn. I would have enjoyed that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who said it couldn’t be both? I really want a promotion. As for my tongue, I can’t remember how that happened. It wasn't nessercerily a cigarette.” Kevin told him, brushing his hand of the ash and then going to go back inside. He wasn’t sure he wanted to spend much more time with Damien, even the powerful feeling the other gave him wasn’t enough to stop him feeling awkward about his relationship with Lauren and the way the man was treating him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's a cigarette burn, I have no doubt about it." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a little like the man was waiting for an opportunity to question why exactly he was with his daughter, and honestly Kevin’s first reaction would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I don’t know, tell me.’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wasn’t sure that Damien would appreciate that, or details of Lauren’s preferences. Kevin wasn’t sure where his mouth would take him and he didn’t want to risk losing the progress he’d made.</span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I send you to Night Vale to be the Voice of both cities?” Damien offered, following him in the same posture as Kevin himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was sure the offer was, at least partially, what was on the table before and certainly didn’t consider it a promotion but any offer was an offer. He would get to go to Night Vale. He would get to see Cecil. He would get to show Cecil just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was since Strex took over. He would get to give Cecil the satisfaction of feeling that </span>
  <em>
    <span>happiness</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Cecil so obviously wanted! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, these thoughts were tainted by it hanging over his head that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cecil would win</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sure, Cecil had lied to him and given him the hope that had led him to make the worst mistake of his life, believing he could physically stop Strex, but Cecil’s voice hadn’t been terrified. It hadn’t been the awful joyous voice that he now held. It hadn’t even been defiant. Cecil’s voice was as level as when they had first spoken, all those years back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds fantastic.” Kevin replied, looking up at him, “By the way, how long are you in town?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damien’s eyebrow raised, grinning and putting his hands in his pockets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I only got here yesterday, so will leave tomorrow, if you and Lauren are sorted.” He responded, lacking any emotions in it, “Then it’s back to my wife and Diego in Red Mesa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin felt his heart sink and raised a hand to his mouth but kept smiling all the same. He hoped a little to play it off as a surprise rather than the regret it actually was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a wife?” Kevin repeated, fighting himself and forcing his hand back down to his side, “I suppose, I should have guessed. She must be upset that you’re… here…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damien laughed that dry laugh again, shaking his head and putting a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll understand when you have a woman.” He told him before starting back towards Lauren’s office. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Kevin snapped through his smile, almost immediately regretting his tone. It wasn’t actually that different than his normal tone and may have actually come off more passive aggressive than as snapping. He, of course, was talking about Damien’s daughter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy had risked re-education to get herself reassigned to a different partner. Lauren would have probably been furious to hear him refer to her as his girlfriend, but he honestly did not care.</span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damien turned back, pointing to an empty spot behind Kevin, “Oh, does she know? Nice to see you again, by the way, Vanny. Kevin apparently has a girlfriend.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s blood ran cold. He froze, not wanting to turn around. He just watched Damien continue on down the hall and turn into Lauren’s office. Slowly, he turned his head, taking sharp, shallow breaths. Vanessa had her arms crossed behind him, an eyebrow raised and was shaking her head. Her double was also shaking her head at him. They hadn’t spoken to him in so long, how could they blame him for his situation? They were dead! That wasn’t fair! He deserved to move on, especially when it was out of his control!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t…” Kevin started, gesturing after Damien and then back at himself, “I have to go to Night Vale, Vanessa. I… no, you’re the one who hasn’t been around! You can’t blame me! I needed comfort, ok! I needed something! Something real! … at least something human…” </span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t reply, turning and walking away from him. Kevin felt tears burning his eyes and smiled wider to try to rid himself of them but to no luck. They dripped down his cheek and onto his shirt. He quickly wiped them away and grit his teeth, reaching for her ring and then remembering that it was no longer on his finger and instead on Lauren’s. He had worked so hard to get rid of his feelings and now one small broadcast had destroyed him again!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a moment to compose himself but he managed to straighten up and return to his studio, sitting and resuming his work on his laptop. It didn’t take him long to put everything in order. He sent Daniel, the more robot one, out to Night Vale, did his analysis, did his spreadsheets. It seemed so easy and so mundane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thoughts turned to what had happened today. Were days blending into each other again? It seemed like so much had happened in such a short time. He put his hands to his head and laughed. When had today even started?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You disgusting asshole.” A voice came from behind him and Kevin spun around, tilting his head to the woman who was sitting in an office chair behind him. There was no way that she had got that into the room while he was in here without him noticing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How… long have you been here?” Kevin asked carefully, shuffling and readjusting his tie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re coming to Night Vale with me.” Lauren stated, although there was no way that she could know that yet unless he had really just missed her coming in. She did have a habit of sneaking up on him. He had a habit of zoning out. Had he been put to sleep? He couldn’t tell. He could never tell when he came back to, his body always ached so that was no way of telling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren, on the other hand, was fully aware of the days Kevin had spent sitting behind his computer working. His broadcasts had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> natural and </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> well trained for her usual Kevin. She had come in a few hours earlier and he hadn’t even reacted, babbling propaganda to himself as he worked. She had known since her father left again exactly how Kevin had got put on the Night Vale project. He was stealing her limelight, not coming to her movie night, and was seemingly completely out of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************</p><p>
  <span>She scoffed, shaking her head and throwing her hands up. Kevin wasn’t exactly sure what this gesture was meant to accomplish other than making him want to throw her out of his studio once again. He had hoped that she would be happy. No, he knew she wouldn’t be happy, he had hoped that she wouldn’t be angry. He had hoped she had wanted him, in one way or another, enough to be relieved. He had hoped that he meant something to her more than just her ‘propaganda bot’. More than just a toy.</span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this! Night Vale is my project, Kevin! It’s my big break!” Lauren yelled, saved from judgement by the sound proof walls. Not from his judgement, though. He stared at her, keeping his expression the same as it always was, “Aren’t you even ashamed?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not in the least bit. I’m not interested in Night Vale, I just want Cecil.” He clarified, one hand raising as if gesturing to something that wasn’t there, “I want him to feel just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> we are here at Strex. Just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> you make us here. I want him to bask in the glory of the Smiling God and open his heart and mind to its power!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren’s expression fell, staring at him for a few minutes. Kevin didn’t mind, he could see her processing what he had said. He could see that she was thinking back to the broadcast earlier and how Kevin was often saying that he didn’t feel much anymore. He knew that she would get there eventually and wanted to give her all the time she needed to do so. He’d finished his work. He’d finished all his plans for today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He looked forward to going home with her and drinking and letting her do what she pleased. Hoping she would want more of him taking control like early. The thought made him let out a small, uncontrollable noise.</span>
</p><p>**************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That broadcast that sparked us to take the studio by force…” Lauren started, Kevin nodding his head slowly, “... You were going to do something else but he told you that you would win. He told you that your friends would win. So now you blame him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, you’re so clever.” He hummed, turning back and checking his emails. He knew there wouldn’t be any new emails but he didn’t want to look at her face any more. Equally, he knew that a slap was coming. He hadn’t expected her to continue with one after another after another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin instinctually raised his arms to defend himself, turning and making the onslaught far worse as she was now hitting his face and head over and over. He didn’t bother telling her to stop or that it hurt. The hurt was pleasant, especially after earlier events. She eventually would wear herself down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did and she panted and she grabbed his face in a similar way to how Damien had before. Kevin whimpered in the way he had before. Still smiling. Sickening smiles. When Lauren did it he remembered everything and was completely clear on how disgusting and gut wrenching it was that he had decorated his studio in blood, that he had eaten it on and in foods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he would give anyone affection just to feel loved. How many times he’d give affection. How many times he hadn’t felt loved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> His awful smile. Lauren knew that she did this to him. Lauren knew that this is why he had wanted to cuddle her. Lauren knew this was keeping him here just as much as the fear of a life without Strex’s forceful hands around his neck. She loved knowing that Damien could never do that to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been holding my face for a while, Lauren.” Kevin eventually said, raising his hand to push a strand of her hair behind her ear, “Did you want me to do something or are you just enjoying this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She seemed to consider what he said and then laughed. They had that in common. Their unhumourous laugh. Then she snapped two of his stitches. It required a great amount of force and pulled and ripped his skin as she did. Then she did it with the next ones up. She continued the whole way up either side of his smile and Kevin did nothing to stop her. He loved the taste. He loved the burning feeling. He could be devoured now and he would be happy. That said, he could be devoured at any point and he’d be happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren?” His voice was affected by the way his cheeks refused to meet. She pushed her finger along the fissure, breaking any flesh that still clung together. Not much had healed in that way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Smile, Kevin.” She hummed, pulling his face as far as his flesh would allow. Tears poured from his eyes and he gasped, crossing his legs and putting his hands on hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, please stop. I am smiling.” He breathed, trying to pull her hands away. She wasn’t normally this… </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It made Kevin feel unstable. He didn’t like feeling unstable. She normally made him feel grounded. This wasn’t Lauren. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hands dropped and she kissed his head, where his third eye used to be. She wrapped her arms around him and Kevin hummed, resting his head on her shoulder as she pulled herself close again. Then he felt a familiar prick in his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You horrendous snake.” He laughed, shaking his head and reaching up to take the, now empty syringe, “I’m still going with you. This isn’t…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were two of her now. She was talking but he had no idea what she was saying. This was the best position to be in when talking to Lauren, in fairness. It came into focus and out. He thought she might be telling him to sleep. So he did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s body slumped into hers and Lauren smiled, propping him back into his chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should have got your stitches done first.” She sighed in disappointment before calling Reed to come and fix him up. She would be a while, getting across Desert Bluffs from the training facility. Lauren sat on Kevin’s desk, lighting a smoke as she waited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Samantha Reed’s face was the first thing Kevin saw when he woke up. She was saying something… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no, no!” Kevin suddenly scrambled, pulling at the sharpened restraints and looking around the room, “I’m fine! I was smiling! I was working! You can’t do this!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not productive talk, Kev.” Doctor Reed smiled, leaning forward and tapping his knee with her pen, “What’s your favourite memory, Kev? Let’s start with that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes darted around the room. The Vanessas stood against the far wall and Alex stood next to them. He wasn’t sure which of the three were real and which he was creating. He gasped for air that didn’t seem to come and kicked and kicked and kicked even though the blood ran down and into his shoes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the jolt. He shot up and screamed. Every inch of his body hurt. Every inch of his body loved it. Oh! He had missed this. He panted and caught his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Again…” He breathed, trying not to think of when he mocked Lauren with those words. At least it wasn’t Lauren seeing him ask for them in seriousness. At least Lauren was off somewhere, doing something he should be accompanying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your favourite memory, then you can have another.” She promised, wriggling the button between her fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought for a moment and then smiled softly, relaxing back into the chair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa. Just… any memory with her.” He confessed, thinking of the time when they had watched their first horror movie together and he had hidden his face in Vanessa’s chest. Now his life was a horror movie and he had no one to hide him from it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reed made a few notes on her clipboard and then nodded, tapping on her phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your intern.” She clarified, watching Kevin’s eyes. They moved to Vanessa and then Vanessa and then Alex. Alex’s eyes turned away and they put their hand over their mouth to stifle a laugh. Alex could have told Reed a lot of pleasant memories of Vanessa. Alex probably had, as Kevin could barely remember how they had met. All he knew was Alex knew Vanessa and they spoke lovingly about her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My fiance… or she would have been.” Kevin nodded, “She was my everything. Lauren killed her. She doesn’t look at me the same way anymore. I don’t think she likes who I’ve become.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, enjoy your memories of her. We’ll help you let go now, Kevin.” She smiled at him once more before turning to leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was stopped by a tall, dark figure, scowling down at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren made a mistake.” He said, walking calmly over to Kevin and freeing him. Kevin would have thanked him if the man hadn’t pulled him to his feet by the collar of his shirt, “Kevin is mine. I tell you if he needs to come back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin hummed at Damien’s words but said nothing. He didn’t focus on the conversation that ensued, nor did he look at Alex as he kicked one of the desks. Kevin just focused on being dragged around. Damien hadn’t let go of his collar but was gesturing with both hands, pulling Kevin back and forth and upwards. It was dizzying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once that was over, he dragged Kevin out of the room and to the staff break room, throwing him to the floor again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank y-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare get yourself in here again.” Damien said, pointing menacingly at Kevin, “I don’t care if Lauren tranqed you, you’re mine. You’re not hers. Understand?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really.” Kevin beamed, sitting up with his feet together and his hands on his injured ankles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damien wasn’t clear if Kevin was being purposefully obnoxious or if the man truly didn’t know what he had meant. He didn’t want to restate the question and neither did he want to accidently rip Kevin’s stitches by grabbing his face again. Instead he walked slowly over and stepped on one of Kevin’s hands, twisting his foot as he pressed down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin simply smiled up at him, not even seeming to register that he was stepping on him. Damien considered moving his foot but thought better of it, considering what Lauren had told him about Kevin’s disposition for pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, think and then answer.” He said, taking his knife out and putting the tip under Kevin’s chin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin blushed deeply at the feeling and thought of the blade, leaning slightly so that it pressed into him. Not enough to cut but enough to be far more threatening that it might cut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let Lauren hug me? Stay away from her?” Kevin asked, gaining a nod from Damien. He pressed for more and Kevin continued, “If I end up here again, I’ll… never be allowed to leave?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good boy. I will not come back for you again.” Damien nodded again, putting his knife back away and stepping away from him, “Oh and Kevin…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smaller man leant forward, humming. He loved the attention he was getting, even if it was to tell him not to take the attention he wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... You’re pathetic.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Ms Mallard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Night Vale takeover starts when Lauren arrives in town and continues as Kevin arrives.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is a timeskip in the middle, as Lauren's time in Night Vale will likely be in the fic focused on her when I get around to that one. I've not been clear about it skipping through time, but the Lauren part is around 'The Deft Bowman' while the second half is 'Parade Day'. </p><p>I've also skipped out on 'The Debate' because it will be the last chapters of Citrus and Sunshine and there's going to be enough doubled up in a few chapters time anyway.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lauren hummed to herself and she drove, imagining what a horrible small town Night Vale must be and the lovely buildings that she wanted there instead. She needed at least a few Strex affiliated big businesses as soon as possible. She wouldn’t be able to live without her favourite fast food conglomerates. She would also definitely need at least one </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sharper Image</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She drove past a large forest, stopping just short of it and walking around a bit to scope out the location. It would be perfect to tear down and make a Strex training camp. It was just a bunch of ugly trees, after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trees ignored her and hoped that she would assume they were just normal trees and wouldn’t bother them too much. She did assume they were just trees and got back in her car, continuing to the Night Vale Community Radio Station. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil?” She greeted the man who looked remarkably like Kevin. He was on his way into the studio and Lauren took this opportunity to introduce herself. She kept a soft, motherly smile on her face. She didn’t want to scare him away like another certain radio host certainly would have. She didn’t want to scare him away like she had with her other little mistake, “Lauren Mallard. I’m the new management.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil blinked and then smiled back at her, holding his hand out to shake hers. She took it and gave him a firm handshake. His hand was exactly like Kevin’s, minus the scars. She heard his voice and immediately prefered it to Kevin’s. She couldn’t wait until those assets were in her control. She imagined how wonderful it would be when Cecil belonged to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you, Ms Mallard.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you, too. I had a few questions for you, actually, Cecil. Is this a good time?” She asked, walking with him into the studio. Smiling God he looked like Kevin. She just wanted to choke that sweet little neck of his but oh, if she could just hear his voice begging her to stop. No, she had to hold herself back for now. She wanted him to have an easier time of becoming Strex's newest puppet than Kevin had. She wanted him to truly want to be Strex. A figurehead that Kevin could never even aspire to being. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I need to go on in… oh, I’m a little late.” Cecil frowned, feeling bad that his first impression was being late to his own show. It wasn’t good but at the same time, he was fully aware that Strex was not the friendly corporation that she was trying to sell it as, “Time doesn’t work here, you see. Anyway, you could come on during the show, get introduced to the town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? I want to make sure you have control of your show.” She replied, the mention of lateness echoing in her head. Imagining slamming Kevin’s head into the desk relieved her stress. Kevin had been right that his being here would relieve her stress, but for now she would just have to deal with it having to be in fantasy, “If you want me to come on, I’d love to be introduced to this beautiful town and these beautiful people. They’ll be seeing a lot of me around after all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great...” Cecil smiled, giving her a thumbs up and slipping into his studio. As soon as he was behind the door he gave a sigh or relief, getting a glare from Daniel in return. He called into the control booth, knowing that Daniel could hear through the headphones, “Just let me know when!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren took a deep breath as Cecil closed his door, visualising success. Cecil and Kevin looked identical, except for the scars and the eyes. Having two of them would be perfect. Hopefully, Cecil’s third eye wouldn’t be a problem like Kevin’s was. She hoped that Cecil would be a much easier puppet to keep under control. That he could ignore his vision or use it to Strex's benefit. A scarless, perfect version of Kevin. A nicer voice. Nicer eyes. A nicer face. Real teeth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It reminded her of the first time she had met Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had had a similar conversation to the one that she had just had with Cecil, although Kevin had kissed his intern on the way into his studio before he had even noticed Lauren stood there and that had aggravated Lauren to no end. Completely inappropriate. Completely disgusting. She supposed that Cecil’s relationship to that meddling Scientist was equally as inappropriate, but at least it wasn't with a <em>student</em>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had tried to split the two of them then and there, telling Vanessa how she felt about the two of them being together, telling her that she would have to contact the college or that she would need to fire her. Some days she wondered if that was why Kevin had been so defensive. He always acted like it was for his town but she couldn’t understand why anyone would want to protect such an unproductive, unprofitable thing. Such a tiny, uncooperative thing. Such an awful waste of space. She wanted Kevin wrapped around her finger, not the finger of some college student who couldn’t even afford to split a dinner bill. What had he even seen in her? She was plain looking. She dressed like a boy. She had messy hair, even after Lauren had told her to do something about it. No money to her name at all. Lauren had money, power, nice hair, nice dresses. Yet Kevin’s attention stayed on that stupid girl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren took a deep breath and focused on the present. There were certain people that Damien needed her to take care of so that they could successfully take over. There were certain people she wanted to care of, as they were really affecting her bottom line. Carlos was one of those people, so dealing with him wouldn’t be a problem. Cecil would need to assume that Strex wasn't involved and so she would make sure that Cecil didn't think Strex was involved... unless having Strex involved would coerse him to join them. She would need to spend more time with the man to find out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was later on his arrival to Night Vale. He was not only held up by Lauren’s attempt to keep him in re-education but had to deal with several confused biorobots who seemed lost without Damien and Lauren there to tell them what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are programmed to do what you need to do!” He pleaded with them, although he was sure this was intentional sabotage from Lauren. It didn’t make sense as it did not make them money to have nearly the entire workforce having to be told what to do before Kevin could leave. It didn’t just hurt Strex but hurt Lauren herself. They seemed uncharacteristically useless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still he was happy as he drove to Night Vale. He had missed the town and the Vanessas had never seen it before. They had talked about it so many times and Kevin had even had the invitation to bring Vanessa from that lovely woman who was confused about what a face was. The Vanessas were chatting happily about girl’s stuff, like disembowelment and their own gruesome demise, in the back of the car while Kevin drove. He had asked if one of them could drive at one point, make them all laugh at the absurdity. She didn’t have a driver's licence! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stopped only to accept a lovely compliment from some beautiful trees, although the compliment was not an invite to approach, apparently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled into the Night Vale Community Radio Station and had to pause before getting out of the car. He took a deep breath, gripping the steering wheel tight. This is the first time he would see Cecil since the Mayoral Debate. He hadn’t told Lauren about coming to Night Vale at that point as he had found himself in a room full of people and not exactly able to choke Cecil against his stupid little recording desk. Not to mention, Lauren was already on her way to Night Vale at that point and he didn’t know what she had heard for herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s eyes moved to a child outside the window. The child screamed and ran away, dropping their doll. He would have tried to return it but he was fully aware of why the child had screamed and it gave him another sickening hit of his own terrible reality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head fell to the steering wheel, tears dripping from his face and his body trembling. He imagined Cecil coming over to the window of his car, leaning on it and talking to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you so much happier, Kevin?” He mimicked Cecil’s voice, “Strex is an amazing company and I love Lauren Mallard. She’s so nice! I’m so jealous you’ve been able to work with her while I’m stuck here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I look happy, Cecil?” He replied to himself, spitting the words. He was still smiling his sick smile, “Do I look happier? This is all your fucking fault. You… you’re why Vanessa hates me… you’re why Vanessa isn’t here… you act like you don’t even know her! … You’re why Donny died… or… or… Donna. That blood is on your hands, you fucking son of a bitch! How dare you! How dare you take my family from me and then act like you don’t even know!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He drew his hand back and punched his steering wheel several times before taking several deep breaths. </span>
  <span>Kevin shuffled in his glove compartment, taking out a bottle of his medicine. Hopefully it hadn’t expired. He took about five doses worth, not caring about the results. Three in the arm, two in the neck. Those two were difficult but worth it. </span>
  <span>He almost immediately started laughing hard and wiped the tears off of his puffy face. Oh, that was his normal self back. None of this swearing and bad feelings! Happy Kevin, again. Perfectly happy Kevin! </span>
  <span>Kevin shrugged on his jacket and tied his tie, watching his hands move in multiplicity as they did. It felt like he was about to pass out. He was floating so wonderfully. He knew Lauren had brought some with her as well, so he didn’t have to worry about the drop after it wore off. The chair didn’t feel like anything. The ground didn’t touch his feet. His skin wasn’t there any more and his laughs were fading in and out of audible. Maybe five was too many. Was he about to sleep? No… he had to go into the studio.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stepping out of the car, there was a man standing watching him. The man was in business casual and he could only assume he worked at the station. Had he seen him taking his medicine? What would he think? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You alright, man?” The man asked, getting a laugh out of Kevin and then his head caved in against the side of the building, over and over. Nothing! He would think nothing!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The body dropped to the floor and Kevin hummed, wiping the sweat from his forehead and smearing blood in its place. “Sure am, pal!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was less than happy to see Kevin’s head but supposed that they were suspicious enough already. Cecil had started talking in code on the radio and had taken control from Daniel. Of course he had, this was Cecil. Cecil had to make everything so difficult. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give me your smile knife, Lauren.” Kevin hummed joyfully, “I can sort this out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Kevin. We’ll put him in the company picnic. No need to scar him… yet. We’ll have him set up with a collar before long.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her words annoyed him. No need to scar him? He had taken control of the studio! That was enough reason to scar him so why not Cecil? Why was Cecil’s life, Cecil’s disgusting face, so awfully precious to her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really want to scar him.” Lauren continued, walking with Kevin to outside the door, putting a finger up for them to wait. They wanted to send the message at just the right time, “I loved your face before I cut you up. Now you make me feel sick everytime I look at you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s blood boiled, shaking his anger. At her words. At Cecil. At her words about Cecil. He was going to have fun dragging him to the picnic. He was going to enjoy every moment. Pulling Cecil’s hair. Pulling Cecil by the neck. Lauren might not want him to hurt Cecil, but Lauren could go to hell. Oh how he hoped he would have enough sensation back to feel Cecil struggle in his hands. In his fingers. In his teeth.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, we're almost at the end of Act 1. I do need to do some editing over Act 2 but I should be keeping the same schedule for that. I am nowhere near finished writing but Act 2 is almost fully written. </p><p>Citrus and Sunshine is not near the end of an Act, nor have I written the end of Act 1, so that's my focus as well as re-reading It Devours so I've got everything about the Joyous Congregation as spot on as possible for Act 3 (and breif mentions in Act 2). </p><p>The middle fic that I'm planning (which will be called something like 'Special Training') will be when I am very ahead with both of them. With Citrus and Sunshine only having 2 acts, I will probably start it when I'm about halfway through that but I will get ahead before I start posting because if I'm still posting both of these at that point, then I'll be posting almost everyday and that's a lot to do (not impossible, but I want to do my art too).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Anger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren and Kevin take over Night Vale Community Radio until they are interupted by Cecil and the angels.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin sat in Cecil’s chair, Cecil’s words echoing in his ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You win, Kevin. You win, Kevin. You win, Kevin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t get it out of his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You win, Kevin.</span>
  </em>
  <span> His nails pressed into his palm until they drew blood and he smiled wider than he’d ever smiled before. Lauren hadn’t let him watch the video feed, but he imagined the overseers, their batons, Cecil’s face. It filled him with delight. Such sickening delight. He hadn’t even realised when Lauren had started the broadcast. She had been broadcasting while Kevin was sorting other things around the station. Setting up the transmitter to Desert Bluffs. Training the sales team. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah, the sales team. They had been very resistant. They had told them that Night Vale wouldn’t buy into a totalitarian corpocracy. They thought that all Kevin needed was reports on what Night Vale would buy into. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first Shawn had come up to the studio after training and demanded his team get a raise if they were indoctrinating the masses. Kevin politly explained that it was not indoctrination, it was torture. Shawn didn’t like that at all. Lauren hadn’t either. It had made him sad. Now Shawns teeth were on the floor and his head was where Vanessa’s should be! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second Shawn had come asking after the other Shawn and had screamed. He was up the wall and across the desk and had been all over Kevin’s front until Lauren had demanded that he changed. Apparently it was ‘inappropriate’ for a ‘StrexCorp representative’ to be ‘covered’ in their ‘employee’s’ blood. Kevin didn’t see it that way but still went to get changed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the way out, the third Shawn had asked for a cigarette, reminding Kevin that he hadn’t had one in what felt like years. It was less than a day but an addiction is an addiction. He was on the ground outside the studio next to the forth… first… Kevin hadn’t known the other man was Shawn when he had killed him. Today had been so stressful, hadn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The stress was only compounded as he got changed in the back of his car, remembering their own take over. Remembering Cecil. Remembering fighting for the studio. Before the broadcast had started he had even yelled and hit Lauren, although now he could barely remember what he had yelled at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she introduced him, her knife running up and down his neck and shoulders. He knew if he sunk into his unnaturally robotic voice it would be in his brain stem. If he relapsed back to his rebellious self, it would be in his brain stem. It excited him. She didn’t trust him and she had every reason not to. Kevin was already planning to run. Kevin was already planning to find Cecil. To hurt Cecil. One way or another. Even without Strex. He would introduce him to the Smiling God regardless of whether Lauren helped him or not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her knife cut him softly as she told him how happy she was to have him. He let out a small whimper, covering his mouth quickly so she wouldn’t cut him deeper. That would have certainly caused them problems. He still makes noises in response to her, to agree and a small, nervous laugh at her mentioning bringing Kevin to Night Vale, after fighting that change so badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, her knife was at the front of his neck and Lauren was being aggressive. Kevin looked at her, scared and disappointed. She composed herself and Kevin continued although he wanted very much to get her off of the air. He could do this himself and who cared if his voice wasn’t natural sounding! They spent so much money on making him a complaint messenger and now they just wanted him to sound </span>
  <em>
    <span>natural? </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was stupid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the news about Cecil and his friends. It was getting harder and harder to show emotions he didn’t have without having the emotions he didn’t show. He waited for a natural pause and then changed the subject onto the next topic they had to cover. Lauren’s knife had returned to the back of his neck as they started to talk again. He relaxed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren didn’t like him relaxing. Whenever Kevin relaxed, he got sloppy, right? Whenever Kevin relaxed he really showed his emotions. Then he heard that awful name again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I call you Kev?” She asked, knowing the answer full well. He felt the shock through his body even without her taser and laughed mockingly, putting his bloody hand on her free one and digging his nails in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Lauren, by no means.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She retracted and got on with the sponsored message. It got more and more personal to him as she went on and he had to turn away. Then she said ‘Go to sleep’ and he did. Except he didn’t. It felt like a night's sleep. It felt like nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the broadcast continued like nothing had happened. He followed Lauren’s lead and let her have her fun running the knife over his skin again and again. Harder as more bad news rolled in. He kept his happy tone, laughing nervously at Lauren’s descriptions and worse when she finally showed him the feed and the people spasming from the shock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It all came back to him in a flash and then left again, just like the bolts that she had sent through his body more times than he remembered. He felt his restraints and the blood on his arms. It was such a nice memory to have, wasn’t it? He had hoped he was slipping back to truly believing that again. That sweet relief of being his perfect self again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the weather.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Lauren hissed in his ear, twisting his wrist with one hand and cutting just above the bar code on the back of his neck, “You don’t talk to me like that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin only responded by sitting straighter and smiling wider and Lauren gave an accepting nod. This was of course what she wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he continued, moving towards the end of the broadcast. Talking around his feelings for Cecil and the Smiling God. Talking about regrets. Cecil obviously regretted what he had told Kevin now, right. He couldn’t be so heartless that watching his town crumble under Strex’s almighty power that he didn’t regret his actions those years ago. That he didn’t regret bringing this onto his town. That he didn’t regret throwing Kevin to the dogs. That he didn’t regret living. Kevin regretted Cecil living. He regretted it greatly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren had left before he snapped away from his thoughts. She hadn’t left the building, just left the room. Kevin had gone to stand but had not realised that Lauren had strapped him into the restraints in Cecil’s chair. Well, he would just sleep here he supposed. Lauren would have to uncuff him for the broadcast in the morning. Right? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did. She was in such a better mood as well, which couldn’t be said for him. He had been twitching and screaming for what felt like the whole of the night. ‘Delightful’ he had described it when Lauren asked in the morning. He hadn’t been up all night, she still woke him up with a lovely jolt to his neck. She had her taser back, how exciting! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I honestly can not wait to replace you with Cecil.” Lauren told him, pushing her taser back into her handbag and setting it down on the side of the desk, “Rebellious little worms, both of you. At least with Cecil he won’t be as disgusting as you get. We’ll start him on the medicine straight away and the collars.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s stomach turned, laughing nervously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to torture him?” He started, Lauren correcting the word ‘Torture’ for ‘train’, “Thank you… You’re not going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>train</span>
  </em>
  <span> him? That… seems unfair, doesn’t it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On, who?” Lauren asked, looking down her nose at him and huffing, “He has such a nice voice, a voice that is made for radio. That isn’t some high pitched mess. Plus, he doesn’t have a partner to get rid of, that’s already taken care of. He’ll be far easier than you ever were.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled and smiled and smiled and didn’t talk. No. He wouldn’t respond to that. If she wanted to replace him, fine! He wanted to leave! He could survive without Strex! Right…? Right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They rubbed each other the wrong way throughout the start of the broadcast. Lauren wasn’t holding something against him today but just knowing she had that awful taser in her bag was enough to keep him on edge. The first report was about that lovely feeling of the first day of work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin remembered it fondly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had put some Strex-approved flowers in front of Vanessa’s apartment. Sure, he was meant to have gone straight to the station but he had promised to be their Voice so surely they wouldn’t mind the small detour. She lived close to the studio anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His fingers trembled around her ring, looping it onto a chain and putting it under his shirt and he broke down. Strex couldn’t see him here, right? He had thought that but the rag still slipped in front of his face. His legs still kicked out. He was still dragged away. He hit against the side of the van as it took sharp turns. Lauren Mallard greeted him after what felt like days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not even at your studio yet.” She had sighed, not reacting to the wide smile he forced onto his face as a way of begging her, “I guess we weren’t finished after all, Kevin. Alex will be happy to hear that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snapped back into the present day, touching his chest and then his finger and then Lauren’s finger, running his finger over Vanessa’s ring. He had still been talking, he still was in the present. It was just the emotions that had gone back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren purposefully plummeted the markets, his small amount of Strex stocks would probably be useless. He cared about that, right? She kept talking about the cats in the bathroom that she had refused to let him see. That hurt right? He didn’t feel anything anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He almost felt when they were interrupted. Joy. Cecil would be there, right? No, he had brought an angel with him and Kevin had accepted his death. He accepted that he would die before he could repay Cecil. He accepted this fully and with every part of his body. He invited it. At least, he had thought he had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why were his feet pounding against the ground? It ran underneath him faster than he had seen it go before. His wrist was in Lauren’s hand. She had made a different decision and she had chosen to take him with her. It made the butterflies that inhabited his gut squirm restlessly with the pain of the corrosive acid that shared the same ecosystem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trees hadn’t whispered to him this time. One tree had gone to and the others had shushed it. Lauren thought it was the wind. </span>
  <span>They stopped near the middle, Kevin falling to the ground with a wide, genuine smile. He couldn't help but laugh and go to admire Lauren and praise her. This</span>
  <span> lasted a minute before Lauren started to stamp on his stomach and kick him in the side. He begged her to stop. He truly wanted her to stop. She didn’t, aiming more at his head and shoulders as he curled into a tight ball. He shielded himself with his arms but it was little use. Her heel hit him, cut his arms, bruised his head.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Bargaining (End of Act 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>With Night Vale Community Radio back in the hands of Cecil, Kevin and Lauren try for one last push against the town.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is the rest of the Strex stuff going on in the background but it's not directly affecting Kevin, so that is why it's not mentioned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, Kevin.” Lauren shook him awake. How had he managed to sleep on this rough ground? He didn’t know. Probably due to his lack of sleep in previous and need for more medicine. “Kevin, Cecil is about to come on, we need to sort this out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rubbed his eyes, wincing as he got dirt in one. It had sunk through the weird orb that they had given him and now he could feel it floating about in whatever it was filled with. He was having such a nice dream. He’d dreamt that his heart was in that angel’s hand and the other hand was stroking his head telling him it was time to go. It had made him so happy. Why did she have to bring him back to reality where Lauren had snatched that dream away, twice now? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a portable broadcaster?” Kevin asked, stretching out and yawning. Smiling God did his side hurt! It felt broken and bruised and every small movement shot pain through his entire body. At least he was used to being in pain, otherwise it would have been debilitating. He hummed as she started broadcasting, chuckling at her introduction and moving over to help her. His head rested on her shoulder as they spoke to make sure he was close to the microphone but also to supply some sense of warmth. Human warmth. The type so often mistaken for love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling God was he tired and Smiling God was she pushing him this morning. He just wanted to fall back to sleep on her. He couldn’t and instead tried his best to be useful, making comments on what she was saying but it was obviously not helping. He didn’t care all that much about the looks or tiny aggressions in the form of picking the skin from his fingers. It was fine. This was fine. He was fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a good story, Kevin.” She smiled, although obviously getting more and more annoyed at his interruptions. He shrugged it off although he started to think about the possibility that these memories weren’t actually real. He tried his best to push that thought away and instead think about the lovely thought of Cecil’s neck. Cecil’s lovely neck. His hand around Cecil’s neck. A strong pat on the neck. Did he say that out loud? Whoops. </span>
  <span>He ground his teeth. Even his dentures were broken at this point and he spat a few of the chips that Lauren had caused the previous night onto the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have had it with this town.” Lauren started when the broadcast was cut off, pacing back and forth in the clearing, “We don’t have the resources to just throw bot after bot at them. Well, we do, but that’s money and we spent so much on the Desert Bluffs take over. I don’t want another waste of money like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin twitched and laughed nervously. He was used to her words angering him but that had crossed a line. Saying that his town was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>waste of money?</span>
  </em>
  <span> How dare she! His town was amazing and worth every dollar that Strex had poured into it! They had made a brilliant metropolis of productive workers, chain stores powering a strong economy, and a wealth disparity that had certainly acted to increase Lauren's already sizable wealth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, you insufferable woman.” He said in his most endearing voice, standing and brushing himself off. He took her shoulders and kissed her deeply before continuing. She kissed him back, although keeping her annoyed smile fixed throughout, “You have no idea how to deal with people, do you? I would offer you a hand but I don’t have a syringe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She reached for her handbag and then kissed her teeth as she realised it wasn’t for himself. The hum of satisfaction told her that. He meant to inject her and she was not about to fall for that one again. The last time she had been in cold sweats for days after. It was almost enough to make her consider the more ethical alternative. Almost. It wasn't enough to negate the 3 cents lost from each sale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s in the studio, oh dear.” She lied, looking back up to him, “I took it out to give you your last dose.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, Lauren. We can just </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> to Cecil. He wants to join us, after all. He knows Strex makes people happy. He said so himself! Hm... We just have to just talk to him, <em>gently</em>.” His finger set on the broadcaster in determination, “Come now, Lauren. Just ask him what he wants. He wants to negotiate, not just to be forced out. He wants something back from us!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren stared at him and then at the broadcaster. She had to admit that he had a point, she would feel the same way. Had she had to defend Red Mesa from someone like Strex, she would certainly try to squeeze every profit she could from them before handing over her town. She picked up the device again and looked at Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make sure you say the right thing, Lauren. I still have a little<em> people skills</em> in my system.” He smiled, tilting his head with a hum, as he stroked her heat-straightened hair that had now frizzed from the heat and rough night, “Not very much, so <em>get on with it</em>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded and started broadcasting to Cecil. Kevin let her talk for the most part, except when she put her foot in her mouth. Several times. She really tested his patience on the best days, he wasn’t sure he could survive dealing with her today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Money, Money is power.” Lauren said and Kevin felt his eyes roll into the back of his head, the dirt in them spinning with the movement. He told her to get Cecil on side and Cecil would not be on her side if she kept making it obvious that she didn’t care about anything other than profit! </span>
  <span>She went on, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Kevin stared off into the distance. Was someone coming towards them? No… there was no one. He looked back to Lauren and then back up to a strong faced teenager, her eyes burning holes in them as she stared with such unrelenting malice. She had a slingshot in her hand and books slung across her back. He knew immediately who it was and stumbled back, grabbing Lauren’s shoulders and pulling her in front of him. </span>
  <span>This was not how he wanted to die. He wanted to die at the hands of a beautiful and dangerous angel or because Lauren went too far with her odd methods of showing him affection! Books were painful! Plus, not Strex approved! Wait… no, he didn’t care about that last point, what was he thinking? Instead he just about managed to use Lauren, who had stood up to Tamika, as a sheild for long enough to sputter an excuse to abandon the woman and ran as fast as he could in the other direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin ran and ran and ran until his legs didn’t want to run anymore and then he kept running. The sun beat down on him and he breathed sharply into his crying lungs. They didn’t deserve sympathy. He had already asked them enough to still themselves and let him fade. He </span>
  <span>dropped to his knees and put his head to the sand, whispering a prayer to the Smiling God. He knew the devourer heard him. It always heard him. It sometimes answered. Its blinding light greeting him or a door to heaven opening up to him as he prayed. This time was one of those times. </span>
  <span>An old oak door stood in front of him, attached to nothing. Kevin followed it, stumbling through and into his holy land. The land he had become so familiar with, yet was so unfamiliar with. His sanctuary. His heaven. The great devourer rose from the sands in front of him and Kevin smiled his widest smile. The Smiling God paid him no mind, so Kevin simply followed the devourer as they rose and dived. This had to be a hallucination, right? He had watched It so many times and It had never moved like this. It had always devoured with no mind. The Smiling God, speaking through Its blinding light, had told him as much! That was a blasphemous thought and Kevin shook it off immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could have been walking for days or hours before they arrive at another door. It did not matter. It had led him as promised. It had led him as he asked. He looked through and saw exactly what he wanted to see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cecil.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He listened to his conversation as he quietly entered the room, keeping the door only as open as he needed so as not to flood the studio with glorious light of the Smiling God. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think he brings up a good point, Cecil.” Kevin started, alerting the two to his presence. The other man, he assumed was Steve Carlsberg by the content of his words, complimented his eyes. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt. That really hurt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He didn’t let it show. He took it as the 'compliment' it was intended as and '</span>
  <em>
    <span>complimented'</span>
  </em>
  <span> him back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He explained himself to Cecil. He demonstrated a smile for Cecil. Cecil wanted to see him happy, right? He had said he would be happier, right? This is what Cecil meant, right? This is exactly what Cecil had wanted for Kevin, right? Right? <em>Right? </em> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin pulled on his own lips. Hard. His stitches broke in his hand, the same pleasurable pain as when Lauren or Damien had done so, so many times in the past. Blood spotted on his face and a few drops fell down his chin and onto the lapel of his jacket. It felt so good to see their disgusted faces. To see Cecil acknowledge what he had done to him! To see Cecil now knew exactly how </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> Strex made people! To see Cecil acknowledge exactly what he was going to do to him too! </span>
  <span>He tried to convince Cecil how bad Night Vale was but Cecil didn’t listen. Cecil didn’t seem to care. He felt the same way Kevin had felt about Desert Bluffs. The same way that Kevin had felt as he flung his body between his home and his, now, owners. He could tell just how much it meant to Cecil because he had felt it too. </span>
  <span>He tried to explain to Cecil how much better it was now. Cecil knew he would be happier. Cecil hadn’t lied to him, he believed he would be happier, right? No.. he had lied… No.. he truly believed it. Kevin couldn’t even get his own head straight. He just knew that Cecil wanted this... but what was he holding out for? </span>
  <span>Kevin pushed the door open behind him, letting the Light of the Smiling God pour into the studio and spreading his arms out. The glory of the Smiling God bathing him in holy light. So cold, yet so hot. The beautiful coils of the universe!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was something that Cecil did have, though, that Kevin didn’t. Steve mentioned her. Kevin remembered. Janice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Janice.</span>
  </em>
  
  <span>Janice was disabled. That’s what Cecil wanted! That was his game, right? He was resisting so much because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Janice. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Strex could fix Janice like they had fixed Janet. In fact, Janice was a girl scout, right? That meant Strex might </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>fix her for Cecil. Janet hadn’t had that opportunity, but that said Kevin wouldn’t have accepted such an offer while in Cecil's place. He hadn't. He had fought and fought and been so silly. Cecil was smarter than that. Cecil would. He was sure of it. Cecil would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much happier.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This thought was rather quickly erased by Kevin being lifted off of his feet, staring into the monsterous face that had pushed itself through Janice's step-father's visage. He felt himself travel but couldn’t tell how far. He kicked to try and get purchase back on the ground but couldn’t find his footing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No! No, no, no! He needed to get Cecil! He needed to win! He needed Strex! Right? Right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No! He could just come back! He would just come back! He would find Cecil and make him <em>smile!</em></span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's the end of act 1! I'm excited about that! </p><p>So, some notes about act 2; </p><p>1) The first part of act 2 has a few parts from Citrus and Sunshine (including parts that haven't been published in C&amp;S yet and will be here first)* but I will label around these parts so that if you are not interested you can skip or if you've already read it you can skip. The chapters and whether or not they are published will be in the notes before the chapter. There are also parts from Special Training (Title may change?) which is not even on here yet. I won't mark around those unless I need to for other reasons, but when I post ST, will link the chapters to YG. </p><p>2) So, act 2 was weird to write for a few reasons. The bridging arc (the next two and a half chapters) were pretty easy for me to write but then I was torn between two directions. Both have issues and both have positives. The one I kept, I mainly kept because I don't want to focus on Carlos' story in this series. This series is about DB and Strex employees, so it wouldn't fit well and the second version made me really want to focus on what happened with Carlos and Cecil when Carlos went back to Night Vale. I do, however, like the second version so my solution (and my solution to having other chapters floating around that I decided I didn't want to use) is to publish both, but the usused chapters will be in a seperate fic on here. I will post that when we get to 'Descent' (the one after, the one after, the next) when the story splits in two. When I post it I'll explain about labelling chapters and will probably write tons of notes but... eh... </p><p>* (Specifically, part of 'Frozen Youghurt' is in the chapter after next and part of 'Vermillion' which isn't published yet is in the chapter after. Not to be mistaken for YG's chapter 'Vermillion' which will be in Act 4 ;) )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Bridge 1 - Depression</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin thinks back on a part of his training while he wanders through the vast desert otherworld.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The parts in the past are from ST for this chapter. </p><p>I'll use  --- to separate these bits.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;mild warning&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;</p><p>I'll put the ******* around the line, but there's the suggestion of necrophila.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Ok.” Kevin said with determination. He was in Vanessa’s apartment. Lauren had let him have it as it was cheaper than finding him other accommodation and he would pay for it out of his already nearly non-existent paycheck, “Look, you’re not allowed to run about until you either turn into a cat or stop biting my leg!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ‘animal’ across from him snarled and pulled at the leash it was on. Sure it was fluffy and when it wasn't baring those sharp teeth it was somewhat cute, but he had no affection towards the creature. He remembered he had been given this pet at some point but couldn’t remember when or why. He had a lot of ‘why’s when it came to Strex’s faux-friendly, smile-all-the-time policies. Not being allowed to question the policies was one of the few things he didn't have questions about. He knew exactly why they didn't want people questioning them. If you keep people silent, overpower them, push them down then you can blame them if ever they step out of line. They didn't question it right? What happens if they do question it? Then they're causing a problem, right? Kevin had no idea why he had to smile all the time, no one could see him through the radio. Kevin had no idea why he did half the work he did, it was all redundant paperwork that he doubted his employers even looked at. His memories had started leaking, seeming to pour from his mind. Strex wanted him to forget and they were winning. He could feel it. It took everything to hold onto the small things that he loved. Vanessa, when she was alive. Daniel, when they were friends. Family, his chosen one. The small amount of good memories with his father. Abigail and Stephen and Janet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what to feed you, they didn’t give me a manual.” He sighed, rubbing his leg where it had clamped its fangs around him. It would be another scar on a canvas of thousands. He had more scars than skin at this point. He barely remembered where most came from. The thicker ones on his stomach were so foreign. The rounder ones were easy to identify as electrical but he couldn't think of when each had occured. The burns on his temples were timeless, almost. This time, though, he was determined not to go back to ‘training’. He’d read the handbook back to front. He smiled any time he was outside of his apartment. He did as Lauren told him and thanked her for her reactions, reward or punishment. He let them inject him and didn’t complain about the odd tastes in his coffee. He wouldn’t even point them out, even the ones that made him pass out. This time he wouldn’t be sent back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa’s ring sat on his finger and he struggled to keep his tears back as he played with it. It was the only thing that was left of her that Strex hadn’t destroyed or turned into a sick form of psychological torture. Even her beautiful murals had been painted over in Strex-approved orange. Her possessions had been thrown out or destroyed. They had given him his cat's bowl for his StrexPet, although he wasn't sure if this was on purpose or just as a cost saving measure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What would you think of me now?” He asked in a quiet voice. He hadn’t expected a response. He hadn’t expected to see her. He was still sane right? He was still him, right? Strex hadn’t broken him that much. Their training had seemed mild compared to what he had expected, there was no way that they had gotten that much to him. It was just a few electric shocks, right? A few odd scars and his complete submission, that was normal to forget about. To hide from yourself. He wasn't going crazy! He couldn't be!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate what you’ve become.” He heard, jumping out of his skin and screaming as these and so many other doubts and fears played through his conscious. His hands clasped around his mouth, hoping no one had heard his outburst but just in case yelling about a spider to cover his tracks. He didn’t know why a spider, but Lauren hated them. They were so cute and fluffy, but the woman had no problem with employees being scared of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair.” He replied quietly, leaning forward and stroking her soft face. He knew he shouldn’t. It wasn’t healthy to engage her. He would just end up hurting himself more but she was here. He needed this more than anything, “I do too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I despise you, Kevin.” She continued, folding her arms and refusing to look at him, “You’ve killed people. You’re the reason they killed me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A tear ran quickly down his hot face, burning as it reached his scar and diverted into his mouth. What was she talking about? He hadn’t killed anyone, had he? Except that one biobot in self defense. Did she mean that? Was she blaming him for trying to defend himself? She might have been. She was just in his head after all and Strex had certainly been angry about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” It barely rasped from his dry lips. He barely heard it himself but he somehow knew just how loud it had been to Vanessa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry isn’t enough, Kevin. Sorry will never be enough.” She spat, standing and walking into the wall. He couldn’t call after her. He couldn’t risk Strex hearing. They were always listening. Always listening. Instead, Kevin curled into himself and sobbed into his knees. He reached for his phone, tapping in his passcode. He had changed it from Vanessa’s birthday in case Strex could somehow use that against him too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span> “I’m pregnant.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could barely handle hearing these words. Once said with so much joy. He hadn’t had the chance to react to them with joy. He had listened to the message so many times. He had avoided the other. His eyes burnt badly and he didn’t have the control to turn it off this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hi, Vanessa is it? Lauren Mallard.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He winced just at her name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know who you are. We’ve spoken, Ms Mallard.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her voice was trembling. Terrified. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So you’re Kevin’s, what? Girlfriend? I thought I’d warned you to stay away from him. It’s not productive to have a relationship with your boss. In fact, I believe that’s why you’re still here, correct? HR told you not to have a relationship too.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I-... we sorted that, Ms. Mallard. Daniel is doing my evidence now…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin choked, finding it hard to steady his breathing. His StrexPet made loud noises in the background and he grabbed one of the StrexToys that Lauren had given him and aimed it square at the animal’s face. He didn’t hit, not with how unstable he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s just not productive for you to be around anymore, Vanessa.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lauren’s voice jarred on him as it always did. It wasn’t the tone or sound, it was that everytime she spoke he heard the awful sound that he was bracing himself to hear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please! Lauren! I’ll be good! I promise! Please!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>There it was. The crack. It was the window on the control booth and Kevin saw it vividly. It was Vanessa’s head. Vanessa’s face going from terror to relaxation as she was knocked out. The blood spray as Lauren slit her throat. Coating the window. It had seem like it all happened in slow motion. He pulled his hair trying to get the memory out of his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Kevin. I know you’ll listen to this.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lauren purred down the phone. She was staring at him as he struggled and screamed against the biobots. They were holding his tentacles and had cut his arms and legs in a way that stopped him moving, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Remember that this was your fault. We could have spared her if you weren’t so… resilient… but don’t worry, we all make mistakes. Except for perfect StrexCorp. See you in training, Kevin.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes shot open and he shot up. He looked one way. Nothing. He looked the other way. Nothing. Just sand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa?” He asked, tears escaping from his eyes as he thought again about the memory as it slowly faded again. It hadn’t happened, right? Lauren kept him in the studio, not in Vanessa’s apartment. His smile returned and he put the tears down to dehydration, “Where are we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa shrugged and asked the other one, who then also shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not in Night Vale.” Vanessa said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not in Desert Bluffs.” Vanessa Too agreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin looked between them and then smiled softly. He took another look around himself to make sure that Lauren was nowhere to be found. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re alone.” He breathed, pulling the two close to himself and kissing each of their cheeks, falling back with them in his arms and laughing with actual, real joy! “We’re actually alone, Vanessa! We can be together again!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes opened and he wiped away the tears of happiness, looking at the empty space where Vanessa had been and then the space where her double had been. The next tears weren’t happy, despite the swelling in his chest and the smile on his lips. He didn’t know they weren’t happy and chose to believe they were as he took in his seemingly new environment. It was familiar, and not just from his brief trip to get to Cecil’s studio. No… this was heaven. He recognised it. He’d been here before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can do it without you over my shoulder, Lauren.” Kevin smiled up at her, flinching as he realised that this might have been seen as resilience. Had he flinched? How many times had he flinched at her? No, he didn’t flinch. Strex employees didn’t flinch. Where was he? How many times had this happened?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Kevin.” She had breathed, rubbing the back of his neck where his bar code was, “You’re fully functional now. We’re not going to have any more problems with you… malfunctioning are we?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made him sick that she was talking about him like a machine. No, it didn’t. It had. No, this was the first time this had happened. He felt happy that he was functioning. He felt happy that she had fixed him. He loved being fixed. It felt good. He smiled. That’s what she wanted him to do. That’s what he felt like doing. Wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No more malfunctions, Lauren. I promise.” He agreed cheerily, “Just a radio host with a smile.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No, he said ‘Just a functioning machine’. No, no… ‘Unlike you’. No, that was bad… he’d said… ‘Just as you want me.’ No...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, Kev. Good boy. My good boy.” She cooed as Kevin tried to hide his repulsion to the situation. No, he wasn’t repulsed. That would be bad. A Strex employee was never repulsed. A Strex employee was happy. He was happy, “We don’t want to have to waste more money on you, now, do we. You should be grateful we’ve spent this much on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren offered him a cigarette and Kevin waved his hand to refuse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t smoke in my studio.” He told her politely, hoping she was not about to force him to do that too. It would damage the equipment and make it stink worse than the blood she had left trailed across the walls. He was sure he hadn’t caused all of the spatter but the parts that he had caused haunted him. He caused all of them, actually. Right? Where was he? She left the cigarette on the only clean part of his desk and he quietly thanked her. A good Strex employee is polite. Always polite. He’d never been polite before. Had he? He had been such a rude person in the past. His imperfect self. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t smoke,” Vanessa said, slapping the cigarette off the desk but her hand actually just going through it. Kevin still saw it on the floor and had to remind himself it was there on the desk for after his propaganda filled self hypnosis session that was the community radio broadcast, “It’ll kill you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good.” He hummed, lulling his head back to look at her. His tone stayed chipper even through the brief reality that was allowed to him. Even as he put a hand to his face and allowed his fingers to run into his mouth. He wasn’t about to get sent back. It terrified him. No, it made him ecstatic. He loved the feeling. He loved the electricity flowing through him like sweet death itself. “We can match. Then we can have a lovely ghost family who haunts radio hosts just trying to get through to the day where they get their town back. If this nightmare lasts that long. You might wake me up before then, I can only hope. Why haven't you woken me up yet, Van?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t really mad at her and he knew it. He was mad at Lauren, but seeing Vanessa the past few days had at least given him someone to talk to, even if he knew she wasn’t really there. He couldn’t help the feelings. They had started to come back since they let him out. He was happy, right? He must be happy. He had to be. He was mad but he was happy. He could be both. He could be StrexPerfect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you know that Strex had a no tattoos policy? Oh, except for my UPC.” He raised his sleeves to show her the grafts on his skin, “They also don’t seem to know what lasers are. I swear you can just remove them with lasers!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can.” She agreed, sighing and rolling her eyes. A smile pulled onto her lips from somewhere and it lit Kevin’s whole being. His heart raced and his chest tightened in the most lovely way. Oh, if he could see that smile everyday, he didn't care what they wanted him to do. He'd do it just to see that smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just thinking that-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was interrupted by a furious Lauren Mallard. Kevin took a deep breath in expectation of her abuse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re broadcasting, Kevin!” She whispered in a very sweet voice. He had hoped it wouldn’t be picked up as he spun around and choked his introduction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Welcome to Desert Bluffs!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa! Look what I found!” Kevin waved over to Vanessa. She never found anything. Her double didn’t either. “Aren’t they cool, they even cover my scars!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pointed at the dark glasses on his face and she came over to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you think?” He hummed, twirling and then giving her finger guns. She returned the gesture and fell into his arms. Kevin lifted her, spinning her around so her feet flew away from him. He kept going until they fell onto the sand, kissing deeply. Their love had rekindled since being alone in this beautiful desert otherworld and he couldn’t help but hum as he remembered the smell of her. The taste of her lips. It was such a sweet memory that always faded before he had had enough of it, leaving him wanting and desperate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who were you talking to?” Lauren demanded. He expected the question but had somewhat expected it to be explained by how she knew he was talking to someone. His studio was sound proof and Daniel hadn’t left the control booth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one.” Kevin replied, putting the cigarette in his mouth and moving to leave, being blocked by Lauren. It occurred to him that this was counter to his training but the reality hadn’t worn away. It always wore away but not today. He couldn’t grasp it as he begged it to come back to him. All he wanted was the delusion. All he wanted was to be a good employee. He couldn’t while he was like this. He needed training but Smiling God did he not want it. “Vanessa. I was talking to Vanessa. The intern you killed, remember?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin pointed to the hair that was stuck to the window of the control booth in a manner that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘what did you expect’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He kept as nonchalant as possible, taking the cigarette back out of his mouth with one hand and resting it under the elbow of the one that was pointing. He was going back to training whether he acted up or not but if he was careful, if he got Lauren to send him back without insulting or fighting her, he could just have the images and the lines. He wouldn’t need surgery. He wouldn’t need to be ‘fixed’ physically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now excuse me, I want to enjoy this and then go home. I’ve done my work for today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren let him out of the studio but followed him to the smoking area. It was here for whenever Damien visited. It seemed the boss’ favourite hobby was to make Kevin uncomfortable while they smoked together. He would always ask about Vanessa. He would make comments about his own wife and kids, who were adults, in ways that truly angered Kevin. He was a real piece of work. </span>
  <span>So, of course, it was not what Kevin had hoped when he saw Damien waiting for him. He lit his cigarette and stood as far as possible from the man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s Vanessa?” Damien asked as normal. Kevin was too scared to tell him that she was dead. Kevin was always too scared to tell him. Lauren had only told him that she let Damien know the nature of their relationship and how it had apparently compromised their work environment. Damien had fired her. Fired a dead woman. Fired a woman who hadn't work for him for several weeks by that point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Kevin replied in a dry and uninterested tone. He desperately wanted his training to kick in, his medicine to kick in. He couldn’t even remember his lines. He couldn’t remember what he was meant to say. He was a bad employee. He was a terrible employee. He couldn’t even remember why he was meant to care. Why he had to be here in the first place, past Strex wanting him to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s due any day now, right?” The man pressed, pointing at Kevin who looked at Lauren for an answer only to see she had disappeared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She is.” Kevin choked, turning so Damien couldn’t see the tears on his face. It was hard enough to smile and smoke without trying to smile at the idea that he would have been cradling his newborn had Strex not invaded his life. It wasn’t productive to have distractions like that. He was better for it, right? He was a better employee now. His life was better, right? He was happier. <em>So much happier.</em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I bet she’s a balloon, right? I know Susan was, especially with Lauren. Lauren was a big baby.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” Kevin popped the ‘p’ sound, shaking now as he tried his best to keep the facade. As he tried to remember his lines, what he needed to say, the best way to get out of this horrid situation, “I worry she’ll go into labour during a broadcast.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be so lucky!” The words were like a knife in Kevin’s back but much less welcome, “I wish I had missed that one, let me tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes tight as the man went on, trying his best to ignore the words. At one point, his hand was gripping his hair and cigarette in the same hand and his stomach in the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh and the first few days. They are the greatest, so cuddly, but my goodness it’s not worth the crying. I wish I could just have skipped out on all of that. Dee was terrible for that. I’d give anything to get back those hours with that boy. Way more time for my business. I had the worst ever migraine, just constant screaming. I gave him a little whiskey on his bottle, that’s not ‘ok’ these days though, is it? I guess it did make him a bit of a-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut it.” Kevin finally hissed, tears streaming down his face and clenching his fist. He immediately hoped that Damien had not heard but the shadow growing on the wall told a different story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” The breath moved past his ear in a way that made him tremble, “Did you just ask to go back to training, dog?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…” Kevin drew out the word, his body remaining as straight and rigid as possible, only reaching a hand out to steady himself on the wall, “... I was talking to the Smiling God. I am... Its prophet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin laughed, hoping the excuse would work, poking his head to make the point. Damien’s hands were cool on his hot face, forcing his mouth open. Forcing a finger under his bottom lip. He felt one of his stitches break as he gaped wipe. He could barely even scream when the cigarette hit his tongue. An agonising pain that shot through his entire skull as his reflexed worked against Damien's strong grip, yanking his neck and mandible upwards against the force. Another stitch snapped away from his flesh. He lost his footing. Legs kicked under him as Damien's, now free, hand held him up by his hair. His cigarette tumbling to the back of Kevin's mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought we had made it clear that you don’t mess with me, Kevin.” The man hissed letting his mouth close, “Swallow it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin did as he was told with no argument. The man made him shake awfully, worse than he had ever in the past. He was terrified. Mortified. He could feel shooting pains in his chest as he tried his best to breathe. </span>
  <span>Damien threw him against the wall before leaving. Blood dripped down Kevin’s head and as he raised his hand to see how bad it was he realised that Damien had also broken the stitches from where his eye used to be. At least they had only taken the third one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t go home that night. He had put Vanessa’s ring back on it’s chain. He knew that he would be dragged back to that awful facility with those awful nurses and doctors that pretended to like him. He prepared for the rag to be put over his face. He even paused at his door to make sure it wasn’t left open this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Kevin hummed, stroking Vanessa and Vanessa Too’s hair, “Why do you keep disappearing? I just want to stay with you forever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re imagining us, you tell us.” Vanessa retorted, kissing his nose softly, “We love you too, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nuzzled her nose and then turned to Vanessa Too and nuzzled hers and let her fade. He pulled some glass from his pocket and his medicine, doing his best to transfer just the right amount into his cut. It normally did just enough to keep away the withdrawal but only just.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Smiling God…” Kevin lamented, looking down to the sand, “... Where are you? You always used to talk to me when I visited. You’d always come up in your earthly body, the great devourer moving through the sand. Why aren’t you here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Back so soon,” Alex’s voice rang in his ear and Kevin raised his free hand to swear at him. His upper arm was still restrained but Alex let him have his lower arm to smoke with. Alex tapped his raised finger with a cigarette before putting it in Kevin’s mouth and sparking it, “Come on, we’re friends. I don’t hurt you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin laughed, smoke coming out with the sharp air. He took a drag and then held the stick in his hand. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to answer that. Alex didn’t technically hurt him, he supposed, but the person was creepy and certainly did help Strex to hurt people. They helped the doctor to attach equipment that hurt him. They tried to feed him the most disgusting things… thing, he supposed. They had a mockery of Vanessa’s face. Hair like hers, but shorter and combed to the side. They were designed to hurt Kevin with their very presence and that was more than enough to make Kevin hate them.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want some food?” They asked while taking a box out of their bag.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not that you’ve made.” Kevin smiled politely, looking away as they started to eat. It always had blood on it. It was disgusting. They would always try and get Kevin to eat it and then act all coy about it. His own stomach did growl but he couldn’t stoop so low as to start eating blood. </span>
  <span>Alex didn’t seem to mind Kevin’s disgust, although they showed some worry for Kevin’s health most of the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s pasta salad. Van-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s always pasta salad!” Kevin snapped, only calming himself when he saw Alex looked shocked by his outburst, “I know what you’re doing. You always go, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>remember when Vanessa made it for you’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You think I don’t put one and one together?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa made it for me too.” Alex hummed, making sure they were just out of reach of Kevin and watching for his reaction. </span>
  <span>His only reaction was to take another drag on his cigarette and blow the smoke towards the nurse. Alex didn’t care, slowly eating it in front of Kevin, making sure to chew it slowly and loudly. They waved a piece under Kevin’s nose. It made him shudder. The noise was disgusting and the smell had started to get to him too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want just one, clean, bite?” Alex asked, their hand raising to stop Kevin from looking away. Their touch was always so gentle. A few fingers under his chin to tilt his head up, to level their eyes. Kevin inspected the food for a moment before carefully accepting it. It tasted phenomenal. He had to take another breath of smoke to stop himself from asking for more. “Good boy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t patronize me.” Kevin breathed out, leaning more towards his free hand. He couldn’t look at Alex at all. The person was attractive, very attractive. Strex made attractiveness. They thought that Kevin hadn’t noticed the metal under the skin behind their ear. They thought he didn’t see the faded scars under their cheekbones. They thought that Kevin didn’t see scars under their scrubs. It sickened him. It was even more obvious on their arms, where the side of the interchangeable panels were fully on show.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin knew what Alex’s job was. Kevin could see it and the way that other residents spoke so fondly of Alex when Kevin had spoken to people on the outside, they did this to everyone. Tailored to their likes and dislikes. Making special things horrific things. Making horrific things special things. Twisting the meaning of love and attraction and interest. He wouldn’t let that happen to him. </span>
  <span>A loosened restraint was already a sign of breaking, Kevin had figured. The person trusted him enough to let him have a free hand. A hand that could fight but trusted him not to. He wouldn’t let them feel like they could loosen others. He wouldn’t let them feel like they could get close enough to touch him with anything more than an outstretched fork of food. Kevin would bite and growl and scratch. They wouldn't touch him. Kevin knew they had and they would all they pleased, drag him around the facility like a pet as Kevin weakly gummed at their metal arms. It was just the thought that a fight would change anything. It kept him sane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eight months, you still haven’t learnt. You know we are the last people here? I’m only here for you now?” Alex started, tapping the side of their lunchbox and then putting it to the side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where were you before this? Before Strex?” Kevin asked. If he didn’t change the subject it would go to Vanessa again. Strex didn’t seem to realise that it was making the situation worse for themselves, not better. It might have hurt Kevin but certainly not in the way they wanted it to. </span>
  <span>Alex didn’t reply at first, walking around Kevin’s chair in a way that Kevin thought was meant to intimidate him. It failed, just annoying Kevin further. The person didn’t ever intimidate him. They were just a glorified love robot, right? They were there to make people feel comfortable with being tortured. Attracted to the pain. Associating re-education with pleasant people and feelings. Feel like they had consented to the electric shocks and pain. It was horrible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t remember me? Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t say I do, Alex. Strex replaced faces are hard to place.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Vanessa would remember me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin tilted his head back, turning to see if he could see the person behind him. There wasn’t an angle where they could and he was sure that Alex had started to lean against the wall behind him. They made a clicking with their mouth and Kevin recognised it immediately. His nails dug into the arm of the chair, splinters raising and pushing into his finger tips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, how silly of me.” His voice was a faux Strex-happiness, like you would hear from a manager who was about to fire you and convince you that it was on your terms, “I remember you, yes. Oh, ho... I have to thank you, Vanessa and I wouldn’t have hung out outside of work without you, Alex. So, you were a creep even before Strex, hm? I would never have guessed-…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hair was pulled upwards for a second and then dropped. It was the first time Alex had ever laid a hand on him that he could remember. Of course, Kevin couldn't remember so much. He had broken Alex before Alex had broken him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Vanessa hid under a desk </span>
  <em>
    <span>all night</span>
  </em>
  <span> just to avoid you!” Kevin continued, enjoying the memory of talking to her, “I had checked the office before I locked up but she was very good at hiding, right? Oh... You just couldn’t handle that she rejected you. I found her in the morning and my goodness did it shock me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A slap round the face and Kevin dropped his smoke, whimpering with laughter. He hated that he was laughing at this but it felt so good to finally confront Alex without having to be careful about other people’s reactions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I walked out with her every night after that. We spoke all the time. We had such a nice conversat-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was interrupted by Alex’s hand in his hair again and their other around his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut it.” Alex hissed, glaring into his eyes, “Oh, was her baby yours, by the way, Kevin. Knowing Vanessa I’m not sure. I mean, did she tell you about how easy it was to get with her before you? I can’t count how many of my friends were with her first. I bet it wasn’t any fun for you by that point.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin felt everything in him snap at Alex’s words. He felt a jolt in his heart and everything started to blur into a red haze of anger. He pulled his head back and then slammed in hard into Alex’s face. The collision had sent his own head spinning but released their hands from him and made them stagger back. Kevin just wished he could still reach them. He wanted to choke them. He wanted to kill them. He didn’t care if this was what Strex wanted. He couldn’t control it. How dare this person, this horrible person, sully his poor Vanessa’s name! Especially right in front of her!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin surged forward, ignoring the pain around his arms and legs. If he could just pull hard enough he’d be able to get at them. He’d be able to grab them and destroy them. He could show them just how weak and vile they were! He could wipe her name off of their repulsive lips! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was laughing. Laughing at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood up and brushed themself off, crossing their arms as they stood just out of reach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>********************</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a shame that we fed her to you, Kevin.” They sighed, tilting their head and letting that disgusting fringe fall to the side, “I would have loved her to be a… decoration, in here. I wasn’t given nearly long enough with her.” </span>
</p><p>********************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re lying!” Kevin spat, pulling harder. It felt like he might cut his hand off with this damn contraption but he didn’t even care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ate so well as well. Sure, you pouted but I still got to watch you chew her up with those pretty little teeth. She always was tough but it felt nice hearing you say it too.” They put their hand near Kevin’s face and Kevin bit down. He bit down hard. The bone cracked in his jaw and he could hardly tell if it was his bone or the person’s finger. He didn’t let go until he was forced to. A syringe to the neck and a dream in his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He drew his knees up to his chest, sobbing hard laughs into his knees. Vanessa hadn’t come back today. He couldn’t handle being stuck here without her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had come across Lauren earlier. She was sleeping deeply in the sand under a parasol. Vanessa’s ring wasn’t on her anymore. He had so wanted to take it back and propose to her, now they were alone. Instead he stole Lauren’s parasol, her needle, and the few bottles of medicine she had on her and continued on his journey, walking the desert sands to explore every inch of this wonderful desert. He hoped she would get trodden on by one of the giant armies that marched across the desert. He could have moved her to the StrexCorp waste management facility where he went to find more of his meds, but he thought she might find something to use to help herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few members of one of the masked armies that roamed the desert had spoken to him. They said their names were ‘Retchia’ and ‘ggghhhttttt’, although Kevin didn’t care enough to really learn how to pronounce either. All he cared about today was finding Vanessa again. They had been here for years. It had to have been years. At least two, right? They even had their own routine now. Go to the waste facility, medicate, search perpendicular to the mountain, talk about what he remembered, try to hear the punchline to one of her jokes, sleep. They were already like a married couple, so why wait any longer? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to ask her! He couldn’t leave it any longer. His heart yearned to be with her forever! </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Bridge 1 - Frozen Yoghurt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin remembers his first report with Vanessa while traveling the Desert Otherworld</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Most of this chapter is 'Frozen Yoghurt' (C&amp;S). The parts that are from Citrus and Sunshine are surrounded by ***************************** so that they can be skipped if wanted. </p><p>There is literally one part that isn't 'Frozen Yoghurt' (C&amp;S). I wrote this chapter before I even started Citrus and Sunshine, so... Sorry about that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>***************************** </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Vanessa!” Kevin sang as he entered the office. He had greeted everyone else along the way but the joy in his voice when he said her name was all consuming and hard to miss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Kevin. You seem happy today.” Vanessa smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she finished up making their coffee. She did this every morning but this was the first morning that Kevin had specifically said her name when he greeted her. It made her heart skip a beat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am. I had the first good night's sleep I’ve had in awhile.” He told her, leaning against the counter next to her and studying her face. She had such an adorable nose and such beautiful eyes. Deep and brown, like a beautiful forest. He felt like his heart was leaping out of his chest. He felt like everything inside him was screaming to get free. All of his desire and all of the affection. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa handed him his coffee and turned to lean against the counter with him. Her hands were gripping her own mug softly, with fingers running over one another. He wouldn’t mention to her how he felt, not yet. It wasn’t fair with what she was going through but sure as hell he would protect her. He would go to the end of the Earth to protect her. He would do anything. He knew that his affection was unfair and he couldn’t justify so much as feeling the way he did, nevermind putting those feelings onto her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Did something happen?” She asked sweetly, her voice like rich caramel. She had a singer’s voice. Kevin would have loved to hear her sing. He could barely keep the blush from his face as they spoke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just… pleasant dreams.” He hummed, starting towards his studio so that his face was turned away from her. He knew she would follow. He hoped she wouldn’t press for what his dreams had been about. He had no excuse in mind and doubted his ability to make one up. She had to follow, she would need to go to the control booth, “I hope you found it easier to sleep too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She seemed uncomfortable at the question and Kevin internally cursed himself. Of course he shouldn’t have asked that, it was sensitive! She had spent the last few nights hiding under the control panel each night, why would he think that was appropriate? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did.” She drew him away from his self deprecating thoughts. “Thank you. I don’t think I would have if it wasn’t for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh! He felt himself melt. He could be a puddle on the floor at this point. Still, he kept his composure enough to horsley say </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m glad’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>before ducking into his studio and using the few seconds before Vanessa would be able to see him again to breath out a happy sigh and feel his hot face with his hand. He moved as soon as he saw the door to the other room open rushing to his desk and spinning in his chair as he sat down. He could see Vanessa laugh. Oh, how he wished he could hear that laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His coffee sat on the desk and a smile on his face, watching her fingers </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Three,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>even they were beautiful </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Two’</span>
  </em>
  <span> even just counting down he swooned </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘One’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the tiny vessels and pulsing, pulsing muscles that keep you alive. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the tune played, Kevin hummed away from the microphone, letting it fade before starting on the news. There were a few citizens who had found a vortex that took them to the future and they were being treated for injuries caused by an apparent ‘vicious civilization who had taken over that had tall buildings and business suits’. There was a new frozen yoghurt place at the mall, Kevin had mentioned that Vanessa could go and get a story there for their next broadcast but it was unsafe to go out with that vortex stuff going on. Then traffic was the normal existential crisis that happened every broadcast. The kid’s fun fact science corner was about the heart and Kevin certainly went on a tangent about the way that hormones controlled love rather than the heart and how the heart felt under the stress of such hormones. After all, he could feel it so vividly inside of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now, my lovely listeners, the weather.” Kevin waited for the music to play. It didn’t. “Uhm… sorry, listeners… the weather!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raised his hands as if to summon the weather down from the sky himself. Usually that worked. Usually he didn’t need someone to make the weather happen, it just happened when he said it did, even outside the studio.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He looked to Vanessa, who was just distractedly staring at him. When she noticed, she jumped and shrugged. The controls all looked fine. She repeated, in the booth, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘the weather’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin couldn’t hear it but he could see it. It made him smile dreamily but didn’t help the situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, listeners… I guess that there isn’t any weather…” There it was. He didn’t know why it had stalled so much but he could hear it going and the light telling him that it was playing was on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He breathed deep, sighing in relief. Vanessa was giggling in the booth and his eyebrows furrowed as he watched her. It was like there was a light behind her. Every feature illuminated in their perfection. It only felt like a moment before she was pointing back at him. He knew what it meant, the weather was over and it was time for him to get back to work. Oh, God, had he been staring at her that entire time? What had she thought? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Desert Bluffs, this sunshine and desert heat won’t last forever. Enjoy it with your loved ones, regardless of how long since you first felt their tight grip in your chest. Remember that the nights will be cold, so find someone to hold you as you pretend to dream. And as always, Until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************************** </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A parasol, a satchel, the clear liquid that he felt kept him alive and now a set of notebooks and pens. Kevin always found the best things. He even found a few bottles of water! He had started writing his visions down whenever Vanessa wasn’t around. When she came around he was too distracted and couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still hadn’t found her ring but had decided the perfect place to propose to her. There was a large reptile skull in the direction of the mountain and it was beautiful. Then they could make their way towards the lighthouse. He could show it to Vanessa and take her to the top so they could see across the whole of the Desert. Then they could be married in the all consuming light of the Smiling God. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***************************** </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great broadcast today, Kevin.” Vanessa said from behind him as he started to make them both a second cup of coffee, “Do you want me to hammer the beans?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you have something you need to get out.” Kevin nodded, passing her the hammer and stepping back. He hadn’t even registered the compliment she had paid him, distracted by her voice and her light. Why had he never seen her this way before? She had been at the studio for weeks now and although he had certainly noticed she was attractive, since last night when they had spoken as he walked her home, she seemed to glow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop following me! I like someone else!” Her words didn’t register with him, watching her arm swing violently at the beans in a motion that was just majestic, “Workplace romances aren’t clique! I don’t care about the credits!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin took an unsteady breath as he imagined her in one of his shirts, making them morning coffee. Yelling in that soft, rich voice. The words didn’t matter in his dream. They didn’t matter right now. He watched her lips move and her eyes concentrating. He watched her pant as she handed the hammer back and smiled up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your turn.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin took the hammer from her and stared at the half hammered coffee. He couldn’t think of anything that he could use. Not that he was alright with Vanessa hearing. His eyes flicked to her and then he laughed nervously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you give me a moment?” He asked, receiving a nod in return as she watched her slip out of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin took a deep breath, thinking about that creep that was sitting outside the station. Thinking about what the secret police had told him </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘we can’t arrest someone for watching people. That would be hypocritical, don’t you think?’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She deserves to feel safe!” He yelled at the beans, hitting them harder than he could remember hitting another in his life, “You don’t have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> to her! I don’t care what you think!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he was finished, he opened the door again letting Vanessa come back into the room as he finished brewing the coffee. They drank it together and then he went back to his studio to do some work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa followed him, pulling her chair into the studio and sitting next to him. What was she doing? Kevin watched her, his red face growing wide in every way. Even his third eye was present, when it should have been looking through the eyes of other residents in order to figure out what they needed to report tomorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m shadowing you.” Vanessa whispered, pointing to Kevin's screen. How had she known what he was thinking? “You’re kinda staring, Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snapped out of it, his words and voice shaking as he tried to explain himself to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course you are. I’m not used to-... I mean it’s not bad bu-... You-... We-... my studio.” He gestured widely as if it helped, “Am I meant to… explain to you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa giggled and it was heaven. She giggled a lot. Her nose twitched when she did and her skin glistened. He didn’t know how long he could survive with how close she was. Surely his heart couldn’t take it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you could, that would be great.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin did as she asked and explained about his eye, how he could look through people’s eyes and feel their general emotions. How some people would have stronger feelings and he could sometimes hear their thoughts but only if they really needed him to. He explained how it would only go to people who needed it or where the news took it. He couldn’t just use it to spy on people. It wasn’t completely true but he certainly couldn’t control it well enough to spy on someone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He showed her where he typed his scripts and how to send them to station management. She put her hand on his leg as she leant over to point at something on the screen and Kevin felt his soul leave his body for the short time it was there. It had occurred to him that they couldn’t be together. She was his student. She couldn’t claim college credits from the same man that she was going home to each night but the sweet fantasy stayed with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think we should go to the new yogurt shop then!” Vanessa declared, standing up from her chair and going to grab her notebook and pen, shoving the pen behind her ear. Writing utensils, it should be noted, are not banned in Desert Bluffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The walk over was uneventful, even if Kevin was looking everywhere to make sure they didn’t end up walking into that vortex. It sounded awful. Vanessa told Kevin all about her parents and siblings. How much they would love him. It went completely over his head. They ordered a cup to share and sat at one of the tables in the store. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Vanessa lifted one of the spoons to try the cold treat, Kevin put his hand on hers and her face lit red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait for other people to try it first.” Kevin whispered, gesturing around, “I once had a new menu item from the all-day diner and gravity stopped working for me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gravity already isn’t working for me.” Vanessa hummed, although Kevin didn’t quite grasp her meaning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re still on the floor, Vanessa.” He replied cluelessly, summoning another of those delightful giggles, “I think it’s fine to eat. No one seems to be floating or popping out of existence.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me try it first, then. That way you can be sure.” Kevin turned at her words, frowning at first because he valued her not popping out of existence quite highly. Then he saw what she was doing and he could have sworn he almost fainted. Her tongue ran around the spoon, pulling the yogurt closer to her teeth and then closing her lips around it. She had to understand how slowly she had pulled that spoon out of her mouth, right? No, his mind must have been slowing it down, right? She certainly wasn’t going that slowly! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was right, she wasn’t going slowly at all. In fact, she was shaking nervously as he watched her take a mouthful. She wasn’t normally so shy when she was eating and it’s not that she was particularly aware of Kevin watching her but she was focused on the heat in her cheeks and shoulders. She was focused on how wonderful his hand had felt on hers. She was yearning to have it on her hand again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-... Oh-...” Kevin started, taking a deep breath. His face was so hot. Why was his face this hot? He tried not to stare, “Is it nice?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa let out a pleased hum and Kevin gripped the leg of his jeans under the table. He cursed himself in his head again. Why was he looking at her this way? It was wrong. She deserved to just have a nice friend who didn’t look at her the way he looked at her. She had enough problems with men looking at her that way! </span>
  <span>Then her spoon was on his lips and he wished it was the smile on her face. He took the mouthful, humming slowly as the soft, creamy coldness ran over his tongue. That’s what Vanessa would taste like right now, he thought, and then tried to push the thought out of his head again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa watched him with furrowed brows as he took the yoghut off the spoon, trying so hard to extend the sound of his hum in her head. His yellow eyes were on her lips but she supposed that was because he was just looking down and not necessarily looking at her. His face had been so red today, she worried that maybe he had got a sunburn from when he walked her home the evening before. </span>
  <span>She offered him another spoonful and he accepted. His lips moved over the spoon so gracefully, she thought. She imagined them running over hers. She had liked him since she had started in the studio her first day. His messy curls and glittering eyes. The orange tattoos that moved on his arms, the sun moving around as the day progressed. The eyes on his hands that occasionally blinked. He had explained that they weren’t real eyes and just did that and it made her adore them even more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she had been curled under the desk with the pillow she had bought from home, she had imagined it was him. Wrapping his arms around her and letting her sleep on his chest. She had even stolen some of his cologne from his desk and sprayed it on the pillow case. She didn’t know it yet but she would later tell him this and it would make his heart race. Currently, she just felt creepy about having done it at all. Her justification was that she needed comfort and it was the only thing around that could give it, it just </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be from Kevin.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa? Are you ok?” Kevin asked, tilting his head and pushing his glasses up his nose, “You’ve been holding the spoon in your mouth for a few minutes now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t mention that he knew she was running her tongue around it by the motion of her cheeks. He wouldn’t know how to say it without it coming out wrong, especially with where it had led his own mind. He assumed that she was just thinking, seeing as she was staring off into the distance behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She breathed and it sent shivers through him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t you two be at work?” Another voice broke both of them out of the individually shared fantasies. Kevin looked up and smiled politely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are at work, actually, Susanne.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could have fooled me. It doesn’t look like you’re collecting much of a story.” She retorted, her eyes looking to Vanessa with an expression that made her look away in embarrassment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin noted this and stood, slipping himself between Susanne and their table. He kept the customer-service level smile on his face and showed Susanne his notebook, which had been taking notes the whole time. He didn’t give her time to read them. It often wrote his emotions and thoughts and did not think that having her read his fantasies was productive. He also did not particularly like the idea of Susanne revoicing these emotions back to Vanessa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are at work, Susanne. If you really are that desperate for an interview, you just need to ask.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa looked back up, her eyes running up Kevin’s back. She couldn’t help but admire the way his shirt fell on him. It must have been at least a size too big but it made him look so slender. The words between the pair meant nothing to her. Susanne was just talking about all of the apparent problems with the changes to the mall. By changes, she meant new shops. Vanessa would rather focus on Kevin’s voice and his… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa, are you ok?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes shot up to Kevin’s. He was looking over his shoulder and his eyes seemed to perfectly fit his glasses at this angle. They were tilted down towards her, the way he slipped them to the end of his nose when he wrote. It took Vanessa a moment to realise that he had probably noticed where her eyes had been before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She gasped, her throat suddenly very dry. She scrambled to her feet and pointed to the bubble tea kiosk across the food court, “That one is new too, you said, right? I’ll go and get us some to try too. You like passionfruit, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s my favourite.” Kevin nodded, watching her stumble around the table and dart off towards the other shop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as she thought his eyes were no longer on her, she put a hand to her mouth. That was so embarrassing! What had he thought of her? There was no way he couldn’t tell where her eyes were, he was only an arm’s length away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin leant to the side as he noted down the in depth account of Susanne about how change was bad for people’s health. His eyes followed Vanessa. He held back a small laugh as he watched her put her hand over her mouth and cringe. She was totally checking him out a moment ago, wasn’t she? No, of course not! He just wanted her to have been doing that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you laughing at me, Kevin?” Susanna barked, “This is a serious issue!” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Start of Act 2 - Descent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As Kevin slips further and further into his own delusions, someone finally finds him after so many years alone. </p><p>Alternate: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/59941624">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Part of this chapter is from 'Vermillion' and 'Dessert' from Citrus and Sunshine (not yet published chapter). I have actually decreases the amount of it in the chapter but it's still a large part of the chapter. Again, I will label the parts with ********************** </p><p>As with all Act 2 chapters, the alternate chapter can be found here: (specific link to be added once posted) <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/59941624">Here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Vanessa Gris.” Kevin stopped Vanessa and Vanessa Too, taking each of their hands and kneeling down, his face shining with love, “Will you marry me?” </p><p> </p><p>He watched the two cover their mouths in unison. He didn’t have rings for them, Lauren had lost her ring and he still hadn’t forgiven her but a ring wasn’t the most important thing, they were. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, Kevin!” They both breathed, repeating it louder as they wrapped their arms around him, knocking him down to the sand and rolling down the dune with him. They laughed the whole way down. </p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Kev.” Vanessa put just her head through the door, leaning on the door frame with her shoulder, one leg supporting her weight and the other raised behind her. The shoelaces of her canvas shoes dangled under gravity. Kevin couldn’t see this but he would have found it adorable.</p><p> </p><p>He turned his head and pushed his glasses back up.</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t call me that, Vanessa.” He asked carefully, letting his pulse raise as he gave in and looked into her delicate brown eyes, “What’s up?” </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” She started, putting her leg back down and swayed her hips side to side as she stood, “There’s a new restaurant that opens tonight in town and we need a special report for tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Kevin could tell she was moving and it was adorable. She was adorable. She was always adorable. All these months they’d spent together. All of the things they had done and hadn’t done. He noticed all of the small quirks she had. Sucking her thumb when concentrating. Rocking side to side when excited, although only gently. The way her voice rose when she was excited. </p><p> </p><p>“We could go, totally,” He offered, trying to seem nonchalant about it. He wasn’t sure how well it had worked, seeing as his voice had trembled badly. It was worse than it had ever been with her. They had gone for several special reports now. The frozen yogurt place, a tree that kept screaming regardless of what anyone said to it (and then Vanessa had calmed it down with a hug and Kevin had fallen so deeply in love with her. He was doing that a lot recently), a colony of ants that were worshiping the spiders that worshiped the statue of local hero Burt Lancaster, “If you’re free that is.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m always free, Kevin.” She replied with that aromatic articulation that made her words dance in his ears. </p><p> </p><p>“Cool.” </p><p> </p><p>“Cool.” She repeated in a similarly infatuated tone to his own, “You need to wear a tie, though. It’s high class, so a suit. I can’t wait to see you try to tie a tie.” </p><p> </p><p>Kevin nodded at the instruction, eyes following as she extracted her head and neck from the doorway and left him alone again. </p><p> </p><p>“Cool…” He repeated, thinking for a moment and then putting his hands to his head, “... Cool? Really, Kevin?” </p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not getting any closer, Vanessas.” Kevin sighed, stopping and staring at the lighthouse. It seemed so close but everytime they seemed to be making progress it got further away. “I’m seeing things, aren’t I, Vanessa?” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think so.” Vanessa Too replied, folding her arms, “I think we just need to keep going. The Smiling God wouldn’t let us just walk for our whole lives.” </p><p> </p><p>“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care if we do.” He took her hand in his and pressed on, smiling wide. She was right, anyway. The Smiling God loved him. The Smiling God loved her. The Smiling God wanted them to get there. He knew that the Smiling God didn’t judge or have favourites, but they would definitely be Its favourite if It did.</p><p> </p><p>It took another few years of daily walking around the mountain for Kevin to realise the issue. He was walking in circles <em> around </em> the mountain and not actually towards it. He had thought that walking at a slight angle would mean they would have more of a chance of finding things to eat and drink but he was simply stopping himself from getting where he wanted to go. The plus side was that he had found several half-eaten things and a lot of worms. The discoveries were spread out but they were welcome when they came. </p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>Kevin sorted his suit one last time. He had been doing this for around an hour at home before he had even come back. He had been worrying about his appearance since he had left Vanessa in front of the very same apartment he was now picking her up from. His hair hadn’t done what he wanted, his curls simply bouncing back into the mess that he normally wore. He had considered getting it cut for tonight but hated it. He only got his hair cut when he had to. </p><p> </p><p>He had shaved and showered, though, and was wearing his favourite cologne. He wasn’t sure if Vanessa would notice the difference between it and his usual. He didn’t know if Vanessa would care. His heart was in his throat. He could barely breathe and considered running away to Red Mesa and hiding for the rest of his life.</p><p> </p><p>Fortunately, his hand finally made it up to the doorbell, missing the first time he tried to press it and then hearing a ringing sound from the other side. He also heard what he thought was an excited noise from the other side but thought better of it. </p><p> </p><p>When Vanessa opened the door, his eyes couldn’t help but travel over her well tailored suit. It hugged her perfect waist and was just straight enough to hide the definition of her slender legs. He was now looking at their feet. Their shoes matched, which was cute. </p><p> </p><p>He quickly lifted his head again, pushing his glasses up as an alibi for the path of his gaze. </p><p> </p><p>“You look beautiful.” He said. It was the most true thing that had ever passed his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“You look handsome.” She offered in return, pretending to straighten his lapels as an excuse to touch him. She often made small excuses to touch him. “Did you want a coffee before we leave?” </p><p> </p><p>He tried his best to still his heart, in case she somehow feel it through his chest. He agreed to the coffee and for the first time stepped into the small apartment. It had been a while now and Alex had found someone new and was happily leaving Vanessa alone, so maybe he could ask her on a real date soon. No, he couldn’t do that. She was his intern, still. It was inappropriate. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have Caramel. I completely forgot to pick up more, is hazelnut ok?” Vanessa asked from the kitchen as Kevin sat at her table.</p><p> </p><p>“Hazelnut is great.” Kevin called back, resting his face on his fist and lingering on the memory of sharing that passion fruit bubble tea with her. How close their faces were as they had agreed to try it at the same time. He could still smell her perfume. Citrus and Sunshine. She was wearing the same today. His fingers trailed over his lips, imagining hers and then quickly putting his hand down on the table in case she came back. </p><p> </p><p>In the kitchen, Vanessa was almost mirroring his movements as she waited for the water to boil. His lips just looked so soft and she was so glad he hadn’t left his glasses at home. She loved when he looked at her over them. When he looked at her through them. She just loved his eyes. Those unique yellow irises. She could never choose just two to look into. </p><p> </p><p>She slipped down the counter, hugging herself and taking a deep breath. He was actually in her apartment. In her small, yellow walled apartment. Was he watching the murals on the walls dance like his tattoos did. She had painted them to be similar. Would he notice? Would he be creeped out? Would he notice how she had kept momentos from their reports? Was that creepy? Was she creepy? </p><p> </p><p>The click of the kettle snapped her back to reality. She quickly stood and poured their drinks, taking them to the other room and setting Kevin’s in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“I only have instant, sorry. No coffee hammer here anymore because the neighbours complain.” She apologised, sitting on the chair next to him. She couldn’t trust herself to sit across from him. She wouldn’t be able to take her eyes off of him. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine.” Kevin assured, lifting the mug to his mouth and sipping it, “I haven’t really been able to hammer my own coffee as much recently anyway, so I’m getting used to instant.” </p><p> </p><p>She hummed in question, raising an eyebrow at him. Kevin laughed, shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Just, everything has been going so well. I’ve not had anything to yell at the beans about. You know how important that is.” </p><p> </p><p>“I do.” She smiled.</p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>Kevin pulled them into him, kissing each of them in turn with the widest smile on his face and tears streaming down his face. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so happy.” He breathed, sniffling and looking between the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>Their three children cheered, their craved smiles growing on their wooden faces. They were throwing beautiful handfuls of sand. He tried his best not to have this fantasy broken by his own hands being in front of them or the cloth that covered his son’s toy slipping as it fell over. His toy was too slim to have a smile carved on it, so he couldn’t be human. It fit his little depiction of the Good family, anyway, except his family had big smiles! Big obvious smiles! No one would ever think they were anything but happy!</p><p> </p><p>Kevin hugged them all tightly, the Vanessas’s arms wrapping tightly around them all. </p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>Vermillion. That was an interesting name for a restaurant. It sounded fancy and when they were seated it was certainly fancy. It was less red than he had imagined, though.</p><p> </p><p>A candle glowed in the middle of the table and seemed like the only light source, even if he knew that there were floor lights as well. It lit up Vanessa like he had never seen her before and his heart exploded in his chest. Her fingers pushed a strand of hair out of her face and cleared his view of her soft, kissable cheek. He couldn’t help but imagine holding her in his arms and softly peppering kisses along her face and over her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>They ordered drinks, a bottle of Chardonnay, and appetizers as they spoke about work. Her eyes lit up as she talked about working in the control booth, pushing buttons to add music and sounds to his speech. </p><p> </p><p>“Plus, seeing you there. I can’t hear you other than in my headphones but I can see the passion you put into it in a way that no one else gets to see.” She finished, taking a sip of her wine to cover her smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I am passionate.” He replied, sipping his own glass as he watched her, “You’re passionate as well, though. You put your all into everything! Literally everything. My last intern refused to leave the studio, near enough. I was pretty worried that I was doomed to have interns that just wanted to sit in the producer’s studio all day and not much else.” </p><p> </p><p>Vanessa smiled softly and then frowned. She had almost forgotten that she was just another intern. They always acted like friends, with work coming secondary. It wasn’t often she thought about herself as his intern these days. She could see that her frown worried him and quickly smiled again. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, if there’s something up, we can talk. I want you to know that.” Kevin offered, reaching across the table and putting his hand on hers. Her heart stopped, staring down at the touch. She must have died and gone to heaven. The time between his statement and her reply didn’t even occur to her until he withdrew his hand, looking away from her and taking another sip of his drink.</p><p> </p><p>Kevin had slowly faded from a loving concern to a deep internal panic that he had crossed a boundary by taking her hand the way he had. Had he ever touched her hand directly? He must have, surely, when taking coffee or when she grabbed him in excitement about something. No, she always grabbed his arm. Oh God, what if she had realised that he liked her that way? What if it scared her off. His heart was racing in ways it never had before and he started feeling light headed.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Kevin.” </p><p> </p><p>The words hit him but didn’t go in. He was panicking too much to think straight. He had to excuse himself and rush to the bathroom to get away. Vanessa had watched him in bewilderment as he had rushed away from the table.</p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>They were finally in the lighthouse. Finally together, stood at the top. They had all said those magical words while the light of the Smiling God enveloped them and then the two had faded again. The Smiling God stayed for longer, Kevin feeling like his skin was burning as he basked in Its light. </p><p> </p><p>Once It had faded again, Kevin looked out over the Otherworld, twirling a phone he had found a few days ago in his hands. He had found many phones over the course of being trapped here but this phone had a lemonade charm attached and a lemon sticker that was faded and peeling from the back. He hadn’t had the courage to turn the screen on yet but he knew it still worked because it had vibrated. That’s how he had found it. He was calling his lovely, now, wife. He heard it vibrate. The notification hid the home screen as his call died away. Over 1000 voicemails. He knew who they were from even if he didn’t remember all of them. He walked over to it and saw his own face staring back up at him. A face he hadn’t seen in years. Scarless and surprised. He wasn’t smiling in the picture. He was looking into a box and his arms were inside it. He didn’t remember what was in the box any more. It didn’t matter anymore. </p><p> </p><p>He took a dose of his medicine. It was getting low and he’d need to go and pick up another bottle from the waste facility soon. How many more bottles would he find there? How long could he stay himself without it?</p><p> </p><p>Not her birthday. Not the DBCR address. Not her mother’s birthday. </p><p> </p><p>He was locked out for an hour at this point. He just hoped that an hour would go by quickly here. It did.</p><p> </p><p>Not her brother’s birthday. </p><p> </p><p>Two hours… </p><p> </p><p>Not her favourite date.</p><p> </p><p>Five hours...</p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry about that.” He said as he sat back across from Vanessa. He didn’t really know what else to say. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine. I almost thought you climbed out the window.” She laughed, scratching her neck, “Sorry if I made things awkward.” </p><p> </p><p>“No! No, no. You didn’t, I thought I had.” </p><p> </p><p>“Of course not. I’m having an amazing evening.” </p><p> </p><p>They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring into each other’s eyes. Neither of them noticed that the other was staring in the same way as they were. Just seeing those eyes. Beautiful and glittering in the low candle light.</p><p> </p><p>The waiter had come over to them once they finished their mains, placing a large dessert in the middle of the table and gesturing over to Abigail and Stan. The two waved at them and they waved back. Kevin mouthed ‘thank you’ before turning back to his date. Intern. Back to his intern. They were doing a news story. A delicious, romantic news story. </p><p> </p><p>She always seemed to feed him when they reported on food and tonight was no exception. They were only given one spoon and she had held a piece of the moist chocolate cake out to him to take before taking some for herself. </p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t bite your nails,” She hummed, moving his hand from his face and offering him another mouthful. He hadn’t even realised that he was doing it. Now their hands were together again and Vanessa’s fingers had pressed between his. Kevin took the mouthful and stared, a deer in the headlights under her gaze. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, Kevin. The dessert is nice but it’s not what I was hoping to have.” Oh, his heart couldn’t handle this, “Maybe we could go back to mine and have <em> something </em> there.” </p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>“What’s your passcode?” Kevin asked her, staring at the seconds going down again. He’d been waiting for 5 hours according to the phone. Vanessa shrugged and Vanessa Two shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>“Who’s passcode, Kevin?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yours, Vanessa.” He stroked her cheek and pulled Vanessa Two close. The lighthouse floor was cold and hard. He was starting to get uncomfortable but it was easier than sitting out in the Sun. Easier than feeling his eyes burn with the light.</p><p> </p><p>“Carlos, Kevin. My name’s Carlos.” </p><p> </p><p>“No, you’re Vanessa.” His head hadn’t even turned to the source of the voice. It was just in his head, right, and this was where Vanessas were. In his arms. </p><p> </p><p>“I think you might be dehydrated. I haven’t seen it in the desert but maybe it affects people differently. I haven't found anyone else here, so I don't know. I had thought that you didn’t need water. It still hurts your throat though.” </p><p> </p><p>An arm slipped under Kevin and he stumbled to his feet, clutching Vanessa’s phone tight. He finally looked up to the person holding him. Their face was chiselled, beautiful, and their hair was perfect. Vanessa’s hair was perfect too, but in a much different way. He looked exactly like another scientist that Kevin knew, in fact, but his hair was messy and he had casual clothes under his lab coat. Kevin looked between Carlos’ eyes as the man helped him down the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>**********************</p><p> </p><p>“I had a wonderful evening, Kevin.” Her voice was quiet as she unlocked her door, leaning against it but pulling the handle to keep it closed as she did.</p><p> </p><p>“Me too, Vanessa.” He replied, trying to take in as much of this beautiful sight before she disappeared into her apartment. She seemed to do the same and Kevin had to hold himself back from kissing her. It was overwhelming. His heart leapt in his chest, desperate to just make the small movement that would have sealed their lips. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen and it kept everything in him to keep this professional. It took everything in him to keep his smile from absorbing his face. It took everything in him to keep his voice steady.</p><p> </p><p>Vanessa didn’t bother. Her lips quickly found their way to his and her hand found their way into his hair and under his jacket, to the buttons of his waistcoat. His hands reacted on their own, pulling her closer and running down to lift her off her feet. She was like a feather. </p><p> </p><p>The door pushed easily open as he carried her through it, turning and pushing her against the other side. Her feet touched the floor again and his hands ran up her body and up her arms to her wrists and then her hands. Fingers and lips entwined. Bodies pressed together. As soon as he let her hands slip away, she had pushed him away from her. As soon as he went to apologise, her hands were on his lapels pulling him close again while walking him backwards until he fell on her sofa. One leg one side of his and the other on the floor, pushing herself even closer to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Vanessa.” He purred as she moved to his neck, kissing and caressing. Her hands were running over the most delicate parts of his throat as her lips and tongue explored his shoulder. His head lulled backwards as he let her take control. His fingers rolled her hair around them. His body relented to her begging lips.</p><p> </p><p>It was delightful. Magical. Fantastic. An ecstasy that rushed through him. </p><p> </p><p>Soon her lips were on his again and he rolled her onto the sofa. Kisses made their own way over her, his third eyes staying on her wonderful face. </p><p> </p><p>“Kevin.” She hummed, allowing him to take her over.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Unlocked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Carlos helps Kevin to unlock Vanessa's phone and Kevin breaks down.</p><p>Alternate: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/60126220">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We're out of other fic territory for now, don't worry.</p><p>Sorry, this chapter is rather short. The alternative is longer.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“There you go.” Carlos handed the phone back, unlocked. He was smiling at Kevin in a way that the other man hadn't expected, considering he was the reason Carlos was trapped here in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was sitting in his lab now, which was a kitchen made from large cacti and lab equipment that had been found or made out of cups and dishes. He had been a little unsure about sitting on a stool made of cactus but Carlos had assured him that they were all smoothed and the chair was actually rather comfortable. More comfortable than he’d been in days, in fact, although that wasn't difficult. He ached all over, even with his medicine coursing through his system. His back hurt. His eyes hurt. His scars hurt. It felt like he had pulled several of them apart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was the code?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“July 3rd. 0703.” Carlos told him, trying not to look at the water bottle that was half full poking out of Kevin’s bag. He couldn’t tell if the man was exasperated or angry. He had been smiling before but this wouldn't be the first time someone had smiled at him and then turned around and scolded him for something or worse. Whatever Carlos' reaction, Kevin was just glad to have some human contact and would welcome that in whatever form it took. Even better if it meant him being useful for something. He hadn't felt useful since he lost his job.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful! How did you figure that out?” Kevin asked weakly, turning so his arms could rest on the cactus table top while he scrolled quickly to the top of Vanessa’s photo album. It was mainly pictures of them together she had in there and a few of things she had found interesting and collected on her bookshelf. He loved her clutter. He hadn't remembered that until seeing it again and feeling the pangs of love and loss and shame flare in his chest. There were even a few that Kevin vaguely remembered were also on his phone, since they had been to text him. Some more innocent and some that he couldn't look at anymore. Not after his training. Not after Strex had wrapped his mind to associate such images of her with such bloodlust. It made him feel sick just to think about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s your, and presumably Cecil’s, birthday. At least, I assume it is. There's no way to be sure but the fact that it was the passcode means that conclusion has some evidence behind it.” Carlos said, giving up and pointing to the bottle. He would hate to ask for some of the precious liquid, liquid he had not felt in so long, but Kevin obviously needed it, “Drink.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin took the bottle out, looking at it for a moment as if he had no idea it was there. Then his eyes moved back to Carlos, looking him up and down. Carlos raised an eyebrow at this, gesturing again for him to drink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you give this to me? Is it poisoned?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you had it when I found you. Why would I poison you, Kevin?” The man had an annoyance in his voice and Kevin couldn’t blame him. He did as he was told. He couldn’t remember when he had last had a drink or how old the water must have been. There were days when it made him feel like he was strapped to that chair again. Alone. He hadn’t been alone here, Vanessa was here. He'd finally woken up to his heaven and even if there were small times where he remembered the horrors he faced, he was happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, It’s what I would do to someone like me.” He swiped slowly through the memories. It felt like voyeuristically fantasizing about another person’s life, distant. The him that was in the photos wasn't the him that was looking. His words hadn’t been to accuse or to sound sad, they were just the truth. Kevin had been programmed to tell the truth, albeit in a censored and tailored way. He would poison someone like himself. He would kill someone like himself. He had tried before several times. One in particular stuck in his mind. One where it was <em>someone</em> like himself. Cecil, “You should drink too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not you.” There was a pause as Carlos poured a little into a cup and sipped it. His eyes were focused on Kevin. He didn’t want to turn his back for longer than was needed. He had no idea what Kevin was capable of but he heard Kevin talking about the Shawns on the radio. He had heard the fear in Cecil’s voice. There was no way that he was going to let Kevin do the same to him, not without a fight. He had plenty of things to fight with, too. He had scalpels as part of his scienceing kit. He had plenty of glass around, as well as cacti if he really needed to use it. He had shuffled over to one of the counters and slipped one of the scalpels into his pocket while Kevin was turned away. He gripped it tight in his hand, ready to use it if Kevin tried to attack him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Happy Birthday, Kevin! Blow out the candles!”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Vanessa’s voice rang from the device in Kevin’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Vanessa? Did you bake this yourself?”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>It wasn’t his voice anymore, replying to her but he followed the words with his own as if it was the present day he was watching. He knew what would happen but it was just there. For the first time in years, it was there, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s almost as beautiful as you.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that he crumbled. He hadn’t cried in so long and this wasn’t crying was it? He had sobbed in desperation, sure, but he hadn’t cried. He could feel the tears, sure. He could feel his throat closing up but he was still smiling. He was still happy, right? He didn’t care that Carlos was watching him. He cried into the glass and wires that held so many more memories than he had been allowed to keep. He didn’t remember any of these, even as he remembered them so vividly as he looked at them. He forget them as soon as his eyes had left the images. They weren’t his memories any more. They were a sweet, strange fiction that tormented his very being. The ones Lauren had refused him by deleting them from his phone. The ones that she had denied him by doing everything to erase them from his mind and soul. He couldn’t look at the pictures on his phone. She’d only left ones that made him feel dirty to look at. The ones that Vanessa had sent him in private but he knew that Lauren would have to have seen. Lauren would have had to choose to leave there. Ones that he was ashamed of and had tried to delete. It wasn’t Lauren that stopped him. It was that adorable face. It was the last thing he had left of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” Carlos said, concern in his tone as he watched him curl into his own arms. He couldn’t tell if Kevin was laughing or crying, just that he was vibrating and holding his stomach. There were hiccups and other sounds but none of them were clear. His hand gripped tighter on the blade in his pocket as he approached the other man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Carlos.” Kevin turned, still bawling but smiling wide through it. He couldn’t stop smiling now. He couldn’t let someone see him like this. See him vulnerable. See him unhappy. He wasn’t unhappy! He chose to be happy! He couldn’t let his training go away. He needed his training. He needed it to survive here. He <em>chose </em>to be happy! There was nothing to be sad about. There was plenty to be sad about, but nothing that he could change. He <em>chose to be happy.</em> “I’m happy. It’s a most wonderful day, isn’t it? A most delightful day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re crying, Kevin.” Was he touching his face? Kevin could barely see through the tears or feel through the ache. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, smiling!” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Let's Not...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin asked Carlos to 'fix' him.</p><p>Alternate here; <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/60126220">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I'll label all the Citrus and Sunshine parts except the one right at the start (because it fades into the chapter)</p><p>Suicide mention &gt;&gt;&gt;Warning&lt;&lt;&lt; seperated by ******S******</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Good morning, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes flicked open, stretching out in the most pleasurable way. He felt like all the tension he had had over his life had just melted away. Was that his shirt? It was too big for her and fell from her figure. Where was his underwear? They had also been appropriated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A mug of coffee and a smile as the soft sunshine ran through the window. It was paradise. He had surely died and gone to heaven.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We still have to go to work.” Kevin hummed into her hair, peppering tiny kisses on her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A now familiar weight on his lap. His mug on the side and his hands focusing on retrieving his shirt. At least, that was his excuse. He kept kissing her. Down her neck. Normally she would lean her head back. She wasn’t doing that. Her fingers were tighter in his hair now summoning a breathy moan, but also almost stopping him reaching her skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.” The fingers in his hair felt nice but they weren’t Vanessa’s, “I’m not upset but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin sat up, looking at Carlos for a moment before offering a hand on his shoulder. Carlos refused. He realised what had happened and although his smile didn’t fade it certainly merged into the red of his face. Carlos obviously hadn’t wanted to hurt him by pulling his hair too hard but it was definitely uncomfortable for the scientist. </span>
  <span>He had been lying on him, but that had a good amount of weight behind it. Not to say he was heavy but that the weight of a person was not painful like a touch, especially the same weight as Cecil provided.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking about Cecil, not you. I should have woken you up to start with.” Carlos clarified, sighing deeply, “It’s been nine years without him. You can’t imagine-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped himself, remembering Vanessa and frowning. Kevin did know what it was like. Kevin had even said her name in his sleep before he had started kissing him. Carlos didn’t want to think about that. He felt bad about allowing the first few. He felt bad about humming Cecil’s name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re right.” Kevin whispered, drawing his hand back and pushing Carlos’ off of his hair. He didn’t have to touch him to do that, “Vanessa is still here with me but you’re so far from Cecil. Which is sad. You shouldn’t be sad, though, Carlos. Be happy that you’ll see him again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want you to think that it will go further than this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not.” Kevin agreed, nodding. He was still feeling vulnerable from the day before. Carlos had not only seen him cry but had pointed it out. He had hugged him. He had asked what was wrong. Kevin had let it all out. Everything. Everything from the past fifteen years. In the outside world, Carlos had told him, it had only been about ten months since the attempted takeover. Adding the time that Strex had owned… </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Carlos said to stop referring to what they did to him as ownership… that Strex had abused him, he had had at least six years that he remembered feeling this slow internal death he had felt. </span>
  <span>Kevin didn’t remember what he had said. He remembered that he didn’t tell Carlos about the training. That was too far. It wasn’t happy. He wasn’t trying to make Carlos sad. He was just getting things off his chest, right? Even that seemed like a selfish act of aggression. He had no right to put that on someone else! It was just about missing Vanessa and about working with Lauren, right? He had told Carlos about meeting the Smiling God but Carlos seemed to dismiss the idea that Kevin had met a God, even when Kevin told him about the skin the Smiling God had given him. Carlos acted like this made the story even less likely, so Kevin didn’t continue talking about It. He didn’t describe It.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How did you know my birthday?” Kevin asked, wrapping his arms around himself now and staring over at the parsol that was now set in the corner of the room. His satchel was below it and he would need to take his medicine soon. He would need to leave and get more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought about any dates Cecil had said on the radio.” Carlos told him, shrugging, “Especially recently. He said where you’re from too but that seems doubtful. Cecil is definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>from</span>
  </em>
  <span> Night Vale, Josie told me. By that logic, you are definitely from Desert Bluffs. Still, the date worked.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Cecil.” Kevin whispered, taking Vanessa’s phone from his pocket and hugging it to his chest, “I forgive you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos raised an eyebrow, letting Kevin have the moment with the item before talking. He knew how important those moments were. He had so many of his own with small things Cecil had left while passing through during the revolution.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Forgive him? You tried to do… this…” Carlos gestured at Kevin’s face, “...to him. You tried to take over Night Vale!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His Strex training threatened to take over for a moment but he fought it back. It wasn’t Carlos’ fault that Cecil hadn’t told him what he had said to Kevin. What he thought of Strex. It wasn’t Carlos’ fault. Kevin had done awful, horrible things, and Carlos had every right to be angry at him about it. That was what Carlos was feeling, right? Anger? He wasn’t raising his voice or being aggressive but Lauren had often been extremely angry with a smile on her face. She had often hurt him while sounding positively chipper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He wanted Strex to take over the ‘Bluffs.” Kevin choked finally, trying to push back the fear of the man next to him, who looked so much like Diego… so much like Damien. He hadn’t noticed before that moment. He looked so similar to Diego, Kevin wondered if Diego was his Red Mesa counterpart. He put the screen to his face and kissed it softly, “He told me that I’d win. I believed him. I believed him so hard. I held the door closed. I held my body over it. I watched her die. I watched Abigail die. I watched Janet die. Even…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were no words that Carlos could offer that would help now. He had thought that offering another hug would help but he had already been very uncomfortable with the fact he had been holding Kevin all night, despite refusing to let the man touch him before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t know… how could he know, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t answer, standing and taking a deep breath before smiling back at Carlos and shoving Vanessa’s phone in his pocket. He almost spoke but thought better of it, not able to keep himself present and just watching himself move. He gave a single laugh and removed himself from the room. He needed more medicine and now seemed like a good time to try and retrieve some.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We all have our secrets. Deep, dark holes that consume our entire being. Sunshine and lemonade on your favourite day! Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa hummed as she watched him. Her mind not moving from the night before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Desert Bluffs, I have some wonderful news for you.” His voice was happier than she had ever heard it, “I went on a date last night!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A shining review of Vermillion and of Vanessa, trailing into an embarrassed, “Some details are just for us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**********************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin breathed slowly. He tried to ground himself. All he could see was Vanessa’s hair. Her scalp. His window. Those pictures. His family. </span>
  <span>He bit his nail and then flinched. He rolled his tongue on the scar in the middle. Over his smile. He remembered what he was for. He missed Lauren. He missed Damien. He never felt anything but twisted happiness with them. He never had to think about what he had become because what he had become was theirs. He even missed Daniel and their few interactions. Kissing the robot when he thought it was Vanessa. Was that Daniel? Maybe, who knows. He laughed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was too much. Too much freedom. Too much time to himself. Not enough medicine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Carlos called after him, waving his hands in the air, “He wouldn’t know!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop following me! Thanks for the memories, they are truly much appreciated, but I have nothing to offer you back! I must be on my way, staying here will reduce your productivity.” Kevin’s eyes twitched. He was trying to act natural but Strex was natural now. Strex was him. He was not bold enough to say he was Strex but Strex was definitely him. Wrapping their claws around his fragile neck. His training was pushing back and he let it. He let it take him over. His wide smile and robotic voice. This was him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My productivity is none of your concern!” Carlos retorted, still following him, “I’ve been alone here for years and so have you Kevin! Let’s just talk!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stopped suddenly, spinning around and standing as tall as his not-tall body could. He stared at Carlos and then took very deliberate steps towards him. It felt awful, thinking of a tall and confident business man in that awkward and dorky scientist, but he needed to stand up for himself, right? If he pictured Damien, he could stand up to himself. If he pictured Dee… no, he had at least enjoyed Dee’s company. He needed to protect Carlos from himself and the way to do that was to scare him away. The way to do that was to stand up to the man he saw in Carlos’ eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will use your blood to decorate my clothes when I’m done feasting on you. I’ve never tried human before. I've been told it's quite delicious.” His voice was low in pitch and volume. His eyes glared into Carlos’, even if Carlos’ refused to meet them. Kevin couldn’t tell if this was fear or just Carlos. He hadn’t been around him for long enough. He knew that Carlos had some form of divergence but Kevin was no doctor. He didn’t know what other symptoms he might have, “I will…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go on, then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” The invitation took Kevin off guard and he stopped in his tracks, tilting his head and simply staring. His head emptied of everything. All of his nerves, all of his fear. It all blew away like the sand. Where was his training? Why wasn’t he just grabbing the man? That’s what he wanted, right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re alone, except the masked army. Who is going to stop you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood. Kevin couldn’t think of an answer. The mask army wasn’t there right now, so Carlos was right. He could have easily killed him there and then and nothing would happen. He could take his phone. He could call Cecil. He could listen as he took away everything he had longed to take from him for years. He didn’t want to. Carlos, at the words of Cecil, had given him Vanessa back, even just as pictures that dance around a screen that was something priceless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not worth it.” Kevin hissed, turning around and walking again. Tears burnt his eyes. Tears burnt his smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you want to kill, Kevin. The blood, sure, but I don’t think you want to hurt people.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin laughed, waving his hand behind him dismissively. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then you are very innocent.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>******************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I take you now, to the weather.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin spun on his chair. Vanessa watched him with a smile. She signed to him, telling him that she was thinking of how good he had been the night before. His face lit red, signing back that she was better. She had learnt sign for Janet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Janet had a very rare condition. She couldn’t speak, her legs didn’t work, and she found it hard to write. Vanessa hadn’t needed to learn this as his intern but she had always been so good with Janet when she had come to visit. Vanessa treated her as family even before they were together and it meant the world to Kevin. It meant the world to Janet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********S************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, are we actually going to talk about this?” Carlos started, folding his arms over each other. Kevin was sitting again in his kitchen. Carlos had retrieved him from the lighthouse yet again. He had smashed the glass and slit his wrists. Hanging from the ceiling. The glass had repaired itself and Kevin had cleaned himself of the blood he had over his face once Carlos had cut him down. It had been difficult as the blood didn’t seem to coagulate like usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is there to talk about?” Kevin asked. He knew what there was to talk about. He didn’t want to talk about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You tried to kill yourself in a desert where things don’t really die.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They die, it’s just hard. Why do you think the masked army has all those arms?” Kevin pointed out, not looking at Carlos and instead focusing on licking his scars. One had broken and it helped him feel normal, even if it was disgustingly abnormal. The taste, the smell, the feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>********************s********************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need help. I’m a scientist! I’m not a psychologist, but I’ll try my best to figure out what’s wrong and…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fix me?” Kevin finished, eyes fluttering up to Carlos for a moment and then humming as he smiled, his chest filling with vile joy and excitement. There wasn’t even a trace of fear. There had been before, hadn’t there? Oh, could this version of him just stay present for longer! “You have scalpels, Carlos. Oh, oh! Of course you can fix me! Please, do!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin started to unbutton his shirt as the blood seemed to drain from the other man’s face. Kevin was confused. He had put so much happiness behind his statement, surely Carlos would know that he was serious. He had even allowed the small excited noise, boarding a moan, to escape him at the end of his statement. Surely Carlos would know it was alright. Surely Carlos didn’t mind the idea of rearranging him to make him perfect. He was a scientist. Sure, he was an awkward, dorky, cute scientist, but he was still a scientist. He should know that some people just needed a little… rearranging. He could see that Kevin was one of those people. That Kevin had always been one of those people.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you want me to fix you, Kevin?” His voice was shaky. Kevin misinterpreted this as excitement. Samatha’s voice had done the same before she had tried new experiments on him or cut something out. He thought Carlos was imagining what to do with him. He thought about what Carlos might want to change. He smiled wider, his hands grasping at the knees of his trousers once his final button had fallen open. </span>
  <span>He was covered in scars. Carlos could see the source of many of them with just a glance and it made his stomach ache. Whips, tasers, knives. There was more red and pink than his own skin. There were parts Carlos would expect to see that were gone. Tattoos he had expected that were grafted over. Was that even Kevin’s skin they had covered it with? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“However you like. Whatever part isn’t enough or isn’t right, just change to your liking.” Kevin pointed to his eyes. He pointed to his heart. He pointed to his ears, “Well, it might be difficult to add here, unless you take from elsewhere. I do have a lot of skin. Don’t worry about the anaesthetic, I fall asleep super quickly during these things. My ears were the worst ones, that was after they gave me my brain implants to keep me awake for longer. Ho... I can’t remember when they gave me those… What part of me makes you sad, Carlos? How can I make you happy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waited for the response but one didn’t come. Carlos had put down his notebook and was rubbing his eyes under his glasses. His back was trembling. Kevin felt like crying again but just kept smiling. He thought Carlos was laughing. Laughing at him. He must be really excited to fix him. How long would it take, now he was malleable? How much disgusted Carlos? He probably didn’t want him to look like Cecil anymore, that would take a while. Maybe he wanted him to look more like Cecil. There was no way he could do that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let it come back. The fear of shock. The fear of abuse. Carlos didn’t need him opening his big mouth right now. Carlos needed to think, right? To decide what he was going to do to him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Be quiet and smile. Be quiet and smile. Be quiet and smile. This is what you’re for. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You understand that you look like Cecil, don’t you?” Carlos asked. He knew the answer and interrupted Kevin before he could reply, “Stop trying to hurt me with that! I get that you hate Cecil but I can’t handle it! I can’t handle it, Kevin! I’ve spent nine years without him and not for this! Whatever you’re trying to gain from tormenting me, stop!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Kevin beamed, although he felt his insides twist at thinking that Carlos saw him that way. It felt special. It felt wrong. He felt… loved? No, that couldn’t be it. He felt resented. He was here and Cecil was there. How could Carlos not resent him? It felt amazing… he wasn’t sure he remembered the boundary between love and resentment anymore. Lauren had felt both, right? Maybe she had just resented him too, “I forgot that you don’t differentiate us. I can cover my face if that helps. It might help me sleep faster, too. You’ll need to uncover it to make me look… different, though. Oh, oh! Oh! I could do some first to help if it’s too much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos gaped, staring wider at him. He could barely think to reply to that. He could barely understand the words. Kevin was offering to mutilate himself… so that Carlos felt better about mutilating him? Did he think that made things better? Did Kevin even think before he spoke at all?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still that sick smile. Carlos could barely keep his emotions in, tears rushing down his face and mucus starting to leave his nose. How could Kevin talk like that and not know how horribly it ripped at his heart? He grit his teeth and slapped Kevin. Hard. Hard enough to hurt his own hand and move Kevin’s face. Hard enough to leave a large red mark on both. He wanted to swing again but something stopped him. </span>
  <span>Kevin let him. Carlos had honestly thought that Kevin would grab his wrist or react but Kevin just corrected his posture again. It was as if Kevin didn’t care. As if Kevin expected as much. If it was Lauren he would whimper. If it was Lauren he would let her feel in control. This wasn’t Lauren. This was Carlos. Kevin had no idea how he was expected to react and it terrified him. He actually felt fear. It delighted him. If Carlos wanted him silent, he couldn’t whimper. He would hold in the noises that threatened to bubble up. The laughs. The moans. The cries. The things Strex made him feel and do. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Carlos’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not Strex’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*******************************</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was unprofessional.” She laughed, wrapping her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin gave a look of fake shock, pointing to himself. He couldn’t help but smile as her, even when choking those laughs. She was adorable. She was unprofessional. She was excitable. He wanted to drink her light. He wanted her to stay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me?” He chuckled, “Unprofessional? Ms. Gris, you are the one who is currently on top of a very distractible radio host.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hummed, pushing his glasses back up his nose from him before moving back off of him. She let their hands stretch as she moved closer to the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about hitting you.” Carlos murmured, hunching over his notes to try and distract himself from the conversation they had just had. Kevin had told him a lot of things but he was unsure which things were true. The details were either vague or hazy or contradicting. Carlos didn’t want to think about it. Kevin said he’d been with Strex for less than a few months but earlier he had said several years. Then he mentioned doing things for them a couple of years ago. He mentioned going to training once and then mentioning the third time he’d been in training. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had sat there for a good few hours, Carlos asking questions like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘did they make you ask for it’</span>
  </em>
  <span> and getting answers like</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘not at all’</span>
  </em>
  <span> but then asking questions like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘did you enjoy it’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and getting answers like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘once I realised that would make them happy. I’d even beg’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Carlos was past overwhelmed and could tell Kevin was too yet they both just fed into making each other worse. Kevin had continued in his prescribed emotions until he had finally faltered and let two hot tears run down his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for asking you to hurt me. I just want to make you happy.” Kevin returned. He was more like his normal self. Not the sickening Strex self but still not allowing himself to show anything but a joyous disposition. He was trying his best to ignore those tears as he smiled wider. He hoped that Carlos wouldn’t point them out this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, sadness is a valid emotion, Kevin.” Carlos told him, still refusing to look over at him, “You are allowed a full range of emotions.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Feeling sad makes me sad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I get that, but if you don’t feel sad how can you feel happy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos looked over for a second but couldn’t keep his eyes on him. He grasped the front of his own hair, taking a deep breath. Of course Kevin didn’t feel happy and he could tell how terrified it had made Kevin to admit that. He remembered when Kevin had said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I don’t feel anything’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he wondered how Lauren must have treated him after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Kevin. I know.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. ... be friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Carlos finds Kevin's trigger phrase and uses it to get Kevin to explain what happend with Strex.</p><p>Alternative here; <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/60483505">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, a note on the names. </p><p>Although Kevin and Carlos kind of become friend, at the moment it's meant to be Carlos just putting up with Kevin in this version.<br/>Well, I'm sure you can tell what the other version means to suggest...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Once they were both as comfortable as situations allowed, Carlos sat back in front of Kevin. He had a lot more questions and he knew that Kevin wasn’t going to give him any coherent answers without being triggered. He knew that he would need to record what Kevin said and piece it together himself. He could tell that he had memory issues. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Kevin asked, pointing at the recorder. He knew what it was but although that was what he asked, it wasn’t the actual question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get you to tell me what happened. If earlier is anything to go by, you’re not going to make it easy to understand. No questions, just memories.” Carlos explained, turning it on and putting it next to Kevin. He watched the man watch where it was put and then move it, presumably off of Vanessa. “What do you remember?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin held back his reaction. It wasn’t within his training and Lauren had been mad the last time he reacted like that. Plus, this wasn’t in Samantha’s voice. It was Carlos’ voice. He was Carlos’ now. Carlos didn’t know anything, right? Except what he had been told. The internal debate instead allowed his training to lead, although it didn’t take over fully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was put in training for not doing what Lauren told me to. I can’t remember what I did.” Kevin started, putting his hands together as he did, “Samantha was nice that time. I accepted my meals without argument. I read my lines and watched the images.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos frowned, nodding but not responding at first. He waited for Kevin to continue but it seemed like that was all Kevin could remember. He started to rub his socks back and forth on the carpet he had found in the desert and now had under his table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, can I try something that might hurt?” He asked softly, scared of Kevin’s reaction but also feeling slightly sick at what he was about to do, “It might help you remember things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin only nodded, watching as Carlos shakily moved his hand to Kevin’s. He hovered above it for a moment before moving close enough to allow the electrons built up on himself to discharge to Kevin’s hand. It only made sense that Kevin drew his hand away but his reaction was even more violent than Carlos had expected. Kevin hadn’t made a noise but he hadn’t needed to. His eyes were begging. His eyes were apologising. So much emotion in such a blank space. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you remember?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not in restraints?” Kevin asked, looking down at his wrists and then back up at Carlos, “Have you come to take me back to the station, Diego?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos paused for a moment, looking into Kevin’s eyes despite how uncomfortable it made him. He took Kevin’s phone, which had the passcode taken off of it now, and looked through the contacts as he spoke to Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did they do to you, Kevin?” He asked, finding who he was looking for. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Diego Mallard’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There was a picture and Carlos did a double take. It looked like him. His hairstyle was different and so was his choice of dress, but there was a scientist who looked exactly like him staring back out of the phone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just the normal, Dee.” Kevin started, leaning forward to take Carlos’ free hand and twitching away when Carlos moved it, “I annoyed Sam again, so she put the electrodes on high. Did she burn my face?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Kevin, she burnt your face.” Carlos told him, running his fingers over the, now faded, round burns on his temples. It was for science, to see if they were still raised. Kevin reacted as if he had shocked him, “Sorry... “ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin looked away, taking his hands back now and sitting up straight. Where were they? He hadn’t seen this place before had he? Yes… it was Carlos’ house. He was in Carlos’ house. He was in the present. He shook off the flashback and took a deep breath to keep himself smiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re back?” Carlos checked, getting a nod, “Do you remember how many times they tortured you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Trained.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Kevin corrected, putting a finger up and then moving it back to point at his head, “No. You asked that before, Carlos! You’re so silly. I know I was such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>resilient </span>
  </em>
  <span>worker and such a head back when they trained me. I don’t remember how much training I needed. It’s all stored on my chip, though. It helps me to not access it. They put it in my implant when they gave me my collar.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, unless I’m asleep and it’s on low power mode, If I think about my training it makes sure I see the correct information. I don’t see the horrible things that would make Strex look bad. Those crumby old false memories that people get, you know?” Kevin waved his hand as he explained, his tone staying level as if this was the most basic thing ever, “It’s malfunctioning recently. I didn’t tell Lauren it was malfunctioning, I think she caused it when she electrocuted me. They put it in with my collar, so you would think they would think about that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brown eyes didn’t leave Kevin’s face, although they fluttered as they tried to take in everything they had just been told. There was a lot to try to take out of what he was just told. Still, Kevin continued as if it was nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you take it out, then you could watch everything. That or spark it and ask questions. I’d rather you took it out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… uhm… What happens if I take it out?” Carlos asked, looking to where Kevin had pointed. It was the side of his head, which could be anywhere in his brain. Sure, Carlos had performed surgery before but he certainly had never gone poking around in someone else’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Kevin shrugged but the look in his eyes betrayed him. It was a sad happiness. Not a Strex happiness. A relaxed, wanting happiness. Carlos knew what would happen. Carlos didn’t want to ask again and he didn’t want to ask if Kevin wanted what would happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll need to do some tests first.” He lied, standing and pointing towards the kitchen where his lab was, “I’ll go and get my medical box. You stay there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Kevin winced as he let a whimper pass his lips with the cold stethoscope on his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t talk.” Carlos told him, listening to his heart and lungs. Both seemed weak, especially considering how strong and active Kevin always seemed. His heartbeat was quiet and irregular. His lungs wheezed. “Do you smoke?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I used to.” Kevin told him, only talking after Carlos had taken the earpieces out. He was attaching a cuff around Kevin’s arm which reminded Kevin of a much thicker tourniquet. Carlos had noticed the scars on Kevin’s arm, specifically the round ones on the inside of his elbow. He had some that almost matched on his neck and Carlos knew exactly where they had come from. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do surgery on you, Kevin. In fact, I’m concerned by the fact you’re not fainting. This must have started here because you would be dead in the other… the outside world.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the implants help with that. It doesn’t stop it but it helps.” Kevin explained again, letting Carlos take the equipment off and start looking in his ear. There were robotics in there, probably to aid with hearing or more likely to send what Kevin was hearing back to Strex, “It helps me to do a lot of things, like only feeling pain when they want me to. I should say, it did.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, please stop.” Carlos sighed, finishing in his ears and putting a tongue depressor in his mouth. He tried his best to ignore Kevin’s blush. He had mistaken it for a form of enjoyment and not a reaction to Carlos seeing his cracked dentures. “They really didn’t look after you, did they? You’re almost a walking corpse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zz-aayy li-d.” Kevin said around the stick, clicking his tongue when Carlos retracted it, “They gave me my medicine, they kept me productive. Sharpened my dentures.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos hummed in acknowledgment, assuming that he meant for his heart or insulin. He certainly wasn’t about to cut into someone who was in this state but knowing that he was also off of medicine made it worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said I could trigger it without cutting it out?” He asked, sitting back on the table and putting the equipment to the side. He tried his best to be calming for Kevin but could tell that the meer questions had agitated him quite a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Kevin started, rubbing his neck with one hand. He remembered a few times passing out with it in, so it was unlikely that that would do it but he did know that Lauren had made him run completely on his implant more than a few times. It was like sitting in the back seat and watching his body drive him around. “Try telling me what to do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos’ head tilted, but he did as Kevin said. He told him to sit, to stand, to slap himself. He felt bad about that one but at the same time he sort of wanted to play ‘Simon Says’ with Kevin. He would win everytime. He shook the thought off and instead made a note that he needed to teach Kevin not to do what he was told, he had thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep.” Carlos eventually said, half hoping that Kevin couldn’t follow the command as it required more than just the suggestions. Carlos was, of course, wrong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At first, Kevin’s body rocked back onto the chair and then he sat straighter than before. Robotic. More so than Kevin ever was when Carlos had heard him on the radio. He looked less human than he ever had. He was twitching and smiling, his eyes shooting to Carlos and then down and then back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” Carlos asked carefully, putting a hand towards him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Diego.” Kevin replied, no emotion behind his smile. It was all just teeth. It was normally just teeth but now it had stretched far enough to threaten his new stitches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am functioning. Do you want to know what has happened since I was last accessed?” There was a flicker in his eyes before he relaxed into a much more inviting position. It still wasn’t Kevin’s but it was closer. More like he had heard when he and Lauren were broadcasting, “Sorry, I meant, what did you need, Dee? It’s been a long time, I didn’t expect to see you again. Delightful, of course, but unexpected.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos ignored the name, lifting Kevin’s eyelids and looking in them with his torch. He couldn’t tell if they constricted or not, but he could see that there was little to no reaction to the light by the muscles around his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to know everything that happened since Strex took over.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos listened intently as Kevin clinically described the events that had happened since the takeover, down to giving statistics and a comparison between Kevin and other patients. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was over a hundred times more expensive than other patients. In total, I took three years in the facility to train, although I hosted my show from the facility for almost all of those three years. There were several visits after that but short ones. Over three hundred short stays. Total time with StrexCorp stands at twenty years.” Kevin’s eyes fluttered back to focus as he finished, staring at Carlos, “I won’t remember this. I will make sure that I don’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos just nodded, wiping tears from his eyes. It had been intense to listen to him and he was unsure if he could even reply or how to snap Kevin back to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you still act like Kevin?” Carlos asked, although unsure of his wording.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am Kevin, Diego.” He hummed in his usual joyous tone, seeming to return to normal except for not recognising Carlos, “I’m only speaking this way because you asked. Only for your family, otherwise I’ll be natural. I’m fine now, See? Smiling!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The scientist just nodded again. There was nothing he could say to what he was told. He turned off his recorder, slipping it back into his pocket. He didn’t really need to record now as everything had been told to him so clearly. Three years in day-to-day case file format. Even more information past that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Day one: Fought throughout. Refused to read lines. Passed out due to voltage three times. Refused food. Eye removed to avoid intruding on other patients. Sleep refused. Head restrained to avoid biting. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not at all appropriate behaviour on my part-...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just the details, Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Day five: Fought throughout. Read lines when threatened with shock. Accepting food. Tentacles removed to reduce cost on restraints. Passed out after one was removed. During removal of the second one, the patient went between two forms several times.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was told to him in such a way it hadn’t mattered if it was Kevin or Cecil. It could have been either. This is what could have happened to them. Kevin told him the log message they had put on the chip and his memories of the surrounding events, the ones Strex didn’t see and notable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Day fifteen: Unable to scream. Unable to read lines but made mouth movements to satisfy. Accepted food. Allowed Lauren Mallard to talk to him. Did not acknowledge news of deaths of; Sister. Niece. Brother-in-Law.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made it worse finding out that they had shared a surname. He kept calling himself ‘Palmer’. It made Carlos feel sick. He could barely hold it in, hunching over the counter and gripping his mouth as he listened back over the recording. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Day thirty: Calm. Refusal to smile. No longer trying to scream. No longer trying to beg. Lines read without threat present. Images viewed when eyes clipped. Physical fixes; arms fixed. Legs fixed. Tattoos concealed. Skin graft used on request of Lauren Mallard. Teeth removed on request of Samantha Reed. Broadcast resumed with threats present and lines given.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Addiction / Dependance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin withdraws from his medicine.</p><p>Alternate here:<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/60621898">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; warning &lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;</p><p>Ok, so this chapter is about withdrawal and withdrawal symptoms. It might not be 100% accurate, but is based off of my own withdrawal from opiates (perscription, perscribed for too long). Morphine is quite a bit stronger and would likely have different/worse withdrawal so I amped it up a little (I, of course, did not die).</p><p>Also, character death (but it's not really. He survives it.)</p><p>I will seperate it from the parts for 'Special Training' with ********************</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin slept on Carlos’ sofa that night. He had wanted to go back to the lighthouse but Carlos had refused to let him. Doug and Alicia guarded the door to make sure that Kevin hadn’t left. </span>
  <span>He supposed it wasn’t the worst place to be trapped. Carlos had material over the windows to stop the light getting in while they slept and things to lie down on that were more comfortable than the sand. </span>
  <span>Carlos had gone to bed a while ago and he was left to sort himself out, get dressed, and take his medicine. No, that bottle was empty. So was that one. No. Nope. <em>No…</em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His panic grew as he threw bottles and bottles to the side. He didn’t have a single drop left. Not even in the syringe. He hadn’t been able to go and get more and Doug refused to leave his post or get one of the other army members to go and get it. He had to wake Carlos up. It was the last thing he wanted to do but he had to!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carlos?” Kevin shook him, a bottle clutched in his hand, “Carlos, I need a scientist.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos’ eyes fluttered open, stroking Kevin’s face in his half-awake state. It felt magical. His fingers were soft and gentle and it took everything in Kevin's hearts not to turn and kiss his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil, I’m really tired. I want to, so bad, but maybe in the morning.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s face flushed hot. He had to take a deep breath and calm himself before he spoke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Delightful news, but I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cecil, Carlos. I wish I was, trust me, but I am not. I'm Kevin. Remember? I need you to do something for me. I need you to be a scientist, ok?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time Carlos had rubbed his eyes and sat up, slipping his glasses on. Before he could say anything else, Kevin had pushed the bottle into his hands and he was staring at it. It was small and had several piercings in the film on the top. Empty and made of pretty cheap plastic materials. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pete Frith. StrexCalm 10mg/ml. 2ml, Once per day. Do not take more than the recommended dose. Side Effects include;...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, did you steal someone’s medicine? What’s StrexCalm?” His voice stayed calm, studying the side effects as he turned the bottle in his hand. They were relatively standard, apart from the addiction warning and instructions for employees suffering from addiction, which included the line </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘addiction will not be tolerated’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it was in the waste facility. It’s the same as mine but I ran out.” Kevin explained quickly, looking around even though there was no chance that someone would be there, “I need you to make me some more. I can’t live without it. Quiet literally. I’ve come off it once before and oh.. well... I wasn't happy for quite a long time. <em>Quite a long time.</em> I can’t handle that again. No matter how positive I keep my attitude.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos’ eyes narrowed at him and then at the bottle again. He noted the pricks in the top and then looked at Kevin’s arm. There were bruises. There were scars. The same scars he had noted the day before. He had thought they were older than that but it also occurred to him that they certainly were not nine years old. He couldn’t help but sigh and stand up, shrugging on his lab coat and a pair of slippers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I might not be able to make it exactly, but I should be able to make something similar. Do you know any of the ingredients? It would be a big, like BIG, help.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know all of them.” Kevin scratched his shoulder, his smile widening as he tilted his head. It took a moment’s thought to remember what he had been told. A memorized list with no meaning behind it, but it came back to him, “They are Serotonin, Endorphins, Dopamine, Oxytocin, Norepinephrine, and....” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin hesitated, feeling Carlos staring at him. The scientist looked impressed so far, rather than repulsed. Kevin wouldn’t let on that they were just long words he’d been trained to say. Kevin knew that the last ingredient would not yield the same respect that his current list had earned him. The last one was the one that would probably upset or disgust Carlos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And…?” Carlos pressed, smiling. Smiling God, he did not want to change that smile, “So far, so good. Difficult to make but I might be able to find a shrew and figure something out. It will probably take a few days. In the meantime you’ll likely start feeling low moods and possibly loneliness. A decreased sex drive, but that's not a big deal here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<em>Thanks</em> for reminding me. The last one is... well… It's morphine.” Kevin looked away, bringing his legs up to his chest and smiling at the cupboard that was the other side of the room. He didn’t want to see Carlos’ reaction, especially if Carlos would make him specify what he meant. ‘Morphine’ could have been a variety of things. Most common in hospitals was diamorphine, what Kevin had, which would normally be used as a strong painkiller. Kevin knew this. Kevin knew that a lot of people got addicted to it, inside and outside of hospitals. The other form was hydromorphone, similar but not quite the same. Kevin knew less about that one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see.” Carlos had said. Kevin had closed his eyes to try and ignore the tone. It wasn’t judgemental, so to speak, at least not towards him, “Well, I don’t think that’s needed. I’m not sure if any of this is necessary, honestly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>StrexCalm</span>
  </em>
  <span> sounds more like brainwashing, considering what I know of Strex. If you’ve been on it for this long, though… it would be around eleven years I suppose? Or even longer still... I’d have to check the recording… then you’ll struggle without the hormones. Your brain would have stopped producing them for itself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded. He hadn’t meant to nod, he just did. He started to feel sick and wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t taken his medicine or if it was nerves. He didn’t want Carlos to be judging him. He didn’t want Carlos to be mad at him. Everything inside him wanted to run away and go and find another bottle in the waste management facility and just stay with his beautiful feelings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, I’m not going to make you this. We’ll try to get your hormones back to normal, ok. Naturally.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t reply. He couldn’t think of what he would need to do to be normal again. Could he get back to normal again? Would he still be him? He couldn’t think of what he would need to do to get through this, especially if his stomach was already starting to threaten to pull out of his abdomen. </span>
  <span>Then there was a blanket around his shoulders. Carlos’ special blanket. He had told Kevin not to touch it before and that Cecil had brought it to him before he was locked in the other world. Cecil had been so busy. Cecil was saving the town and he still had time to bring Carlos his comfort item. It made the feeling of it around Kevin’s shoulders even more important to him and he was very careful while pulling it close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll need this. Your thermoregulation is not going to work properly.” Carlos started, leaving to grab a thermometer and handing it to Kevin, “I don’t think you’ll die. That doesn’t happen here, but I might need to find something to keep you cool and look after you. The blanket will be fine for keeping you warm. If you’re going to be sick, please try to avoid my blanket. It's difficult to wash things here and it's the only one I have.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded, watching the man walking around. It made his heart hurt in such a pleasant way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********************************************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll need to come back to put the number in our system when you stop bleeding.” The scientist leant against Kevin’s desk. He had turned the cameras off when he had entered but it seemed like this was simply preference, it had scared Kevin beyond comparison. He had only been in training once and they had only let him out because he had agreed to let R&amp;D poke him with sticks. </span>
  <span>How long he’d been in there? He didn’t remember. He barely remembered that they had come while he was meant to be reading his lines. He had been reading them for hours and had only made a few mistakes, but they were enough for the shocks to send him to a mumble. Drool had escaped his mouth as he desperately tried to read. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Strex doesn’t make mistakes. Perfect StrexCorp. We value your happiness. Believe in a Smiling God.’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “You seem nervous, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been in training and now I have another lab coat giving me a bar code like I'm a product.” He replied, although flinching at the thought of the shock he would get for speaking back to his new owners. He was a product. That’s all he was allowed to be these days. That was the game he had to play. The language he had to use. They had full control of him, if he didn't want to end up being tortured again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man nodded, frowning. “This is the most productive way to do this, Kevin. Strex values productivity. If I can scan you and have all your data, I'm not wasting time searching a database. Anyway... How about we talk about something else? Let’s get to know each other.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin scoffed, rolling his eyes and biting a nail. His hand was removed from his mouth in the most gentle action he had felt since Vanessa. It wasn’t difficult to hold that title. Normally when he bit his nails he would have them slapped from his mouth or worse, but this man was holding him gently. Almost lovingly. Unless Kevin was going crazy, the man was actually holding his hand. Stroking the back. Gently. Kind. Calm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll ask them to go easy on you. I have sway.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I noticed. You’re a spitting image of th-... the boss. Why doesn’t Lauren look like you two, you're siblings right? Doesn’t that ruin the ‘perfect’ aesthetic?” Kevin was referring to the man who had brought him back to his studio, sat him down and put a gun to his head while asking him who he belonged to. Kevin remembered that clearly. Too clearly. As if it was still happening. He remembered his tears and being yelled at to be quiet and smile. He remembered being told that he will work, work harder than he ever had before. He remembered the calm, smiling face of the man who was threatening his life and he remembered crying after he had left. Throwing up in his wastebasket. It was still sat there under his desk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man sighed, running fingers through his hair. It was the same style as Damien’s, but the grey was more of a streak than the large section that Damien’s took. He didn’t seem annoyed by the question, quite the opposite. It seemed to amuse him. He wasn’t laughing but that grin. It was stunning and <em>God</em> Kevin was losing his mind. He was actually attracted to one of the people actively ruining his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren looks more like my mother. She didn’t get the blessings that I got.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t disagree, the man was attractive, but it was a bit arrogant that he was just admitting it so readily. His eyes flicked to the gun under the jacket that was under his lab coat, tempted to go for it while he was distracted. He thought better of it after Diego had stepped away from Kevin, turning his chair to keep facing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It would be nice to get some new equipment, I guess.” Kevin stated, poking his microphone and looking up with his best puppy-dog eyes. If he was about to be assaulted, he could at least make it for asking for something he actually wanted. He didn't have old equipment, quite the opposite, but that didn't mean there wasn't newer things still he could have.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a pause and Diego stared into his soul. He had the strongest brown eyes, even stronger than his father’s. Kevin had to bite his lip with his gums to stop himself from moving away from him. He was terrified but no punishment came. Diego simply nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll ask if it’s in the budget.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos looked over the shivering mass that laid on his sofa. He had put a twinkie on the table that he’d found in Kevin’s bag. He wasn’t sure if Kevin would be able to eat and Carlos had been tempted to eat it himself but he couldn’t bring himself to take food from someone who looked like they were dying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m dying.” A choked voice had told him from under the blanket. This wasn’t even the worst point and Carlos knew it would just continue to get worse over the next few days. He didn’t want to tell Kevin that but he also didn’t want to lead him on. The man had been weak yesterday, so it was a possibility that the only reason Kevin was still able to be a shivering mass was that the desert was repairing what was dying as it did. It might have been that the only thing keeping Kevin alive were these weird properties.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s possible.” He agreed. Fortunately, Kevin just moaned in reply. He didn’t have the strength to understand the words being told to him. The shivers didn’t give him a second’s relief from the painful cold. His head threatens to explode under the pressure of itself. His throat burnt from the amount of times he’d thrown up and he could claw his skin off if he had a moment of not needing to hug himself to stay warm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I looked through the recordings. You’ve been on this for at least eleven years but they put you on it on and off before that.” Carlos told him, but got no reply. There were just sobs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At one point he caught Kevin’s face for a moment and even now, when his whole body was forcing itself against him, Kevin was smiling. It was unnerving and Carlos had to go and work on something else to keep himself from being disturbed by the memory of what he’d been told, what he had had to listen to again, what he imagined was the even worse truth than the clinical nonsense and corroded memory. He was no psychiatrist, but he knew it took a lot to break someone down so badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>**************************************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who did this to you, Kevin?” Diego demanded, growling as he stared at the blood that had soaked through Kevin’s shirt. He seemed genuinely upset about the idea that someone had cut Kevin. Kevin couldn’t understand why. He was Strex. Strex loved cutting at him. Logic would follow that Diego liked to see him cut. He had stopped trying to count the scars as they came. He was being fixed, right? They wanted to fix him. How long had he been with Diego? This couldn’t be the first time he had seen Lauren fixing him. This couldn't be the first time that Diego had seen Kevin rearranged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, did. Who else?” Kevin told him, flicking a cigarette into his mouth and sparking it. He coughed. He hadn’t smoked before the incident. He was only smoking now because it gave him an excuse to talk to Diego that Lauren couldn’t argue with. She loved to have something extra to keep him under her thumb. Smoking was something that kept him coming back, right? Especially when Strex supplied the cigarettes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego’s eyes shot downwards, lighting his own cigarette and taking a deep breath. Kevin couldn’t tell if he was angry or just watching the embers grow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to let her think she can just walk over you.” He said, getting a small laugh from Kevin. It wasn’t an argument in the least bit, but he knew that Lauren could do as she pleased,  “What? I’m serious! When dad’s not here, I’m in charge. She’ll do as I say!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no.” Kevin waved his hand, taking another drag and choking on the smoke. Lauren had already threatened him enough times to not want to mess with her. She liked fixing him. He had a lot of flaws to fix. “Don’t do that. They’ll send me back to training. I can handle Lauren. I can't handle all those doctors and nurses and routines.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two sat on the wooden bench table as they smoked. There wasn’t really much to say after that so they just enjoyed each other’s silence. At one point, Diego had pulled him closer. He was examining his hair for any damage from the shampoo they were using. He said that it was a special one that they were testing for some nefarious purpose that he didn’t need to disclose to Kevin. That was the excuse, at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What was touching him? Why was it in his face? Why was it so cold? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could barely see but focused on Vanessa and Vanessa Too. They were taking his hands. It was so nice. They pulled him from the floor and he watched as he stood. His three eyes looked back in fear, seeming to wince as he stood up. It wasn’t pain that made the other wince, he was wincing at what he saw and Kevin knew it. He knelt down to himself again, stroking his own face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” He whispered, standing again, “You carried me for so long.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” His words were barely there, sunken and falling from his slack mouth. He felt again just like he used to feel after reading his lines. What lines? What script? His head was throbbing and salvia leaked from his mouth in a white foam.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go with Vanessa now. I hope you find someone too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s heart raced even more than it already was. It pounded against his rib cage, threatening to break through or burst on the sharp bones. “No. Vanessa. Please.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s OK, I’ll stay here too.” She assured him, stroking his hair, “Kevin deserves rest.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am Kevin!” He argued, trying to stand but falling and smacking his head against the ridgid floor. Everything was spinning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Kevin.” He said, closing two of his three eyes. The other stayed on him and slowly blinked as he faded away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt like forever until Carlos was holding him, making sure he was fine. He was talking but Kevin couldn’t listen. He had tried to grasp it as much as possible but he could barely even open his eyes. It had taken some time for him to even realise that Carlos was holding him upside down. Foam dripped from his mouth. Then nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos had kept holding him, realising that his hypothesis was correct. Kevin’s heart rate was fading and then raising as he held his wrist. He would blink in and out of consciousness. His body relaxed and then spasmed and then trembled and then relaxed. Carlos could only whisper comforting words to him. He could only lie and pretend Kevin was right when he managed a ‘Vanessa’ or ‘Diego’. He could only stroke the man’s hair as he died over and over again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego hummed, kissing Kevin’s head as they shared a cigarette. Kevin had spent almost the whole of the afternoon in Diego’s lab helping with some <em>very important</em> experiments and out in the smoking area talking. Kevin had mentioned how horrible Strex was and Diego had defended it, spewing progergada laced with small amounts of the truth to try and convert Kevin. He didn’t much want the man to go back into the training facility because it was outside of his research area. Kevin just wanted to hear him talk passionately, he didn’t want to return either. Diego always spoke so passionately about science and about the company. Kevin found it odd sometimes just how much Diego enjoyed it in fact. Earlier they had been looking over the accounts for R&amp;D together and Diego had become so flustered. They had been filling out the same form, one that needed sending in duplicate, and Kevin had simply put his hand on Diego's to check on him but the result of doing so... well, Kevin certainly hadn't expected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin scratched the back of his neck at one point, where Diego had put a spot of a new medicine they were testing. It was an obvious failure as it had caused a rather severe burn to appear and he had had to wash Kevin immediately. It had been adorable how he had panicked and rushed Kevin to the decontamination shower even before Kevin had felt anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t get why you’re with Strex.” Kevin hummed, passing the cigarette back up to Diego. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you, I can’t just walk in and take it off my dad.” He sighed, keeping hold of it but letting Kevin take a drag from between his fingers, “It’s not like I don’t run the place most of the time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you worried? Just don’t let Lauren send me back.” His yellow eyes met Diego’s browns and the man frowned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not me that signs off on that, Kevin.” He looked at the smaller man with obvious concern, taking his glasses off and cleaning them to avoid the eye contact, “I’m trying my best. While I still run the Desert Bluff’s branch of Strex, I’ll keep you safe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin sighed, pressing into his chest. He only moved to put out their smoke in the ashtray and then returned to the comfortable position that he had enjoyed so much. Part of him wondered if this was all just another Strex ploy to get him to break easier. These fears were dispelled by Diego’s hand on his check, moving Kevin’s face to look up at him. It was forceful but gentle. Kevin had come to love the way he did that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll protect you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>********************************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Any better?” The words seemed to wobble through his ears, growing and fading. They were loud then quiet and over and over and over and over…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin? Can you hear me?” His vision was spinning whether he had his eyes open or closed. His skin itched. Insects crawled beneath the thick layer of skin. He couldn’t get them out. He tried but Carlos held his hands away from himself. It itched so badly. He couldn’t focus on anything else. Just the itching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he threw up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had nothing in his stomach, so a sour white foam formed and dripped from his lips as his body flopped from one side to the other as Carlos tried to move him. He could barely tell what was going on but the taste was horrid. It burnt his tongue and throat as he brought more up. He was so hot. So very hot. He was so cold. So very cold. His clothes hurt his skin. His hair hurt his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the cold wetness. It went down and then back up. Over Carlos. Then a pause. Then the cold wetness. It went down and then back up. Over Carlos. Then a pause. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, that’s not working. We’ll save it for later...” Carlos’ voice was like a fever dream and each time his hands left the hard grip it had on Kevin’s wrists, Kevin’s hands would go to his face or arms to pull the skin away. If he could just get it off would it stop itching?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The Smiling God is coming for me, Carlos.” He had gasped, rocking backwards to relax on the chair, letting Carlos bind his hands to stop him trying to peel his skin off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s OK, Kevin.” The man whispered, stroking his hair to comfort him, despite the discomfort it made him feel against his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********************************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Abigail Palmer-Carling - An accident when handling machinery incorrectly.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had choked reading it, remembering Samantha Reed’s face as she ‘worked’ on making Abigail into one of those disgusting robots. Abigail wasn’t the one that handled machinery incorrectly. Samantha's hand slipped and a saw went into Kevin’s sister’s brain. At least Dr Reed had told Kevin that her hand had slipped. The video looked a lot more intentional but Kevin was too scared to argue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Janet Palmer-Carling - Ethically handled” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had almost thrown up at the wording. They hadn’t told him what they had done to Janet but he could imagine. Strex wouldn’t keep someone around who couldn’t be a worker. Who they couldn't figure out how to fix. They had replaced her legs and spine but the psychological issues, they were too much for Strex to care to deal with. Strex had killed her in cold blood and he knew it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stephen Carling - Ethically handled” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Defending Janet. Kevin knew he would have been. Kevin felt bad that he, himself, was not. He felt bad that Strex’s brutal methods had killed his brother-in-law but had not managed to kill him. He felt bad for feeling that way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Vane-...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped at her name. They had written it as </span>
  <em>
    <span>Vanessa Palmer</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They had done this on purpose. Strex didn’t make mistakes. They would be listening. They didn’t want to hear tears. They wanted to hear that they had broken him. That he was theirs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Vanessa Gris.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daniel was holding up a sign telling him to correct himself. He pointed at it as Kevin had continued. He had even come into the studio to hold it in front of Kevin, staring him straight in his tear-filled eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The most beautiful woman I have ever met. Brutally handled. No one reported today was dealt with ethically. Do not be fooled. We are still Desert Bluffs! We can still fight this!" </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His broadcast was cut at some point during the statement. He didn’t know when. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you think you’re doing?” Daniel demanded, grabbing Kevin by his collar, pulling him up and over the desk. He barely reacted to being pulled to his feet, other than grabbing his new microphone to stop it falling to the floor. Daniel was stronger than him. Kevin knew that all too well. Struggling never made it easier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Kevin hissed, glaring back, “Strex doesn’t make mistakes and we didn’t get a chance to marry. You know that. I’m wearing the ring, for goodness sake, Daniel.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you would see it as more respectful than denying you that again.” Daniel argued, getting a laugh and a shake of the head from Kevin. He relaxed enough to let Kevin roll back from his toes to his feet again, letting him put his microphone safely out of the way. He had not expected Kevin’s fist to hit his face but had certainly enjoyed the reaction to Kevin’s hand compressing against his face. The opposite of what Kevin had hoped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really have forgotten what it’s like to be human.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enough.” The two were stopped by Diego. Daniel dropped Kevin, standing tall and giving Kevin a look of victory which was quickly wiped from his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I was just try-..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You don't touch him again. I don't know what Lauren said you were allowed to do, but I deal with Kevin." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But sir, he didn't read what he should have. He should be going back to training."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He should be given appropriate lines."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>There was a short silence before Daniel retreated.</p><p> </p><p>"I just thought it would be better for the company. I'm sorry, sir, you know best."</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Daniel, that’s why I’m your boss and you’re more a robot than a man.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego’s voice was strong and settling as Kevin rocked back into his chair, smiling at the entire incident. He was glad that he could smile at this without feeling forced to do so. He had felt so forced to smile recently, it was nice to have a genuine one on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Strex, I believe your father is my boss, not-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I outrank you.” Diego interrupted, grabbing Daniel’s collar and pulling him close. Kevin was slightly jealous. Would he have to annoy Diego for such treatment or would asking be enough? “You don’t put those things on the news report from now on or I will make you scrap metal.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daniel didn't argue, letting the man drop him before taking his leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you shouldn’t have to talk about Vanessa again.” Diego told him, moving around behind him and wrapping Kevin in his arms, “We can leave that in the past, now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Kevin breathed, putting his head on Diego's chest. It had been a hell of a broadcast. The whole broadcast was an obituary. It seemed odd for Strex to want to highlight the people they had killed but once he had started reading what they wanted to say about the people, his stomach had turned. He just wanted to forget about it now, "So... What does it take for a radio host to have a scientist grab his collar, then?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>*******************************</p><p>
  <span>Were things always this bright? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carlos?” Kevin whimpered, rubbing his head and sitting up. His shirt was covered in… he didn’t even know what. Carlos was in the chair opposite, sleeping deeply. He was snoring and looked absolutely adorable. Kevin couldn’t help but swoon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stood and carefully took himself to the bathroom, cleaning himself up as best he could with a stone. Those clothes would have to be given more attention when he could stand for longer but for now he focused on his own body. Once he was sure he had got most of it off his skin, he took one of Carlos’ shirts, of which he only had a few here, enough for both of them to change. He made a note to try and find them some new clothes before taking Carlos’ blanket to him and tucking him in on the chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He considered calling Cecil but decided against it, at least for now. His eyes were still heavy and he needed to just relax. The cactus sofa was mainly comfortable, the fur that lined it may have been slightly itchy but at least it was warm and soft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********************************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Daniel.” Kevin smiled on the way into the studio, waving to the man. He did not wave back and Kevin immediately felt something was wrong. Daniel always waved back to him, even if he also always seemed annoyed by it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He put a hand on his studio door, Lauren’s hand pressing down on his shoulder as he did. His breath hitched. He knew her hand all too well and she was wearing Vanessa’s perfume. There was only one reason she would be doing something that she knew would reduce his productivity so substantially. Only one reason to give him such awful flashbacks. Hair… his window… the way her face changed… that noise...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren. So nice to see you again. It’s been a while” He smiled, tilting his head and trying to act as ‘Strex approved’ as he could, “I thought you were going to be more in management. I didn’t expect you to come all the way down here to see me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I am, Kevin.” She replied in her happily terrifying voice, “But when my staff and my team leaders are having inappropriate relationships, I need to step in and make sure that they don’t get to do that. I notice that you have a habit of having inappropriate workplace relationships, wouldn’t you say?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tensed, eyes fixed on hers. He knew exactly what she meant but Diego </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> his manager. He wasn’t just some team leader that Lauren had hired so why was she acting like she controlled him. He probably had more say in the company than she ever had and he certainly showed off more wealth than she did. He would buy gorgeous cologne, she stole perfume. He would wear Rolex, Lauren rarely had a watch on her. Gold chains to an empty neck. Tailored suits to whatever Lauren wanted to call that dress.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So we transferred the problem back to head office and I will be taking his place now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a scientist.” Kevin noted, letting his smile drop. He didn’t care much about how she would react any more. This was personal, anyway, wasn’t it Lauren? It didn’t matter if he smiled or frowned or scowled at her, she was gunning for him. She wanted to make his life hell specifically. She wanted to ruin him, regardless of how productive or unproductive it would make him. She was just evil.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to be. Diego will be sending me his research and our teams here will be preparing what we need. It’s more important that any relationships that might bloom in the office are handled appropriately. I will make sure that is what happens.” Lauren turned, looking towards the, now always vacant, break room and then over to Daniel’s door. Kevin followed her eyes and then went to speak. He was furious. Was she implying that she was allowed to love and he wasn’t? His mouth opened but she quickly cut in, “Oh, and Kevin…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He bit his lip, pressing back against his door. Whatever she was about to do to him, he was ready. He had stood in the way of her before and he was still alive! He was injured. He was in pain constantly but he was alive!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... We’ll see you after training. Have fun.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is this our first chapter with Diego? OH~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Work</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin starts work on the radio station.</p><p>Alternate: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/60982249">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Also Carlos hearing triptych (and Kevin hearing some of it)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>The next few weeks, Kevin set himself goals to help him work efficiently on building the radio studio with equipment that he and the masked army found. In his down time he watched his live with Vanessa as if it was a detached romance series and finished his scriptures of the Smiling God. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had stayed in the lighthouse, not wanting the masked army to need to make him a house. He didn’t want people doing things for him. He didn’t want Carlos doing things for him. Carlos struggled to remember to look after himself at times. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin would often kill small lizards and bring it to Carlos. Sometimes he would sit with him, if Carlos wasn’t doing anything else. Carlos was mainly doing something else. If he was sciencing, Kevin would give him the cooked creature and then leave before Carlos noticed. If he was talking to Cecil, Kevin would put his arm around the door so Cecil wouldn’t know he was there. He had gotten used to listening for Cecil’s voice. Sometimes he wondered if Carlos put the radio on so he didn’t have to see him. Sometimes Kevin would cry silently and tell himself he was happy. So happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today was different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had opened the door. He had waited and he had heard Cecil’s voice. Were they… talking about him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A counterpart that never was? A friend I never had?” Kevin dropped the bowl of lizard and some invisible corn he had stumbled across. Fortunately it hit the sand at a savable angle but those thoughts didn’t cross his mind until later, when Carlos would talk to him about it, “A life that was never lived.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stumbled backwards, holding his hands over his ears as he thought about the possibility. He couldn’t do this. This was too different. He gasped for air but his lungs seemed to refuse. He gripped his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A life that was never lived. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The words swirled inside him. Sand moved under him. Why? Why did it hurt so much? He needed Strex! He needed his medicine! He needed to be secure. He needed to be owned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos found him a few hours later, trying to run and being unhelpfully put back at the edge of town again to just run out into the desert again and then be brought back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you running, Kevin?” Carlos had asked, letting him do another lap of this motion before stopping as he was dropped back next to the other man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought the mountain was moving, not us?” Kevin panted, pointing to the mountain and then the desert and then Carlos in disbelief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s like a bowl. You’re running up the side, so to speak.” Carlos told him and Kevin could hear something in his voice. What was it? Was he mad at him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he hugged him. Tight. The smell of lavender and cactus soothing Kevin as he melted into Carlos’ shoulder. He let gravity pull him down so that he was weighted enough for the scientist, although Carlos had initiated this so Kevin wondered if he should let him control it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for forgiving him.” Carlos whispered, rubbing Kevin’s back, “I’m sorry… you should be proud of yourself, Kevin. You fought hard. Harder than any of us. You only told me about what happened in training. You only told me the facts. Now… I think I’ve heard the emotions that came with those facts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos held him close, Kevin’s body tensing up from the position that it had been in but keeping the pressure on him. Had he remembered what Carlos was talking about? It was always so hard to tell with him. It was hard to tell if the present was going in, nevermind what was clear of the past. He didn’t know when Kevin would relapse and act like he enjoyed the memory of the terrible things he had let Carlos know about. He had never spoken to him about the takeover of Desert Bluffs. It was all Strex. Everything he had said was training but he had never told him how he found himself there. Kevin had never let him get that close. Now he was trembling. Was he crying? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos drew back. Kevin was just breathing heavily. He had seen tears on Kevin’s face before, even if Kevin had always said they were of joy, but there were no tears today. He was just staring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t fight.” Kevin eventually said, taking Carlos’ hands away from himself and staring at him. He looked to Vanessa who was rubbing his arm and then to Vanessa Too who was rubbing his other. He wanted to kiss them, one last time. He leant towards Carlos and watched the scientist’s eyes widen. “Call me Cecil. The way you say it to him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hesitated, furrowing his eyebrows and looking into Kevin’s eyes. It didn’t matter how uncomfortable it was, he needed some indication that it was a joke. None came and Carlos’ stomach turned, feeling awkward and sick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No... “ Carlos whispered, shaking his head, “I’m not kissing you, regardless of whose name I say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t going to…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It looks like you were going to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin drew back, closing his eyes. He let his smile drop. He let Carlos see. His hand went to his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I just want…” His breath hitched but he refused to let the tears flow, “... I just need to remind myself that </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m Kevin</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They spoke for hours once Kevin had calmed down. Every now and then he would slip back into smiling wide and then realise and try to hold it back. Carlos had assured him that he didn’t need to. He could let his face do whatever it wanted. They spoke about Cecil. They spoke about Vanessa. They spoke about lovers prior to both. Memories both happy and sad. Kevin spoke of lovers since, but Carlos stopped him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They aren’t lovers, Kevin.” He had said, meaning to comfort or teach but it had just made Kevin feel more empty. More hollow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But we-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what makes you lovers, Kevin. What you felt with Vanessa, that’s what makes you lovers.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had looked at Carlos’ face and understood immediately. Kevin had looked at Carlos’ face without thinking about any other face. He had looked at him and felt warm. He had felt cared for. He had felt whole, for the second before remembering that although he was Carlos’, Carlos could never be his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they felt tired, they walked back to Carlos’ house. They agreed to speak daily from now on. To at least see each other daily, even if one or both of them couldn’t manage to speak. They kept to a routine. It helped. Routines helped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” Carlos had said one of those hot days where they were tending the vegetable garden together. Nothing was really growing, but it helped to hope that one day it might. Carlos had told Kevin the seeds he found were likely useless and that they weren’t going to use drinking water to try to germinate them, “You told me you didn’t fight. Why? You told Cecil you did.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin focused harder on the tomatoes that weren’t growing, prodding the spot where they should be with his smile knife. He wanted to avoid the question. He wanted to deflect it but had no idea where he could deflect it to. Instead he decided to ignore Carlos completely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A deep breath. He wouldn’t go on if Kevin just stayed quiet. Carlos wasn’t like that.  A hand on his shoulder and another question. He couldn’t ignore this one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin? Did you hear what I said?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He choked on the word, his throat tight and eyes narrowed at the, decidedly invisible, tomatoes. Carlos waited a moment and then sighed softly. It wasn’t annoyed. Kevin had learnt the difference now. It was disappointed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It might help to talk about it but you don’t have to unless you want to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t always this strong.” Kevin mumbled, not looking at him. He didn’t want to talk about what happened but he could let Carlos piece it together himself, “They put things in my arms and legs, so I could move again. So I wouldn’t bleed out as quickly when they shot me. They had cut the muscles so deep that there was no chance I could recover naturally. I don’t like talking about it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No response. No noise. If it wasn’t for the fact that the sand would have sung with movement, Kevin would have thought Carlos had walked away. He just hoped he hadn’t overwhelmed him. He hoped the idea wasn’t a trigger for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.” It was sudden. Quiet. “You did fight. If they took away your ab-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t ask for second opinions on the topic.” Kevin breathed, standing and lifting his basket, moving to inspect  another patch of empty sand now, “I gave in. It doesn’t matter how long it took. It doesn’t matter what they took away from me. It was all for nothing because I couldn’t handle a little pain. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>tiny </span>
  </em>
  <span>amount of pain.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos couldn’t reply. He started stimming with his shirt, trying to make himself reply but he couldn’t. He desperately wanted to express how wrong Kevin was but this was a topic with such deep wounds that he just couldn’t. Kevin had taken so long to even come out to him about this and saying the wrong thing could easily ruin that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s a few lives… so much money.” Kevin repeated Lauren’s words, turning back to Carlos, “She said that about you. She wanted to kill you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos’ blood ran cold, taking a deep breath. The way he had said it sounded so much like a threat but Kevin’s demeanor shot between threatening, passive-aggressive, and joyous. He never got the right tone for the right thing, right? He wasn’t threatening Carlos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I agreed with her because I hated Cecil.” He continued, picking up a metal shard and adding it to the basket, “I’m glad we lost. It makes me happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The weight lifted from Carlos’ shoulders, taking a breath of relief. Kevin noticed and continued to avoid his eyes. He understood. Kevin was scary. He scared himself. He couldn’t control his dreams recently. He was glad to be alone in the lighthouse again. He would wake up screaming from visions of the past, bad remixes of pleasant and painful memories. Bad remixes of the emotions surrounding them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some nights it wouldn’t be screaming that woke him. It would be Carlos. His blood in Carlos’ mouth. On Carlos’ shirt. In Carlos’ perfect hair. On his hands. Sometimes he had drawn it. Sometimes Carlos. On less pleasant nights, Carlos had dug his nails in so hard that when he had drawn them back, Kevin’s intestines had come easily with them and Carlos had loved seeing them. On more pleasant nights, Carlos had been whispering to him. Reassuring him as they moved. Telling him that the blood was fine, as long as it wasn’t Carlos’. Telling him he loved the blood. He loved how Kevin hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wondered how you could rip someone’s esophagus out.” Carlos breathed, pulling Kevin from his thoughts. The way Carlos had said it sent shivers through him. He had poked his arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… No, Carlos, the throat is before the trachea and esophagus split.” He clarified, getting a shocked look and back pedalling quickly, “Not that it matters, I haven’t done that before, why would you think that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said so to Cecil.” Carlos said, not acknowledging the contradiction, “I just assumed that you were being inaccurate, sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a relatively good knowledge of science, Carlos. Strex taught me a lot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation seemed to stop dead at that. Carlos wasn’t sure what to say and neither was Kevin. Strex had taught him a lot about science. About anatomy especially. He could remember it vaguely. Diagrams. Open bodies. Open bodies made into diagrams. It hurt his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need some more cactus.” Kevin whispered, passing the basket to Carlos and making his way back inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The counter was cold. It was nice. Doug and Alicia had done a good job with the air conditioning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m happy.” He whispered, staring at the rows of beakers and gadgets that Carlos had along a shelf. He pressed the cold inner cactus to his head. A shelving unit, in fact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re building a new shelving unit</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin grabbed his face, breathing deeply. That excuse. A stupid excuse. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Unfulfilled? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Why now? Why was he thinking of that now? </span>
  <em>
    <span>What you are? Who you were? </span>
  </em>
  <span>His hand grasped for the side, slipping and knocking papers onto the floor. The clatter of bowls moving against each other. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Unfulfilled? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Stop! Stop! Stop! </span>
  <em>
    <span>What room are you in?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Where was he? Why was he here? Was he even here? He was in a lab! Strex’s… Strex’s lab! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Breathed things… </span>
  </em>
  <span>No! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Feel things… </span>
  </em>
  <span>No! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Felt things… </span>
  </em>
  <span>No! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin!” Carlos rushed to him, steadying him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa?” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Unfulfilled</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin is dehydrated and Carlos isn't sure why, but it's a good excuse for Kevin to go and find more water.</p><p>Alternative here: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/61193938">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Short</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Kevin.” Her voice danced on his ears, “Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” Her voice was so distant. Her voice was so sweet. He could smell her perfume and feel her light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” She was moving closer to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin. It’s not Vanessa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carlos…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm.” He was so close. Closer than he should have been. Surely. Where was he? Where were they?, “Kevin, I need you to drink some water.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unfulfilled…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, that’s great, but I need you to drink some water. We still have a little left.” His voice was like fresh lemonade. Vanessa’s favourite. Kevin’s favourite. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unfulfilled…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The liquid felt good on his lips. Drinking was a suggestion he rarely took recently, wanting to save the water for Carlos. Carlos had told him how bad that was for him on so many occasions but drink required acknowledging a need and Kevin could barely acknowledge he was alive. His implant was playing up more and more and he wondered how long it was before it let his memories flood back completely. Would he be able to handle it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need you, Kevin.” That’s what Kevin heard and not the actual </span>
  <em>
    <span>I need you to drink, Kevin</span>
  </em>
  <span> that was said. His throat felt so much happier with the moisture caressing every inch. His heart felt so much happier that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Carlos needed him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember where you got this?” Carlos asked, holding up the bottle, “I haven’t seen anywhere but I also didn’t see you for nine years. There is a lot of this desert I haven’t explored.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded, rubbing his cactus slice on the back of his neck, “I can go get more. I know how to get there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, I guess we should also try digging for water. I’ve not really felt thirsty but you seem to be feeling it. Scientifically interesting but not particularly useful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>"I'll collect all I can, you start digging?" Carlos nodded at this idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Poetry Week</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Carlos are found by more people.</p><p>Alternative: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/61544434">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who are all these people?” Kevin asked, smiling and waving at them. Most did not wave back, those that did did not smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He and Carlos had been alone for several months now and the idea that more people were arriving and that Carlos could simply walk away from him for those people terrified him. A lot of things terrified him recently. Carlos had looked after him. Carlos had nursed him back to health the many times he had let it slip away. Carlos had loved him, even if not in the way he wanted to be loved. Kevin had brought Carlos water and Carlos had insisted they shared. One day there would be no water left to bring and they would just have empty plastic bottles. That day would be closer if these people needed water too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No idea, I just saw them walking over the horizon. They all seem to be from Night Vale but they are all pretty shaken up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded in understanding, using his Strex-approved posture to collect himself. It had just been himself and Vanessa for so long before Carlos. It was hard enough interacting with one person extra, now there were many more people. His fingers were stiff between each other and his elbows out as if on a desk. He hadn’t had to do that in a long time. It scared him. It comforted him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you OK?” Carlos asked gently and Kevin nodded. There was enthusiasm for it and Carlos worried that he would just snap round and spray propaganda at him again. He did no such thing. He had never so much as threatened Carlos on purpose since that time when he had tried to make Carlos reject him. Carlos’ concern was more for the fact that he seemed to be relapsing, rather than a genuine fear of Kevin himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can I help?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos was a bit shaken by the question, considering Kevin’s current demeanor. Generally while he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Strex Approved, Happy-Go-Lucky </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin, he would always offer the most disgusting and self depreciating options. He had even once offered to cut his own arm off when Carlos asked about catching some lizards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could look for the door back to Night Vale. I found a few before I came here.” Kevin offered. This shook Carlos even worse than the question. Then it made sense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had been walking in the desert for years. Years that Carlos had only ventured around his own small town. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… found doors? You didn’t tell me. Where were the ones you found before?” There was a wanting in his voice that he couldn’t contain but he tried to keep himself steady and Kevin put one hand up to the mountain and then stretched the other in a different direction. He had done it with such confidence that Carlos couldn’t help but beam and flap his hands. He bounced on his toes, taking a note of where Kevin had pointed and then grabbed Kevin’s wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos pulled him along until the mountain was the other side of them. He asked the question again and Kevin pointed to the same spot on the horizon, his arms at a different angle this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to call Cecil!” Carlos spouted, grabbing Kevin’s face and kissing his head before running off back towards his house. He didn’t even care about the fact that Kevin hadn’t told him before. He hadn’t asked before and Kevin had very much gone along with other things that Carlos had suggested rather than taking a lead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin spun on the spot, watching him. His face had grown hotter than it had in years, his smile not needing the force that it normally did to stay on his face as he touched his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vanessa wasn’t in bed when he woke up that morning. Other than the first few weeks, Kevin had always woken up before her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From the bathroom, Kevin could hear Vanessa retching. She had been doing that in the morning for a few weeks. Kevin had put it down to stress. Strex was buying out more and more businesses in town and it had been getting to both of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He joined her, pulling her short hair out of her face so she could hold the toilet seat instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting worried about you, Vanessa.” Kevin said, his furrowed eyebrows pushing his third eye at a weird angle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I promise.” She gasped, wiping some sick from her lips, “I can smell the neighbours cooking today. I’ve been craving the weirdest things. They’re making maple pancakes and I can’t help but think that would be great with some of those little peperoni things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s heart stopped. She hadn’t mentioned these symptoms to him before. She hadn’t mentioned any symptoms to him before, past the throwing up. That was hard to conceal, afterall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to go to the doctor but Strex owns the hospital.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Susanne owes me a favour, remember. Owes both of us.” He started, letting her sit up before stroking her hair with a wide smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, God. Don’t smile… not at the moment.” Vanessa laughed, stroking his cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise, I’ll never smile again.” He joked, “Let me text Susanne. I’ll get her come round and take a look.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did Cecil say?” Kevin asked carefully, pulling his sunglasses from his satchel and putting them over his eyes. He couldn’t help but push them up several times, despite trying to keep them low enough to cover most of his scars. He only had them on because he was sick of the Night Valians wincing when they saw him or recoiling in terror.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos had sighed and for a second Kevin felt that feeling again, like Carlos had just kissed his head. He couldn’t help but let out a happy whimper in return. He hadn’t been able to control those small noises since Strex. They had truly taken over his life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was just… what did you just do?” Carlos tilted his head, raising an eyebrow to Kevin and his general demeanor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Kevin hummed, pulling his jacket around himself a bit tighter, “I just got excited… to hear what Cecil said.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a silence between them. It lasted longer than Kevin was comfortable with. It was very obvious that Carlos could tell he was lying. He gave him a look like he was trying to figure out for himself why Kevin had made such a weird noise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t call him. Well, I did, but I didn’t tell him. I want to check on the people here and I want to check out these doors, first.” He eventually continued, looking at Kevin’s jacket again. It wasn’t the first that he had noticed the blood on it, but he really hadn’t wanted Kevin to say something like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘let me show you’</span>
  </em>
  <span> when he first noticed and since then hadn’t thought of a way to broach the topic. He knew it was blood. He was just curious if Kevin was open to telling him it was blood. He couldn’t think of a time he had actually heard Kevin describe a gory scene without euphemism, when he wasn’t trying to sound scary or dissociating completely, “What’s that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm… It’s from my mouth.” Kevin didn’t specify any further than that. He scratched at the blood but it was soaked into the fabric by now. It would stain. There was no getting that out after all these years of carrying it around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh…” Carlos nodded slowly, putting a hand to his chin, “From your mouth or from something that was in your mouth?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought turned Kevin’s stomach. He was so used to eating and playing with blood but hearing Carlos ask him still made him sick. Why? It didn’t make sense. He had been dreaming of Carlos playing with his blood so much recently, it shouldn’t faze him. Maybe he was sick. He couldn’t keep it down and had to turn away to throw up into the sand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, are you okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” He hummed joyfully, waving his hand, “My mouth. It’s from pulling my stitches out. Possibly a little from when I cut it with glass before you found me in the lighthouse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was speechless. He stared at Kevin for a good few minutes before just turning and walking back to his lab. Kevin understood completely, standing straight and straightening his jacket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Vanessa… If Cecil is coming, the radio station should be nice for him, right? Like… an olive branch. If he doesn’t want to forgive me, that’s up to him but I’m ready to forgive him properly, not just an idea of him!.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His fist clenched as he said those words, teeth gritting, and shoulders tensing. Why? He was being truthful, right? He was ready to see Cecil. He was ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… ready to forgive.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah, I posted the wrong fic... I'll leave the alt up and I'll try to remember to post just this one tomorrow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Citrus and Sunshine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin has a bad dream</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As you can imagine, this was how far I was when I started writing Citrus and Sunshine (the fic).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Kevin.” Vanessa called from the kitchen. He felt bad that she wouldn’t let him help with the cooking. He was pretty good at cooking, at least he thought, and wanted to give her some time off of her feet. He remembered when he was an intern, running about everywhere for the talent. He didn’t want that for her. He wanted to run around after her. “You’re fine with tomato, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am.” He called back, looking over her bookshelf. He noticed the spoon from the yogurt shop. It was pink, so easy to identify. He noticed a piece of paper with a couple dead, pressed leafs. He noticed several things that she had picked up during their reports. It made him smile and his heart raced. When had she asked him about tomatoes? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop biting your nails.” She told him as she put his dinner in front of him. Sunny side up eggs and sausages. His favourite. No tomatoes...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She put a hand on his, pulling it out of his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop biting your nails, Kevin, It’s disgusting.” The end of the statement wasn’t Vanessa’s voice. He laughed nervously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you say, Lemon?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said, you stop biting your nails! StrexCorp does not like bad habits!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hand raised and Kevin jolted up, screaming and grabbing his head. His feet pushed him quickly to the wall, whatever was on top of him falling off as he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lab coat. God, he had screamed again, hadn’t he? He was meant to be quiet. Quiet and smiling. Quiet and smiling! Quiet and smiling! He was smiling! He was! The sound could have been anything! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please! Please! No!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll be quiet!” He pleaded, tears burning his eyes as he forced himself to smile. The doctor was saying something but he couldn’t make it out. Where was he? How long had he been in training? He could barely remember Strex taking over… He could barely remember what was going on, “I’m sorry, please don’t shock me again! Please! I’ll be good!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something was wrapped around him. Oh God, what were they going to do to him this time? Were they going to up the voltage? Were they going to give him something again? Were they going to cut him, like when they strapped him to a table? Like when they took his eye or changed his arms and legs? Vanessa… They kept showing him her pictures. All the blood… Oh God… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s OK. Shush. It’s OK.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin kicked and clawed. He growled. He would bite if he needed to but hated it when he tasted that blood. Disgusting, hot, blood. His nails were posed and ready. His vacant gums showing like an old dog. He would fight Strex! He would win! He had to! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re safe now. You don’t have to fight anymore. I won’t let them hurt you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His nails clawed the floor and he grounded himself. Slowly but surely. He started to hear the voice. He started to hear the words. He could smell the lavender and cactus. This wasn’t Strex. These weren’t his emotions… not him anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t let them hurt you anymore.” It was a soft coo, bringing him to the edge of himself. He was present but it wasn’t him. He was dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Won’t let who hurt me, anymore, Diego?” He could hear that his voice was his Strex voice and moved to push Carlos away from himself, trying his best not to hurt him. Once was enough to remind him to avoid touching the scientist. He had hated watching him wince. He made so many people wince but he never wanted to make Diego wince.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“StrexCorp, Kevin, and my name is Carlos. Do you remember? You’re not in training anymore, Kevin.” Carlos whispered, letting Kevin move him away but not going any further. Kevin flinched at the name. He hadn’t done that in a while. He knew better than to do that. He knew better than to scream. He knew better than to dream. It was a terrible mistake and he had decided that it wouldn’t happen again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me.” He hummed, his voice still that wonderful ray of forced sunshine as he stood and left. Carlos had  followed him, concerned that he might hurt himself or someone else. Kevin hadn't tried to hurt anyone else but Carlos wasn't completely sure Kevin wasn't still having a flashback. He hadn’t expected to watch Kevin walk up to the lighthouse. He hadn’t expected to see Kevin making radio equipment inside. He had been staying in Carlos’ house for a few weeks, saying that he didn’t want to be alone. He hadn’t realised it was so he didn’t feel like he was sleeping in a radio studio.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did Cecil know how to make radio equipment? He had always treated it like some mystery when they had spoken about it but here Kevin was putting it together himself. Although, he did also remember Cecil talking about Marconi himself teaching him about radio, so he wasn’t sure if Cecil was just embarrassed to admit he knew or if it was secret information.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa, can you pass me the screw driver?” He asked, holding his hand out for a moment and then leaning over and picking it up himself. It wasn’t clear to Carlos whether Kevin had realised her absence or just thought she was ignoring him, “Thank you, Vanessa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos smiled. Kevin had almost finished the studio. He had been working on it for months, he had told Carlos. The scientist felt kind of bad that he had just brushed it off as Kevin hallucinating as he often did. The place looked so well put together and the only blood could be easily explained from cut fingers or otherwise from Kevin himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This looks amazing. He’ll love it.” Carlos whispered, making Kevin sit up straight and drop the equipment he was working on. His hands shot to their StrexCorp posture again. “It’s OK, Kevin. Relax.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope so.” Kevin fought his own voice, trying to sound more like his old self. Carlos had helped him through a lot over the past few months but it wasn’t enough. He knew it wasn’t enough. He was scared of what Cecil would think of him, or what would happen when Cecil acted on those emotions. He was scared that no amount of help would ever be enough. “Did you find the doors?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…” He sighed deeply, “... but the people told me that they’ve been lost since poetry week. I kind of put two and two together and figured it out myself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I am so inefficient these days, huh?” Kevin laughed, looking slowly towards Carlos. He was looking so disapproving at him and Kevin felt so inadequate in so many ways. He felt like he could never be what Carlos needed. He felt like he could never do enough to apologise to him for what he had done to Night Vale. What Strex had done to Night Vale. Strex was him. It still was, every fibre of his being. It didn’t matter how hard he fought it anymore. His body had done fighting. The man he was was dead. “You have really perfect hair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect hair and perfect teeth. You’re a beautiful man.” Kevin’s hand trembled, looking down at the floor again. His smile was just teeth. It always had been. It wouldn’t even be teeth without the resin that he lined his gums with each morning. He could never be enough for Carlos. He could never be enough for anyone. He'd accepted this now. He was unlovable but it didn't mean he couldn't put love back into the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos sighed, furrowing his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I prefer it when you’re over confident, you know.” He offered Kevin his hand as he stood, “You’re a beautiful man too, Kevin. Especially when talking passionately. I know you’re having bad dreams but I am here for you. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. You remind me of Cecil in some ways.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s smile faded for a moment and then returned quickly to his face. Carlos knew what that meant and that was enough. It wasn’t the right time to broach the topic of his smile. Now was just a time for silent understanding and platonic love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Carlos helped him to move some of the finished equipment into place, he noticed the dressed up planks of wood that Kevin had brought in. Carlos came here a lot to see Cecil but this room was mainly vacant so he hadn’t really come in before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you have pieces of wood with clothes on?” He asked, going to pick them up but then thinking better of doing so without asking. Kevin was staring at them but not telling Carlos either way if he could move them from where the desk would need to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They…” Kevin contemplated his words, his eyes darting away. Carlos could barely tell other than the small movement of Kevin’s head, “...are mine and Vanessa’s children. Were… when I was… hallucinating more often.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos nodded, standing straight again and deciding not to move them. He’d let Kevin do that himself when he was comfortable to do that. It would be a huge step in his recovery.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They are meant to be the Good family children, technically.” Kevin continued, taking Vanessa’s and Vanessa Too’s hands, “We were going to have a child. I-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He trailed off, looking out one of the windows to the vast sandy landscape. He couldn’t bring himself to talk about it. He had to keep smiling. It was the only way he could deal with it. Instead, Kevin took out his phone. He set the voicemail going and then left the room, mumbling to Carlos through his smiling lips that he would be outside when it had finished playing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos put his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. It had been longer than the voicemails ran. Kevin knew because he could recite every word, at the exact pace. He had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos couldn’t talk either. He just wrapped his arms around Kevin, rubbing his back and taking a deep breath to stop himself from crying. He couldn’t imagine the pain that those voicemails could have sparked in Kevin. He didn’t tell Kevin about the third voicemail. He hoped that Kevin wouldn’t see it. It was much more recent. I wasn't from Vanessa.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Forgive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cecil is not happy to find Kevin in the Desert Otherworld</p><p>Alternate : <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/62738113">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There he was. Waving. Cecil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had taken about a month for him to be able to get time off of work and come but he was here now. Kevin had convinced Carlos to ask Cecil to stay here with them but deep down he knew that Cecil would refuse and Carlos would leave and he’d be alone again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The people from poetry week had gone home again. It had been him and Carlos and empty houses. The masked army were nice to talk to and often let him watch their battles from a safe distance. It was interesting to see the methods with which they twisted and ripped at flesh. The specific things they would scatter to ensure their enemies wouldn’t come back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now it was just a countdown, wasn’t it? He would be alone again. He kept his glasses low to hide his face. He had pushed his hair back and covered the scar on his head with a headband to make himself less recognisable. Carlos didn’t want Cecil to realise who he was. Carlos was ashamed of him, Kevin had thought. He had thought many things about what would happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At first Cecil looked at him conspiratorially. Carlos spoke for him so Cecil wouldn’t hear his voice. Carlos had run to Cecil. Held him. Kevin had watched with longing. He was happy they were together. He was happy Carlos would be happy again. He was happy. So happy. It felt like hours that he stood, waiting for them to catch up. They were so far away, emotionally and physically. Kevin had no place here but his feet couldn’t move to go back home. He couldn’t stop watching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let Vanessa comfort him in his headphones. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I will always love you, Sunshine.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her voice was distant too. Binary. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll always love you too, Vanny.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil, this is my friend I was saying about.” Carlos’ voice was muffled behind Vanessa’s and Kevin raised her phone to pause the video, staring for a second at the still image of himself. It was mainly his hair and shoulder and the furniture behind him. No one would know it was him if they didn’t know already. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you… Uhm…” Cecil started, holding out his hand to shake Kevin’s. Kevin offered the other hand and made Cecil swap which they were shaking with. He assumed Cecil would notice the scar that wrapped itself around the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Names aren’t important right now.” Carlos told him, quickly changing the subject. Kevin felt this was slightly obvious but did his best to hold in the noises threatening to escape from him, “We built you something. He’s really excited to show you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil’s eyebrow raised and Kevin knew exactly why. Cecil knew. He wouldn’t say because he wouldn’t want to upset Carlos. Kevin wouldn’t either. Cecil knew and Kevin knew he did because Kevin had left him a voicemail one evening when he was proud of what he had done. He didn’t remember the content of it but he remembered trying to fight back his urge to sound angry at Cecil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Cecil said coldly, holding Carlos’ hand again. The grip was tighter this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll let him show you. I need to go and make some lunch. I really don’t want to leave your side at the moment but I’m really hungry.” Carlos was excited. They had finally managed to make crops grow and get food. They had only had this resource for about a week, but they both had to admit that having semi-regular meals was much nicer than being constantly hungry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then whatever it is can wait, Carlos.” Cecil said, not taking his eyes off of Kevin. He could feel the purple eyes burning through him. He could feel Cecil in his head. God, was that what that felt like. He had never considered how strange it would be to be on the receiving end. Cecil seemed to even have better control of it than he had had when he was still himself. His mind was relenting to Cecil in every way. His implant was struggling to hold back memories and he could feel it. Cecil could see how he felt about Carlos. How he felt about him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I want you two to talk.” Carlos told him, nervously looking to Kevin and getting a small nod from him. Neither of them told Carlos how Kevin’s heart was racing to look at him. Neither of them told Carlos how intimidated Kevin was of Cecil. Cecil’s hand raised and Kevin went solid. He braced for the impact and Cecil could feel it. Cecil thought it was ironic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barbeque sauce.” Carlos had quickly answered, beaming up to Cecil still. He hadn’t even considered the answer, he just said, “I’ll see you </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he disappeared back to his kitchen and they were alone. The silence cut deep. He hadn’t felt a silence like this in years. He was braced and ready for whatever punishment Cecil was about to bring down on him. He was braced and ready for death but that said, that had been true for years. Cecil’s mouth made an odd shape, like an upside down smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing, Kevin?” Cecil demanded, snatching the glasses from his face. Kevin didn’t flinch. It was a roulette on whether or not he flinched at things but at the point he could only do some much to keep himself from the person he had hidden behind when he had spoken to Cecil every time. Every time he had had to hear that disgusting lie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You win, Kevin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to get by, these days.” Kevin replied in his sweetest tone, gesturing up to the lighthouse, keeping his eyes away from Cecil’s own, “Helping with the…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not what I mean, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped, taking a deep breath and humming. He spun on his heels, marching off towards the spa and trying his best to ignore the throbbing presence in his head, watching how his heart raced at the thought of Carlos. Watching how angry he was with Cecil, more for the intrusion than the past at this point but that certainly didn’t erase that anger. It didn’t stop the dark appendages wrapping around his arms and legs and lifting him into the air. Another sensation that was odd to be on the receiving end of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have myself under control, Cecil. No blood. Promise.” He thought for a moment. There was definitely no blood there, right? His own? No, that stayed in other places. Cecil would have felt it, right? He had dropped him at the statement and allowed Kevin to stumble back to his feet. Just in case, “Definitely no blood.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other man was following him silently but it was very obvious that he was not happy about it. He was doing it for Carlos. Kevin knew that. Kevin knew there would be no other reason for Cecil to ever trust him. Cecil would continue to hate him until the day he died. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A friend I never had</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Kevin knew he couldn’t be that for Cecil, even if he wanted to be. He so desperately wanted to be. He would do everything to make him comfortable now but that wouldn’t erase what he had done. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is cosy.” Cecil commented, looking over the empty beach and then back to the loungers. A few of his tentacles ran over the cushions and makeshift massage equipment, “Carlos did a good job building these.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart sunk, his smile widening as it did. His hand reached for his glasses again and Cecil let him take them. His face was more palatable for both of them if he had them on. It was better if Carlos didn’t realise Cecil knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I made them.” Kevin offered, getting a snort from Cecil and a shaken head. There was no way Cecil could believe that Kevin had put these things together himself. The building was large and not at all within his skill set. Sure, he could have had the masked army help and looking at the rest of the town Carlos had achieved similar and even greater feats but this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kevin</span>
  </em>
  <span>, “I’m serious. The equipment was mainly just fixing things that were thrown out. Then it was just the structure. We made similar in the Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call it that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stopped for a moment and then hummed in disagreement before continuing, “I had to clean them off and find parts to replace things that were worn out or burnt but I got it all back to working order for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil turned to him and then rolled his eyes, walking back out of the building. It was Kevin’s turn to follow him this time, down the stairs and onto the sand. “It’s not for me, Kevin. I’m only here on vacation, why would you build an entire building for me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t reply. He knew Carlos hadn’t told Cecil, not about the radio station he had also built and not about his plans to ask Cecil to move, so he just let Cecil walk several meters ahead of him as they went back to Carlos’ house. Once Cecil disappeared into the door, closing it behind him, Kevin stopped. He knew he wasn’t welcome. He understood. As he’d built the lighthouse’s studio for Cecil, he did want to go there either. He wasn’t welcome there. He wasn’t welcome in Cecil’s life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You win, Kevin.” He whispered to himself, arms wrapping around himself and small laughs accentuating his tears, “You’re so much happier.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Forget</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Cecil do not get along.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alternative version: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/63091924">Here</a></p><p>I do highly recommend reading the alt version (I only didn't use it because I didn't want to leave Carlos' situation hanging at the end of this act) ;) Use the links in previous chapters to get to it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So, you made friends with someone who also happened to be out here?” Cecil asked Carlos. He didn’t blame Carlos but he couldn’t understand why the man who had almost taken over their town, their home, was now trying to be friends with Carlos? There must have been something going on and Cecil didn’t like to think about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I found him in the lighthouse one day.” Carlos explained, pouring them both a glass of water and handing one to Cecil, “He’s lost and I wanted to have as many accounts of people as possible. He’s no different than the ones from night Vale.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil accepted the water and looked at it. He was thirsty but could barely bring himself to put something in his mouth right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you’d be happy I made friends.” Carlos took a sip of his drink, a nervous breath leaving his nose. He was tired. He was fed up. All he wanted was Cecil, in his arms, and for them not to talk about what had happened. He was worried Cecil had noticed that it was Kevin and what he would think, “You can ignore him or you can try to accept the fact that I might have wanted a friend here too. I mean, I thought you’d be happy that I wasn’t just out here being lonely.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… That’s not what I meant, Carlos.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a silence. Then there was a sniff and Cecil’s arms were around Carlos. He held him tight, shoving his head into the scientist’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want you to be safe, Carlos. I just… I wanted to see you again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t answer at first. There were so many things he could say and also nothing he could say. There were things he didn’t want Cecil to know. There were things that Cecil couldn’t know. He had to be careful with which was which and where he wanted this conversation to go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil… I’m perfectly safe. I promise.” Carlos started, putting his hands on Cecil’s arms but not pushing him off, “I’m doing my research and I’m finding out a lot, I really am. Trust me, I really want to see you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos had expected a reaction to what he had said but Cecil simply hugged him tighter. There were no more words. Not for the rest of the evening. They comforted each other silently. They comforted each other with small noises. They comforted each other in ways that only they could. They forgot about Kevin and about the distance and about the idea of being separated again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you sleep on the floor?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin blinked himself awake, rubbing an eye as he looked up as the man over him. He was beautiful in a way that Kevin wasn’t. His eyes glistened in the sun, like nighttime invading on the day. His hair shone in a way that made it seem like it was made of precious metals. He was slender but not thin. His face had the signs of battles but not the scars of defeat. He was incredible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, that’s kind of creepy. Don’t you have your own house? There are a lot here. Don’t tell me you couldn’t just go into one of them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sat up, running sand through his fingers. Some caught in the bumps of the graft Strex had put over his tattoos and it made him wonder if Cecil had matching tattoos. He did. They were purple. They were beautiful too. They blinked in the warm light and seemed to almost sleep in the heat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, there are boundaries. Carlos is-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” Kevin waved his hand, giving a small laugh and raising to his feet, “I know. He made that </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfectly</span>
  </em>
  <span> clear. I wouldn’t impose on something like that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… good.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t leave, Cecil. I’ve tried.” Kevin gestured out to the desert in a wide arch, noticing Carlos as he moved out of the way of his arm. Both of them seemed to jump but Carlos just stared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you two talking about?” His voice was like sugar and caramel. Rich. Sweet. Dripping words in a way that made his heart hear them</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought about Vanessa again, smiling softly and changing the subject to something that would be less likely to upset the two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should go on a double date, today. Me and my wife, and you two.” He wrapped his arms around the two Vanessas as they both giggled. They thought it was an amazing idea. Cecil’s face seemed to tell a different story completely. Cecil looked horrified. Cecil looked terrified. Surely Cecil remembered Vanessa? Kevin supposed they hadn’t formally met but he had told Cecil about her during the debate. He must have spoken about her more than just that too. Vanessa was so important to him. He then realised exactly why Cecil looked horrified. It was obvious to both parties that the other knew who he was. At least, he thought it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds great, but unfortunately your wife is dead, remember? </span>
  <em>
    <span>We spoke about this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I think that Cecil and I should have some alone time, anyway.” Carlos said, putting a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. This made Cecil recoil further, partly due to the coolness with which Carlos just stated that someone was dead and partly due to the idea that Kevin’s actions hadn’t fazed him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had soon shoved ‘Vanessa’ at Cecil, although kept the device tight in his hand. He would happily introduce the two but he wasn’t sure Cecil was fond of Vanessa. His face looked very disapproving and it made Kevin wonder if Cecil might just snatch her away from him again. No! Not again… It wasn’t Cecil’s fault. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is my wife, by the way. Isn’t she beautiful? I remember her like she was still here… she isn’t.” He hummed at the memory, tilting his head, “She would love meeting you, I’m sure. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure she would love you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil watched the woman on the screen. Kevin had shown him a video that he wasn’t in. It was just Vanessa talking to her phone about work. This had been intentional. It hurt enough that Kevin had to stare at the three-eyed stranger who had a life with his girlfriend without  the awkwardness that would ensure if he had let either of the men he was with know that the other knew who Kevin was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This is the control panel. I can make noises on it but I usually just let them happen on their own.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She had said before pointing the phone back up at herself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s so cool! I actually have a meeting with the host tomorrow morning to check on my progress. I’m hoping he’ll give me a special report but my heart is racing! He’s super cute and I have to try not to blush. Wish me luck!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The video finished and Kevin brought the phone back to his chest, looking at it and then at Cecil. He had expected Cecil to smile or like the video of her. It was sweet right? Vanessa was the sweetest. She actually loved him so much and now Kevin could see that she had loved him for even longer than he’d thought and it filled him with life. On the other hand, Cecil just continued to stare in disbelief and horror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes travelled from the phone to Kevin and then back to the phone. He had a face to put to the depressed words of a madman that had chilled him once before but was now so much heavier. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Most of us never woke up again.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cecil felt sick. On top of that, she had actually called Kevin cute and Kevin was calling her his ‘wife’. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kevin had asked, the reality of his loss hitting him all at once and a whimper leaving his lips. He tried to mask it as excitement but he couldn’t help but see that blood again. He couldn’t help but see the hair pulled from her scalp. Cracks on the window. Held down. Helpless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You miss her very much.” Cecil had said and it had just passed over Kevin. He couldn’t concentrate on what it meant. He couldn’t concentrate on what they were doing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are all still very upset about it.” Kevin replied. His tone had dropped to its broken mechanical version. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil looked away and so did Kevin. Carlos wasn’t sure what to do, either. He couldn’t really rectify the situation if Cecil had caught on. Eventually Kevin had left, telling the two happily that he had remembered that he and Vanessa actually had plans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nothingness was calming. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soft breeze on the hot sand. Dust and uncooked glass thrown through the air like tiny fairies dancing in the sunlight. Spinning and twirling with the elegance and precision that only the Smiling God could bless upon something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s beautiful, Isn’t it.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He paused the video, watching the glimmers and gold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Almost as beautiful as you.” He whispered as she scrolled to another part of the video. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re such a sweetheart.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her voice was so full of true joy and he couldn’t keep it from his face. It wasn’t a smile. It was happiness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only for you.” His finger moved through to another video, finding the correct moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you okay, Sunshine.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I miss you, Vanessa.” Where was it…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll see you soon, Sunshine.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just want to hold you again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love it when you hold me.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their forced conversation went on for a long while. He watched the smiles on her face. The laughs. The blushes. The sunsets behind them. He pretended the sun was setting here. It never did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they had finished, Kevin held her close, his fingers wrapping around her charm. He played with the metal, with the smooth coloured parts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m ready when you are, devourer. No rush.” He whispered, slowly slipping into the most relaxed sleep he had had since before Strex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin turned. Why was he back at the <em>StrexWaste</em> management facility? He hadn’t been here in months, not since… he didn’t want to think about that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That voice. Where was it coming from? It was probably just one of the Vanessas talking to him or her phone, right? She couldn’t be here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin? Help!” Didn’t matter! It was Vanessa’s voice and it was asking for help. He didn’t care what was causing it, he had to find her! He had to help her! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa?” He called, searching high and low for her. She was stuck under a large piece of machinery but it wasn’t hard for Kevin to move. His arms strained as he lifted it but not due to the weight, simply because he was not expecting to need to lift anything like that any time soon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sunshine.” She hummed as she scrambled to her feet, wrapping her arms around him and playing with his tie, “Since when did you wear these on a regular basis?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin couldn’t react. His heart was a mess, filling his entire body with a pulse so heavy and thick that it stopped him breathing. She was real. Her hands were warm and her hair fell in just the same way it always had. She hadn’t changed a bit, except for the starting of some greys behind her ear. Was Vanessa old enough to have greys? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand ran over the discoloured hair, pushing it behind her ear. It wasn’t the only thing that was wrong. She didn’t mention his scars. She didn’t mention his smile. This was all wrong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think about how wrong it is.” She reassured, tiptoeing to press their lips together. He wanted so badly to just accept her words, his fingers curling into her hair and desperately holding her close. He couldn’t keep his smile back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa, this is a dream, isn’t it?” He whispered against her lips, not letting her answer straight away. He needed to feel her lips again first. He needed that sweet faux ignorance for just a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, but that doesn’t make it any less real.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not healthy, Kevin.” Carlos’ voice came from behind him but Kevin shrugged him off, keeping his love in his arms. Vanessa had looped a finger under his tie, leading him as she walked backwards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Snap out of it, Kevin.” Cecil snapped from next to him. Carlos was the other side but he really did not care, waving his hands to make the two fall into pink and purple smoke around him and Vanessa as they transitioned into a house much like Carlos’, if Vanessa had made it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The counters had knick knacks and desert trash put in patterns that showed a life that hadn’t been lived. Shelves were half put together and cushions made of old, thrown out clothes and animal fur littered the sofas and floor. Kevin knew all of this without a second of looking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed her sinking down onto the fur covered cactus that was the sofa. Lips on her pulse. Her neck. Her arm. Her hand. He worshipped her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Vanessa’s voice.” He mumbled, trying to focus on keeping her sounding like, well, her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin!” A moment of peace would be appreciated, he thought, blocking out Cecil’s voice and just hearing Vanessa. “Kevin! Wake up!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to stop sleeping outside, It’s not good for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin opened one eye and then rolled over, putting an arm over his head. He tried desperately to get back to his dream but it was slipping away from him. It was such a nice dream. He had desperately wanted to finish it but Cecil was now kicking his foot and it made it very difficult to concentrate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t remember asking for your medical advice.” Kevin hummed, sitting up after kicking Cecil’s foot away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You smile even in your sleep.” The other man noted, offering his hand to help Kevin to his feet. He didn’t take it, pushing himself to his feet without the help. He was covered in sand, again. It couldn’t be helped in a place like this but was still insanely uncomfortable. He saw the tentacles coming but didn’t do anything to resist them, lifting him off the ground again. He remembered when they were around his neck, squeezing far softer than he knew they could. Now they were around his arms and waist, just holding him in place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kinky.” Kevin purred, giving Cecil a smile that caused the other man to look disgusted. Kevin was unsure where his own response was genuine or whether it was just there to provoke Cecil, but either way there had been somewhat of a desired effect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay away from Carlos. I don’t know what you want but if you touch a hair on his head I’ll…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go on, then.” Kevin mirrored Carlos’ words. He mirrored his cool tone, the way the man had confidently asked Kevin to tear him to shreds. The difference was that Carlos knew that Kevin wouldn’t have done it. Carlos had made it clear that he didn’t expect bloodshed. Kevin expected it. He welcomed it.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil had paused. Cecil was considering it. He had tried to kill Kevin before, although Kevin thought he might not have really been trying to kill him. Cecil stepped forward, bringing Kevin closer to him until Kevin’s feet touched the ground again. He didn’t release his grip and their eyes met. If Cecil was about to kill him, he was about to kill him looking into his eyes and this sent the most perfect shivers down Kevin’s body. Cecil didn’t react, though. He acknowledged the statement and possibly the shaking of the other man’s body but he didn’t react. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think it would bother me?” Kevin asked, his tone blunt and fighting the Strex tone his brain was trying to push through, “I could ask you to go and get me something if you’d rather get rid of me with less blood.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still no answer. It wasn’t often that Cecil was speechless. It was unnerving. More unnerving than the thick flesh that wrapped around his body, threatening to break him in half. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long will it take?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin grinned, tilting his head and then looking off in the direction of the waste management facility, “You could take Carlos on his new cart-thing, it won’t take long at all. It goes very fast. You just need to find some StrexCalm. It should be everywhere. A syringe is useful but not needed. I’ll do the rest.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil thought on it for a minute before lifting Kevin slightly and dropping him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” He said with a shake of his head, “I don’t know what’s in it and it’s made by Strex. For all I know, it could make you violent or give you the strength to do whatever it is you’re trying to do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stared into each other’s eyes for another few moments before Kevin leant down and took a handful of sand. He let most of it slip through his fingers while Cecil watched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil… I am so much happier. So, so much happier.” He hummed, rocking one way and then the other before throwing the sand into Cecil’s face. He wasn’t sure himself what he’d expected the other man to do but he knew that it would be violent. He knew it would be defensive. He knew it would hurt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other man reacted with tentacles lashing out in all directions, seeking Kevin with his third eye. He could see through Kevin’s eyes and knew exactly where to aim to lift the man by his neck. His hands rose to his face, spitting sand from his mouth and trying to get it out of his eyes. He felt Kevin’s heart flutter. Pain. Pleasure. Fear. Flashbacks. Lauren Mallard over him holding his throat until his vision started to escape him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil, Stop!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, why did he have to get involved? </span>
  </em>
  <span>The thought came from Kevin but the projection in Cecil’s head was enough to shock him into dropping Kevin. It was from a relative height, enough to throw sand up into the air as he landed, “Do I have to supervise you two all the time?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He threw sand at me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two voices seemed so distant. He only needed another minute to go, right? Cecil should have held on just another minute… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop trying to get yourself killed!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait, that was directed at him. Carlos was yelling at him, wasn’t he? That wasn’t at all what he had wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos was closer now, cursing in Kevin’s ear so that Cecil couldn’t hear, “You’re making it really obvious, Kevin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We spoke about this!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Why did you throw sand at Cecil?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You already said why I threw sand at Cecil!” Kevin hissed back, letting Carlos lift him up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos was having to guide them both back to the lab. Carlos was having to look after him again. He hated that Carlos felt like he had to look after him. He hated himself. He smiled. He was smiling this whole time. Cecil was glaring. Cecil was glaring this whole time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin limped as he walked on what was obviously a broken leg. Carlos had told him to hop but he didn’t listen. It would be repaired before they even got back to the lab, so why even pay attention to it? Paying attention to injuries was unproductive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t expect you two to get along but this is ruining my vacation! My vacation with Cecil.” Carlos put his hands on his hips, glaring down at both of them. His eyes moved to Cecil as he looked over to Kevin, “No, you’re the one instigating most of this!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Purple eyes moved up to Carlos in a begging manner but quickly looked away when Carlos’ didn’t change. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was staring at the floor, picking at one of the fresher cuts that littered his arm. Blood swelled from it and his nail acted like a reservoir, seeming to pull it along. He wasn’t listening. He heard disappointment. He heard annoyance. That was enough for him. He didn’t need to hear the words because the ones he made in his head were so much worse. He felt that they were so much more realistic. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I hate you’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Carlos’ voice would say to him in the synthesised way he imagined the man’s voice </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘you’re ruining my time with Cecil. You’re so selfish. No one will ever love you’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got to his feet, his leg fully repaired and Carlos having checked his reflexes on it. It was so horrible that injuries like this healed and yet his cheeks and eyes were still disgusting, twisted with scars and artificial technology. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where do you think you’re going?” Carlos huffed, Alicia stopping Kevin at the door, “When have I let you go out while you’re like this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil seemed to shuffle in his chair at Carlos’ words, looking between the two of them with nervous eyes. What did Carlos mean ‘let you go out’? Kevin didn’t stay here usually, did he? There were lots of houses, so why would Kevin stay here? He supposed, if Kevin was safe, then it wasn’t the worst case scenario that it was Kevin… but he tried to push the fear of such things out of his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, but someone needs to get my new blanket.” Kevin told him, gesturing in a vague direction which could be assumed was towards the lighthouse. Cecil’s sigh of relief drew the attention of both men for a second. Carlos moved past Kevin, careful not to touch him, and went to retrieve Kevin’s blanket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil and Kevin didn’t look at each other. They didn’t acknowledge each other. Kevin kept his eyes on Vanessa’s phone, looking through the pictures at Vanessa and the foreign face that was with her. He felt his smile drop for a second but he forced it back onto his face, wider and more painful than before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” Cecil asked, staring now. Kevin tried to ignore him but he repeated the question and Kevin closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carlos says that I am allowed a full range of emotions. I understand that isn’t everyone’s opinion.” He responded plainly, pushing himself away from the counter and moving to the other room. Cecil didn’t follow and for that he was glad. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Why?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin struggles with flashbacks</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; A couple warnings on this one </p><p> - "Movie night" (non-con) mention, no details. Marked with ***************<br/> - Explanation of  "Introductions" (Guns). Marked with *************</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cecil didn’t turn the light on or open the curtains as he got himself a cup of water. He didn’t want to disturb Kevin and he certainly didn’t want a conversation with him in the middle of the night. Unfortunately he was unsuccessful on both counts, at least he thought he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*********************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which movie are we watching tonight?” Kevin had asked in his joyously sick voice. H</span>
  <span>e was half asleep, having woken from a particularly bad flashback not long before. It was hard to get fully back to sleep after that kind of thing. He was sat cross legged on the couch, hands on his knees and back weirdly straight. Cecil had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and honestly didn’t want to know where Kevin had got the idea that they were watching a movie. Carlos had made many things but there were no screens here past Carlos’ laptop and that was already sciencing away in the corner. He wasn’t about to move it or watch anything on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep.” Cecil mumbled, going straight to the kitchen and pouring himself some water. He poured Kevin a glass too, deciding it was more polite than simply ignoring the other man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you want me to get ready?” Kevin asked as Cecil entered the room again, eyes straight forward. His implant had had time to reboot since Cecil had said its trigger phrase and his voice had gone back to the happily submissive tones that Cecil was used to from the man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil had put Kevin’s water on the table and was now watching him from in front of him. It was light enough that he could see Kevin’s features. The sunglasses that still sat on his face. Carlos hadn’t thought that Cecil heard him offer Kevin a face mask for the night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For a movie?” Cecil asked, his tone impatient and tired, “We’re not watching a movie, Kevin. There’s nothing to watch a movie on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not a movie, Lauren.” He started, pausing before explaining, “I meant for-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not Lauren.” Cecil interrupted, waving a hand in front of Kevin’s face. He didn’t react to the stimulus. He didn’t seem to react at all to Cecil other than his presence and it had put Cecil on edge more than anything Kevin had done since he had got to the otherworld. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s brain could barely process the words. His implant buzzed loud enough for him to hear it in his ears and he was now very conscious. Conscious and scared of his lack of control. Scared of the warping man in front of him. It was dizzying but he sat straight. This hadn’t happened before. Not like this. It was gut wrenching but he smiled. He realised his hands were reaching for his shirt and that the man was holding them still. He vaguely remembered that face… but where from? Where did he know him from? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the panic hit hard. He wasn’t shaking but he felt like he should be. He wasn’t screaming anywhere but inside of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin?” The voice wasn’t coming from the man in front of him. It was distorted and fuzzy and this buzzing was making it hard to hear now until all he could hear was screaming. His screaming. His own voice, rather than the hushed words of the man on the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s hands raised to his head, clawing at the heat that was burning behind his eyes. His wrists couldn’t move anymore but he couldn’t place why. He couldn’t see. Were his eyes in his hands again? When had they been before? No, he couldn’t feel them there. Then the light, oh Smiling God! It must have been! He’d never seen anything so bright! He’d never seen anything so beautiful and bright! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning was beautiful. Kevin was almost skipping as he entered the kitchen-lab to get himself some water and hopefully make Cecil and Carlos a delicious breakfast. They were already sitting in the kitchen and went quiet as he came in but this didn’t bother Kevin at all. He was used to people going quiet around him. It was the staring that made the whole thing awkward. They were already aware of his face and why he was wearing shades, so there was no reason for them to be staring at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking of cooking you two of those eggs that I found the other day,” He said, bouncing as he turned to face them. He was forcing a deepness in his voice but it stayed happy. Everything was bright and beautiful and basking in the light of a Smiling God, “Do you like them sunny side up or over easy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two looked at each other with obvious concern. Kevin almost felt like they were talking to each other without words, the way their expressions changed. Cecil looked concerned, then annoyed, then suspicious, then concerned again. Carlos looked concerned, then understanding, then annoyed, then concerned again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” Carlos eventually started, turning to face him properly, “...what happened last night?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stopped for a moment, his hands raising to his face, pushing his cheeks up as his eyes went dreamy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the Smiling God came to me with such a wonderful bright message. They saved me. Thank you, Carlos, I’ll need to add that to my journals.” His voice wisped between love and devotion, falling back into his own for a moment before realising he needed to mask it. Carlos knew that Cecil knew he was from Desert Bluffs so at least the Smiling God talk wouldn’t alert him of Cecil’s knowledge, “They showed me their light and I felt my eyes burning. It was incredible.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other two shared a look. They didn’t know if they should press any further and for the first time since he had found him, Carlos was actually worried about Kevin hurting them. He had spoken about the Smiling God before but it had seemed very tame and just like a religious following, similar to how Cecil carried around bloodstones and insisted on dragging him to the bloodstone circles each day. Carlos had even built one here to feel more like home. This had passed that, though. Kevin was seeing things, and although that was not particularly unusual for the man it wasn’t normally such vivid visions of what he had described on multiple occasions as </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘the great devourer’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to ask, though. He couldn’t just let Kevin stop there and be left with the reality of the situation that all three of them had seen caught in the air, even if Carlos had only caught the part after Kevin had started screaming and clawing at his face. The cuts above his eyebrows that he had inflicted with his nails hadn’t healed. Normally these things healed so quickly, but for some reason they were still there. Scientifically interesting, but Carlos was trying to focus on the most important situation right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, you believe in the Smiling God too… what did he save you from?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The reaction wasn’t as pleasant this time. Kevin hadn’t said anything and his smile hadn’t faded but he had quickly turned away from them and started to hum as he gathered ingredients to cook with. It was the avoidance that he normally gave Carlos when things got too much. Carlos somewhat blamed himself, as he had told Kevin that he didn’t need to talk about anything he didn’t want to. He had taken this more to mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘just don’t answer’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>rather than </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘tell me you’re uncomfortable’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sunny-side up or Over easy.” He repeated as he heated the oil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s OK, we can talk about it later.” Carlos told him, standing now and moving to put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, “Sunny-side up for both of us. Thank you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded, moving his hand towards his shoulder and letting Carlos withdraw his hand before they touched. He wasn’t in the mood for that kind of contact and Carlos could feel it by his motion. Normally Kevin would love the small, platonic touches. Comforting hugs. It was uncommon for him to ask Carlos not to touch him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can talk about it when you’re ready.” Carlos told him softly, setting the plates out for Kevin to make things easier, “We don’t blame you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause while Kevin put the eggs on plates with the vegetables he had fried. He sat a plate in front of them and then went to get his own, trying to resist the urge to cut his hand to put on it. It was difficult, but he managed to sit with them and push the thoughts from his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was just a bad dream about this guy I used to know.” Kevin finally said, pushing his egg around his plate as Cecil and Carlos ate, “He had a lot of things against me and I had a lot of things against him. He made me really uncomfortable most of the time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two shuffled uncomfortably, Carlos putting a hand up to stop Cecil from talking first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it the man you had a bad dream about before?” He asked lightly, getting a hum of disagreement from the other, “A different man?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barely a man.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos couldn’t reply. Carlos didn’t want to reply. He could tell this was a sensitive subject, and not just because of the screaming and crying the night before. There was really nothing he could say that would progress the conversation in a positive manner, short of completely changing the subject. Kevin was acting more on his training than normal and it was obvious. He had that happy anger that Strex had forced on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think that you handled him well, then.” Cecil commented between bites, “These are great eggs by the way. I mean, you just did the general ‘you are in my bubble’ primal screech. It was really good.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. It has been nice exercising that old tradition.” Kevin replied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Carlos’ turn to look confused and disorientated now but then he realized. He wasn’t from Night Vale, and Desert Bluffs was a close neighbour to Night Vale. It was likely they shared some of the outlandish customs that Night Vale had. Cecil had certainly been scared last night, but Night Vale customs were sometimes scary. I just hadn’t occurred to Carlos that Cecil could probably relate to Kevin a lot easier than he could when it came to upbringing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t I leave you two to explore today?” Kevin asked with a small hum, putting his cutlery down on his untouched, except for being pushed around, breakfast, “I can stay here and tidy up. If you want some time here, I’m sure I can manage to see myself to the lighthouse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, that sounds great. Thanks. You don’t have to tidy up here if you don’t want, we can sort that out.” Carlos smiled, taking Cecil’s hand, “I wanted to show Cecil the stars from the lighthouse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think of it as a ‘thank you’ for looking after me. Your date sounds nice. Have fun you two.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin waved to the two as they left before busying himself with cleaning. Memories he wasn’t meant to be able to remember swam in his head. It was hard to make sense of any of them. Small flashes or things here and there that seemed more like terrible dreams than a sick reality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After about an hour of this he needed to sit down, head in his hands. This wasn’t meant to be happening. He was meant to have only enough for him to work. Only enough for his productivity. Yet he remembered far more than that, far more than he wanted. He knew that he’d been in and out of training. He knew Damien before that meeting. Damien was the person who gave him the odd scars on his arms and legs. He could barely remember why… something about betraying Strex… but he didn’t betray Strex… he was a good employee. He trusted Strex. Who would he even betray them to? They had been efficient in taking Desert Bluffs. He couldn’t stop them. He gave in to them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yet the memories in his head were telling him that he had. How? Why? It all flooded back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Third time’s a charm.” Daniel’s voice was its general steady level as he made a point to start Kevin’s prompter. He was smug. He was so annoyingly smug. Kevin hated it but could do nothing but smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fifth.” Kevin corrected, his voice shaking as he tried to stay smiling and happy when he spoke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so, only third.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin knew exactly what Daniel was doing and wasn’t about to argue. If he argued Lauren would definitely send him back and although it was better than being forced to keep up the brainwashing of his beloved town, he couldn’t exactly do anything to rebel from inside of training. He couldn’t exactly rebel here but he could at least try. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to sound happy, so stop shaking so much.” Daniel told him, writing something on a clipboard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you not have something to stop me shaking?” Kevin asked but was quickly silenced by Daniel’s answer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Training</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Of course that’s what they thought of their disgusting “training” programme. Kevin took a deep breath and tried his best to steady himself as Daniel returned to the control booth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Productivity is more than just work, it’s working correctly. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice was level but by Daniel’s reaction he wanted more joy. More enthusiasm for the daily propaganda dose. Kevin obliged as the music finished, trying to think of happy memories as he spoke. First was the news and then… there was a buzzing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was like the static that had come through before Cecil had spoken to him before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil?” Kevin asked hopefully, grabbing his microphone and looking at Daniel to check he wasn’t about to be cut off. Daniel was just scribbling on a board. When he held it up it just said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Don’t mention Strex’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cecil? No, pal, this here is Ethel over in Pine Cliffs. Never heard of a Cecil, not in this lovely town.” The voice came back. A joyful person who you could tell just from their voice that they loved their town. Kevin remembered when that could be said of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Hello Ethel. This is Kevin over in Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a silence and a gasp. Kevin hadn’t exactly expected news of the takeover to have reached Pine Cliffs. Strex was secretive. The blood wasn’t, but Strex was. That said, the gasp could have been from the blood. His heart was racing and so were his thoughts and all he could think of was that the person meant Strex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened to you guys? I mean… no offense to your customs or things but I remember when your basketball team had nice uniforms and now they’re just…. Blood.... So much blood.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought for a moment, looking to Daniel again. He was still holding the sign and Kevin took a deep breath. He was going to be dragged back to training for this for sure but it gave him a chance, right? It gave him some hope to hold onto. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Ethel, actually we are so much happier here now. StrexCorp Synernists Inc. came into our town and </span>
  <b>
    <em>help</em>
  </b>
  <span>ed us to improve everything in the town. They really</span>
  <b>
    <em> help</em>
  </b>
  <span>ed </span>
  <b>
    <em>me</em>
  </b>
  <b>.</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daniel was rushing around the control room and there was a commotion outside his door. That was it, there was no way they didn’t pick up on it. If he was still broadcasting, he had to warn them. He had to warn everyone about Strex. It was only a matter of time until they tried to move to other towns and he couldn’t let that happen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have to protect yourself!” He all but screamed into the microphone, grabbing it and running into the corner of his studio, “They buy up towns! They torture people! They make people change in the worst ways!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His chest hurt. It throbbed with fear and aching. Aching for what once was. Aching for the next town they were planning on invading. Aching for everything that could have been. Everything that would have been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Run, Ethel! Run and fight!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They can’t hear you, Kevin.” Lauren huffed, snatching the microphone from his hand and letting the biomen drag him away, still screaming and biting and clawing at the half-robotic arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tears were fine, now. He could still feel the shocks that they were meant to summon despite the lack of his collar but they were fine. He was allowed to cry. Carlos had told him he was allowed to cry. He still smiled but he was allowed to cry. He had cried before. No one hurt him for doing it. Why was it becoming so hard to believe that again? Why was it hurting so much more than normal? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>****************</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t notice the restraints. He didn’t notice the pain. Just the blood. It’s all he saw for the first minute. Then the burning. The thick burn going through his arm. The burning tears in his eyes and the adrenaline shaking him to his core. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you were thinking, but if you do that again, it won’t just be in your arm. If it weren’t for my princess begging me to spare you, it would already be in your head.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The voice was deep and scratchy on his ears. The words barely went in. His life was flashing before his eyes. He grasped for that end. He tried so hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dig it out, or there will be one in your leg.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His restraints on one arm were loosened. He could move. He could run! He thought that until the ones on the burning arm and his legs tore at him as he tried. More blood. Was he going to bleed out? He could only hope. He couldn’t take this anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dig them out, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t.” He rasped, putting his free hand to his face and sobbing. What could they do about him not smiling? He was bleeding out. He was going to die and he knew it. He could at least cry while he sunk into the comfortable nothingness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His other leg now. More blood. How could he even make this much blood? Shaky hands raised to the first hole. It was agony to push even one finger in. Agony to feel his nail against the metal. He couldn’t do it. How had he not passed out? The cold metal on his head prompted a harder attempt. Why? He was going to die anyway, he might as well just let Damien shoot him. Why? What was this meant to teach him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dig. Them. Out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another finger and a scream. He couldn’t tell what parts of his face were covered in blood and what parts tears. A pop. A gasp. A pour of blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He moved to his legs, moving faster to try and get it over with. Desperately crying out in the hopes that the noise would offer him some relief. Three bullets dropped in Damien’s hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who do you belong to, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Strex.” It was a gasp among sobs, the feeling of drowning filling his lungs. The feeling of coldness running over his face and hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you belong to me. Each time you try that stunt again, I will come here </span>
  <em>
    <span>myself</span>
  </em>
  <span> and remind you of that. Do you understand?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin whimpered but didn’t respond. He felt his restraints tightening by a familiar feminine hand. He felt two pairs of eyes on him and the gun pressing into his vacant eyelid, threatening to tear the flesh away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you understand, Mr Palmer?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I understand.” He gasped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>********************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His fingers gripped against his knees, staring vacantly at the table for hours. When his senses had come back, he smiled wide. His hands raised up to one another as he took in the present environment. It was a sharp snapback. How long had it been? Kevin didn’t know. Kevin didn’t care now. Damien was in Red Mesa. Damien couldn’t be here in the Desert Otherworld. He couldn’t come and punish Kevin for trying to escape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another heat in his head. Oh, Smiling God, so horribly hot and bright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to distract himself but that wasn’t a hard task. He’d promised to clean up and clean up he did. The warm embrace of the Smiling God motivated him to keep cleaning. To organise everything. Not to fall on the floor and cry when other memories slammed to the front of his mind like a space rock slammed into sand. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin avoids Cecil and Carlos and comforts Carlos when he's gone.</p><p>No Alternate to this one really.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>See bottom notes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stars danced in the sky, changing pattern time and time again as Cecil and Carlos watched in perfect silence. All was well. All was peaceful. They were beautiful.  </span>
  <span>It was still light in the sky but they seemed so easy to see, even through their closest star. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your new friend…” Cecil started, staring up at the sky. He wanted to look at Carlos but couldn’t bring himself to yet, “...does he stay with you often?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos didn’t answer straight away. He looked up at the sky and then looked at Cecil. The second sight was far more beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” He said, running a hand over the other’s, “Are you jealous?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil didn’t answer straight away. He looked up at the sky and then to Carlos. The second sight was far more beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” he said, accepting the hand, “Maybe a little but… I trust you, Carlos. I just wish I was the one here with you. I worry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they returned home, Kevin had gone. He seemed to avoid them for the rest of Cecil’s stay. Carlos knew where he was, where he always retreated to, and to have the masked army check in with him. This time was for Cecil. This time was for them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They enjoyed everything there was to enjoy about the desert otherworld. They enjoyed everything there was to enjoy about each other. They reignited their love that had only grown with distance. They laid in each other’s arms and watched the sand blow over the beach. Cecil wasn’t here for long but while he was, Carlos was at home. A home he wanted to remake. A home he wanted to have with Cecil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So many things Cecil did he found adorable in him. So many things Cecil did he found annoying in Kevin. Still, he was happy here. Still, he was happy doing science. Still, he was happy with Cecil and he was happy with Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, he wanted to ask Cecil so badly that question that ran around in his mind. Still, he kept it there in his mind. His eyes filled with tears as Cecil had to leave, a piece of his heart tearing from his chest as he watched him walk away back towards the dog park. He didn’t let them escape until Cecil couldn’t see him any more. Until Kevin could hold him and give him that small illusion like Cecil was still there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cecil didn’t let the tears flow until Carlos couldn’t see him. Until a bottle could warm him and clear his mind for the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin never took advantage of these moments. Carlos sobbing into his shirt and talking about Cecil. Kevin wouldn’t take advantage of this one either. Carlos was vulnerable and Kevin could have easily done nearly anything with a mere suggestion. Kevin knew this. Kevin also knew that the aftermath of doing such would be catastrophic. Not just to their relationship but to Carlos’ mental health (and, he supposed, by extension his own). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’ll come back, Carlos.” He told him as he stroked his hair, careful not to hurt the scientist, “You’ll be together again before you know it. We’ll be far to busy to even notice he’s not here.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OK, so, this version (the one I wrote second) and the alternate version (the one I wrote first) are like polar opposites for all the characters except probably Kevin. This is mainly because I 'scraped' Version 2 because I didn't want to deal with the after effects for Carlos (as it would put more focus on Kevin and Carlos' phone calls in Act 3 and I didn't like how it was going with that). With this version, short and sweet friendly conversations are more fitting (especially as 'Taking Off' is very different in each version). </p><p>So, here's the thing... I love platonic relationships* but I love terrible coping mechanisms far more. </p><p>* (and it does not show in the fics so far because C&amp;S is a /romance/ and it's only Act 2 where friendships are really focused on, and YG is meant to moderately upsetting until Act 5. We're on Act 2. Act 3 will have /exclusively/ friendships except when looking at the past)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Preparations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Carlos and Kevin talk about Kevin's chip malfunctioning.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I left Cecil a voicemail. I asked him about moving here.” Carlos told Kevin nervously. He was wringing his fingers and pacing the room, “How long do you think it will take for him to hear it? Oh, what if he doesn’t want to? I mean, we have an apartment and everything in Night Vale already… What he-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carlos.” Kevin started, waving his hand to stop the other, his eyebrows furrowed which distorted his eyes in a weird way against his smile, “Then you’ll go back to Night Vale. You already planned for that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And just leave you here?” He asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It sat in the air. It made Kevin’s heart race and his checks fill with burning heat. His head buzzing but then just stuttering to a stop. He was important. To Carlos. As important as Cecil. How was he meant to reply to that other than melting into his chair. Soft whimpers came from his lips and he did nothing to stop them, even when Carlos gave him a half-worried, half-confused look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Carlos…” Kevin hummed, but didn’t offer a real reply more than that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ok</span>
  </em>
  <span>…” The scientist mumbled before continuing his pacing, “... I want him to be comfortable and I want to find out all of the mysteries here and the things that science is just starting to explain.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin simply sat and listened to him, humming with the oaky tones lingering against his ear and against his brain. He could feel his blood in a way he hadn’t in a long time. He could feel it coursing through his veins. He had been attracted to Carlos, that wasn’t debatable, but hearing Carlos care for him </span>
  <em>
    <span>so deeply</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Carlos had always cared for him but he had mentioned him next to Cecil. As Cecil’s equal. Not below Cecil, like Lauren had. Like he thought Carlos saw him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The idea trickled into his mind that maybe Cecil could feel the same way too, once he knew Kevin better. They could be a happy family. They could be everything he’d ever desired. Equally sharing the warmth of those special feelings. The physical warmth. Those soft touches on the shoulder or back. Kevin could protect them physically. Carlos could protect their minds with his ability to overcome mind controls. Cecil could protect them from the injustice that came with larger population sizes, like big corporations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told him you were here, by the way. I don’t know how he’s going to take that but other than you throwing sand in his face, you two seemed to get on while he was here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded. He wouldn’t tell Carlos that Cecil knew. Cecil would probably tell him as it was and the thought was hard on Kevin. Carlos would understand why he’d thrown sand in Cecil’s eyes, why Cecil had so readily thrown him around instead of just brushing it off as some weird hospitality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s great.” He hummed, standing and stretching out, “We should take a walk while we wait for that call, hm?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos looked over to him and then to Vanessa’s phone on the table. Kevin hadn’t picked it up like he usually did before they went out together. He always had Vanessa with him, even if she was just in his pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All three of us?” Carlos asked, testing the water with the way he had worded it. Saying her name might have triggered Kevin and would defeat the point of asking in the first place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin simply blinked, keeping his expression. Then it faded into confusion. No smile, just confusion. Then his smile returned, brighter than ever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just me and you, Carlos. It’s nice doing things together, don’t you think so?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos was happy about the fact that Kevin was feeling comfortable enough to leave Vanessa in the house but also noted the infatuation in Kevin’s voice. He didn’t pick up on more subtle changes in tone and he knew it, so he could also logically conclude that Kevin was being extremely obvious and over the top about the love in his voice. It wasn’t like him but Carlos shrugged it off as his lack of vocal control again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was hoping to get some samples from further out in the desert.” He told Kevin, gathering a few pots to put some sand in, “I feel like I might be able to figure out what the strange energy here is and how it works, but I need to know just how far it extends and if it is in inorganic materials like sand as well and organic and electronic objects.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin listened, taking in everything that Carlos was saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not all electronic objects are repaired.” He stated, seeming rather proud of the fact, “In fact, some seem to do anything but repair. Some seem to just keep on breaking more and more and more. So… that’s super scientifically interesting, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a pause. Carlos’ eyes set on him and then on Vanessa again. She didn’t look broken. If anything, Carlos thought, the sticker looked to be in better condition than when he first found Kevin in the lighthouse. It seemed brighter. Almost glowing. He had seen the screen light up earlier, so it couldn’t be internal damage unless Kevin had somehow corrupted the files but Kevin only ever listened or looked at them. He never used the internet or called anyone on it, so Carlos couldn’t imagine how he had managed to break her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not Vanessa.” Kevin drew Carlos’ attention back. The man was tapping on the side of his head and smiling his StrexSmile, “I’m remembering things. Such horrible things… awful things… Wonderful awful things. It’s delightful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, you were already remembering things. You’re not broken, I thought we discussed that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I mean… I get this buzzing and then a stutter and then I remember. I remember things I wish I didn’t. I remember Daniel a lot… My Daniel, not the one we sent to Night Vale. I remember my training… without the filters on. It was bad enough with the filters on…” His smile dropped and he stared at a single point on the floor. He looked like a robot who had suddenly lost power. Then Kevin straightened again, smiling even wider, “Oh, such fond memories, I’m so glad to have them back!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos sighed, shaking his head to Kevin and going back to preparing his bag. It didn’t matter what he said to Kevin at this point, so he would rather try to defuse the situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It might be your brain and implant processing things. Your implant is working to keep you… like this. It’s not broken.” He started before taking a deep breath, “Anyway, I’d rather talk to you about sand and science. Some things don’t heal. Skin wounds, limbs that are far enough removed… I want to figure out the extent of that exclusion…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I c-...” Kevin went to talk, but as soon as Carlos heard even the start of the word he interrupted again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...without inflicting damage to </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got your voicemail…” Cecil’s voice was quiet and seemed sad. Carlos sighed, sure that he knew what was coming next, “... I would love to move there with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was a surprise. A happy surprise, sure, but a surprise nonetheless. It filled Carlos with such a deep and amazing happiness that he couldn’t get but smile and move his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…! Sweetie! I can’t wait!” He exclaimed down the phone, getting a confused look from Kevin, who was also sure that Cecil would have declined the offer if for no other reason than because Kevin was there, “We’re going to have the best time here. I’m not saying it has to be forever but… oh, sweetheart…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart swelled. He clutched his shirt just above where he was sure was a vacant chest cavity where his heart would be. Kevin couldn’t imagine how happy Carlos must be feeling if he was feeling this happy. Actually happy. He couldn’t help the smile pulling on his face, distorting his features in a wonderful way. It cracked the plastic container Carlos was collecting samples in but it was still usable, so he didn’t seem to mind too much. It cracked the glass in the window, but Kevin wasn't even sure Carlos noticed. Carlos was much more focused on Cecil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make sure everything is in place before you get here… oh, honey!” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. All Smile's Eve: Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Carlos celebrate All Smile's Eve.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“It’s a shame Cecil won’t be here sooner.” Kevin hummed, tiptoeing to hang a tooth decoration that he’d made from animal teeth, “We’ll just have to wait until next year to celebrate together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos watched him. He had agreed that Kevin could have a few decorations as long as they didn’t contain blood but he didn’t realise that he would go for a tree made of teeth, shoelaces out of one of the pair of bloodied basketball shoes he’d found (which Kevin seemed very fond of despite them not fitting him), and a shard of glass. He was trying his best to be accepting but he couldn’t help but feel a little on edge about the entire holiday. Kevin seemed honestly happy about celebrating it, but he wasn’t sure if that was out of habit or real enjoyment. He had promised to make several treats but none of them sounded particularly appealing, either due to their ingredients or due to the way they were served. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can call Cecil and wish him season’s greetings. Night Vale also has holidays around this time.” Carlos told him, watching Kevin squeak and bounce on his toes as he looked at his decoration hung up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, we always celebrated as kids too. We’d go to find some trees and give them extra love.” Kevin’s voice stayed joyful, not even seeming to think about what he was saying, “My father would let us take any of the twigs to decorate the house with, but my sister would always get the best ones.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twigs? If you can find twigs, you can bring them in...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twigs?” Kevin asked, turning back to Carlos and staring at him. It took him a moment to process his own words before he looked towards the floor and laughed, “That’s a new memory. I-... don’t remember much about my father.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just his caramel and the twigs?” Carlos asked carefully, standing to help Kevin move the shard of glass somewhere safer than keeping it in the middle of the table. It was better that it was out of the way, even if Kevin wanted it close to the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess so…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two moved the decorations and Carlos took Kevin out to find some twigs, or anything reminiscent of twigs. He had hoped that it might trigger more happy memories for Kevin and he wasn’t disappointed. Kevin remembered his old faith, although seemed to dismiss it very quickly, and the way that he and his grandmother would make tiny trees out of tied twigs. He remembered how they would thank nature of it’s bounty and even remembered why he would celebrate during that time of year before he met the Smiling God. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had made hot cocoa with some of their own (not too great) crops. Kevin had burnt his mouth trying to drink it too fast. Carlos had let him snuggle against his chest, with the provision that Kevin acknowledged it was a friendly gesture and nothing more. While they laid together, Kevin told Carlos the story of All Smiles’ Eve, much to Carlos’ discomfort, especially as Kevin mimicked cutting his own face open at the relevant part of the story. Kevin had seemed like he enjoyed the mime, though, touching his own scars and tracing them with his fingers as he sunk back into Carlos’ chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos felt a drop of saliva hit his shirt and Kevin whimpered as he pulled at his own mouth. Carlos took Kevin’s wrists and moved them around his own shoulders before Kevin had the chance to rip his stitches. He was over excited, like a child who had had too much sugar and was now crying because of a minor inconvenience that meant a lot to them. Of course with Kevin it wasn’t a minor inconvenience, it was almost sixteen years of jumbled memories and abuse, both to and from him. Despite all of it, he smiled and Carlos smiled. Carlos looked at Kevin and thought he was happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carlos…” Kevin started, not lifting his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s up, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He had thought that their day had gone quite well, considering that Kevin had regained several memories that had made him happy. He stroked Kevin’s back to comfort him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you sad, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t answer. He just buries his head further into Carlos. He hadn’t liked the way he had sounded when he had said that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m sad’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered to himself, smiling wider. It didn’t sound right. It didn’t make sense. Why was he sad? Carlos was mad at him for being sad. He could feel it in his words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Why are you sad’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He had hurt him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Kevin choked, “I’m happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… Kevin… you’re sad and that’s fine. You’ll be happy again at some point. That’s fine too, but right now you’re sad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm acting like a child." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"True, but you're excitable. We all act like children when we're excitable." Carlos explained, resting his chin on Kevin's head as gently as possible, "You try to be happy and business-like all the time, Kevin. It's not good for you. Sometimes you need to act like a child and that's fine."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. I'm sad...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Carlos talk about Kevin's feelings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Chapter warnings</p><p>- Gaslighting (******'d)<br/>- SA (although not directly mentioned ***********'d)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Ok, Kevin, I want you to think of a time when you were sad.” Carlos told him, leaning on the table with his whiteboard behind him. It wasn’t the one he had numbers written on, it was smaller and easier to move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought hard but then just smiled and denied having felt sad ever until Carlos prompted again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, there was the time that I watched my girlfriend’s blood spray all over the inside of her control booth window.” Kevin had said on the second attempt, smiling wider despite his eyes fluttering. He wasn’t tearful but Carlos could tell he wasn’t completely present and had to comfort him for a while before they could resume. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing about Strex. That… will take a lot of personal work and a lot longer time for you to process and handle. We’ll work on that later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well, I remember one time Vanessa got sucked into a vortex… no… wait, that is Strex related… oh Smiling God…” He paused and then turned and clicked his fingers in realisation, “Throat spiders!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos shuddered at the illness, waving his hand and looking even more horrified as Kevin pointed to his own neck and then Carlos’ and said </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Snap!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For my sanity, not throat spiders.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about… now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos frowned, looking at Kevin’s smiling face and hands clutched together. He did look uncomfortable and it must be hard to think of all of these sad memories and actually feel them. He took a deep breath and nodded, letting Kevin have the example. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You feel sad, but how do you feel right now?” He asked, writing </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘now’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the whiteboard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Happy.” Kevin replied, beaming and then realising that this was the wrong answer quickly added, “Like an electric shock to the neck that makes my entire body hurt.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you think happiness feels like?” Carlos asked gently, writing Kevin’s words under the previous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not. I know that it isn’t how other people feel happiness but the shocks always came with my medicine. I associated the two. Now, whenever I feel sad, I feel those shocks and feel happy again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s right.” Carlos nodded, putting the lid back on the pen and focusing on Kevin again, “Is that healthy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. It's a coping mechanism... what's your point?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying that because it’s the answer I want or the answer you believe? I get that you <em>know </em>that it's not healthy. I understand that your not a child, Kevin. I'm asking if that's what you really <em>feel.</em>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had to think about the question. It was just a reaction, more than an answer but now he was having to think about his motives for the reaction. No one asked him that question during his time with Strex, so if it was learnt then it was learnt from Carlos. They had been having sessions similar to this while Carlos’ computer processed data during his experiments. They had only gone over memories that Kevin could bring up on his own, although Carlos did help some of the memories to come along.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not healthy because…” Kevin started, thinking hard about his wording for the justification, “... I shouldn’t associate pain and pleasure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not quite…” Carlos waved his hand in a way that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘you’re kind of there’, </span>
  </em>
  <span>“... but that pain wasn’t your choice. It’s not about the pain, it’s about the choice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not healthy because I shouldn’t associate… a lack of choice with pleasure? I hadn't really thought about it like that...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos nodded, writing it up on the board, “So, why do you associate the two?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Brainwashing, mainly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” </span>
</p><p>********************************</p><p>
  <span>“...and Gaslighting?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos looked round, tilting his head. He hadn’t used that word with Kevin before and honestly had no idea where he had gotten it from. Sure, Kevin was well read and knew a lot of things but he was pretty alarmed that Kevin had picked up on it himself. He certainly hadn’t used it with Carlos either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s gaslighting, Kevin?” He wasn’t asking because he didn’t know, he was using it to check that Kevin’s understanding wasn’t like his understanding of the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘empathy’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>or </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘sympathy’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wanted to make sure he wasn’t cementing unhealthy ideas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s hard to explain. It’s like… when Lauren would tell me I enjoyed things that made me feel sick.” Kevin looked away before continuing, deciding to smile at the cupboard instead of Carlos, “Like when I’d tell her I didn’t like something and she’d tell me that I seemed like I enjoyed it and make me feel bad for saying that I didn’t, then I’d question if I did enjoy it even if I’m sure I didn’t… then I get confused and have two different versions… There was lots of times when Strex did that. I know they made Diego go over the top with it, too... I think that was to make it easier for other people to <em>actually </em>do it. Diego used to say things I would know were obviously wrong, but then someone else would tell me small things that I wasn't sure were correct and I'd start to question myself.” </span>
</p><p>*****************************</p><p>
  <span>He was holding his hands out to his sides, his elbows relaxed and moved his eyes between each. He felt like he explained it badly, but hoped that Carlos would at least understand what he was trying to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand, Kevin, don’t worry. You got it. There are other things Strex did to you that fall into that category too and we can talk about that if you want.” Carlos moved over to him now, putting a hand on Kevin’s shoulder to try and snap him out of his thought, “My point for today was meant to be, you’ll feel happy again. Real happiness, Kevin. The first step is admitting you can feel sad and trying to process your emotions in a healthy way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I want to talk about it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine too. You don’t have to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a child.” Kevin’s eyes shot to the side, not wanting to look at Carlos. He put a hand up to the scar on his head from when they had given him the chip and fiddled with it. His skull would be in the way if he wanted to pull it out himself, so decided better of it. It would be easier if he took one of his eyes out but he was sure it would be the other side of his frontal cortex than what he could reach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re not. I’m sorry if it feels like I’m babying you, Kevin, but I don’t want to assume you know something and then find out you thought it meant… I don’t know… murder is ok.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I just feel like that? If I believe that murder </span>
  <em>
    <span>for the right reasons </span>
  </em>
  <span>is ok?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What reasons would be the right reasons?” Carlos looked at him with a type of fear that Kevin hadn’t wanted Carlos to look at him with. It wasn’t of some immediate terror or expectation of pain, it was a subtler fear. One that Kevin couldn’t place. One that Kevin was unsure if he himself had felt before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like doing it.” Kevin started, returning his eyes to another spot of the wall, “Or… because the Smiling God wants it. I don't kill people for no reason... well, it might seem that way on the outside but I have reasons.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Liking murder isn’t an excuse. Neither is a Deity’s wishes.” Carlos clarified, shaking his head at Kevin, “The right reasons would be self-defense or defending a love one, but then it’s not murder.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Plus, you don’t still like murder. You haven’t murdered anyone in almost ten years.” Carlos broke the silence that had fallen between them, still not getting a reaction from Kevin, positive or negative, “You haven’t even seen blood that isn’t your own or on the masked army in nearly ten years and I can only assume before you got here you had only seen your own.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Carlos, I do like blood. I think about blood. I dream about blood. I dream about you soaked in my blood, ok!” Kevin’s voice was rising as he spoke, unable to keep it the level he wanted to, “I dream about you hurting me and covering yourself in my blood and I enjoy it! I am allowed to enjoy that! It doesn’t hurt anyone!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos stared at him in horror for a few moments, trying to take in what Kevin had said before even trying to formulate a reply. He wasn’t sure he could formulate a reply. He wasn’t sure he knew what Kevin was trying to say. He didn’t want to know what Kevin was trying to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hurts me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos watched Kevin sink back into his seat, folding his arms over one another as he did. Eventually he looked back to Carlos, apologising with a soft voice. Carlos wasn’t sure whether to accept the apology or not but saw no reason to let it hang there. They had put a brewery together earlier that year and Carlos went to fetch one of the bottles of wine they had. It was a good occasion to test it before Cecil got there and he felt like Kevin needed something to take his mind off of things. He knew he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin accepted the glass and nursed it. He didn’t want to be the first to talk again. He didn’t want to hurt Carlos again. The feelings had just built and built as their sessions went on, as he got closer to him, as everything got closer to Cecil arriving. He hadn’t wanted to tell Carlos so directly but he hadn’t wanted to hold it in either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s head laid on Carlos’ lap. He finished off the last sip of his wine as Carlos finished the bottle. He wasn’t about to tell the scientist that he had wildly underestimated how much of the bottle he had drunk and overestimated Kevin’s intake. It wouldn’t matter how drunk he was and how not-drunk Kevin was. He was just happy that Carlos was happy. He was just happy that Carlos was comfortable enough around him to drink almost an entire bottle of wine to himself. That he was comfortable enough to forget to offer Kevin even a second glass. It didn’t come across like Carlos at all, but as Kevin had noticed his own lightheadedness, he realised that Carlos was probably not even used to having a single glass and he himself had periodically found wines to drink with Vanessa over the course of the years. He couldn’t imagine what Carlos’ first glass of wine in ten years had done to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really look like Cecil.” He mumbled, stroking uncomfortably close to Kevin’s stitched up third eye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you look really drunk.” Kevin replied. He didn’t sound like Cecil and hoped that would be enough to stop the scientist from staring at him so much. He would welcome any attention Carlos gave him and the thought made him shudder unpleasantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How much like Cecil are you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought for a moment, taking a deep breath in as he did. He wasn’t exactly sure what Carlos was implying, although he was pretty sure of what Carlos was implying. It was best to keep the topic away from that area while intoxicated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I really like hurting people. Does Cecil like hurting people?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos hummed, seeming to think for a moment before grinning in a way that made Kevin roll his eyes, “Not like… really hurting people. He likes rough stuff… but… Not like you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The poke to Kevin’s nose was welcomed, and also less than welcomed. His black eyes examined Carlos’ perfect face and his perfect hair before moving to set his and his own glass on the table and sitting next to Carlos. He didn’t talk again until Carlos did, not really sure of what to say at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I meant-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know what you meant, I have no comparison point. You are not getting a comparison while you’re drunk.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... tattoos.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin felt his face grow hot, shuffling uncomfortably at Carlos’ correction. He pushed up his sleeves to show the way that Strex had removed, or rather covered, his own tattoos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They know you can use lasers right?” Carlos commented, poking at the scarred skin. Kevin wished he would stop touching him but wasn’t about to ask him not to, so decided that he couldn’t expect him to know it was making him uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They know. They said it wasn’t ‘cost effective’.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you happy, Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin sighed, putting an arm around Carlos to pull him closer. If he was going to keep touching him, it could at least be on Kevin’s terms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m always happy, Carlos.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean... “ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Carlos. With you, I’m always happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos shuffled in his arms and Kevin looked down to make sure that he wasn’t hurting the scientist with his touch. He was trying his best to put the right amount of pressure behind his hold. Carlos didn’t look to be in pain, at least not physical pain. He looked uncomfortable and Kevin went to let go, only to have to put his hand in the way of his face again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are drunk.” Kevin told him, pushing him away, “And taken. I’m not Cecil.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry…” Carlos mumbled, rubbing his head lightly, “... you just look so much like him and I miss him so much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>****************</p><p>
  <span>“Great! I’ll make sure you don’t forget I’m not Cecil. If you feel the same sober, then maybe, but I’m not about to take advantage of someone who can’t...” Kevin paused, staring at Carlos and then looking back towards the glasses, “I’m horrible...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No you're not." Carlos mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"... but I'm not going to let someone else feel <em>that </em>kind of pain." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stayed silent for a few minutes, Carlos shuffling next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Kevin... you love me, don't you?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Please don't do that..." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>****************</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, I meant... It's going to hurt you, Cecil being here." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes. It will." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cecil doesn't like that you're here." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin took a deep breath, pulling away from Carlos again and standing. He wasn't sure what the other man wanted him to say about this information but he certainly didn't want to upset him but telling Carlos the truth about it. Instead he fetched another bottle of wine, pouring each of them another glass. </span>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Taking Off [END OF ACT 2]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An expansion on the episode 'Taking off'</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>END OF ACT 2! WHOO!</p><p>Alternate here: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/64295044">Taking Off</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was a beautiful morning. He had been having a lot of beautiful mornings recently. The sun was shining and Carlos was deep in his work when Kevin had offered him a meal of worms for breakfast. Carlos had expressed worry about what he was eating for what must have been the thousandth time since they had met. Kevin had taken in the worry, sighing lovingly and spun on his toes as he walked and he thought about those beautiful words. He thought about the night before. Nothing had happened between them but Carlos had been particularly affectionate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos was close to getting the results of his hard work and Kevin was excited for him. They had celebrated and Carlos had told Kevin all about his research and what it meant while he stroked Kevin’s hair softly. If he wasn’t in love already, Kevin was sure that he was happy now. He would be happy, truly happy, as long as Carlos was around. He was uncomfortable about Cecil returning and going back to the way it was when he was here before but Carlos had assured him that they would still be friends, even if Cecil would take some of Carlos’ attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the first broadcast of the new radio station, and soon enough he and Cecil would be hosting shows together regularly. It was an exciting prospect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We all have to start somewhere, we all have to end somewhere too but let’s concentrate on the other thing! Welcome to…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was unsure how to continue. Carlos had always referred to this place as “desolate” and a “hellscape” but Kevin didn’t believe either of those fit. He also knew that Carlos might be annoyed if he said “heaven”. He hummed in thought, looking out over the vast sands and their tiny town. Instead of any of those options, he settled on </span>
  <em>
    <span>“A Desert Otherworld.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The intro went relatively well, as did his quick tangent at the start. Now was the exciting part! Beautiful Carlos. Perfect Carlos. Not only could he listen to that beautiful voice but he could listen to him talk about science again. It had become one of Kevin’s favourite hobbies. He was very into science these days. Kevin imagined that perfect hair as he heard Carlos’ excited voice through the phone starting to talk about making new things. Carlos hadn’t built much before Kevin came, other than his own house and science lab which were essential. It made Kevin feel useful and wanted that this new town had formed since he had inspired Carlos and the masked army to develop more and more things. It built a community! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Carlos said something not-so-beautiful. Carlos had a way of saying not-so-beautiful things, although Kevin realised he couldn’t fault the man for this as what is beautiful to one person, like blood or pasta salad, might be a disgusting reminder of your own mortality to another. Still, he kept his cheerful demeanour. He was on air, after all! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let Carlos continue, going back to thinking about those strong arms and that loose lab coat around them. How it would catch any stain before it could ruin Carlos’ outfit. He wondered how strong Carlos would really be if he tried. These thoughts always lead to others that Kevin tried to push down, not wanting to think about that while he was on air. Carlos mentioned a breakthrough, then went silent in the middle of his response to Kevin’s question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything OK?” He asked nervously. It seemed the Masked Army were agitated, which wasn’t odd in itself but Carlos seemed worried so Kevin was worried. Still, the show must go on! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin dutifully described the roller coaster, which he had many times stared at with an odd jealousy of its inhabitants. They were getting all of the fun just because they didn’t know how to stop them. Kevin had desperately wanted to try the ride but Carlos had advised him not to let anyone on before he could check it. No one died in this place, so the Masked Army and Kevin had decided that letting people have some fun was important and the worst that could happen was someone losing a limb or breaking a bone and that would heal itself just fine! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Carlos was back, explaining the commotion to Kevin. It made Kevin uncomfortable, listening to Carlos upset. He knew it wasn’t directed at him but it always felt like it was directed at him. Like he was making Carlos unhappy. It had nothing to do with him and yet the feeling was still there. He had wondered if that feeling would ever go away or if it was something much more ingrained. Something he had even before Strex. He changed the subject to distract Carlos, to make him happy again. Nothing made Carlos happier than science! Nothing Kevin wanted to think about at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still needed more time but that was fine. Kevin could fill any silence and had plenty to talk about. Ten years of things to talk about. Even if he didn’t have anything to talk about, Vanessa surely would! He tapped his fingers in the lizard’s blood as he spoke about what they had, looking around to see if he had missed any details. As he did, Vanessa appeared in the producer’s booth, waving happily at him, a wide smile full of perfect teeth filling her mouth. He could see where her gums met her face and where her skull cut off behind her jaw. She was beautiful and he waved to her, a fast and energetic wave that could obviously be heard in his voice. She had been helping with so much! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Carlos was back again! Wonderful! Except… it didn’t sound wonderful. He sounded upset again. He sounded angry. Kevin kept smiling, knowing he would need to cheer Carlos up again. That was what he wanted more than anything, Carlos to stay happy. He tried, oh he tried his hardest to put a positive swing on what Carlos was telling him. It was hard! So hard! Even harder as Carlos’ tone set his mind back to thoughts of the man covered in Kevin’s blood. No. He was Carlos’ friend and wasn’t going to think about him like that anymore! He tried to change the subject back to the research. The research was a safe topic. Carlos liked research and it didn’t make Kevin think of blood at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, he wouldn’t think about it. Carlos talking about blood was too much. No! No, Carlos was his friend, he had to think of something other than bloodied hands on Kevin. Something other than the scientist soaked in sweet, hot, life. His toes curled under the desk and he closed his eyes, trying to ignore it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t even know where to begin cleaning up all this blood!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin put some fingers to his lips, trying but failing to keep back the whimpers that came with the thoughts. Smiling God! Why was he like this? He had to breathe, compose himself. He put one leg over the other, face red as Carlos pointed out the massively inappropriate behaviour. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just like your story.” He was breathy again, feeling embarrassed and dirty. Maybe giving in was for the best, “Carry on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos didn’t, but it seemed the best time for the weather report. Kevin gave a brief prelude to it, having to stop himself as he mentioned the offending incident again before starting the weather report. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another deep breath. It was blood. He was surrounded by blood. He shouldn’t feel this way and he knew it. Carlos had told him many times that he shouldn’t feel like this towards blood. That it shouldn’t stoke warm, loving feeling deep within his stomach. It shouldn’t make him moan and whimper and beg. Blood was meant to disgust him, not make him feel lustful. On the other hand, it was specifically beautiful Carlos talking about being covered in blood. Kevin could forgive himself a little for reacting in such a way to what was essentially a realised fantasy, albeit realised in a much different way to the way he wanted Carlos covered in blood. That could be enough to ground himself, it wasn’t his blood. He wanted Carlos covered in </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>blood. He wanted Carlos intimately entwined with his own being, looking down on Kevin through that thick scarlet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter, the weather was at its end and the broadcast had to resume. Resume with something other than results. Instead Kevin decided to dip into his own memories, the buzzing hum in his head bringing back memories of Desert Bluffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, but then the door opened and Carlos stood there. He looked injured, definitely from the storm. Kevin frowned for a moment, then decided that this was a frowning occasion. Carlos was hurt and covered in dust. Kevin wasn’t sad about this. Concerned, worried, but not sad. Carlos was hurt but Carlos would recover. They would be happy together forever, here. Cecil would also be here but Kevin didn’t want to think about that. Then Carlos addressed the blood and Kevin wasn’t about to lie to him. It was nice that Carlos had noticed it, really. They had spoken about Kevin’s liking of blood so it wouldn’t be that much of a problem right? So why were the words so hard to get out… why did it feel so horrible, like Carlos was already judging him… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Time to change the subject! He had the results in his hand and Kevin would talk about those instead. That was sure to change this awkward and nerve wracking situation into a much more pleasant one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It did not. Kevin tried his best to distract him. He even mentioned Cecil. He tried his best to distract Carlos but he couldn’t. He tried so hard to make Carlos happy. This wasn’t something he could help with, though. Carlos seemed nearly in tears. He had a letter… something else to change the… no, Carlos was talking around something. Around them. He knew it was around them. Carlos called him a mistake… </span>
  <em>
    <span>No… He didn’t like that…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Then Carlos mentioned rededicating himself. So, it was to Cecil? </span>
  <em>
    <span>No… </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said he was hand delivering it and he was here, so it was for Kevin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin tried harder! That was it! He just needed to try harder. He wasn’t making Carlos happy now, but he would! </span>
  <em>
    <span>NO!... </span>
  </em>
  <span>It didn’t matter what he did, Carlos had to make his own happiness. Even without him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>NO! NO!... </span>
  </em>
  <span>He mentioned going to Night Vale for one last time. So the letter was for Cecil… Did that make Kevin happy? Carlos said he had been kind to him. Carlos thanked him. He felt… relieved. He felt loved. He was happy. Truly happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The letter sat there on his desk. His stomach sank for a minute. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, he just forgot about it. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I better not read it…” </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s for Cecil. Carlos made it clear. It’s for Cecil, right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… better not…” He took an unsteady breath, trying to keep back his tears. His happiness was sinking away. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, it is for Cecil. He said he’s going back for one last time…one last time...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ended the broadcast and snatched up the letter, staring for a few seconds before tearing into it. His brain was arguing with itself. His body was arguing with itself. He was arguing with himself. What even was he? Who even was he? Carlos had given him such a sense of purpose and love, how had he driven him away?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes scanned the letter, barely able to comprehend the words in front of him. Carlos made it clear that he knew Kevin loved him. That he could never love him back. He loved Cecil but that wasn’t why. He could never love someone like Kevin. Cecil was like Kevin but with all of the annoying and terrible things removed. Kevin was nice, but he wasn’t someone Carlos could bare spending even another year with, let alone his whole life, let alone an eternal life. He hoped Kevin stayed safe. He hoped the roller coaster stopped and the Masked Army returned. He hoped Kevin had someone to spend eternity with, but it wasn’t going to be Carlos. Carlos chose happiness, even if it meant Kevin was alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I hope that you’re not alone forever but I can’t be the someone who's here with you.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled down at the page. Not because he had to smile or because he hadn’t wanted to frown, he had a full range of emotions. He smiled to try and make himself happy. He tried to choose happiness but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Tears weren’t running down his face because they couldn’t, Kevin didn't cry, Kevin never cried, it wasn't OK to cry, but tears were running down his face in long, wet streaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sad.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4U3OcHxY1A">Trauma - nf</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Bridge 2 - Alone Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin finds new hope in Desert Bluffs Too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Major Warning</p><p>- Suicide (read the chapter summery below)</p><p>Chapter summery<br/>- Kevin tries to kill himself<br/>- The smiling God saves him<br/>- The old DB residence joined Kevin's community<br/>- Josephine's Demons brought Kevin Vanessa's head<br/>- They're having a funeral (next chapater)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Just before he had jumped from his chair he had spoken to Cecil. His only friend. Beautiful, wonderful Cecil. He had told him they weren’t friends. His only friend wasn’t his friend. He wondered if that made him sad but had decided quickly that it couldn’t. He just felt empty. He vented to Cecil one last time, so he had thought. The rope was around his neck as he spoke, balancing haphazardly and unable to reach his controls again once he had started. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Until next time’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>this time the lie was on him, he had thought before kicking the chair out from under himself, feeling his body fall and sharply snap against the rope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a few days for that one to heal, but it did. It was slow enough that he only noticed the change as his feet slid upwards. His neck bones moved together and straightened again. He regained his ability to move his arms and legs. His ability to feel his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His feet barely touched the floor but they still touched the floor. He bent his knees but all this did was make it hurt more. It had been several hours of not breathing now and he had realised that this definitely wasn’t working. Still, he had no reason to get himself down. He kicked his feet under himself, swinging forward and backwards. He waited and waited and waited. No reason to get himself down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He should have seen this coming. Everyone loved Cecil. Everyone hated him. He was nothing. He was even less here. At least in Desert Bluffs he was the voice of Strex. At least in Desert Bluffs he was the prophet of the Smiling God. He was alone again. The doors were gone, right? Carlos had said they were gone. He was not only alone but alone forever. Vanessa stared up at him. Vanessa Too stared up at him. He looked between them. They were dead. They were gone too. Everyone he loved was gone. Everyone he loved had left him. Hot tears streamed down his face, dripping from his chin to the floor. Days. Months. Years. It didn’t matter. He deserved this. He deserved the pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, one day, the burning came back. The searing pain in his head. The blinding bright light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried desperately to talk but struggled with the lack of air and passage for his words. His skin started to feel cold. So cold it burnt. His hands grasps at his arms, clawing and wriggling against his restraint. Then it broke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, that’s not a smile.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The voice was all around him. The light was all around him. He was a pile on the floor, panting and catching his breath. His lungs burnt with the feeling of cold air, a feeling he had long since forgotten. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… Oh… Smiling God!” He just about managed the words, his voice harsh but joyous. It was a blessing. A blessing he had forgotten, the Smiling God surrounding him in Its all consuming light! He showed his gums, looking around to see if he could find his dentures that had fallen out long ago. He could see nothing but light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were no more words exchanged, only the pain of being devoured. Joyfully he allowed the light to consume him. Joyfully he allowed the light to change him. He let his skin pull back into his more monstrous form, the light penetrating him deep. Purifying. Killing. Allowing Kevin to be reborn. He felt hard, flexible appendages grow from where his tentacles used to be. Chitin and numerous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then it faded and Kevin stood, shaking, on the new legs that extended far further than his human ones. He allowed the sentient light inside him to retract back, his human features returning but with a new vigour and passion for life. A new passion for the Smiling God. It had blessed him! He was Its prophet and he would honor It everyday! He may have been alone but he could watch. He could feed. He would keep this town and he would love it and he would love the Smiling God! He would follow and love and pray to the great devourer! He would reform the Joyous Congregation, even if only he attended its masses. This was his true purpose. This was why he was here! This was really heaven!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What was the point of keeping track of time when every moment was bliss? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning he would tend the farm, now growing with blessed crops. Then he would worship at the church that he and one of the Masked Army had built, before continuing his work building his town up. Even if it was just for himself and maybe the rollercoaster inhabitants when they became free of their fun new home, it felt more like home and more productive this way. Then in the evenings he would do another sermon to an audience of only Vanessa and Vanessa Too before broadcasting his show with them. Vanessa was becoming more devout but Vanessa Too only came to support Kevin. Then he went to bed early, getting plenty of sleep nestled between the two people happily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today was not a normal day. Kevin hadn’t heard the man approaching him until he had touched Kevin’s shoulder, but when he did Kevin jumped nearly out of his skin. He turned to see Lawrance Lavine and several other familiar faces smiling at him. At first it seemed like he had been hallucinating again but then Lawrence spoke and what he said was hard to understand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Three years, huh? Long time out here alone.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three years? Carlos had mentioned that it had been only one year to Night Vale when they were together but it had been ten years from Carlos’ perspective. That meant…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thirty on this end.” Kevin smiled at him and the group, gesturing towards the church, “We have fresh fruit inside, I know how long it takes to get here you should all enjoy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let his centipede legs retract into his back, waiting for some of the crowd to relocate before talking to those that were left. Josephine and her demons, Lawerance, and a few other old friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa and I have been busy. There are plenty of houses, the radio station already set up and active, and a lot of food places ready except for staff. We have jobs, the church, and everything.” Kevin told them, gesturing around at the half constructed town, “With everyone’s help we’ll have a lovely little community back soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, aren’t you ready to let go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hummed, questioning the question. Lawrence clarified that he meant Vanessa and Kevin simply hummed another reply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can give her a proper funeral now. What do you say?” Josephine said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to bury,” His voice had turned sullen, wilting at their words. One of the demons made a shrugging motion before another one carefully pulled the old jar from behind their back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not much, but it’s something man.” One of the demons said, another adding, “She deserves some peace, Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears. Hot and plenty. His voice trapped in his throat as he stared at the pale, horribly preserved face. Feet moved on their own, fingers reaching out but not touching the glass. It took several minutes before he fell to his knees but here he was, on his knees holding Josephine tight. Holding Lawrence. Holding his friends. His family.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Bridge 2 - Letting Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Desert Bluffs Too has a funeral for Vanessa.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know people don't tend to like funeral scenes, so feel free to skip.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“Friends, Family, Community.” Kevin raised his arms to the sky, yellow robes slipping down his arms as he did. Few members of the congregation had their ceremonial garments but he had his, covered head to toe. It was just as well, as it hid the tears streaming down his face as he spoke the joyful sermon, “It is a shame when a child of the Smiling God cannot be returned to Its glorious light when their time comes but today you as a community have come together to allow for a long overdue ceremony. For this, I thank you, and you should also thank yourselves.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a mumble of thank yous between the members, turning to one another and smiling wide as they said the words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Today we honor Vanessa Louise Palmer. A beautiful woman, in both looks and life.” He choked the last word, having to put his hand under his hat to level himself for a moment, “She is long past due to find her peace with the Smiling God, and her own God. Joyfully we will return her to the cycle. Joyfully we will let her soul rest.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin moved to the side to allow the order of eulogies. Each person shared memories of Vanessa, from her broadcasts to her work in the community during her college years. Kevin had asked to go last when they were discussing the service, although was now regretting this decision as he felt himself shaking more with each word that passed. When it came his time again, it took everything to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa came to our small desert community from O-he-i-o, scared and upset about leaving friends and school behind. Our community quickly surrounded her with love and she put all of that love straight back into her community… excuse me…” He turned away from the microphone, Josephine standing to put a hand on his shoulder. He thanked her quietly before returning to his speech, “When Vanessa first started in the radio station, she was having a tough time, but with the love and care that she gave to everyone and everything she did, she grew into a wonderful producer who would have truly flourished in her field. She was my intern. My friend. She would have been my wife and she was, as few you may know…” A long pause, looking over to the head on the altar. They had surrounded her with milk and teeth, as well as lemons and cactus flowers. Josephine had even managed to make her a flower crown to replace the suit she would be in and had fixed her face into a beautiful smile, “... She was the mother of my child. It’s not just Vanessa that we return to the Smiling God’s light today but also our baby.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t a sound as Kevin moved over to the altar, taking his hat off. He didn’t care about everyone seeing his tears or face. A soft kiss on the top of her head and then a nod to Lawrence Lavine and Ted to help him carefully move the large tray that held her outside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked slowly until they were far into the desert, placing her on the ground. Kevin allowed everyone to say their goodbyes before gesturing to them to form a large circle. He gestured for them to widen the circle many times before they were far enough to be safe. He took Vanessa and Vanessa Too’s hands and said his goodbyes before laying a feast of worms from a jar around her on the hot sand and then running backwards to join the large, spread out circle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They jumped several times and then swayed as Kevin preyed. The devourer rose as the Smiling God enveloped him in light once again. It showed her to him, devoured and pure. Peaceful. Then It left again and he looked around at the shocked and scared faces of his community as they gaped at the giant centipede that had risen to have Its meal of worms and teeth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once it had dived again, the circle closed and they returned to the church. Kevin had prepared meats and insects and fruits for everyone. They would talk and remember and celebrate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How you doing, man?” One of the Ericas asked, putting a long hand on Kevin’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Better. Thank you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other hand was held out now, two rings in the palm. One he recognised as Vanessas and the other a rose gold band inscribed on the inside with </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Until the Sun falls from the Sky”. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin accepted them, wiping another tear from his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She-…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, man, I just found them in the desert.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, slipping them both onto his middle finger, Vanessa’s sitting above his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I’m ready to let go… but I’ll never forget her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Forgetting isn’t the objective. Forgiving is.” The demon rubbed his shoulder and then walked away, leaving Kevin with a smile as he played with the rings on his finger. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Start of Act 3 - Community</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren comes to Desert Bluffs Too</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin woke as he did every morning and followed his normal morning routine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he sat on the edge of his bathtub, he put his head in his hands. He didn’t know what it was about today, but it was a bad day. He wouldn’t admit it was a bad day but he knew it was a bad day. There was nothing to make it a bad day yet, it was just harder to smile in the mirror. It took far less time for him to realise how disgusting his face was while he was practising his smile. Not that this wasn’t part of his routine, it was, but today it had come on far faster and wasn’t showing any sign of lulling back into his happy-go-lucky attitude. No, today the mutters and personal ache had turned into tears. Loud and uncontrollable. He had sunk to the floor at some point, caught between praying to the Smiling God to just devour this pain and scolding himself for letting his emotions get this far. It was normally just a few minutes of thought and letting out his hatred for Strex, letting his memories of before come back for just a few minutes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin wasn’t sure how long he had been there before he felt himself being pulled into a tight hug. He had almost forgotten he wasn’t alone anymore and gripped onto the shirt that was over the woman holding him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Kevin.” The soft voice cooed, stroking through his hair, “Come on, the town needs a leader, Kevin. It’s time to be that leader, like you always were.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m no leader.” Kevin sniffled, wiping the tears from his face and looking up to Grandma Josephine, “I’m a propaganda bot with no propaganda to spread.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath, Josephine letting him straighten himself out and continue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not. I am a leader. I can do this.” He forced his lips into a wide smile, tears streaming from his eyes as he did, “I’ll wear my robes. We are a town of faith, after all. I can do this…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Josephine gave him a pat on the shoulder, getting up slowly as Kevin offered her support. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning all.” Kevin sang as he stood on the stage in front of the small gathering that was made up of old Desert Bluffians, “It’s lovely to see you all here. We have done some amazing work together over the past year, putting together our lovely little town. It almost looks exactly like our old little town. There is just one more thing to sort out before we can truly start thriving as the loving and welcoming community that we aspire to be!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were a few claps and Kevin waited for them to subside, starting to feel better about the whole day. He adjusted his ceremonial hat to make sure his whole face was covered before continuing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need more leadership at the Church of Joy and anyone who is still welcome in Night Vale may want to set up some communication with our other sister Church.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one.” A voice came from the crowd, giving Kevin an over-the-top shrug to show that they didn’t have a way to correct that situation either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok… well, nevermind. They have the book of devouring, right? I’m sure they’ll be fine.” His voice was less than convincing but he took a breath and returned into his joyous tone, “Well, we still need help getting the Church of Joy running and ready for when more people join our little community. We also need a council. I can’t do all this stuff on my own </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> run the radio station. So, applications can come to me and once we have everyone where they should be…” Kevin gave a small hum on contentment, “... we can consult the Smiling God and then we can put out some advertising for people to join us!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another round of applause, this time louder than the last as Kevin smiled wide. He looked over all the familiar faces in the crowd and felt whole. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The response was better than Kevin could imagine. Everyone set out on their own tasks, making advertising and decorating businesses so that they looked welcoming and homely. Kevin loved it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had started up a few support groups with the help of Lawrence Levine and Grandma Josephine. Kevin ran the facial scars support group and attended both the Strex workers support group (which was the majority of the town) and the bloodlust support group, which wasn’t particularly big at all. It felt far better than when he was trying to deal with his problems alone or with Carlos. Having people who understood him, understood what he had been through, and understood why he wanted the change. So many friendly faces, both people he knew from before Strex and completely new people. Tim was in the facial scars support group and often helped Kevin with setting up, as well as quickly joining the team on the radio. Daisy was also there but avoided Kevin like the plague. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, that can’t last forever and Kevin knew that. Nothing lasts forever, least at all perfection. This particular day was the day when that perfection ended. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin had simply been standing at the edge of town, admiring the new road that they had paved to help tourists to get to Desert Bluffs Too when the familiar voice assaulted his ears. He spun around on his heels to the source of this offensive sound, taking a deep breath and smiling a beautiful smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, so glad that you co-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep, Kevin!” She barked, marching towards him and ignoring him wincing at the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s very rude of you. I would prefer a ‘hello’ or ‘nice to see you’.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren tilted her head as she stopped arm’s length from him. Kevin didn’t move, other than to twitch and wince several times before his expression pulled into the smile she was expecting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What brings you to our small desert community, Ms. Mallard?” He asked gently, one foot moving backwards in case he needed to get away from her, “If you’re looking for food or water, we have both.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have food and water?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Equally shared between our fine community.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren scoffed at this, shaking her head and pushing past him to go and talk to someone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once he had grounded himself and his chip had stopped suppressing his autonomy, Kevin asked around town about where Lauren had gone. It wasn’t long before he found her in the Temple of Joy, several empty water bottles and food packets around her as she prayed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, why don’t you join us here?” Kevin asked softly, kneeling next to her so that they were on equal level, “You can help me at the radio station-....” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Help? You?” Her hand was caught quickly by one of his long, chitin legs, driving it into the ground next to her. The other seven pushed Kevin up and over her, all three of his mouths smiling wide now as he watched the blood pour from her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren… As the chosen one of the Smiling God, I think you should really take my offer. It does not make mistakes, Lauren. It devours, mindlessly. Senselessly. Brutally. It devours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The colour drained from her face as she watched him, looking between his new, real, sharp teeth and his glowing figure. Her eyes felt like they would come out, fixed on his horrifying visage. All she could do was nod in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good... “ Kevin hummed, radio static punctuating his words, “... So let’s go and make some good quality radio content, shall we!” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. I don't want to know...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Carlos tells Kevin he got engaged.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Trigger warnings</p><p> - Lauren has a panic attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Between Lauren and his phone, Kevin hadn’t had a down moment. Sure, he was ignoring his phone but that didn’t stop him going to check who was calling him. Carlos. Every time he let it ring. At the tenth time, Kevin assumed it must have been a very scientific emergency that had to do with Desert Bluffs Too and promptly ignored it. At the twentieth he decided that it had become too annoying to leave and plus, he was live on the radio and didn’t want to seem like a complete jerk to anyone who wasn’t aware of the very unpleasant letter his ‘friend’ had left him with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi there, Carlos! Listeners, those of you who don’t know, Carlos is my </span>
  <em>
    <span>very special </span>
  </em>
  <span>friend who I trusted with my emotions… ha ha, what a silly person I was for doing that, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carlos didn’t reply straight away, humming in annoyance instead. He only spoke when he realised that Kevin would happily let it go to dead air if he didn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I actually had some news for you. I would say good but it sounds like you won’t see it that way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Carlos, being left in a Desert with no friends for nearly t-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The unforeseeable future.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stopped at the interruption, looking down at his phone and then shaking his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was going to say for ten-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m sorry I left you alone so long, how are you?” Carlos’ voice was off. He sounded mildly panicked and on top of that seemed to be trying to sound far more cheerful than he obviously was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine. I have my own little community now. We’re growing well. Very charming. I did leave Cecil a voicemail.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s great… So… that news I had. As we are friends, I thought you’d want to know that Cecil and I are getting married.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled wide, trying to process the words he’d just heard. Trying to process what they meant. They shouldn’t mean anything, really, but the pain in his chest told him that they meant </span>
  <em>
    <span>something. </span>
  </em>
  <span>What that something was, he wasn’t sure of but they meant something. He took a deep, unsteady breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Delightful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, Kevin, we can’t invite you…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“...and don’t want to…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>A voice in the background said, only just audibly, Carlos saying Cecil’s name in a scolding manner in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... because the people of Night Vale will kill you on site. I know you might think that’s a-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t want to die anymore, I understand.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… that’s good news.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you telling me this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Carlos clicked his tongue as he thought, sending an unpleasant shiver through Kevin, “... we were hoping you would record a message that we can play at our wedding. We’re asking people who can’t be there in person to record one so they still feel like part of our lives.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a wonderful idea! When do you need it ready by? Oh… hm… I suppose I’ll have it done in time anyway. I could record it after the broadcast.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great.” Carlos started, about to talk again when Kevin interrupted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, you two have a lovely day and </span>
  <em>
    <span>life </span>
  </em>
  <span>together. Bye bye.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ke-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, now listeners, I take you to the weather.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin spun around on his chair, staring at Vanessa in the control booth. It had been a while since she had been in there. She hadn’t been in there since the funeral, in fact. That was not good. That was not good at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin.” The man jumped out of his skin, figuratively and literally, Lauren having to shield her eyes from the sudden light of his other form, “Kevin, we should record that message together!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not used to people barging into </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>studio anymore, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lauren.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He beamed, settling back into his human form again, “Carlos was </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>friend and I believe the invitation for </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to record them a message. I’m sure that you can make yourself useful with some other job around town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kevin…” Lauren laughed, “... This is my studio. Strex owns you and by extension, I own you. Remember, Kev?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, I hate to do this but I feel like if I don’t you’re just going to do it to me so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you scared of the dark?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren’s smile faded immediately, shaking her head. She gave a nervous laugh, tears starting to swell in her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… how did... ?” The sentence fell short as her breaths grew shallow, a hand moving to her face to hide the tears streaming down her face and to try to centre herself. Ground herself. Don’t think about it. Think happy thoughts! Happy thoughts! Plush toys. Bears. Bees. Flowers. Meadows. Emptiness. No! Pillows. Pink things. Orange things. That song. No! No! Was Kevin talking? What was he saying? He looked scared. She was scared. That darkness. The thirst. The smell. Days. Days. Days. Days. That shadow. That smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren? Lauren? Oh… Smiling God… this… it’s not a chip, is it?” Kevin held her with one arm, keeping an eye on her shallow, rushed breaths as he searched her head. Nothing. He dragged her to his chair, setting her down, “Try to breathe with me, come on. 1… 2… 3… Ho… Lauren… come back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren didn’t come around until much after the broadcaster. She was confused and tired, which meant that her first reaction was to lash out on Kevin but she was too tired to do more than lightly slap his arm. He actually found it quite endearing, in an odd way. They agreed to record the message together, despite Kevin not being completely happy about it. He felt like he owed her that at least. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Triggers and Anchors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren and Daisy take at their support meetings and Kevin finds out something he'd rather have never known.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, although this chapter is Act 3 in this fic, it does have an alternative in Act 2 Alt, which can be found <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/63250723">Here</a></p><p>This is a very OC heavy part (It's just Daisy but she's in the next few chapters a lot). </p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; TRIGGER WARNING</p><p>Assigned partners is brought up again, so non-con warning on that one. Will ***********<br/>Also Kidnapping (of an adult)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Ok, friends! We have a new member speaking today.” Kevin smiled wide. He was standing in for the Strex Employee’s Support Group (the one that contained the majority of the town). This was the first time that day that he needed to do this, as Daisy had asked for the same in the Facial Scars Support Group (as it was much smaller), “Now, I know that there are a lot of </span>
  <em>
    <span>mixed feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span> about this person being here but as a good and healthy community, it is imperative that we welcome everyone with open arms and let them have the chance to show us all that they can grow and heal from Strex’s oppressive regime!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren frowned at Kevin’s speech from the side of the circle but quickly smiled as she stood and waved at the other people there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, my name is Lauren Mallard, as you all know. I used to own all of you.” Kevin coughed and tried his best to give her a stern look, although it came out as more of a gentle concern, “Oh… I mean… Strex… used to own… us. We were all trained under the loving glow of the Smiling God to be our most productive selves and for some of us that may have included ethically enslaving your town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think that we should be understanding that Ms. Mallard had been with Strex far longer than any of us and her programming runs very deep.” Grandma Josephine smiled from next to her, drawing Lauren’s attention for a moment before she regained her pose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… I suppose.” Lauren nodded, “I believe in what is best for our town and I am certainly willing to learn anything I need to and help in any way possible. We need to become a strong, theocratic…” She gestured to Kevin, “... community with a booming economy to rival Desert Bluffs by using tourism and corporate sponsorship!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a quiet clap around the room to start, one of the demons feeling bad and adding in louder claps. Lauren sat down but was signalled to stand again by Lawrence Lavine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have a little tradition with these meetings. We’re going one-by-one and trusting the community with our trigger phrases. Perhaps you would like to offer yours today, Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin jumped to his feet, rushing in front of Lauren. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Lawrence… Lauren doesn’t have a chip.” He explained, stopping when he felt her hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ask me about any phobias I have. As Kevin said, my training was much more primitive. It was before Diego and I started implementing the new strategy. It does mean that my actual trigger had a much less controlled reaction. Far less productive, but my training was quite unique so my father obviously hadn't thought of those silly little things. I just have a panic attack.. externally... and it’s not very happy or welcoming! So, let’s just avoid that, OK!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Lauren.” Lawrence nodded, gesturing for Kevin to take his seat again before asking if anyone else was ready to share. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good afternoon, and a blessed afternoon it is!” Kevin hummed as he addressed the facial scars group. Lauren had decided to spend some time getting to know the rest of the town while he was away but despite his cheery attitude, Kevin was not looking forward to this meeting any more than he had been the last one, “So, this morning we heard from Lauren Mallard and our group also has a member who wanted their first time speaking today. She doesn’t really talk to many people in town, so please be patient and friendly with her and try to be her friend.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin gestured for Daisy to stand up before he sat down and although she stood, it took her several minutes before she actually started to speak. She was just staring at him. It made him a little uncomfortable, sure, but Kevin tried his best to just keep smiling at her and trying to encourage her to start. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s smile was always just her scars. Kevin hadn’t actually seen her smile since Strex had given them to her. Daisy was also the only person in Desert Bluffs Too who still had a StrexCollar. Most people had theirs taken off when they had proved that they could be productive and work towards Strex’s goals. It was rare someone had to have it put back on and this also wasn’t the case with Daisy. Daisy had a collar from day one and she never showed that she could be productive. Sure, she worked towards Strex’s goals under the constant coercion of not wanting to be shocked but she would always do the bare minimum and would complain about it as much as possible before her collar shocked her. Kevin was actually sure she damaged the collar as it had taken longer and longer for her to be shocked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi. You all know me. I was your counsellor.” She started, looking around the room, “Strex gave me therapy training, so I’m happy to remain the counsellor in Desert Bluffs Too. My name is Dr Reynolds. Please, don’t call me Daisy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small welcome from the group, as they often did with the smaller groups, as well as a few people whispering to each other about how nice the offer was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>***********</p><p>
  <span>“I was kidnapped during the rebellion, as you all know, and my wife was on their side. They put a chip in me and collared me before I even woke up and told me that Desert Bluffs was lost.” She took a deep breath to steady herself, looking back to Kevin for a moment and then up at the ceiling, “I was Kevin’s assigned partner. That wasn’t easy. I-... Sorry… I know it’s unfair but I still… I sort of hate Kevin for it. No, not for it… just for the fact he can’t remember it and I can.” </span>
</p><p>************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, actually, I have memories coming back. Have for a long time…” Kevin stood, offering her a small smile, “I remember those weird date nights and how Strex would send you flowers from me and things… and I remember So-... uhm… I remember your wife.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy stared at him as he tried to keep back squeaks of excitement from remembering Dr Berry's blood on the ceiling. Kevin was sure her frown had gotten deeper, pulling down her scars with it. She looked upset. She looked annoyed and shocked and confused. Kevin wasn’t really sure what to say, almost certain that the looks were because he had mentioned her wife. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>*****************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No, Kevin, you don’t remember!” Her face became angry now, turning her whole body to him while trying to keep her voice level, “You don’t remember any of it! You think you got your chip with your collar, for the Smiling God’s sake! We have three children! Do you remember them? Huh? No! You want to know why I never spoke here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s face immediately paled, eyes widening as the rest of her words became simple background noise and the buzzing in his head took over. He didn’t remember. He couldn’t remember. This was too much to take in and he had no way of even starting to process what she had just said. He had no way of even starting to think about processing it. The implications behind it. The questions it raised. When did he get his chip? Where were their children? Why would Strex hide it from him? What else didn’t he remember? Lauren acted like his chip was new, fresh, but had it really been there all along? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>****************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy took a deep breath, watching his eyes darting back and forth and then down to the floor. She watched his breath become more laboured and huffed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you could handle me talking.” She told him, although wasn’t sure he noticed. Several people had come to help Kevin sit back down but he hadn’t moved at all, “I thought it would go differently. Tell you how it felt when you murdered my wife… but no. You didn’t murder her, you defended yourself. I just wish you’d done the same for me. Let me go with her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that would have been bad for productivity.” Kevin sang, eyes still on the floor, “Ho… but… </span>
  <em>
    <span>but… </span>
  </em>
  <span>You’re not a very </span>
  <em>
    <span>productive </span>
  </em>
  <span>worker, now, are you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy shook her head, looking around at the other people around Kevin before rolling her eyes and finishing off, “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Daisy-chain’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Daisy turned on her heels, a smile pulling onto her face as she walked out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you ok?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>*******</p><p>
  <span>Kevin was sitting on one of the large rocks not far outside the town. He had been looking off into the desert for what felt like hours, thinking about everything he’d heard. Trying to put the piece together but failing miserably. He just couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember a lot of things, still, but he had thought he had started getting to the really bad memories. This didn’t seem like one of those. He remembered being burnt, shocked, tied to his desk, shot, and so, so much more and yet this was what escaped him. He remembered his movie nights with Lauren. Faces. Faces that were now in this town and he felt he had to forgive in order to be anything like a leader. Horrible flashes of people. Not this. Nothing about Daisy past those Strex mandated dates. Nothing about children. </span>
</p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He breathed, his smile returning to his face as she sat next to him, “Sorry about not remembering that stuff… and sorry about Dr. Berry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember her name at least?” Daisy looked out to where Kevin had been, not wanting to see the smile on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sophie. I remember that. I actually thought I had very few gaps nowadays.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d have to tell me what you know for me to fill you in but I don’t think that’s the best idea.” She sighed, digging out a pack of cigarettes and offering Kevin one of the last two, “I guess I’m going to need to quit these things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin waved his hand to refuse but didn’t reply to her offer. He’d need to think about it. Did he really want someone telling him what happened? Risking bias or false memories? Risking a distance from them when his chip finally showed him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway… I’m sure you have some questions. I can’t say I’ll answer all of them but go ahead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>********</p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought, keeping his eyes on her reaction, “What are their names and how old?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Youngest is five, Alex, then eight, Karen, then fourteen, Vanessa. First two to honor the dead, third after his godparent. Alex looks after all of them and most of the kids in Desert Bluffs. Ran away with them when they thought Night Vale was putting them in danger. I didn’t even argue, I’m not fit to be a mom.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d be a great mom, Dais. I'm sure of it.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pF2ZvqQJ8I">I Won't Forgive You - Words like Wildfire</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Therapy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Lauren have therapy sessions (separately)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Warnings </p><p>- non-con mention *********'d<br/>- the whole 'daddy' thing (misinterpreted by Kevin) *********'d<br/>- Abuse mention **********'d <br/>- Child death mention ************'d</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You don’t have to talk, not right away.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to talk, I just… it doesn’t make me happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It won’t, Kevin. Thinking about the past won’t make any of us happy but it will let us heal.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy had seen ten patients today and Kevin was her last. She had come to the conclusion that she was the one who knew the most about what had happened to everyone in town. Some people knew more than others. Some people’s chips had completely malfunctioned and they knew everything they experienced, but had been lied to so much that they had a warped story of what happened. Daisy’s chip had malfunctioned almost as soon as they had put it in. Her first instinct had been to pull at the collar, it was most people’s first instinct but Daisy hadn’t been stopped by restraints or a nurse. Daisy hadn’t had it explained to her that pulling the collar could kill you. Daisy had pulled and fought and passed out. She never had to experience a fully working chip and she wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, where should we start?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s troubling you most at the moment. We have a lot of time and usually I’d start from the beginning but this isn’t a normal situation.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s last patient had been the only one that Daisy knew little about. She knew everything about her time in Desert Bluffs but didn’t know much about what had happened before. After all, Lauren didn’t want to have therapy while she was still working for Strex. Kevin had started telling her about Diego and the memories that were hurting him but she couldn’t really focus on what he was saying. Daisy liked challenges and Lauren was a challenge. Lauren had told her very little about her childhood. Lauren had told her very little about her emotions. Lauren had put on a nice, friendly, happy face and told Daisy that everything was fine. Everything was not fine. Even looking past the fact that it was unlikely Lauren didn’t have some past trauma, the woman had been stuck in the desert for over thirty years. At least thirty of those had been with no food or water. Alone. Wandering. It was unlikely that the experience hadn’t affected her at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess I just didn’t think about… how it could have been a distraction. Then I guess I just wanted an escape.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy snapped out of the thought, staring at Kevin with no idea how to reply to what he’d said. She didn’t even know what he’d said, so there was no way she could reply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should… go easier on yourself.” She managed eventually, getting a confused look from Kevin which faded into a look of realisation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ho… I guess not.” He replied, looking at the floor, “Did you need to talk about something, Dais?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m your therapist, not the other way around.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m your priest. Talk to me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She frowned, tapping her pen on the side of the clipboard as she thought. It wasn't orthodox that a doctor confided in their patient, in fact it was completely unprofessional and unethical, but she certainly wasn’t helping him by being distracted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you know about Lauren’s past?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Kevin thought for a moment before sighing, “... I know she didn’t get on with Diego. Diego mentioned they had another brother but I don’t know about that. Oh… Ho… Maybe ask her about her relationship with her dad! Oh, and let me know what she says… I’m sure that’ll be interesting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>*************</p><p>
  <span>“With her dad? … and no, that’s against confidentiality.” Daisy wrote a note to herself, before biting her lip. This wasn’t exactly fair to Kevin but she would struggle getting to Lauren otherwise, “So… why do you say that? About her dad?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She was very into… </span>
  <em>
    <span>you know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. After my chip started malfunctioning, she’d invite me over we-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I know that part. Did she… call you ‘daddy’?” Kevin just nodded, Daisy continuing to make notes, “Doesn’t mean anything but I’ll look into it. Thanks, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p>**************</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Lauren, Why don’t you tell me about your parents?” Daisy asked cautiously, taking a small sip of water so she could look away without Lauren feeling awkward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… What do you want to know about them? They owned Strex, were looking to make me the next CEO, and of course worshipped the Smiling God.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok… but what about when you were a child?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren smiled at her and smiled and smiled and smiled. Daisy took another drink to avoid the obvious glare that was behind those smiles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The StrexCorp family and our associates are very family driven. So very family driven. Children are a priority. You should know, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shouldn’t you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Lauren watched Daisy huff and scribble some notes, only continuing when she was sure Daisy wasn’t going to ask another question, “If you’re asking about Kevin, that was tailored training. Nothing more. I’m surprised he told you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one mentioned Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s an odd question to ask when you know both of my parents, Daisy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy tapped her clipboard again, looking away and thinking. Eventually she decided it was best to just take the lead. It was something to talk about that wasn’t Lauren spewing Strex propaganda or trying to diagnose Daisy rather than improve herself, so even if it was uncomfortable, it was a win. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seems a lot for such a small reward. Kevin doesn’t even seem fazed by it, if anything he seems more disobedient.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>****************</p><p>
  <span>“True… but I was going by his record. His father was abusive, I killed his first child, he’d only briefly met his other three and that was used to train him. Seems he didn’t associate it how I wanted and had forgotten a lot of it. He reacted better when I played him the voicemail just before that. That really got the tears going afterward.” </span>
</p><p>*****************</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s sick!” Daisy gasped, getting a sharp shock in response, “You weren’t training him, that was just tor-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another shock ran through her, this time enough to move her from her seat and onto her knees. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For its own sake.” She just about managed before getting a third. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren gave her the space to slowly catch her breath and get back into her chair, Daisy shaking the entire time. Part of her wanted to cry but tears wouldn’t come. She didn’t have the tear ducts to force them out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is Strex doing now, anyway?” Lauren asked, acting as if nothing had just happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Angels bought the Desert Bluffs branch without permission. Red Mesa doesn’t care. Never cared for the project, really. Want to move away from small towns and keep focusing on the States.” Daisy shrugged, not looking up at Lauren, “They packed up what they could and left us behind, calling us traitors. Some wanted to work with the angels to make things better but most people just lost their jobs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, no one to take off your necklace. It doesn’t go off too much, though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve learnt to live on a baseline of neutrality.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked her up and down before stepping out of her chair and moving closer. One hand settled on the arm of the chair and the other on Daisy’s face, making her look into Lauren’s eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t sound like a happy existence.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… it isn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about you let me take you for a meal and a drink. We both want a nice, happy existence out here. We can work together on that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re sick, I don’t want to be friends with you, Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re all trying to be better.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy looked between Lauren’s eyes for a moment, searching for anything that would tell her that she wasn’t being sincere but she couldn’t find anything. Lauren kept the same smile that was always on her face but her eyes were hurt, lost, longing. Daisy couldn’t argue that she wanted a new start and Daisy couldn’t argue that she thought Lauren did too. As her therapist, counsellor, whatever they wanted to call this role they'd given her, it would make sense that she gave Lauren the benefit of the doubt. That she assumed Lauren wanted forgiveness and change. She would have to help Lauren get there but Lauren also needed a friend and maybe a friend would be more help than a therapist. She'd never seen Lauren having friends during their time at Strex, despite Lauren being friendly to all the female staff and checking up on them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>"Are you looking for redemption, Lauren?" </p><p> </p><p>"With dinner? Wouldn't exactly be redeeming... with the town? Yes. We can make this town flourish with jobs and schools and possibilities. We aren't bound by working until we drop for just enough to get by, we can grow this economy so that everyone can be comfortable. So that everyone can be rich! We're a small desert community with small local businesses that can come together and grow! All we need is a smile and the loving light of the Smiling God." </p><p> </p><p>Daisy raised an eyebrow, still not certain that Lauren was completely telling the truth but wanting to trust her that she was. The passion in her voice was so appealing, so magnetic, and she was raising some good points even if she wasn't quite there yet. She wanted to believe that Lauren didn't just want a repeat of Strex. </p><p> </p><p>"Dinner and drinks sounds great." She agreed, letting Lauren support her so that she could get out of her seat, "Maybe we could be friends. I don't have many friends here and it sounds like you don't have any." </p><p> </p><p>"Friends... right..." Lauren started, giving her a small, more genuine smile this time, "Oh, I could try to call my brother tomorrow too and see if there's any way to take this off. It's not very productive now we're all out here, hm?" </p><p> </p><p>"That would be amazing!" Daisy beamed, wincing a little as she felt the collar 'reward' her with dopamine. It was a feature of the older models,. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather - <a>Therapy - All Time Low</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Dinner and Drinks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren goes on a date and Kevin isn't happy about it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So I said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘You are a robot!’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was laughing but Daisy didn’t quite get the joke. She’d gotten lost after the first few paragraphs and she didn’t laugh. Lauren didn’t seem to mind her not laughing, just enjoying being able to talk at her and it made Daisy feel a bit safer than she had before. The last few decades had been odd and scary and had not gone at all to plan but now she was sat here with the person she thought she would hate most in the world and everything was going right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, you never talk about you. I know, I know, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>important </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you be the counsellor for the town and that they heal and recover but who are you going to talk to?” Lauren asked, wiping the smile that had crept onto Daisy’s face away, “You can’t take on everything yourself. I tried to talk to you back at with Strex too, but you never wanted to. Why is that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like talking about it, plus we have the support groups. I mean, I guess that’s where I should be talking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need one-on-one time too, Daisy-ch-... uh… Daisy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy gave a small laugh, taking a sip of her drink and shrugging rather than offering a real answer. Lauren had lent forward now, swirling her wine and letting her face relax. Daisy had never seen her without her plastered on smile before. She’d heard Kevin rant about how much Lauren </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> smile. How much she frowned and got angry but she’d never seen it herself. Lauren wasn’t frowning and nor was she angry but she wasn’t smiling that fake smile. Daisy wasn’t sure whether to feel unnerved by this or to just let how beautiful her natural smile was keep her calm and happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… what do you do for fun, Lauren?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ve been walking around a desert for thirty years in heels so… anything but walking!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both laughed, Daisy settling again before Lauren. She loved seeing how Lauren scrunched up her face. She loved hearing the little squeak in her laugh. She loved the way Lauren’s hair moved when she laughed and how she put her hand over her mouth and… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” Daisy said out loud, stopping Lauren’s laughter and drawing a concerned look from the other. A genuinely concerned look from Lauren. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lauren Mallard.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It only made Daisy feel worse, “I just remembered… uh… that… I left my coat at the office. It gets really cold at night here, right? Not like in Desert Bluffs!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you can borrow mine if you get cold.” Lauren offered. Daisy wasn’t sure if she could see a blush on her face or if it was just her brain trying to trick her into believing there was. She really couldn’t think of an answer to her and opened her mouth to try and make an excuse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren! Nice to see you! How are you enjoying our new bar?” Kevin practically skipped over, beaming down at them and putting another drink in front of each of the women.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s great. Daisy and I are </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>date. Kevin.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Lauren told him through gritted teeth, although neither Kevin nor Daisy seemed to register what she meant. Kevin not getting that she wanted him to leave and Daisy just assuming she meant a friend’s date. Not because she didn’t want it to be a date but because Lauren wouldn’t want it to be a date… would she? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that sounds wonderful!” He hummed, pulling up another chair despite Lauren glaring at him now, “So, how was work today, Dais?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She said, being purposefully short, “Didn’t you come here with your own friends?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope…” Kevin replied, popping the ‘p’ as he let the smile run off his face for a second, “... You know, running the town and all. I need to check out all our new establishments and make sure they are as good as good can be!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, go away.” Lauren said, no tone in her voice at all. He frowned again, getting the message this time and slowly going back over to the bar to sit alone. He’d already tried to join all the rest of the groups in the bar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow… I would never have the guts to just tell someone to go away like that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, sometimes with Kevin you just have to be firm.” Lauren explained, gesturing over to him, “I was really hard on him while we were in Strex but this is a fresh new start, right! I can be firm but fair this time around. No… training sessions.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We shouldn’t talk about that.” Daisy grimaced, sipping her drink, “I know what happened and everything… Lauren, you’re going to need to do more than being a leader here. You need to prove to everyone that you’ve changed. It’s all well and good some of us believing in you but you still need to show it. No one is going to be on your side straight away.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re on my side, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well…” She thought for a minute. She couldn’t say ‘no’ because not only was it not professional but it wasn’t exactly true. Still, she couldn’t say ‘yes’ because Lauren hurt her a lot in the past, even if not directly. Daisy knew what Lauren was capable of. It would be hard to immediately take her side, “... I believe you’ve changed but that’s because I trust your honesty. Well… when you’re not addressing the masses, I do. You’re a politician. I’m not on your side yet, you still need to win me over, but I’m not against you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I really need people on my side, or at least believing in me, right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been a long evening and Lauren walked Daisy home through the main street of Desert Bluffs Too. There was no crime here, but it was nice to have the company and Daisy had borrowed Lauren's jacket while they walked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The stars are beautiful here, aren’t they.” Lauren hummed, looking up at the sky, “I wonder what stars even are. My parents never really let me question things like that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, they’re balls of hydrogen and helium, if they are in the main phase, that are moving so fast that their electrons are stripped away. The energy that’s given off is from them colliding and fusing together. In the main phase it’s just making helium but when the hydrogen is almost used up it makes heavier elements up to iron. Most other elements are made in supernovae” Daisy explained, feeling truly excited for the first time in years, “It’s really amazing, isn’t it? All these things in the universe, so far away from us, but we can still see them and study them!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren hadn’t said anything and Daisy’s smile faded, thinking she’d annoyed the woman. She knew that Lauren had picked Daisy as the counsellor for Strex, pulling her away from her scientific studies, but she’d also heard that Lauren didn’t much like scientists in the first place and she and Kevin had certainly seemed very anti-scientist on Night Vale Community Radio. She had thought all of this </span>
  <em>
    <span>before </span>
  </em>
  <span>she looked at Lauren. Lauren didn’t look annoyed or upset with her for her rambling, she looked happy about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I forgot you were a scientist.” She giggled. It wasn’t Lauren’s normal giggle. It was softer, nicer. Her hand had cupped Daisy’s face before she was even aware of it and a second later Lauren had pushed their lips softly together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was amazing and magical and sweet. Sure, Daisy knew this was just a crush but by the Smiling God it was an amazing crush. Her heart raced like it hadn’t in so long. Her cheeks flushed and breath caught. She didn’t care about anything else except this moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d love to see you again sometime.” Lauren whispered as she broke the kiss, watching Daisy’s dorky, cute smile pull onto her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“M-Me too.” Daisy stammered, moving away and nervously waving at Lauren, her whole body trembling, “Bye.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren watched as Daisy retreated back into her house, feeling proud of herself as she watched the other woman waving again as she closed her door and listened to the excited noises that came from the other side. She waited a few moments before starting on her way home, not too bothered that Daisy hadn’t given her jacket back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One, two, ten… Kevin had stopped counting. He wasn’t disturbing anyone any more, so no one questioned how many glasses were accumulating in front of him. He may have been swaying with drunkenness or with the music, who could say. He certainly couldn’t. It wasn’t helping. His thoughts spiralling down and down and down. Carlos had left him like it was nothing. It was nothing, right? Carlos went back to where he wanted to be and left all the things that were ruining his life. His old friends were moving on, finding new friends and jobs and he was helping them along. They didn’t need him any more. The town was looking good, people were coming. Soon enough he would fade into the background again. Soon enough people wouldn’t want him here. He wanted to protect his town, to look after it, but things were moving too fast for him to do anything about it. The people knew what they wanted, didn’t they? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He downed one more drink and paid before staggering out the door, getting a few concerned looks but no one saying anything. The floor was pulling away each step and as soon as he was on the street he decided eight legs were better than two. That would have been the case if it wasn’t so hard to coordinate walking without throwing the rest of his body around. It took a while to get the hang of it but he slowly steadied himself in a slow pace towards the Temple of Joy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I forgot you were a scientist.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That voice. Smiling God did he hate that voice and Smiling God did his blood boil as he watched the two from down the street. He didn’t hear their quiet interaction after the kiss but the kiss was enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What the hell is she doing?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought, eyes narrowing as he started to follow her down the road, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Like Daisy would kiss her… unless…’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Lauren!” His speech was far more slurred than he had imagined but it caught her attention, nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Hi, Kevin!” Lauren smiled back at him, giving him time to catch up with her, “How was you-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ares in thish town with thish condishion you don’sh do… </span>
  <em>
    <span>thash.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He gestured back towards Daisy’s house, his other hand planting firmly on Lauren’s shoulder, hard enough to hurt, “You hurt a shingle hair on her heads… I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> make you wish you wersh dead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah… you’re quite drunk, aren’t you, Kev? We should get you home and talk about this in the mo-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daishy hatesh you. She only kished you ‘cause she was scared, triggered, or she’sh tryin’ to getsh more outta you fromm sheraby.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren’s face dropped. It was still unnerving but that feeling quickly passed as thoughts seemed to run out of his ear. Her mouth opened but no words came out to start with, instead searching Kevin’s face as if trying to determine if he was joking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would she be scared?” She asked, putting a hand on her chest. She knew the answer and she didn’t want to hear it but Daisy had seemed like she had had a good time as well. She had seemed genuinely excited when Lauren kissed her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’th want Shtrex here, Lauren! You’re Shtrex. Alwaysh havte been.” Kevin spat, almost falling flat on his face as he lent towards her. If it hadn’t had been for Lauren catching him, he would have toppled over from his towering position. He pushed her away quickly, almost toppling the other way, “I don’t needsh your help!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “We should really get you home, Kevin. I’m worried about you…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you!” He snapped, pointing in her face before storming away, this time actually tripping and falling. Instead of getting up, he simply rolled over and started to go to sleep. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="url">We Fell in Love in October - Girl in Red</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. The First of Many</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin keeps bothering Lauren while he's drunk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Warnings</p><p>- Child abuse (******'d)<br/>- Potentially don't read the ***'d parts if your a germaphobe either</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin’s eyes fluttered open. His head was splitting. His thoughts were slow. The light burnt, but not in the nice way. Stomach ached. Liver burnt. Face throbbed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fell on a rock. Do you want some cold water?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” Kevin mumbled, rolling over and drawing his blankets over his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I carried you home. You fell asleep in the street after saying ‘Fuck you’ to me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren soaked the cloth in refrigerated water, pouring what was left into a glass for him and taking it over. She frowned as Kevin snatched the cloth but had accepted now that their relationship was never going to be perfect, so she might as well try to limit their interaction outside of work. She certainly wouldn’t be looking after him like this again. What he’d said to her the previous evening was still floating about in her head. She’d texted Daisy this morning to thank her for the night before but hadn’t had a reply yet and her nerves were starting to get the better of her. She’d distracted herself with pleasant thoughts and planning things for the radio show, however her mind kept going back to what Kevin had said to her. She wanted to fit in here. She wanted to move on and sure, it was still Desert Bluffs so it wasn’t like everything would go back to the way it was when she was a child but it could at least go back to teeth paintings, friends, and having a genuine smile like she hadn’t had in decades. She was sure that everyone here was in the same boat there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Kevin groaned, enjoying the wet on his aching head, “That doesn’t… sound too friendly of me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it wasn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The radio show was a success, as it always was. Lauren was proud of the new role she was playing within the studio and Kevin seemed invested in the work even more than he used to be with Strex. He had certainly seemed to recover from his hangover well after the long morning of trying to get him to take aspirin. His happy-go-lucky attitude and happy spin was exactly what would draw people into town and Lauren had lots of great ideas to truly capitalise on this unique quality of Kevin’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Kevin… as you are the current, self-appointed, leader of our little community, I was thinking that you should be the one to greet people as they come into the town. Obviously you can’t greet everyone because sometimes you need to work in the station but the rest of your working hours you could spend doing that. We could hire some more people to help with the vast amount of paperwork that working here requires…” Lauren gestured at one of the large stacks of paper that seemed to serve no purpose other than messing up her perfect little office. Kevin had put it there for </span>
  <em>
    <span>some </span>
  </em>
  <span>reason, “I think it would be good for you and good for the town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, Lauren.” Kevin agreed, although he didn’t look up to her. He was focused on scrolling through a blog. It really made Lauren feel… not happy. Very… not happy. “Ugh… that doesn’t even look like a conical flask. Just ask to look at one, I’m sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>has plenty around.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not… sure you were quite listening there, Kev.” She tried again, this time putting a hand on his shoulder and smiling even wider, “You should go… now… greet people. People are coming into town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to reblog with a comment. Let’s see, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Nice wood carving. Is it a cup? I just love cups!’” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren grit her teeth, smiling wider for a few moments and trying not to think of hurting him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>reblogged it too? What did </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>say? </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Super cute couples hobby. Hashtag blessed’</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Really, Carlos, It-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin yelped as Lauren slammed the lid of his laptop straight onto his fingers with quite some force. He looked up to her in confusion and annoyance as she smiled down at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go and greet the people coming into town and stop thinking about Carlos.” She commanded, watching him as he moved to the door, “Oh, Kevin… What are you doing tonight?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… you know, just the usual. Relaxing. Forgetting about the work day and resting ready for another producti-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re going drinking again, aren’t you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it improves my productivity, I don’t see the problem. You gave me a mechanical liver for a reason, Lauren.” Kevin beamed, leaving before she could reply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Kevin.” Lauren narrowed her eyes as she opened the door. She already knew it was Kevin and already knew exactly why he was here. She had expected it. If it continued, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. It had been this way every night for the past week. Ever since she'd carried him home after her date. She would be getting ready to go to bed and he would knock on her door, different levels of drunkenness but always drunk. She'd have to tell Daisy she'd call her back. He would put her down, sometimes angry and sometimes with that toxic happiness that she had programmed into him. Part of her felt like she deserved this but the other part was annoyed that he wouldn’t simply let her try. She wasn't asking him to forgive her or like her, just to let her move on with her life. She had been asking people what they wanted, how she could help with the town, what she could do for them, and that wasn’t enough for Kevin. It would never be enough for Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Lauren!” He chirped, giving her a wide smile and then pulling his face even further until blood dripped from the sides. She wasn’t sure if he meant for it to be unnerving but it had certainly become unnerving for her. She didn’t mind the blood or the smile, it was him coming to her door and doing it every night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you want a drink?” She offered, smiling back and gesturing into her house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, as much as I’d love to be poisoned, I have a show early tomorrow. I just came to check what you’ve been telling everyone about me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? … I’m not going to poison you. It wouldn’t work... because of the liver... and the whole 'no one can die' thing.” Lauren laughed, beckoning him inside and putting on the kettle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow… this place is… unhappy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. It’s what I was given and I’ve made the most of it. Daisy and I are painting it tomorrow.” She explained, looking over at a wall that had several holes in, some that had always been there and some from Kevin poking holes in it with his smile knife, “Now, I haven’t said anything about you, what makes you think I have?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People are complaining, of course! Saying I’m not a good leader anymore… that I’m not…” Kevin hummed as he thought, spinning on his heels and knocking her lamp on the floor as he did, “... in the right mindset to be running the town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not to do with me. It’s probably to do with yo-...” Lauren stopped as one of Kevin’s centipede legs darted into the wall behind her, cutting her cheek on the way past.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am the leader, Lauren. I thought we spoke about this. I run this town. It’s my home… after you </span>
  <em>
    <span>took</span>
  </em>
  <span> my </span>
  <em>
    <span>home.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I think you need to talk to Daisy, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really? Why? So you can both convince me to forgive you? You killed me, Lauren. The me that was me before Strex. You killed my wife, my child, my sister, my niece, my brother-in-law, should I go on? Now you want to take this town too?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t.” Lauren started, jumping when he slammed another of his legs next to the other side of her head, “Kevin, please, I’m just trying to move on. I can’t take back all those things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Kevin agreed, taking his appendages back into his back, “You don’t know how it feels because you’ve always been this lovely, happy, daddy’s girl. So stop expecting everyone to forgive you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren paused, watching him. She didn’t know how to react, trying to keep the smile from pulling onto her face or the laughs from escaping. Daisy had told her to talk but she’d never spoken about her training. She’d never told anyone. Still, sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who hates you already. What’s going to happen? If they judge you for it, they already hate you. If they don’t care, nothing changes. If they sympathise, maybe other people might too. Sometimes it’s easier to just talk to someone who wishes these things on you. To expect the reaction you’ve given yourself this whole time, the belief that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you deserved it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>*******</p><p>
  <span>“I am, you know.” Lauren chuckled, pouring the drinks and setting them on the table as she took a seat and gestured to the other one for Kevin, “The dark. I hate it. Ever since I turned eleven. There are skeletons in the dark but… Daddy won’t let you die like that, right? Ha... Even when it feels like your stomach is eating itself and your throat is sandpaper, he won’t let you die. All you have to do is smile and hurt some people, why is that so hard for you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren straightened as Kevin sat down, watching him sniff his drink and then take a sip of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then his little girlfriend feeds you, gives you a drink and asks you questions. If you get them wrong, your face is in whatever dirt is on the floor. It was a very dirty floor… so dirty…” In the pauses, Lauren hummed the StrexCorp tune. She hummed it often. It punctuated even her deepest thoughts, “Questions about the propaganda. Questions about ethics. Why did you even argue with him in the first place when it’s obvious that the company and money is what matters? It’s why you have your nice pretty dresses to meet your assigned partners with. Too bad you make them run away… or kill them. Back in the dark... oh... back with your only friends, the skeletons. So lovely. Throat... so dry... such scratchy food... when it's not leftovers. Ha... and the alcohol, surprising that I don't drink anymore, really. It helped back then. It really did...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>**********</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow… that sounds like such a nice story, Lauren. Where is it going?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nowhere, Kevin… It’s going nowhere.” Lauren sighed, looking into her coffee, “Just… a story.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin sipped his drink, refusing to look at her. She didn’t move until after Kevin was gone. They didn’t talk again for the night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, once Kevin was gone, Lauren called Daisy.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2fOum_KWQU">Drunk - Ed Sheeran</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Everyone has Problems</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin has a therapy session.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Mild warning</p><p>- Although it's not directly referenced, non-con* spoken about and ***'d</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Everyone has problems, Kevin, not just you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s voice was firm but Kevin didn’t seem to be listening or care at all. He ignored the statement and continued to rant. He was happily ranting and posing everything very happily, which was a step back for him, but he was still ranting and Daisy’s patience was getting thinner and thinner by the minute. Kevin had told her about what Lauren said, which she’d advised him was slightly inappropriate given that she was the only counsellor in town and Lauren should be able to talk about it in her own time. He had gone on about how Lauren wanted sympathy and forgiveness and how that was terrible. He had gone on about how he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so nice </span>
  </em>
  <span>for forgiving most people in town for what happened to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, I shouldn’t forgive you, either?” She eventually asked, rolling her eyes, “I mean, Lauren was nice to me during my time with Strex but you were, albeit under the influence of a chip, really terrible.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… but that’s different!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin narrowed his eyes, still smiling at her, albeit looking very annoyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t remember that. You can’t expect me to be accoun-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damien doesn’t remember half the parties where he got drunk and harassed members of staff, so they should just forgive him?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… no, I wasn’t in control. I deserve to be forgiven.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as she tried to calm herself. It was nice that the anger was only causing a small discomfort in her neck since Lauren figured out how to adjust the collar but it did nothing to actually curb her irritation. If anything it made her more irritable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t get it!” She snapped, taking a deep breath to try to calm herself, “No, you don’t deserve forgiveness! You haunt my dreams and being close to you makes my chip play up. I’m not obligated to forgive you. The same is true for Lauren to you. Stop seeing her. Stop going to her house. You don’t have to forgive her. If we were anywhere else I would say that we should use the full force of the law against her but we’re not. We’re here. If we do that to everyone who did shitty things while with Strex, we wouldn’t have a town at all! Instead you need to pick your battles. Don’t forgive Lauren, just be professional and move on and let her move on. Don’t forgive… say… Ted! Don’t forgive Ted, just be professional and move on and let him move on. I won’t forgive you but I will be professional and move on and help you to move on… but you are making it so fucking difficult, man.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” Kevin sat, staring at her with his mouth a gape and he thought about what she said. Sure, she had a point but it was hard to just think Lauren would get away with everything she’d done to him, everything she’d done to the town, and worse still that she was getting on better with most people than he was, “... isn’t the first step of our journey forgiving people and working towards-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! No, it’s not! All this therapy crap that says ‘forgive the people that wronged you’ is just that, crap! I tried. For years, I tried. I tried to forgive Soph, I tried to forgive Damien, I tried to forgive Harmony, and Susan, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You know what? I just felt shitter. I just felt like I wasn’t justified in feeling wronged. None of you apologised to me, which I note Lauren has apologised while you were drunk ranting at her, so why is the burden on me to forgive you? Fuck that! New one, don’t forgive. Easy. Forgive yourself, stop blaming yourself, everyone else? Just let them get on with their own thing </span>
  <em>
    <span>away from you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… guess so...“ He conceded, scratching his head as he tried to think of a response other than that, “I’m sorry… for what happened to you. It sounds terrible. I’m sure when I remember it will really make me not happy. I’m happy we can move through this together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>
  <span>“You made fun of me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When all that was going on. I know you were being controlled by your chip but your chip uses your brain functions and beliefs to give you the right chemicals and electrical signals to react in the way they want but your personality still influences it. You made fun of me while I was fully aware of what was happening.” Daisy sighed, standing and moving to pour herself a scotch. Kevin was about to argue with this action but couldn’t get words out, simply smiling at her instead, “The thing is, you’re not ranting at Lauren about things like that. You’re ranting about power. You’re ranting about her relationship with me and about her relationship with other citizens… I don’t think this is about Lauren at all.”</span>
</p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s your opinion and I didn’t ask for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… are literally here to get my opinion, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared at him. He stared at her. Neither wanted to speak first but Daisy knew all too well that Kevin could sit there for as long as he needed which could be the whole rest of the session if that would get him out of admitting what this was really all about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about Carlos.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XleOkGsYgO8">Move Along - The All-American Rejects</a></p><p>* So, it's probably a good time to mention why I'm labelling things 'non-con' and not r*pe. Obviously we're talking about r*pe. The problem here comes from it being a trigger of mine. I mean, I trigger myself reading back through chapters like 'Movie Night' when I need to as although I can write things initially, reading them is harder. Having the word all over my fic makes it harder for me to read back through chapters when I need to (but I can skip my ***'d parts to avoid triggers)**. It also helps because it umbrellas SA as well. I will be using one or the other (non-con or SA) in notes because it's easier for me.</p><p>** If you're wondering why I would write it if it's trigger, it's a coping mechanism. The healthiness of the coping mechanism is debatable but it is a coping mechanism and helps me think about my own mental health through a character so that it's distanced from confronting things I'm not ready to confront as myself. </p><p>If you need help or are in a situation that is unsafe (emergency - 999/911), here are some numbers that may help;<br/>0808 2000 247<br/>1-800-799-7233<br/>1-866-331-9474<br/>1-833-723-3833<br/>1-888-843-4564</p><p>Please note these are just for the US and UK, but if you call them they may be able to give you a number for help in your country.<br/>Stay safe!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Leadership</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin holds a town meeting about a new plan for Desert Bluffs Too</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Short chapter, sorry.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Warning</p><p>Religious indoctrination mention</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Good morning, Desert Bluffs Too! I have a super special announcement for all you wonderful people today!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s happening?” Daisy asked as she joined Lauren staring up at Kevin. He had put together a stage for town announcements and she was sure it would have done better being in an actual building but shrugged it off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No clue. He called me this morning to get as many people to come as possible and asked if I had a bullhorn.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m guessing you did by the bullhorn?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is everyone comfortable? Great! The Smiling God has truly blessed us with these days and the beautiful Sunshine that takes over our every being!” Kevin walked around the stage as he spoke, regularly twirling on his heels, “Do we do enough for the Smiling God? Of course not. At the same time, of course! It does not care about our hopes or desires, It devours! It devours mindlessly and without bias and it will devour us all in time… I thought It would be due in around twenty years but It seems to have changed direction for some reason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be because we keep taking the food source for food and for ritual purposes. It comes up to eat but it senses these things in the ground!” Daisy hissed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes, “It’s not mindless, just hungry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy, we spoke about this.” Lauren frowned, putting a hand on her shoulders, “The Smiling God is not the same as other animals. It devours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy sighed, not wanting to get back into an argument like they had had a couple of nights ago about her scepticism around worshipping a giant centipede that could easily destroy the town or an unknown, painful light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We must do more for It! We must show it our love and devotion!” Kevin continued, stopping abruptly in the centre of the stage, “That’s why all citizens must attend a weekly prayer circle to appease Its hunger! We will join hands and sing traditional praises and then we will devour to honour the Smiling God! Believe in a Smiling God, friends!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on…” Daisy sighed, letting her shoulders drop, “Not everyone wants to worship a Smiling God and even more than that it’s going to make some people’s therapy far harder.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I wanted to talk to Lauren about that too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two turned, seeing Ted giving a shy wave. He was well dressed as usual and gestured at his invisible weatherboard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The forecast for this prayer circle is annoyance with about a 40% chance of resentment. Some of us reverted to bloodstone worship and that’s not a good outlook for the prayer circle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So tell Kevin that or just don’t show up. I doubt he’ll do more than shame you on the… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh… </span>
  </em>
  <span>You would have to work with him, I see. Well, I’m not sure what I can do, Ted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just mention it to him. You’re trying to improve the town? Stop Kevin doing this stuff.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds great, Ted.” Lauren agreed, waiting for him to disappear before looking at Daisy and shrugging, “He’s not going to listen to me but it’s worth a try! Can’t succeed if you don’t try!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kevin.” Lauren said carefully as she came into the station. Kevin seemed to completely ignore her, still shuffling papers around on his desk. A pang of anger ran through her but Lauren breathed deep, trying to calm herself before sitting down next to him, “About that prayer circle idea. It’s a wonderful idea and I think it will do wonders for the town… but don’t you think it’s a little much to make it compulsory? A lot of the town practices blood circle worship and they may start to resent you i-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what? Forcing them to worship an all consuming entity that will one day rise up and devour? Oh… are you against that these days? Strange.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to help you here, Kevin. We’re trying to start over aren’t we? Maybe we should be more… subtle on the religious indoctrination side of things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha… because ritualistic training is completely against your core beliefs.” Kevin laughed quietly to himself, pushing his chair out and shrugging at her, “If the town is unhappy, we just make them happy, right? Oh… we could always force them to smile. Kill those that don’t. Those that are weak. Right, Lauren? That sounds better, happier.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin…” She started but trailed off as he marched into his studio. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiore9Z5iUg">Prayer in C - Lilly Wood &amp; The Prick and Robin Schluz</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Joining Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin, after thinking about things, talks to Lauren about the future.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;Minor warning</p><p>Nothing (bad) specifically mentioned but Kevin talks about (more positive) events of 'Movie Night' (and what will be a longer bit in BM).</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Bigger warning </p><p>Talk about assigned partners ***'d</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“It’s so good to see </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> here, joining hands for our first ever weekly prayer circle to the Smiling God.” Kevin beamed, although his eyes were narrowed on Lauren, who was standing outside the circle with her arms crossed. Daisy hadn’t even shown up but Kevin was less annoyed about that than the blatant protest that Lauren was making. She had stood in such a position that everyone could see her other than those right in front of her and had made a point to those who couldn't see her that she wasn't joining the circle, “Our celebration has started at just the right time! We have made great strides and it’s a great time to celebrate our new, local businesses! Let’s pray to the Smiling God for success for all of our wonderful productivity!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin led the prayer, watching Lauren from under his ceremonial hat. Her lips were moving with the prayer but it didn’t make sense to him. Why would she so openly protest if she was going to pray with them anyway? Why come here and make a scene of it? Was she just mocking him? He'd calmed down a lot over the past week, having avoided her at work and cutting his drinking almost completely. He had tried not to think of her or of Strex or of what had happened since. He even tried to let himself cry in the mirror in the morning more often, although he hadn't and had simply resigned to muttering and getting angry. Now she was here, making him feel all those terrible emotions again. He didn't want to forgive her but he wanted to be able to work with her, like Daisy had suggested. He didn't want to stop feeling the sharp and deep urge to grab her neck and compress it far enough to watch blood bubble up from her throat but he also didn't want to <em>actually </em>give in to those amazing fantasies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the prayer circle had dispersed, she still stood there, eyes fixed on Kevin. He didn’t move, watching her until everyone had returned to their homes and waited for her to come over to him instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, that went really well but I still don’t think making these things compulsory is going to be good for general productivity. Among believers, yes, but…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, I really thought we’d be together again here. I guess that's my biggest problem with you. It's so silly! All of the pain and blood but what I'm hurt about is that you found someone to love you who wasn't me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren stopped, eyes fixed on where his weren't under his hat. Kevin waited for her reply patiently but could see as the confusion grew on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why… would you think that, Kevin?” She asked gently, “You immediately threatened me and continue to threaten me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was just our… dynamic shift. I had to make sure you knew I was in charge, after all. Couldn’t have you trying to take over the town straight away. As for my recent… discretions… I spent the last week thinking about why I’ve been such a grouch and I realised, I’m the one that’s not giving enough. I’ve been so stuck on Carlos and on you that I haven’t been worshipping. I haven’t been as devoted as I could be.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s great news, Kevin. I’m glad you’re feeling better about everything. Religion sure can help... but maybe don't force everyone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Still… I do miss the gentle times. Where you would curl up to my shoulder. I'd hold you around yours and kiss your hair. When we'd paint each other with blood. You'd make popcorn or special hot chocolate or-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those weren’t good times, though. Those were very unhappy times.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no! Those were good times that came before unhappy times. The unhappiness doesn’t cancel out the happiness. Plus, it was nice for you, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>
  <span>“Kevin…” Lauren winced and looked away. Kevin wasn’t sure how to take the gesture, growing more uncomfortable the more uncomfortable Lauren looked. He was used to seeing frowns and anger on her face, at least in his studio, but uncomfortable was new and scary, “... I was assigned to you after Daisy left you. No chip means… oh… Don’t worry about those unhappy thoughts. Didn’t you wonder why my dad asked about it? Oh, and didn’t get mad at you for it?”</span>
</p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-... I don’t remember your dad asking about it.” Kevin laughed, getting a concerned look in return, “... wait… You had… Oh… Well, that’s interesting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about that anymore. Just… let’s be civil and run this town together. I can talk to people about what the public wants and you can do the religious side of things?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice try.” He laughed again, “I’m still leading but you can gladly be my second in command.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great, Kevin. Still, this sort of thing should be reserved for those who actually worship. As a follower, and a devout one, of the Smiling God, I just feel it’s a little cheap when I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be here rather than wanting to be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is working cheap just because you’re forcing people to work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… actually, you were much cheaper to maintain and your wages were so low that adding new individuals to the workforce hardly affected our bottom line.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, you know what I meant.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like if you want to help people recover from Strex, you should stop repeating the harmful behaviours that we all followed, like, forced worship for example.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If people have an issue with the worship, they’ll say.” Kevin rolled his eyes, turning as a grin spread onto his face, “You don’t have to worry at all. I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>town and I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> people. We are a community, something I grew up with! Unlike others I know. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lauren.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <span>She simply watched as he walked away from her, feeling completely defeated from the conversation but telling herself quietly to just try again later. That’s what she always did, got back on her feet and tried again and this time was no different. She just hoped his interest in this faded before the town got too annoyed with Kevin. It was a nice thought of Kevin’s that the town would simply, politely tap him on the shoulder and say </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hey, we don’t want to do this’, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but she had seen things like this first hand (or at least, heard of them through her parents). Times that towns had simply started tearing down Strex buildings and had to be completely re-neutralized. That was the last thing she wanted to happen here. She finally had somewhere that felt like home, like a real home, and she would do anything to protect it even if it meant bumping heads with Kevin. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVjiKRfKpPI">Take Me to Church - Hozier</a> (Tw: Homophobia, abuse, arson)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Broadcasting Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin still isn't happy with their arrangement so he and Lauren revert back to their arrangement of 'playfully' hurting each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“An enemy is just a friend who doesn’t know it yet! Welcome to Desert Bluffs!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren shuffled awkwardly behind Kevin as the music played, not because she wasn’t used to the music by now, in fact she couldn’t stop hearing it, but because it had been so long since she’d been on the radio and unlike Kevin there was no divine prophecy that put her here. She tried to focus on some blood that was trailing its way down the wall, then on the beautiful teeth paintings around the room. Nothing seemed to help her nerves until it was finally time for her to speak and the words just flowed again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hi Kevin… and hello listeners! It’s me, Lauren, back on the radio and looking forward to working with my good friend and colleague once again!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin made an odd hum which Lauren couldn’t quite tell if it was annoyed or glad that she was there. She’d gotten used to most of Kevin’s odd noises by this point but this was far more intense than she was used to. Still he continued on through the sports news, of which there was little as the Sunbeams was still re-establishing themselves here and onto local stories. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Frank Donnelly called in earlier with the most uplifting story I’ve certainly heard during our time here, wouldn’t you agree, Kevin?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin gave another, more annoyed agreeing sound this time, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Frank says that he’s been trying to start up his own shop for a while now. Due to some… problems… within our leadership…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin nudged her side while giving a small ‘uh-huh’, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“... it’s been difficult for Frank to put time into his trade. As we all know, Frank used to sell us our exotic animal parts back in Desert Bluffs but here he has narrowed it down to tarantula parts. Well, Frank has been hunting tarantula for months and has finally managed to open up his brand new store! Yay!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What a fascinating story, Lauren. I’m sure nothing would have filled that radio time better.... Anyway, I take you, my joyfully dedicated listeners, to the weather.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin spun around to face Lauren, “What was that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Frank called in earlier. I asked if you wanted it on the show and you said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘sure Lauren, whatever works’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t tell me you were going to…” Kevin paused to laugh, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to his eyes level, “... undermine my leadership.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t undermining, Kevin. I was just telling the story how Frank did. I thought we were over this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be over it when you accept that you’re not in charge anymore. Until then… ha… well, I suppose we’ll keep that wonderfully, silly, ‘playful’ competition between us.... And I will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>very ‘playful’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” She pouted, pulling her wrist out of his clutch so she could stand straight, “You want to act like this is some power struggle, fine. I’m always happy to oblige.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the broadcast seemed to go far faster, even with the small jabs of Kevin stabbing a pen through her hand, her returning the favour through his foot with her heel. Even after it was over, Kevin slammed the door on her fingers and she caught up with his to ‘accidentally’ pour coffee down his front. Lauren assumed it would always be these small things and didn’t mind too much, actually finding it quite fun and endearing to be constantly, minorly injuring each other. That was until it elevated to things like Kevin stabbing her in the back and making her fall down the stairs of the lighthouse (which is a long way to fall down stairs). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do. You keep telling me not to hurt him but I’ve tried being completely friendly and I’ve tried keeping things at his level.” Lauren slumped onto the sofa next to Daisy, cuddling into her shoulder as the woman made notes, “What if he’s just going to keep doing this? It just makes me want to te-... ah… not smile.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not say what you were going to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not very happy and this is your evening too. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep working in your down time. Your productivity is good enough in your working hours, you shouldn’t need to bring it home… metaphorically, I know you work here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok.” Daisy agreed, tilting Lauren’s head up to kiss her softly, “Look, if he’s the one who started this ‘game’ of yours, I won’t judge if you keep it his level but if you really want to end it, I suggest going overboard. You can’t kill him and try not to permanently scar him but make it hurt.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren nodded, going back for another kiss. She paused, about to say something but deciding against it and instead pulling Daisy close, letting her lean her backwards onto the soft cushions beneath her. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud4HuAzHEUc">Pain - Three Days Grace</a></p><p>There will be an R-rated chapter Edit: I'm actually going to attach the R-rated chapter to this point in Beautiful Maladies though because in this one Lauren and Daisy's relationship is more a side plot and not well developed, whereas in BM it will be a large part of the DB2 act. That does mean that it is a long <i>long</i> way off but it will be a better R-rated chapter for it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Holiday Season</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren and Kevin discuss All Smiles' Eve</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Very short chapter today, sorry.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin loved the holidays. He wasn’t sure if that was part of his Strex training or if it was something that he’d always cared for but it was special. It was a time of giving and celebrating and feasting. A time where everyone came together and joined in hymns. A time where he could forget all of the awful parts of Strex because it was the only time of year where the higher powers had let them properly celebrate, albeit under close supervision. He couldn’t wait and it showed. He had decorated the Temple of Joy with pieces of wire and teeth, as well as scattering broken glass over the floors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was less enthusiastic about the holidays, but Kevin was trying his best to ignore her as he started hanging decorations such as bird livers (much nicer than human ones, smaller and easier to place). Every so often he would sprinkle some fibreglass to make a more glittery aesthetic, humming to himself as Lauren brushed it off her arms and caused herself several shallow cuts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re really getting into this, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Lauren! I’m surprised you’re not! Well, I’m not… the one time of the year we can forget capitalist greed and consumerism in order to enjoy real family time and love!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The holiday is literally about capitalist greed and consumerism, Kevin.” Lauren sighed, moving when Kevin started to sprinkle more fibreglass on her, “Anyway… we should be trying to really get the positive sides of the holiday out there so that we can attract more tourists in order to boost our economy and-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, the Smiling God will provide. I keep telling you. When It is ready, they’ll see It’s cold light and come.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We still need a strategy to boost the economy before that. The Smiling God also believes in hard work, remember?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin justed hummed in reply before starting to sing an All Smiles’ Eve song. He gestured for Lauren to sing as well but she looked uncomfortable as she did, seeming to do it more for Kevin’s benefit than out of actual joy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking of putting together a special broadcast this year. I know I always do our sermons for All Smiles’ Eve but the town might like it if we did one telling the story of All Smiles’ Eve!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, a bunch of rich people sat around a table talking about how to sell more stock and further indoctrinate staff?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No, about the Good family, of course. Lauren, you’re quite a grouch today! Where’s your smile?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rolled her eyes as she pulled her face into the expected expression and returned to her usual, business friendly tone, “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> talking about the Good family. Nevermind that though, tell me your idea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… ho… we could talk about recipes! Or… or… gift ideas! There aren’t many places to shop for gifts here but maybe some of those tarantula parts or some none-ice-ice-cream? What’s that stuff made of, anyway? It’s not frozen yoghurt… we need a frozen yoghurt shop. Fun thoughts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All of those ideas sound great, Kevin. Maybe we should exchange gifts on air too?” She suggested, taking a moment to cough up some blood, “It’s a month away, so we have time to get each other something. Just small gifts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ho… that sounds great.” Kevin agreed, brushing his hands off as he finished and shaking hers, digging as much of the fibreglass in as possible, “Ooh… could you smeer that on the window? That would look great.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… sure thing, Kev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Lauren, it’s not that bad.” Daisy smiled, stretching up to fix some bird feathers, which were tied together with a piece of intestine, to the top of their bone tree, “Sure, it’s a bit gross and knowing the real origins is a bummer but that doesn’t mean you need to keep treating it the way you did as a kid. You’re surrounded with people who </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to invite you to the table. Let’s make the most of that this year. You’re always so down but everyone here wants you around.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not a ‘bummer’. I smile! I act happy! I-...”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you do ‘StrexLauren’. That’s not happy. Just loosen up a bit. Go to the sermon, have cake, all that. I don’t even believe in-...” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Worship.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“... right, I don’t worship a Smiling God, but I go.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy sat next to her, wiping a bit of blood on Lauren’s cheek and giggling. Despite Lauren trying her best to stay firm in her position, it was too cute to ignore. She dipped her hand in the bucket of blood and grabbed Daisy around the shoulder, ruffling the blood into her hair, both of them laughing.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDuouGPk8oA">Holiday - Madonna</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. All Smiles' Eve; Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Lauren do the All Smiles' Eve broadcast.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Please see end notes for update</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin hummed as he walked through his beautiful town. Everything was perfectly seasonal and decorated. It was one of the first times in the decades he had been here that he truly felt like the holidays were being made the most of by everyone in town. Even people who didn’t attend the Temple of Joy were out celebrating and sharing gifts and treats with their neighbours. It was great! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later in the day, he’d be hosting the All Smiles’ Eve sermon, his favourite sermon of the year and one where the whole congregation could join in and celebrate the true meaning of All Smiles’ Eve; Devouring. There were caterers making a feast for the town out of fresh ingredients that they had recently started importing, as well as locally grown produce and, of course, worms. Very few people shared Kevin’s unique dietary needs, but a whole table had been set aside for toppings such as iron filings and oleander (all marked with warnings). He couldn’t wait. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This year was also special because it was the first year that Lauren was participating as more than just a strategy for attracting tourists. He didn’t know what had changed but she was smiling almost every time he saw her whether she was helping to put up decorations, teaching the children the story of All Smiles’ Eve, or just going about her daily life. It was nice to see her enjoying the holiday. It almost made Kevin forget about their power struggles and mutual dislike of each other. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Almost. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He certainly hadn’t cried in a while. The man in the mirror each morning would still recoil in horror and mutter about what he’d become but he wasn’t screaming or crying anymore and that made it easier for Kevin to simply smile at him as he muttered away from the bathtub. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Lauren!” Kevin sang as he set up the broadcaster, “Happy All Smiles’ Eve!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… Happy All Smiles’ Eve, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, have you seen the wonderful decorations around town? Aren’t they just delightful!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They are.” Lauren agreed, fixing them both a coffee, “Say, Kevin, I know that there’s the feast at the Temple of Joy tonight but Daisy and I were wondering if you would also come over our place for a more personal celebration after everyone has left. Just the three of us, unless you have a plus one, of course.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds wonderful… you said </span>
  <em>
    <span>our </span>
  </em>
  <span>place… yours or Daisy’s?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ours. We sold my house. It was… well… falling to pieces, Kevin. That was a few years ago, now, didn’t you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a lot to keep track of and a memory with more holes than a maggot ridden corpse! Ha… oh, Lauren, I’m a very busy man.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s one of the things we wanted to talk to you about. The town is slowly expanding. We have a few new people here now and that’s going to mean even more-...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine! Super. You don’t need to worry about me.” He assured her as he took one of the coffees from her, “Ready?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How do I love thee? Let me count your teeth! Happy All Smiles’ Eve, Desert Bluffs.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That went well, I suppose.” Lauren smiled, turning to watch Kevin scrambling out of the door still holding his wrist, “Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I… just need a doctor.” He called back before running back and putting his head around the door, “There is no doctor. It’s not healing, Lauren. Why isn’t it healing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren’s eyes followed Kevin’s arm as he waved it around. It wasn’t bleeding or anything but it was obvious that a chunk was missing. He was far too distracted to see her reaction to this fact but not sure if he was truly relieved when she started dragging him through town either. It was less painful than it had been but the fresh air made it worse. Not knowing where she was taking him made it worse. Realising she was taking him to Carlos’ lab made it </span>
  <em>
    <span>the </span>
  </em>
  <span>worst. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, nope, no! I don’t need to go in there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Why not?” Lauren questioned, pulling his arm harder to fight against him, “Daisy can help. This is an emergency, Kevin!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy? Daisy lives in Carlos’ house? No... No, I don’t like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin. Listen to me. We re-decorated. There’s blood everywhere for All Smiles’ Eve. Teeth too. It won’t feel like Carlos’ house. Please let her look at it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He relented, letting Lauren continue to drag him even as his heart threatened to leap out of his chest. Even as everything inside him told him to run. He could easily run. She could easily stop him. She could easily force him to follow. She didn’t need to be dragging him. So, why hadn’t she just said it? Why wasn’t she forcing him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was too distracted to listen to Lauren talking to Daisy, thinking over these questions. Wondering how Lauren had forced Daisy to decorate her house in such a way. Daisy never seemed to like blood. Lauren must have done something to Daisy to force her to like this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin? You alright?” The woman asked gently, dabbing his wound with cotton. Whatever was on the cotton stung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It feels like salt in a wound.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It more or less is. I’m putting an alkali on it to neutralise any remaining acid and then we’ll clean the area and bandage it. I would like to keep an eye on it. Most wounds heal quickly here so if it doesn’t heal then I need to find out why so that we don’t have similar incidents, especially with everyone enjoying burning petroleum and other dangerous activities.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! You should be the doctor. We don’t have a doctor, what with no one really dying or injuring themselves for too long.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… uhm… I’m not medically trained. Don’t you remember, Kevin? I’m just a scientist and more recently a therapist.” Daisy told him, putting the cotton into a sample tube and sealing it before retrieving some antiseptic and putting it on his wrist, “We should be looking to get a doctor to move here. I’m sure we can find one that wants a change of pace. An easier life, closer to retirement.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can look for one!” Lauren piped up, grabbing her laptop and running into the living room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s settled then. I’ll let you check this after a week and Lauren </span>
  <em>
    <span>better </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a doctor by then.” Kevin beamed up at her, getting a worried look in return but trying to ignore it, “Happy All Smiles’ Eve, see you at the sermon.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZA5heWazIQ">Smile - Katy Perry</a> (tw: clowns (knives?? maybe))</p><p>&gt;&gt; An update to my posting schedule &lt;&lt;</p><p>So, I've been fighting really hard not to go on hiatus (partly because I love writing and partly because I felt bad) and I am NOT going on hiatus. I want to get this series out and I really want it to be good. Unfortunately, my personal life (Just everything being torn out from under my feet) has meant that the quality of my writing has gone down a lot and has also meant that I have less time for writing. If you know me on instagram, you also know that I've essentially stopped drawing (although I'm getting back into being able to do more). </p><p>These are big hobbies for me and I do want to practice my writing more and make better content because I'm hoping to write a book at some point. This means that it's very disappointing for me to feel rushed to write. When I started writing this, I had time to write 6000 words/day (and this can be seen from the chapter lengths which have decreased) and draw. I now have nowhere near that amount of time, don't have an income, and I'm struggling with mental health due to not being able to see a doctor. </p><p>So, I'm changing my schedule instead of going on hiatus. </p><p>TLDR; My life is much harder than when I started this and the project is bigger than I had intended. </p><p>The New Schedule (I'll also change on first chapter) ;<br/>Citrus and Sunshine ; Fridays (although I will post an update with this information on it on Sunday)<br/>Your Ghosts : Mondays <br/><i>When they come up</i> R-rated chapters: Wednesdays<br/>Alternate chapters will stay as they are but it's unlike that I'll have many until I get ahead again.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Earthly Devouring</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The after-part of All Smiles' Eve's broadcast</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Warning </p><p>- Mention of Kevin's children / abandonment (although it's called out as not having happened) (*****'d)<br/>- memory issues (NOT ****'d. I'm adding this because it's directly mentioned as opposed to the rest of the fic)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>People gathering, feasting, dancing, devouring. It was wonderful. This year had been the smiling-est All Smiles’ Eve Kevin had ever had. His sermon had gone perfectly and everyone was mingling over the food provided. Kevin had asked a few people about how they had found everything and had lots of compliments, followed quickly by people excusing themselves or returning to their previous conversation. It just made him so happy to see everyone so happy… so, so happy… He just couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier than seeing his fellow townspeople getting together and enjoying each other’s company. He couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier than seeing so many smiles. He was so happy that he couldn’t help the tears running down his face, instead quickly scratching them away and keeping his hat on to mask his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the end of the evening, Kevin stood at the door of the temple of joy and shook everyone’s hand on the way out of the door, giving kind words to each and every one of them and getting back even more compliments about the temple, the sermon, the food and the festivities. It seemed that most people enjoyed the decorating contest, so Kevin noted that down for next year. Most people also seemed to enjoy the range of foods they had this year and Kevin made a note to start stocking stores with imported products. He was sure Lauren would love that idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once everyone had left, he made his way home to change and then over to Daisy and Lauren’s house. It had been a long time, excluding earlier that day, that he had been to this part of town, nevermind to this house. Despite having seen inside earlier and knowing that Daisy had changed almost everything short of the layout and knowing that they had put in a new dining room to separate it from the lab/kitchen area that Carlos had had, it was hard for Kevin to get himself to go inside. It took Daisy coming out and leading him in for him to move. Even when he did, it was like he had zoned out for several minutes, coming back to himself with a coffee in his hand and sat on their new sofa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what do you think of the house, Kevin? You didn’t really get a chance to see it earlier.” Lauren asked, gesturing around. He wasn’t sure how to take the gesture. On one hand, he knew that she wanted to be friends with him now, but on the other he wasn’t sure she really knew the meaning of friendship and was certain that he couldn’t over her whatever it was she wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a nice house. It’s falling apart less than your old one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It really is, isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t just want to spend time with me, Lauren. Let’s get to business, I should really get on with making my caramel for the children.” Lauren stared at him and Kevin stared back. He could see the confusion on her face growing as he spoke, so clarified, “Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> children, goodness knows where most of them are. I meant the ones that </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. That makes more sense, of course.” Lauren nodded, although she still seemed apprehensive to him, “Well, we did just want to celebrate actually. We’d also appreciate it if you didn’t talk about the kids when Daisy comes in. She’s still very upset about what happened.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abandoning them? She obviously isn’t upset ab-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She didn’t abandon them.” Lauren interrupted, obviously not wanting Kevin to finish his sentence, “Kevin, I really think you should go back to therapy. Daisy hasn’t seen you in several years. Most people here are getting better, it’s worth trying, right?” </span>
</p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There it is. Wouldn’t it have been much more productive to simply have started with that, Lauren?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not, Kevin, I actually enjoy your company. When you’re not like this at least. Either you go to therapy again or we’ll come to you but this has to stop. You need to relax! We have time to relax now! We don’t have to work and work, non-stop without breaks. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to… except go to therapy and work towards a happy and productive town… but we can choose how we do that. I thought that would appeal to you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What appeals to me is not having cyclic conversations with you. It seems like almost every conversation we have leads back here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin… I don’t think you remember most of our conversations… Not that it matters. Relax. Tell me about what’s happening in your life. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That you can remember.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin narrowed his eyes, looking her up and down before sipping his coffee. He wasn’t sure why she kept bringing up his memory issues. He was already fully aware that he had been having more slips recently and was drawing complete blanks when trying to think about specific occasions or things that he and Lauren may have spoken about or done outside of work that weren’t in regards to his problems. He certainly couldn’t remember what he’d taken up as a hobby outside of knitting but maybe he had only taken up knitting. He had lots of memories of knitting. It, unfortunately, wasn’t what he felt like talking about as he knew that Lauren didn’t share his interest. Instead he tried to find something around the room to divert her attention. Lampshades made of lizard skin. Not really exciting. Nice decorating, with blood thrown in a very abstract pattern. Pictures. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pictures. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have photos?” Kevin questioned, standing and taking a closer look at the framed faces. One was of Daisy and Lauren on top of the mountain, another of Daisy pointing at the Smiling God as It raised up, and the third of Lauren holding what looked like a Bloody Mary, “How?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With a camera? There are plenty of them around, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have any photos.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Probably because you won’t go out and make friends… ha!” Lauren grinned, putting a hand on his shoulder. Her smile faded again when she saw he wasn’t smiling and then changed to sympathy as his usual toothy grin came back, “You should make some friends. You could also… be nicer to the friends you already have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, we’re not-...” He stopped as Daisy entered, instead rushing over to help her carry a large tray that had several bottles of booze and snacks on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The evening went well. Kevin drank as much as Daisy let him, only being cut off in the end because of inappropriate remarks about the nature of space and time that had made Daisy reel. Lauren had fallen asleep halfway through and Daisy had covered her with a blanket and laid Lauren’s head on her lap. Daisy herself had stayed sober in case she needed to drive Kevin back to his house but instead let him borrow her and Lauren’s bed to sleep in for the night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sun rays danced through the window, waking Kevin in his favourite way. There was nothing better than the feeling of warmth and light on your face and eyes in the morning. He stretched out, ignoring the splitting pain in his head as he walked to the bathroom. Kevin pushed a coat to the side as he entered and proceeded to walk straight into the back wall of the wardrobe. He then spun around and tried the other door, remembering that he wasn’t in his own house this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His morning routine went as planned. Brush teeth. Smile. Smile more. Smile wider. The man in the mirror seemed far too hungover to care to complain today, which was a relief. Then breakfast. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <span>Lauren and Daisy were still sleeping on the sofa, Daisy having entwined herself with the other woman during the night in a way that made Kevin feel sick. That might have been the alcohol but he’d rather think it was the display in front of him. Still, it was rude not to make your hosts breakfast and breakfast with a smile was one of the most important parts of the day, other than work and worshipping a Smiling God. He loved the idea of cooking. He seemed to remember that he used to be good at it. It wasn’t clear when these skills had left him. Was it after Strex? Or perhaps while he was with Carlos? Or since he had been cooking nothing but instant noodle cups for the last… how many years? Still, burnt lizard meat is edible and surely black eggs couldn’t be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad. They ate them in some parts of the world, he was sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>"Rise and shine, sleepy heads." He sang as he brought in their breakfast, enjoying the sound of Lauren complaining about the light when she opened her eyes, "It's a bright new day! Time to be super productive!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIjTq_OdFvo">I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts</a><br/>(I'm sorry, I'd never listened to it the full way through but although it's not thematically appropriate the lyrics were too fitting to pass up.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. A New Face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone new arrives in Desert Bluffs ad Kevin confronts his memory issues.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Waving. Waving. Waving. He’d been doing it for several hours now and yet the car he was waving at didn’t seem to be getting any closer. It was their first tourist and it seemed like they’d never get here. Would they turn away or decide that they were a mirage? Would they simply ignore the town and pass through it as they had spent so long getting there and worried about the length of their onward journey? Were they actually looking for the town and finding it difficult to get here? Kevin couldn’t tell but the theories raced through his mind all the same, making him anxious to finally meet whoever it was who was coming to their small desert community. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They did, fortunately, eventually arrive. A woman, in fact. Savannah, she introduced herself as, looking extremely panicked until Kevin started explaining the history of the town and why most people she could see were staring up while smiling and crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… so, you’re all running away from something too?” Savannah asked, gesturing at the people she could see and then at Kevin, although she refused to look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Running away, running towards, those are just labels.” Kevin smiled, trying his best to make a good impression. He really wanted her to stay, or at least not drive away immediately like the last person who had came to visit, “... but yes, we’re mainly people who ran from Night Vale after they annexed our beautiful town of Desert Bluffs. What about you, friend?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Red Mesa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Strex?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No… Tax collectors. Apparently I’m ‘not quite rich enough to get away with fraud’.” She told him, pretending to be interested in the people so she didn’t have to look at his face. Kevin could tell that was why because she didn’t seem particularly interested in the people, “I heard about this place from one of those yellow helicopters. Apparently they’re looking for someone but I don’t know who.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin laughed nervously at this information, feeling his heart stop for a second with crippling fear. His throat tensed up. He felt his nails in his palms and tried to ground himself with the burning sting from where he was drawing his own blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should try joining in. Everyone participates in the Smile Ceremony. Every friday. Since… since… I can’t remember when. Maybe since All Smiles’ Eve…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… for the last six weeks-ish?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? It’s been that long? Oh… the start of the year drags on, doesn’t it? Come on, let’s get you introduced!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… yeah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled wider, showing Savannah where she could park and waiting for her to return. He tried to push the thoughts of Strex looking for him out of his head, thinking nice thoughts of foxes and blood. Still, the thoughts came. He shook them off and tried to distract himself by smiling at the sky. Still that tightness in his chest. Still that sense of doom. Still his heart racing and raising to his throat. The sky became a blur and he could barely think at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey? Hey?” Savannah said, waving her hand in front of his face, “Where do I find a hotel?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I can certainly help with that!” Kevin cheered, his hands coming together in front of him as he marched towards the Temple of Joy, past which he knew there were several unoccupied houses, “We don’t really have a hotel, but we have plenty of places for you to stay. We have jobs that need to be done and a growing economy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a job, quite yet. I’ve got money to burn.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well then, let me show you the houses on offer and then I’ll take you on a tour of our bars and restaurants.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s more of what I’m looking for. What ID do you need for these places?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, no ID needed.” Kevin laughed, “This is a place for the downtrodden, those with nothing. We accept all here, as long as you’re a hard worker! Which in your case I’m guessing means foreign business?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My business isn’t any of your business!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin simply laughed, showing her into one of the furnished houses. The woman hadn’t brought any furniture with her so he assumed that she was looking for it to be provided. She asked again about price and how to go about securing it but Kevin simply waved to her, welcoming her to her new home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see you here, Savannah.” Kevin beamed as the woman took her seat in the front pew of the temple, “You’re a little early, the sermon isn’t for-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Half an hour, I know, Kevin. We have this conversation a lot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We… You only came here yesterday.” He argued, although he wasn’t so sure that he was correct. He didn’t want to put her off of worshipping but he was confused. He was panicked. He tried to push it down but he couldn’t. Was he really missing so much that he had forgotten all of their conversations? What else was he missing? Everyone in town had memory problems, with the exception of Savannah, but was he really that bad? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, Kevin. It’ll come back to you. It does most of the time.” She assured but this did nothing to calm him, Kevin nodding and rushing into the back to get ready for his sermon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see you back, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a few months but we guessed it would be. So, what pushed you to come back?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long has Savannah been here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy frowned, tapping her pen against her clipboard. She wasn’t sure what it did but she’d seen Sophie do it so much, so many years ago. It had helped the others. At least, she thought it had. She wasn’t sure what had helped them, still anxious that she was just playing therapist and not really helping. Still, most of the town only needed her infrequently, so that was a positive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long has Jesse been here?” She asked carefully, watching confusion play over Kevin’s face, “Jesse Pritchard?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know who that is.” His voice was low and sad and Daisy couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. She hated feeling sorry for him. She hated feeling sorry for anyone but she especially hated feeling sorry for Kevin. Still, neither feeling sorry for beating herself up for doing so would help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s ok. We just need to find out why you’re losing time and find some appropriate coping mechanisms. For now, I want you to keep a journal. Write everything important. I’ll want to look at that. Do you want to see mine to see what I mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know what a journal looks like, Daisy!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dr. Reynold or Dais.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll bring it back to you next week.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll remind you if you don’t come, but please try not to get annoyed if I have to.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hTFcwdyWX4">Twenty Years - Placebo</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Recovery: Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin's recovery has some side effects.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't worry, this isn't end. I wouldn't do that. We have another two acts to go. However, we're changing to the other side of Kevin's viewpoint, so this is the start of this change. </p><p>Also, two version because there are two versions of act 5.  Alternative <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/66462736">here</a></p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; mild warning</p><p>- a mention of 'movie night' (chapter 10), but it is literally mentioning it. There is nothing about it.<br/>- Donny dies (as a pre-teen) 'off screen' (and a warning that he will in a chapter in Act 5 Version 1)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“It will rise and we shall be devoured!” Kevin cheered, raising his arms to the sky. The congregation copied his movement before standing and starting to socialise with one another. It was a blessing to have the temple and the community as it was. To Kevin, it was helping him through his problems and keeping his memory clear. He was remembering a lot more of what people were telling him when they told him after sermons. He was meeting new friends, although he still didn’t feel like they were as interested in him than their other friends. He would often spend most of the day in the temple, giving advice and talking to people. Sometimes they’d mention his radio show but it had been a while since he had broadcast so he thought nothing of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kevin.” Savannah said from behind him, a piece of paper outstretched to him, “Jesse and I have decided to get married. We think it’s best with a little one on the way. Do you think we could have a traditional service?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, how delightful! Of course, I would be honoured to do that for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. I know you’ve got your movie night with the Mallards tonight, but maybe we could talk about what we want over dinner tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Movie… oh, yes, of course. Tomorrow sounds good…” Kevin smiled, waiting for Savannah to leave before properly considering what she had actually said, “That was fast… oh, oh well… we don’t know how the desert works, I suppose. A-and I’m sure she just meant Ms. Mallard… the others aren’t here… surely not…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He brought popcorn. He wasn’t sure what else to bring, seeing as Savannah had made it seem like this event, which hadn’t happened since his time in Strex, was a regular occurrence. Still, it was only polite to bring something for your host, so he brought popcorn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy answered the door, slapping herself in the face when she tried to hug him, “Sorry, the neural frame is playing up badly today. It should fix itself soon, I hope.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin just smiled and nodded, helping Daisy get to the table and sit down. She had a ring on. He’d never seen her wear jewellery, other than her wedding ring before but he tried to push it from his head. This was going to be a nice evening. He wasn’t sure why he had been invited but it would be a nice evening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Savannah is having a service at the Temple of Joy. I’m pretty excited to do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she’s been talking about asking you for a little while now. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to have it before or after she had her baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think after would be best. Although the Smiling God’s light is for all, a wedding is no place for a baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait to hold them. I love babies so much but Dais isn’t too keen.” Lauren beamed, seeming to appear out of thin air, “I remember when Savannah had her first. Leon was such a cute baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin furrowed his eyebrows, looking between the two and then down to his hand. He wasn’t holding the invitation anymore. He’d carried it all the way here, he was sure of it. He wanted to show the two, suggest they have a ceremony like it in a few years time. It was just gone. He hadn’t dropped it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...and their wedding.” He added cautiously, more a question than a statement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh it was beautiful, you did an amazing job.” Daisy told him, leaning across the table and taking his hand, “Do you remember? The blood and you even made tooth confetti. Although, I think they were just teeth chips.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did remember… but no. He couldn’t remember something that hadn’t happened. Could he? It was so clear… but so hazy…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Daisy wasn’t holding his hand and instead of Daisy, Lauren sat across from him, “So, Yolander and Leon, Savannah’s kids are starting school now. Being the first kids from around here means we’re going to see how our local achievement is. I told the teachers it doesn’t matter but they said the other kids are all going to talk about their home towns and not their </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span> which is this town. Crazy, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin looked around the house. The decoration had changed. The furniture had changed. Lauren had even got a haircut. His heart pounded in his chest and confusion filled him. What were they doing? What was happening? What was she talking about? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Kevin yelped, jumping out of his seat and spinning around, trying to find something to explain what was going on, “What’s happening?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, ok, calm down. Listen. Listen to me.” Daisy cooed softly, holding his shoulders. Lauren was nowhere to be seen, “This happens sometimes. We’re friends, alright. Do you remember the sermons you’ve been given.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… I mean… no… I…” He thought hard. They were there, but they were distant. Different, “I know them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. What did you have for lunch?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, ok. Don’t worry. Just breathe. In… 1… 2… 3… out… 1… 2… 3…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she was gone. He was in the Temple again. People socialising. People talking and enjoying themselves. Everything was fine. There were old faces and new. A lot more children than he remembered but he’d make sure to learn their names. He’d make sure to have activities that would teach them about the Smiling God. Books. He reached into his pocket, finding his journal to write it down. He never wrote in it and it was as good of a use as any. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he opened it, the pages were filled. Almost all of them. It was his handwriting but he hadn’t remembered writing it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just tired…” He told himself, taking a deep breath, “Just tired. Let’s go home and get some sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh… he was in the radio station. Well, at least he had a script to keep him on track. Some of the details seemed very wrong but he would just change that… and that… and oh, a different script? Odd but not the worst thing…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...his name’s Donovan. He’s 5. He’s a sweet kid. We moved here because I want him to go to a good school with a good community. One based in happiness and positivity. He starts this year and the last thing I wanted was him to go to school in Pine Cliffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who was this strange but beautiful man stood in front of him? Why was he here? Why did he have such perfect teeth? Of course, the answer to this was obvious. Kevin was dreaming. He had gone home and settled in his bed and now he was dreaming. Dreaming of a perfect man with perfect hair and perfect teeth. He looked like Carlos, but even more perfect and Kevin felt his heart leaping out of his chest at the same time as sinking into his stomach. This man’s words upset him but this man obviously didn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s so enthusiastic about planes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, this was a dream. Definitely a dream. Everything was going so fast, he was obviously dreaming this whole thing. There was no way he had been at Daisy’s house only a few hours ago, or what seemed like it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He wants to be a pilot when he grows up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, this was a dream. This couldn’t be real. Why would he be in a man’s home, with his son. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Donovan</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was there screaming? Oh Smiling God! A moment ago he was in someone's house and now all he could hear was screaming. He was frozen. He was scared. So scared. Where was he? Who was he? Who was screaming? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take Donny! Get him out of here!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stared at the pre-teen for only a moment before grabbing his hand and running, not caring what was causing the screaming. Not caring where he was or why or with who. He just knew he had to protect this boy, for whatever reason. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sand. Nothingness. A lighthouse and a mountain. He looked around. He had been here before. It made sense. Nothingness and sand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been dreaming… it had become weirder and weirder this whole time. He had never found someone. He had never lived like he thought he had. Loved like he thinks he had. He let sand flow through his fingers and sighed, standing turning to Vanessa and Vanessa Too. There was the shadow of someone else there. Someone from his dreams. A man and a pre-teen. He didn’t know why, but the company was welcome. He knew the child’s name. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Donovan.</span>
  </em>
  <span> The man’s name escaped him. He knew it. He remembered. He remembered the tears he cried for this man, far more vividly than any emotion he felt for Vanessa, yet he could hardly remember him.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95hfNjZictY">Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Recovery: Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin, Lauren, and Daisy have a movie night and Kevin and Daisy have a therapy session.</p><p>&gt;&gt; Warning &gt;</p><p> - Talk about drugs (although that's pretty standard here, it's specific drugs) <br/> - Talking about how the chips work (and how it doesn't)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin gasped, putting a hand to his head as he looked down at the invitation in his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” Daisy asked gently, twitching, “Sorry, neu-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I remember… I think I had an episode again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a while since you had one outside a sermon. Did you write anything while you were?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I don’t think so. I remember most of it. I think.” Kevin assured her, putting the invitation down and giving a small laugh, “I was very excited about the wedding, which is good, I suppose. I seemed to think it was my first. Oh… but I meant to bring some wine, not popcorn. I don’t think I read the journal when I’m… like that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re here for you. Remember that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. So… your anniversary is coming up, right? The congregation really wants you to have a traditional first anniversary. I mean, since those taxes came into place and the bars had to become restaurants, we can’t really have anything other than wine but everything else we can put in place.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds lovely, Kevin.” Lauren smiled as she brought in a bowl of potatoes, “We were thinking somewhere other than the Temple, though. We’d like it if you were able to fully enjoy the celebration.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t even tend to remember you’re married when I’m… well… anyway, the traditional celebration would be outside anyway. It’s really just a big party, after all. The only traditional part is the prayer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stood to help Lauren bring in the rest of the dinner, moving the popcorn out of the way while he set the plates. They’d been doing this for a few months now and although Carlos had helped him to enjoy movies again, Lauren and Daisy were making it a far more comfortable occasion. He was feeling included in ways he hadn’t since he was stranded here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of our anniversary, can we bring your session forward this week? We’re hoping to celebrate ourselves a little early. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Stuff we wouldn’t share with Desert Bluffs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I get you! Like pyjamas and pizza stuff.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Plus wine.” Daisy agreed. She tried to pick up her cutlery but eventually gave in and let Lauren cut her food up for her so she could just stab it with her other hand, “Well, wine for Lauren. She got the guy who delivers all the food to get some strong painkillers for me. No alcohol, but a night with no pain is appreciated.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin just smiled awkwardly, not really sure how to respond to that. He knew what she meant but it still gave him an uncomfortable feeling. No matter how much trust he had started giving Lauren, it was hard to trust her enough to give her control of any medicine. The idea that she even had it put him on edge. He tried not to think of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, maybe tomorrow. I have lots in my journal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, keep that up but I don’t feel we need that anymore. It’s been months. Unless you notice a new trigger with what you write, It’s more just for you now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night went well. They talked about the previous week, Lauren and Daisy had helped to build a new school and were hoping to attract parents into town. They’d converted the ship that had crash landed into the side of the mountain into an information center for new residents, although they weren’t sure how to protect against people accidentally pressing buttons and shooting fire out over people’s houses. Kevin told them about how he’d put together new informational pamphlets about the Smiling God for new residents and was planning to distribute them with birds of prey. They watched Daisy’s favourite movie </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The week before they’d watched Lauren’s favourite, which they watched once every three weeks despite Kevin and Daisy changing their picks each week. Kevin ended up sleeping on their sofa as he fell asleep halfway through the film. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He awoke the next more to a cup of coffee and Daisy, holding a notebook, standing over him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It fixed itself, for now. You want to get this out of the way in case it starts playing up again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Kevin yawned, stretching out and giving her a normal sized smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Kevin, your dissociation and derealization is getting less frequent. Are you feeling any better for it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel much more… genuinely happy. It’s nice being a member of this beautiful community.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is… So, with that in mind, you can just keep up what you’re doing. I’d like to work on the other problem.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Other problem?” Kevin questioned, sipping his coffee to try and hide the worry that was playing over his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your chip, or more importantly how you interact with it. I know most people just avoid saying your trigger phrase but that doesn’t help for… let’s say you meet someone. You might hear a noise in the night and be concerned, then they’d tell you to…” She gestured to replace the words, “... if there’s a real threat, that might be bad. If your chip decided the situation was a… violent one… if you’re interacting with your chip in the way that you do, then you might do something you’d later regret.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘how I interact with it’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, your chip is one part of a three, for you, part system. The chip itself, the linked Scopolamine-Midazolam ‘gland’, and your CNS frame.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We get that you’re a scientist, talk for your audience?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy huffed, rolling her eyes. She often did this when Kevin got annoyed about her using technical terms but Kevin got annoyed at her using technical terms, so as far as he saw it they were even, “The frame around your brain and a drug producing bulb that makes you more… suggestible. Socially open. You used to work very hard against it but then you stopped working against it and now you think people just have control of you because of it. They don’t. We need to work on that bit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded, taking in everything she said. It was hard to think about. He wasn’t even sure he believed her, at least not fully. Whenever his chip was activated it just felt like he was being pulled along on whatever someone else wanted him to do. He felt like everything around him was nothing and he knew for a fact that his memories were affected. How could he just choose not to have memories? It was a lot. It was too much. A lot of things were too much to think about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we work on CBT but with your chip active. It will be very hard, so you should think about it first. Make sure you’re ready. I’m not even sure if your ‘gland’ will be working anymore, it’s not been used in a long time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… ho… actually, it has… I use it. To help me sleep. It’s difficult otherwise.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give it some thought, ok.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHb_XIql_gU">Kids - MGMT</a></p><p>- With the chip thing, It will be explained more in Special Training (because there are a lot of people running around with chips working differently), but any suggestions will be appreciated. There will be a lot more neurology and toxicology in ST.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Family Reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Diego comes to town.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Chapter warning</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; A few non-con mentions. *******<br/>&gt; Mentions of trigger phrases.</p><p>Alternate version (linked to Act 2 V2) <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/67266406">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He was sure he knew that car from somewhere. It had already been two hours driving towards him as he waved and waved. He wanted all of the new residents to feel greeted properly but this system was exhausting and he was regretting keeping hold of it for so long. He was sure he knew that car from somewhere. It was black. It was shiny. It was driving way too fast. A lot of cars had these traits. It had an orange stripe. It was a sports car. It was throwing up a lot of sand. Less cars had these qualities. That didn’t mean that the car was unique and that was what wasn’t helping. Kevin just couldn’t put his finger on where he’d seen it before. He just couldn’t imagine anywhere where he would have seen a car like that. No one drove anything like that around Desert Bluffs, that was for sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then it hit him! It had come by about a week prior and had almost been run off the road by a black van that looked like it had been spray painted by a bunch of children. The car had turned around then chased the van and Kevin had been extremely disappointed because it hadn’t come back. He had stood there waving at it for almost four hours that day and Kevin had felt completely drained by the time he’d decided to stop waiting for the car.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take as long this time. He wasn’t sure if this was due to the speed the car was going or just because today was a fast day. The tinted window reflected his wide smile and pleasant wave back at himself as he waited for the person inside to roll it down. He wasn’t exactly sure if there was a person inside the car with how long it had taken or if he was being extremely rude by waving at a sentient car.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was eventually answered. His smile dropped in time with the window as it revealed the man behind it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His breath caught. His heart stopped. Eyes widened. Hands trembled. Everything told him to run away. Everything told him to stay put. His whole body was fighting against himself to react to this man. The man that had shown him such love. The man that had tortured him so badly. The man that had stopped him from having memories. The man that had been slowly releasing his memories to him to ‘clear up valuable space’ on Strex’s systems. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi there, Diego.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Alex?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex? Kevin had expected a gun. Kevin had expected Diego to threaten him or kidnap him. He had expected something but not that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The nurse? They don’t live here. I’ve not seen them since… wow… since I got out of training last time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great.” Diego sneered, lighting a cigarette and stepping out of the car. He towered over Kevin and Kevin couldn’t help but keep his eyes on the man’s own. He didn’t even notice Diego offering him a smoke until he had shoved the packet at Kevin. Kevin just waved his hands to refuse, although the offer was tempting at this point, “Caught up with them in Alabama. They fled again. I was on my way here and they came out of nowhere right in front of me. They took a bunch of the kids, so, you know. Way more of a concern than you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you got fired? That’s what Daisy said.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not if I bring those three back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, that’s not why I’m here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren. Where is she?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren?” Kevin laughed, eyes darting downwards as he tried to think of an excuse, “She doesn’t live here. No. You think I’d let her live in </span>
  <em>
    <span>heaven</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She’s not pure enough. No, even the Smiling God doesn’t-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped suddenly as he felt metal pressed against the top of his head. A click. His blood ran cold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?” Diego’s voice stayed cool and collected, even as he pressed the gun more into Kevin’s head, summoning whimpers from the smaller man’s lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You won’t shoot me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence. Another click. “Go to sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Kevin’s eyes fluttered open, the black roof and leather chairs focusing and then blurring again. Where was he? Were they moving? Where were they going? Then it hit him; Diego! He shot up, hands darting towards the window to stare out at the town. He expected it to be getting further away but they were just driving around it. Diego was far too focused on figuring out the roads, which weren’t yet sign posted, than on what was happening in the backseat. It made Kevin worry about what would happen when the man noticed he was sat up. What would happen when he realised that Kevin would know where they were going.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego’s eyes flicked up to the rear view mirror and he grinned, sending shivers through Kevin’s spine, “Good morning, Sunshine. Where’s your house?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My house? Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>*********</p><p>
  <span>“Lauren isn’t here. She would have been using your chip by now, if not for anything other than for sex.” He turned to Kevin, offering him a smoke again and this time Kevin took it, “You started screaming and then passed out, which tells me it did a boot. Must have taken quite some energy, so it probably sent a current through your head to make you pass out so it could finish.” </span>
</p><p>*********</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That means very little to me.” Kevin replied, leaning forward to point each time Diego needed to turn, “If Lauren’s not here, you’re going back to looking for Alex and whoever they're with, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… Not yet, at least. I want to get to know this town. See the sights. Plus, I haven’t seen you in a long time, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hand on his knee was far from welcome but Kevin bit his tongue, instead focusing on the directions. There weren’t many streets here but the town had certainly grown and was becoming a small maze. The last thing he wanted was to take Diego past Lauren’s house, so they were going the long way around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they pulled into the driveway, Kevin rushed to the door to open it for the other. He wasn’t sure what to expect but he certainly hadn’t expected the hand on his waist, moving him inside before Diego entered. He hadn’t expected the hands on his shoulders, massaging small circles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re tense. We only came back for a drink and then we’ll go and see the sights.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. Well, that’s the Temple of Joy.” Kevin told Diego as he gestured to the building next to his own through the window. He then turned and pointed at the lighthouse, “I don’t know what else you want to see. We have a radio station but you were never interested in that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I heard there’s a spa and a beach.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want to go to the spa?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Diego simply shrugged, not taking his hands from his pockets as he did, “It might be nice to both get a lava stone massage. A nice couples thing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin opened the door to the spa, giving a small look around before turning to push Diego back. It was too late. The man had his eyes set on the same thing as Kevin had noticed. He was already walking towards them, Kevin left in the door to consider whether to simply run away or whether to try and de-escalate whatever fight was about to happen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>*********</p><p>
  <span>“Little sister.” Diego purred, running a hand down Daisy’s bare back and making her jump up, the stones that were on her falling to the floor and breaking into pieces. Her hands clumsily grabbed her towel and pulled it up to her chest, scowling when she noticed that Diego had been staring, “Don’t worry, Daisy-chain, we tend to share.”</span>
</p><p>*********</p><p><br/>
<span>Lauren sat up, not caring so much about her towel as guiding Daisy away from the man and asking her to go in the sauna. Daisy gave a joyous </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m scared’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She still did as she was told, going into the women’s side of the sauna and letting Lauren address her brother. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ieaj0fAEqQo">Lotta True Crime - Penelope Scott</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Family Reunion: Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Diego makes a compromise with Lauren.</p><p>Long version:</p><p>- Lauren shoots Diego (several times)<br/>- Kevin convinces Diego to take pictures of Lauren while she's temporarily dead.<br/>- Once they've done that, Daisy threatens Diego and tells him to take her collar off</p><p>Alternate  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/67574362">here</a>  - Read the warnings and summery on it first</p><p>Sub point: Things don't go off here, but mould will grow.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Warnings</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Suicide (She comes back. I would just skip the chapter. It is ***'d though)<br/>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Mention of Assigned Partners (specifically Daisy and Kevin) (*****'d)<br/>&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; Guns + Death (He comes back, NOT ***'d)<br/>&gt; Trauma related stuff (I'll tag all the MLP stuff with this from now on - it's not ***'d)</p><p>Almost 500 hits! &lt;3 Thank you guys</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You should get dressed.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren’s voice was calm as she slipped back into her shoes, walking around the massage table and staring into Diego’s eyes. He stared back. Kevin looked between the two, then around the room at the several people who were now staring at them in silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want to show up naked, I can’t stop you but I imagine the shareholders may have a problem with having a naked vice president.” He mocked, his hand slipping into his jacket and bringing out a tablet, his fingers going to the screen, “Your toy won’t need clothes, I’m sure.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as Lauren’s eyes set on the device, it was on the floor. She’d smacked it out of his hands with such force that it took him a few moments to realise what had happened. By the time he’d processed it, Lauren’s heel was impaling it. Colours flashed across the screen in bars and then went black. Kevin’s eyes were glued to Diego, scared of what his reaction to this would have been. He hadn’t expected laughter. This day was getting weirder and weirder by the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get the fuck out. Of. </span>
  <em>
    <span>My</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Town.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her tone didn’t change. Her demeanour didn’t change. Her expression stayed solid and disapproving. Even when her hand was clutched around Diego’s wrist, smacking it against the massage table to free the gun that he had drawn from his clutches. Even with her leg wrapped around his. Even as she took the gun and discharged it into his skull. Even with the people around panicking and rushing out of the building, everyone except for Kevin and Daisy (who had come running until she saw Lauren stood over Diego’s body). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is he going to come back?” Kevin asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s already healing.” Lauren confirmed, gesturing to the hole with the gun, “We need a plan. He won’t go without a fight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you seem to be doing well on the fight front.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how many bullets he has, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right… Don’t shoot him, let me talk to him,” Kevin stopped as Diego’s head raised and Lauren immediately put another bullet in it, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Very productive.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time took slightly longer, the two bullets popping out of his skull before he tried to raise it again. There was obvious confusion and pain on his face and Kevin could hardly blame him. “Diego, don’t sit up anymore than that. We can come to a compromise. Something that works for all four of us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing will work for all four of us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s true… I mean, what happens when you go back, Dee? You tell them about this place and they see how Lauren’s already taken over, </span>
  <em>
    <span>without</span>
  </em>
  <span> StrexCorp finances? That takes daddy’s attention off of you still.” Kevin smirked at the bitterness on Diego’s face, “Let’s say you take Lauren back and don’t tell them about Desert Bluffs Too. What then? Lauren tells Damien while you’re away? Can’t keep an eye on your boss all the time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a point.” He confessed, raising his hands as he sat up fully, “I still don’t see how we all win.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you found Lauren dead, who would be the vice president?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin!” Lauren and Daisy snapped in unison, getting dismissive waves in return.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would be, I killed the other competition.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Almost as soon as his head turned to look at Lauren, Kevin was covered in another spray of blood but this time hissed in pain as he felt a burning in his shoulder, “Lauren. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop shooting him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s not helpful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing? You want to kill me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get better.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He has a point.” Daisy agreed, although Kevin could see she was uncomfortable with the fact, “He can go back, be the vice president, and they won’t come here again because Diego will want them to stay clear.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>***********</p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked between the two of them, ignoring Diego when he sat up again and started complaining about how much his head hurt. Kevin waited for him to finish, nodding along to everything he said in an attempt to hurry his rambling. It had gone from his headache to how it was scientifically fascinating that he was alive, then to how Strex could use this to their advantage and then back to his headache. Kevin was almost sure that he was getting a headache from just listening to him ramble on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have StrexCalm left. A lethal dose. Lauren would fall asleep before she died so it would hurt a lot less than other options. I suggest doing it at home, you’ll be dead for the whole night. It’s the longest I’ve been dead and I can tell you, you’ll be stiff but otherwise right as searing, burning heat!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He needs to promise he won’t try anything while I’m out.” Lauren demanded, thrusting the gun at her brother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy and I will make sure he doesn’t. I do have my smile knife on me </span>
  <em>
    <span>and, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and, I have been having wonderful dreams of ripping Diego’s head off!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dee… I remember </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> you did. So, yes! Wonderful dreams!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never used a tourniquet for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, I don’t want to hurt you… too much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy pressed the gun into Diego’s back as she heard him snickering at this exchange. It didn’t seem to do anything to stop him, so she instead moved over to comfort Lauren. Kevin waited for her, letting Lauren squeeze Daisy’s hand as he gave her the first injection. It felt so wrong to be watching someone kill the woman she had so slowly and so strongly fallen in love with. To hold her hand as she died. To remember how the man who was killing her wife had killed her last and not left enough for Daisy to hold. Even in the knowledge that Lauren would be fine in the morning, it took everything to hold herself back from tearing Kevin to shreds the way he had done to Sophie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, Sweetie Belle. This will feel weird but you’ll be ok.” She reassured as Kevin took the tie off of her arm, “How do you feel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing yet. We are sure that this isn’t out of date, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing goes out of date here, from what I can tell.” Kevin answered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about food? It goes mouldy.” Daisy argued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mould grows on it, it doesn’t go out of date. Mould is living, after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three fell silent, Kevin standing and moving away from Lauren. Daisy could tell that this was more out of concern for his own safety rather than not wanting to be next to her. They’d become closer over the years but the relationship wasn’t perfect by any means and Lauren had never taken StrexCalm before. There was every chance she might rip his head off. Lauren suddenly bursting into laughter did nothing to help this concern, as she watched Kevin flinch away from her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What a productive conversation! Oh, Kevin, this feels amazing! Why would you not want this wonderful warmness?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you enjoy it? How </span>
  <em>
    <span>surprising.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Dais…” Lauren started again before simply purring at the other, “This is pleasant.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remember you chose to take this, Sweetie Belle.” She replied, stroking Lauren’s hair and guiding her head onto the back of the sofa, “No one else got a choice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok, go t-... uhm… Get some sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy kissed her head softly as Lauren’s eyes closed, trying to keep tears out of her own. She didn’t want to look up at the man who was now standing over them. She could see his fingers. They pressed against Lauren’s neck. It didn’t feel like long enough. Holding her as she felt her breath stop. </span>
</p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Step away, Daisy-chain. If you’re in the picture, I’ll be asked why I didn’t bring you back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, letting Lauren fall slowly to the side as she moved behind Diego. Kevin’s arms around her shoulders were welcome. Her painkillers were welcome. The water was welcome. What wasn’t welcome was the click. The words from Diego. They initially passed over her and didn’t go in. She didn’t even hear what they were. It was only humming in her ear that made her realise what had happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a while since I’ve had both of you in a room together.” The laugh that came with the words were the worst, seconded by Kevin’s hums of approval, “Didn’t you miss being together?” </span>
</p><p>*******</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not at all.” They replied together, although Kevin’s voice was far more joyous than Daisy’s levelled one, so she turned to him instead, continuing, “You should go tell some of the other’s Diego is here. Go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin immediately let go of her, listing people who he was going to tell as he left. Diego had made some attempt to interrupt him but was silenced by his gun being pointed at him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… that wasn’t perfect but I suppose having you alone is just as good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be so sure. I love being alone, don’t you? It’s so quiet. So quiet. Very quiet. Oh, I’m rambling… didn’t expect rambling, right? You know rambling helps. Don’t you? Don’t you Diego. Silly name, Diego.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long can you keep that up? I bet it’s not long before you think about whatever I say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stepped around the table together, Diego trying to move closer to her and Daisy stepping away from his advance, “A long long long long long time. Such a long time. It’s a very productive method. I have something I want you to do, actually. Do you have a trigger phrase? I bet you do. You wouldn’t have a chip, though, would you? Or maybe you do? Daddy’s favourite, oh wait, you’re not anymore are you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut it.” He hissed, “Give me my gun, now!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I do love guns! Don’t you? Handy tools. Very heavy! Heavy guns! They have a barrel and a trigger-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give it to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like the trigger best…” She smiled wide, squeezing it. The bullet flew past Diego’s head into the wall, “Sit down. That sofa. Away from Lauren. Lauren’s so pretty, isn’t she?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, she loved this feeling! The look on Diego’s face. Shock and fear. It was the best feeling. She simply let all of the pleasant words about Lauren fall from her mouth as she watched Diego sit down opposite her. Daisy took her own seat next to Lauren, pulling the woman into her arms again. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<span>“Oh dear! I almost forgot! Take this </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing off of my neck…” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGXWVAsgoqQ">Yandere - Jazmin Bean</a> (Tw: Blood, guts, flashing images)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Family Reunion: Part 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren wakes up and Diego leaves</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Very short chapter, sorry about that. It's because this was going to be part of Part 2 but I've been swamped.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Warnings</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; The whole chapter is about withdrawal, so drug stuff.<br/>&gt;&gt;&gt; Diego calls Daisy sexist names with relation to her 'assigned partner' status (not ***'d)<br/>&gt;&gt;&gt; guns and stuff (Not ****'d)</p><p>No alternative because both versions lead to this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sunshine burnt. It didn’t usually burn like this. This wasn’t the cold burn of the Smiling God. No, this was definitely sunshine. The light offended every sense and the heat felt like it might fry her pin prick eyes as they fluttered open. The weight of her favourite plushie on her lap was hell. It wasn’t like the usual comfort that it offered. Even turning her head caused blurred streaks to fly through her vision. Insects crawled under her skin. She couldn’t tell if she’d decayed or if it was all in her head. Voices were unwelcome yet they went on and on. Mindless chatter. It was obviously directed at her but the useless words fell short of her ears and the motion turned her stomach with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the first word she understood but not the voice she’d expected. The voice was that of a cyborg she used to know. One who had looked after her. Cared for her. Taught her.. Soft. Feminine. Beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her name was nothing to her. Knowing she’d come out the other side of death, yet still feeling like she was dying. Was she even Lauren anymore? Had she ever been Lauren, really? All the awful things she’d done were playing out in her head like an opera. Loud. So loud. Smiling God those insects itched as they crawled through her veins. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you can hear me, blink twice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did as asked. The person sighed. Was it a sigh? She could hardly tell. She hardly wanted to tell. She could hear the person talking to the others in the room and then there was that black again. The blackness. The darkness. It was the inside of her eyelids, she was sure, but where had the sunshine gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s me, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Diego still here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave as soon as your easy bake oven gives my gun back.” Diego sneered from the kitchen, leaning over the counter to help Lauren see him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Call me that </span>
  <em>
    <span>again!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Daisy replied, pointing the gun at him again, “You’re not getting this back! You’ll just use it to backstab up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is Strex going to say if I come back without my gun, you glorified 3D printer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ignore him. How are you feeling?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Itchy.” Lauren admitted, stretching out and feeling her muscles complain about the motion, “Give me the gun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not su-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, Dais.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy turned to Kevin, who simply shrugged, moving away from Diego again. It was obvious that Daisy wasn’t sure about the situation but she eventually passed it to Lauren. The weight seemed far more than before but she supposed that was to do with her muscles aching. It was still as easy to fire. It still felt good to unload the bullets at (but purposefully not hitting) her brother and watching him duck for cover behind the counter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There. No bullets, just the gun. Take it. I don’t want to hear from you ever again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Agreed.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sand seemed crisper than usual. The emptiness seemed emptier than normal. Lauren and Kevin both felt a weight lifting from them as they watched the black car leaving their town. Neither of them noticed Daisy fidgeting. Neither of them noticed her hugging herself and stepping from foot to foot. Her eyes were set on Lauren’s hand as it kept scratching just behind her ear. In her peripheral she could see Kevin mirroring the motion on his arm. He did it just over the fresh mark he’d put on it. She’d watched him. He could handle himself and she wasn’t about to tell him whether or not to do drugs, not outside a professional setting at least. Lauren, however, was another story. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew what would happen when they got home. Lauren would keep itching. She’d get tired. She’d get irritable. She’d look for more. She’d look for where Kevin had put it, not knowing Kevin had taken it with him. She’d find Daisy’s. That was what really scared her. She hadn’t told Lauren she had it. She never used it, afterall. It was there as a reminder. There to ground her when she thought about the terrible things that they’d made her do. There to remind her that she fought. She fought as hard as she could. It reminded her of that. Still, if Lauren took her dose it certainly wouldn’t help her. It wouldn’t reduce symptoms. Daisy knew this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go!” Lauren sang, snapping her away from her thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right… Let’s go…”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORQX4QQwmII">Itch - Nothing but Thieves</a></p><p>On another note, This act is longer than the rest. We're nowhere near Charles coming. I didn't expect this (the length).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Scopolamine-Midazolam [End of Act 3]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After dealing with another relapse, Kevin agrees to see Daisy about interacting with his chip</p><p>*** A note: Taking a weeks break (just Your Ghosts, C&amp;S will still be posted) before I do the bridge for a couple reasons. See bottom notes for details ***</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Warnings</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Withdrawal (Not ***'d, most of the chapter)<br/>&gt;&gt;&gt; non-con kinda mentioned (in context of what's said, ****'d)<br/>&gt;&gt;&gt; Mentions of Assigned Partners ( some is ***'d... There is mentions of Daisy's StrexCalm which isn't ***'d, but the other mentions are)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pacing. Pacing. Pacing. Pacing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Scratching. Scratching. Scratching. Scratching.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why is everything so loud? Why is everything so bright? Why is everything so cold? Why is everything so hot? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t take Daisy’s. She knew she couldn’t. Daisy had told her what was in it. It wasn’t what she needed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wanted. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Daisy said not to think she needed it. Pacing. Pacing. Pacing. She’d gone from sitting and bouncing her leg to watching the liquid in the bottle go from one side to the other and back and back and back. She’d stabbed herself several times with the empty syringe. Nail biting. Smiling God she hated nail biting. Smiling God did she miss her lovely acrylic nails. It had been so many years since she had them and, sure, they weren’t practical but they’d stopped her biting them. She couldn’t remember when she started getting them done and now they were gone. No, no, she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t help herself. Daisy was just trying to protect her, wasn’t she? Daisy was just trying to stop her from taking more. It wasn’t Daisy’s fault if she had some. Daisy had told her to put it back under the floor where she’d found it. Smiling God as it ran through her arm. Then it felt like nothing… More Pacing. Pacing. Nothing. Why nothing? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knock. Something. Someone. A distraction. She didn’t even care who it was, just that they were a distraction. Still she found herself frozen in place as her beautiful wife swept behind her in what seemed like the most gracious motion she’d ever seen. It was as if she’d slowed down, her hip moving side to side as she walked. Her hair flowed as she looked back towards Lauren. She was sure Daisy wasn’t making bedroom eyes at her, after all she was shaking her head and rolling her eyes, but every move she made seemed slowed and it made it look that way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin. It was Kevin at the door. He asked Daisy if she was alright, staring at Lauren. Kevin looked far more handsome than she remembered. She wasn’t attracted to him, not by any standard, but he looked glowing and bright. Daisy was explaining something to him and then she was sitting Lauren opposite Kevin. She had to concentrate. She obviously did. She wasn’t sure why but she needed to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway…” Kevin had started in a low voice. Lower than she thought his voice was. More seductive, “... I thought about what you said and I want to try to get better at controlling my chip.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about controlling it, it’s about controlling yourself. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a way to work with the chips to let you control them. It’s better to just avoid your trigger phrase but with you… well… that’s not so easy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t help you if you’re high.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She loved how commanding Daisy was being. She hadn’t even realised that she’d started leaning towards her, drinking in every one of her startling features. The way her pupils tucked into the corner of her eye as she looked at Lauren. The way her lips curled. Every bit of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure she’s alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take your StrexCalm. You need to come off of it if I’m going to help you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about withdrawal? That’s not going to help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>of you to withdraw slowly. Neither of you are helping your current situations.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> could help </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> current situation.” Lauren purred, trying her best to get involved in the discussion that she couldn’t fully follow. It was taking everything in her to stop herself from rubbing her knees together. They both ignored her. Daisy was touching Kevin’s face instead, inspecting him. She wasn’t sure why that made her blush but it definitely made it harder to keep still. It only got worse when Daisy came over and grabbed her wrist, giving her a small dose of Kevin’s ‘medicine’. The touch sent shivers through her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come back tomorrow and I’ll talk to you about what we’ll be doing. I need to deal with Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good luck with that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as Kevin left, Daisy helped her up. She was suddenly tired. She was suddenly less cold. The itching died down a little but not by much. Everything was still slow and glowing but now it was more normal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we go to bed?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, sweetie.” Daisy sighed, setting her on a dining chair instead, “I’m going to get you some food and a blanket, hopefully you’ll be able to take yourself into the bedroom when I’m done. Just take it easy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tapping. Tapping. Her hands were a blur of movement and her eyes splashed against the lids as she moved them with the movement. “This is wonderful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said. I think I gave you too much. I’m not used to being the one giving it, I should ask Kevin next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a few weeks, a few weeks of hell and headaches. It took shivering at all hours and losing patience. It took a few weeks of wondering if he should just let himself go cold turkey. It took a few weeks of being too scared to actually do it. Still, it felt good to be looking back on it as an unpleasant memory. A month sober and ready for his first session getting to learn about his chip. He wasn’t sure if he was excited or scared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They weren’t talking yet, Lauren dancing around the kitchen as she made breakfast for the three of them. She would be helping with his therapy. Apparently there was part Daisy couldn’t do and Lauren had been taking over for everyone else who had done this. It was a worrying thought but he would take any help he could, even if it meant being around Lauren while his chip was activated. Even if that thought sent terrible shivers down his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, anyway, Kevin, While Lauren’s making breakfast I was wondering if you could check my suit was alright for the wedding. I wanted a lab coat but I couldn’t find one so I got some tarantula parts and made a jerkin out of them. I was thinking of wearing it with some high-vis shorts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Very… traditional Desert Bluffs fashion. A lot of people prefer Strex fashion, though. I’ll check with Savannah for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Lauren is wearing a shift dress and I didn’t want to match. It’s a yellow one, don’t worry, not her regular grey boring one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Complimenting my dresses again?” Lauren hummed as she set the plates on the table, giving Daisy a small kiss on the head before taking her seat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your fabulously boring dresses? Why yes!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The comment was met with a stuck out tongue, both of them giggling. Kevin just tried to ignore the exchange, not feeling comfortable enough to say anything and feeling far too single to enjoy the banter between the two. Still, the meal was enjoyable and certainly helped with comforting him before they started their session.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are a perfect look at how the Scopolamine-Midazolam cocktail doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>force </span>
  </em>
  <span>you to do things. Being someone who didn’t simply give in because they didn’t want to get hurt, you went through one of the most extensive de-escalation of offensive behaviours out of everyone!” Daisy told him, her eyes lighting up as she spoke more and more. It was as if she was enjoying the fact that Strex had done something so disturbing to him, “Propaganda alone did nothing for you, nor did ABA. So mixing ABA, the cocktail, and very gradually getting you to do worse and worse things allowed Strex to essentially make you do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Whereas the rest of us at least had roles.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you still said no, argued, talked back, but you eventually did what you were told even if it was outside your job role. With the exception of Alex, who doesn’t really count, you’re the only one who would be able to jump jobs at the drop of a hat. If they’d suddenly asked me to work for the assigned partner’s department, I would probably go straight back to training because I messed up. Not you, though. Instructions once and your chip stored it and your suggestibility made it happen.”</span>
</p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or didn’t…” Lauren added, looking at Kevin, “...Your sense of what was and wasn’t acceptable was warped by the escalation of what we asked you to do but you would refuse to do the smallest things instead. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hey, Kevin, kill this guy’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>no problem, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hey, Kevin, pass me those reports’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I get reports thrown at my feet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Lauren, you loved that about me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I really didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>*****</p><p>
  <span>“The point is…” Daisy interrupted, trying to bring the conversation back, “... All your chip actually does is make you believe people can control you because it’s a nicer alternative for you than being guilty and traumatized that your own actions, even though they were to avoid abuse, were inside your control. You were starved, shocked, drugged, and… worse… and you still fought. You fought until you killed someone and then you couldn’t handle it.” </span>
</p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t remember that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. That’s because it was traumatic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Killing people isn’t traumatic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It used to be.” She sighed, rubbing her temples, “We’ve been through this part, you agreed, why are you being resistant now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin went quiet, smiling at each of them and then standing and walking away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should we… get him back?” Lauren asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’ll come back on his own. It’s a lot to take it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t needed long. A day of thinking. Thinking about Diego. Thinking about Lauren. Thinking about the future. He did feel guilty about what had happened. He felt somewhat guilty about finding killing fun. He didn’t want someone to have that power over him. He didn’t want to be in another situation where he felt like he couldn’t control himself, even if he knew he was controlling himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, how do you feel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm… I guess I feel pretty mellow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t like it so much when Daisy took notes on him but it seemed to make her happier so he didn’t want to stop her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?” She asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, aren’t you meant to decide.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I want you to stab yourself in the hand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, such lovely blood. All over the table. He couldn’t get the knife out though, it was stuck hard in the table. Even with his arm implants, although he had stabbed it in with their strength too so it seemed to make sense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Kevin, remember what I said? Try not to think about doing that. Think about other things, ramble if needed. I know you’re good at rambling.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okai-Dokie Daisy-Chain.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is going to take forever…” Lauren mumbled from the corner, watching Daisy’s face light up, “...Kevin, never say that name again.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSRp5BXL7QQ">At My Worst - Get Scared</a></p><p> - About the break -</p><p>So, I'm in a depressive at the moment and it's gone very low. Part of this might be lack of sleep, pain, and stress about my current lack of a job. I'm working on a longer chapter of C&amp;S (the first one when we go back to Strex after the fluff) as it's helping a lot (because it's Alex so it's venty af). I also need to re-listen to the mudstone abyss to get ready for Act 3. I know what's happening, I just need to make sure I'm covering everything I need to in the bridge. </p><p>Stay safe and have a good week &lt;3 Sorry again. </p><p>---</p><p>I'm sorry this is late and I'm sorry it's not the best chapter. Things are going to speed up after this chapter (being that the last few have been in the span of about a week and the next few will be years apart and are the bridge to Act 4! (yay)). There will be like 3/4 bridging chapters and then Act 4 has a v2... I have not written either version yet because I'm working to the next chapter at a time. </p><p>Anyway, The reason Act 4 has a v2 (Wednesdays) is because I have two endings and they both rely on different Act 4s. So Act 5 will be the ending but has v1. - more to do with the Joyous Congregation, and v2. - more to do with Donovan. Act 4 v1 will have a shorter period of time (about 2/3 years), Act 4 v2 will have a longer period of time (about 15 years). I can't comment on the actual length of the acts but I imagine Act 5 v.1 will be shorter than Act 5 v2. </p><p>Guys, we're almost finished... When I'm finished with YG, the next to write is Special Training (Between C&amp;S and YG and set completely in StrexCorp). Hopefully I'll get more time soon and be able to write some ahead.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Over the Years [Bridge 3]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What's been going on in Desert Bluffs over a few years (Kevin talks to Daisy and Lauren about leadership)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt; Warnings</p><p>&gt; Vague mentions of past abuse. Trigger phrase use (but positive outcome). Nothing is starred.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Go to sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>Kevin stared at Daisy and Daisy stared back. They’d been doing this for several years now. Savannah, as well as several other members of the community, had had children. The school was almost full. Lauren had been taking a lead on community projects and Daisy now had a full business, Kevin being the only patient from her first wave. He felt warm and happy, as he also did when his chip was activated. That faux, Strex kind of happy. He hated and loved it. It was a comfort and a curse. Her next words were the ones that highlighted that it had become far more of a comfort than anything else.</p><p> </p><p>“Stab yourself.” </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t. He didn’t need to. Instead he just spoke. <em> “Stabbing things is really useful, isn’t it? Hm… what have I stabbed in the past? So many things… so many people… oh… the blood that comes out…-” </em></p><p> </p><p>She didn’t wait for him to finish, interrupting him instead, “What did you have for lunch?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“What time is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm… ten o’clock.”</p><p> </p><p>“We need to work on your memory but you’re finally getting the hang of controlling your urges.” She said, smiling softly at him. She hardly needed to ramble to control hers anymore and Kevin aspired to that. He still had slip ups, even after so long in therapy. He’d taken it upon himself to get into a situation where someone would, while half awake, tell him to go to sleep. Waking Lauren in the night to tell her something funny (although she had once hit him with her alarm clock for this), knocking on people’s door to talk about work, and of course staying far too late at the Temple of Joy (although he wasn’t sure his motives were practicing restraint). Every now and then, particularly when he was stressed, they would tell him to go to sleep and he’d ask what they wanted him to do. Those times tended to turn out fine, except when he took instructions like <em> ‘get out of my house’ </em> literally and stood outside of a house. </p><p> </p><p>Still, it was calming. It was wonderful. Knowing that he had control and power made everything better. At least, when he didn’t think about the fact that he had technically had that control all along and that he had simply not realised how to exercise it. </p><p> </p><p>“Would you like a drink?”  Daisy asked as she tidied away her notepad and pens, “Lauren and I would like to discuss something with you. She’ll be home soon.” </p><p> </p><p>“Coffee.” </p><p> </p><p>There was a small hum but otherwise they stayed silent while she made the drinks and waited for Lauren to return. Kevin was content with the silence. It used to be weird being alone in a room with Daisy. Even after he’d gotten past what had happened, even after he’d accepted that it wasn’t her fault and she’d started to accept that it wasn’t his, it had been strange. It wasn’t bad and didn’t have a knock on effect in their relationship but it had been weird. That was starting to fade and they could spend time alone, quietly keeping to themselves, without worrying about what the other was thinking or doing. </p><p> </p><p>Even when Lauren came back, they sat in silence while she sorted herself out with some food and a drink. </p><p> </p><p>“Daisy says you had something you wanted to talk to me about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes…” Lauren started and he could see the nervousness in her face. She didn’t normally show nervousness, at least not purely. It was always tinted behind anger or smiles, but today was just nervousness, “... I’ve been speaking to a lot of people and Desert Bluffs has <em> a lot </em>of people. They are happy being a theocracy, but they want some sort of council. The Church doesn’t have the resources alone to focus on education and the workforce and the economy and imports… all things that you are dealing with well but maybe not well enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“We want to take some things off of your shoulders, Kevin.” Daisy added, taking Lauren’s hand for support, “We were thinking that we could instate a mayor and a city council to help with that side of things. What do you say?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-... Kevin, you can’t handle this all-...”</p><p> </p><p>“Not because I like doing it, <em> Lauren </em> , but because we are in <em> heaven </em>. The Smiling God rules all here and we can’t just ignore that. The Temple of Joy will continue to be the governing body.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not asking for that to stop, just that you have someone who represents the people as well.”</p><p> </p><p>Kevin looked between them before he shook his head again. He honestly couldn’t believe what they were suggesting, especially when he’d been doing such a good job, considering the development of the Bluffs over the past years. He’d been working extremely well considering how quickly they were growing.</p><p> </p><p>“They have someone to represent them. Me. I represent the Smiling God, as Its prophet, and moreover, I represent the Church. We have nothing to worry about.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4_vEs0r2Z4">Wine Red - The Hush Sound</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Protest [Bridge 3]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A protest outside the Temple of Joy shows Kevin that Desert Bluffs Too can't just rely on the Church for leadership</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt;&gt;&gt; Warnings<br/>Hey, it's hard not to have them right now. </p><p>&gt; Trauma warning for Lauren</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning Kevin followed his usual routine. He woke up earlier, practiced his smile in the mirror, cried for at least an hour, practiced his smile again, and then set out to do a morning sermon. Morning sermons were always Kevin’s favourite as he could talk about the lessons they’d learnt from the previous day and watch the sun rise through the stained glass windows making a pattern on the floor that resembled the great devourer itself. This was made better by his ability to stay present during most morning sermons, unlike his afternoon ones that often seemed to make him feel possessed. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This morning wasn’t like most mornings, however. When Kevin arrived at the Temple of Joy there were a lot more people waiting outside than there normally were. They were already chanting, although Kevin couldn’t make out the words. They had signs that they were thrusting at the sky and at the front of the crowd stood Lauren, seeming to try to divert them somewhere else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on, Lauren?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you remember I said the people need someone to represent them? This is what happens when they feel they don’t have that.” She gestured at the crowd, although she looked less annoyed and more confused, “I won’t ask if you remember, I know the answer. You need to deal with this, Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright…” He started, clearing his throat and addressing the people, “... Settle down. We can resolve whatever issues you have, we simply need to speak one at a time and listen to one another.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once the crowd settled, Kevin gestured to a man in the front row, beckoning him next to Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what issue are you here to address?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you going to deal with the lack of higher education? We have schools but why should students attend if they can’t achieve a local education? What if they are cut out for moving states to go to college? We need highly educated people to run our workforce!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… uhm…” Kevin paused to think but came up blank. He hadn’t considered that issue, assuming all the students would go into the workforce. He hadn’t even considered the need for managers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a wonderful idea.” Lauren interrupted, “A Desert Bluffs Too community college. We can teach business skills and economics. I know many people that would like to teach and I’m sure there are plenty of skilled professionals to share their skills.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin watched her, looking between Lauren and the people who came up. Lauren was taking notes as the people spoke and the people seemed to agree with most of Lauren’s responses, even when they were denying them whatever it was that they were asking for. He knew she was good at manipulating people but he hadn’t expected her to be able to calm an entire crowd of protestors that he could barely understand the concerns of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need different leadership. It’s unamerican that the Church runs our town.” One of the protestors had said, waving a gun above their head and causing the other protestors to scatter. Kevin had reached up and coaxed his hand down but the man still continued to gesture with the weapon. At least it seemed to be missing several pieces. Kevin wasn’t about to argue that the Church running the town was actually very American and the man was simply upset that their Church was open about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I have been saying this to Kevin. However, Kevin seems to believe that the Smiling God must lead through Its prophet and that there is no other form of government that is appropriate for the heaven in which we live.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit!” The man yelled, making Lauren frown for a moment at the abruptness, “We deserve a vote!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that into consideration.” Lauren assured before ushering away the man. She looked back at Kevin and smiled. It was brief and unhappy and Kevin was about to say something to her about the whole situation but Lauren had walked away far too quickly for his words to reach her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His day went well. Kevin had been far more productive than he had been before, which was becoming a trend for him. Daisy had been pleased with the effect it was having on him. Lauren seemed to be able to get on with other things while Kevin was doing his jobs. People around town, although they still winced at the sight of him, seemed to be happier to talk to him and help him with things he needed. Sure, a lot of them had been telling him how they needed a new city council and about issues they were facing that he was unsure of how to deal with but in general he and the rest of the town seemed happier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p>
  <span>He picked up a bottle of Desert Bluffs vintage wine (the cheapest that they grew in the Bluffs now, but at least it was alcohol) and headed over to the Mallards’ house for their weekly movie night. It was Lauren’s turn to pick a movie and Daisy had assured him that she had steered Lauren onto some more action heavy films rather than picking </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘My Little Pony’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>every week. He was sure he could recite the movie at this point, despite really not enjoying it. </span>
</p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kevin.” Daisy greeted him as he walked in. She took the wine from him and returned to the kitchen, like she did most of the times they got together. She was cooking more now that Lauren had destroyed Diego’s tablet, having a lot less trouble with her neural frame. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was sat at the table, filling in paperwork that was likely to do with the construction of the college. He’d heard from a few people that she’d started putting things in place to get it built as soon as possible. For someone who didn’t have children, who Kevin thought would never want her own children, Lauren was very interested in education in the Bluffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, I wanted to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About earlier? We’ve spoken. I know what you think about having other leadership.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I’ve changed my mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She finally looked up at him, taking her reading glasses (which she was only wearing to look busy and not for actual function) from her face to see him properly. Kevin tried his best to look genuine about what he’d said but he could see the suspicion raising inside her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re a theocracy but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a state. It simply needs to be bound to the Church. You could lead the town on a more legal front and I can make the big decisions about what the town does and whether the policies that are being suggested should come into practice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, you want me to be a figurehead? Not actually lead, just play pretend?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… but no. I don’t know about politics or any of the social things that people care about. They want a structured education system, I want them to learn about the Smiling God, you want them to learn to be business savvy and good workers. These three things could combine, rather than simply having your views pushed to the side.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, thank you.” Lauren sighed, going back to her paperwork as she spoke, “Once I’ve finished getting this going, we need to talk about those nightmares. At first I thought they meant something to me but I spoke to Daisy about them and she’s having the same dream. Apparently everyone has, from what I’ve heard from everyone I’ve asked. Something is causing it and Daisy can’t figure out what. I think maybe it’s more your specialism.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the one with the bird? How wonderful! Why do we need to do something about that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re disturbing, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? I don’t think so. I’ll look into it but I’m sure the Smiling God has a plan and we’ll follow Its wonderful plan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right… well, that’s good. I’m glad you have faith.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0VpdRYCv3s">Bukowski - Modest Mouse</a></p><p>Sorry for not posting yesterday, I was planning on something and then the person I was planning on doing it with kept me waiting all day (literally). I had it written and all, just no time to post it.</p><p>Also, as C&amp;S is due on Christmas day (although my family is Pagan and Yule is yesterday to tomorrow, we do celebrations tomorrow for my sister), I'll be posting the next chapter of C&amp;S tomorrow or Thursday.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Not so sure [Bridge 3]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren puts together plans for the new library</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok, so I have an alternative on C&amp;S and didn't want to interrupt Act 3v2 with it, so this is more of a little padding chapter. A little fluffy Lauren-Daisy chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paperwork. Long forms that were written to make them purposefully confusing for those that did not understand them. Fortunately, Lauren did understand them. Not only did she understand them but she understood the need for the wording. It wasn’t really to screw over the other party as it was to stop your party being screwed over. A life of violent corporatism had its benefits. One such benefit was knowing how to work paperwork without it being noticed by the person who had their signature on it. </p><p> </p><p>You see, a lot of companies <em> do </em> read their forms before signing. That doesn’t mean all of them do. After all, they typed them out in the first place and they knew what the content should be. Lauren knew this but also knew that changing one word was likely to go unnoticed but would make the world of difference to their cause. For example, in the paragraph <em> “The mayor will be liable for any and all injuries caused by this work”, </em> simply adding a ‘not’ <em> “The mayor will not be liable for any and all injuries caused by this work” </em>would hopefully be skipped over as a person reads a whole sentence at once, especially when they know what to expect.</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetie, leave that for tomorrow.” Daisy had half-yawned, half-said as she draped her arms over Lauren’s shoulders, “You’re not presenting the idea for another week. You’re not even mayor yet, you have time.” </p><p> </p><p>Lauren would have argued but the tired kisses against her cheek and jaw told her that Daisy was really saying <em> ‘I can’t get to sleep while you’re doing that’ </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m just worried,” She confided as she saved the file to her newly organised <em> ‘I am the mayor now’ </em>folder, “The college looks great and I’m hoping it attracts a lot of people. I just think this library will make it even better. I don’t want it to be my first failure as mayor. Imagine how bad that would look.” </p><p> </p><p>“I love how you still sound so positive even when your words aren’t at all.” </p><p> </p><p>“Helpful advice… but what about the library?”</p><p> </p><p>“People will love it. Every college needs a library and I know a few StrexCorp librarians who are just normal people who organise books and not really librarians at all.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I was hoping to get real librarians, actually.” Lauren admitted. She followed Daisy into the bathroom to brush their teeth, which gave them time to think without talking. Daisy enjoyed thinking about what to say but for Lauren this meant constantly going to speak with her mouth full of toothpaste and being signalled to stop again, “As long as Kevin OKs the idea after I announce it, everything will go smoothly.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re… not talking to Kevin before you announce it?” Daisy asked once she’d spat her toothpaste down the sink, “Do you think that’s a good idea? I mean, I get the point of having a mayor is separation of Church and state but I don’t think Kevin gets that.”</p><p> </p><p>“He doesn’t, but I don’t see what that has to do with a library of selected and appropriate literature that both promotes the Smiling God and teaches students the profession they want to go into.” </p><p> </p><p>“True.” </p><p> </p><p>“Plus, I’m editing the paperwork so that it’s cost effective and allows the Church to add books they want. It even gives the Temple of Joy a reason to order more books on the Smiling God.” </p><p> </p><p>“I guess so.” Daisy nodded, just wanting to get into bed at this point, “Just be careful how you work your address. Focus on how it’s important religiously and Kevin will be fine with it, I’m sure.” </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Lauren and Daisy both shot up. At first they were screaming at that same dream that had been plaguing not only them but the whole town. Then they were screaming at each other screaming. Then they calmed down, at least somewhat, and quietly went about their morning routine. Lauren made coffee before getting straight back into her work and Daisy made breakfast for both of them. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long to finish her edits of the paperwork. In fact, it took longer to print them out. Lauren understood the need for these long winded forms and she understood the need of the printer ink company to make their cartridges as small and temperamental as possible, but she was still annoyed about having to change the colour ink cartridge twice in order to print a black-and-white document. </p><p> </p><p>“How is there no magenta? I haven’t even used magenta?” She yelled, too frustrated to remember that Daisy was trying to have a therapy session in the other room, “What even is magenta? Is it the blue? Why do you use blue ink to print black? I don’t understand!” </p><p> </p><p>Still, once all of the paperwork was printed, it was tucked inside a folder to be handed immediately to the workers to sign before they started constructing the library. The next task was her speech. It had to be bold, enthusiastic, and it had to be convincing. Namely, it had to convince Kevin. </p><p> </p><p>Since Kevin had promised Lauren that she could be mayor, they hadn’t spoken. Kevin had spoken to Daisy, but only enough for Daisy to see that he was staying well and his, now usual, calm. She was sure that he would be on her side with the library. She just had to convince the town that it was the best step forward too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTCTPHQqvxg">Bad Dreams - Bakermat</a> (tw: explosions and cartoon war)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. A New Man [Start of Act 4]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin meets Charles</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alternative <a href="">Here [when posted]</a> It's not different [bar one line], it's just a placeholder for Version 2.</p><p>Prepare for some fluff [outside the protests and Lauren's fall] ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin stood by the welcoming sign that told travellers that this, the wonderful city they had built in the middle of an unforgiving desert, was a place of happiness and smiles and embodied that message as he waved to the car that was approaching. Kevin had stopped waving for hours, realising that visitors couldn’t actually see him, and instead waited until cars were much closer and the driver could actually see the effort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Most cars stopped at the greeting. Some ignored him completely. Others screamed because they had no idea where they were or why this disturbing man was waving at them. None made eye contact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least, not until this man. This man looked neither disturbed or surprised by Kevin’s face. This man looked respectful and understanding, but not in a way that suggested something was wrong. It was more like that of a worshipper who knew they would never understand their God’s reality. I bittersweet ache for more than what they knew. A kindness. One that Kevin knew little of outside of distant memories and current prayer. One that Kevin had forgotten the warmth of. The man still smiled and Kevin smiled too. His smile was intoxicating, rows of perfect teeth, dazzling white and gorgeous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, My name’s Charles. I’m a theologist, so I’ve been up in Pine Cliff doing some research on why everyone is a ghost.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s my fault.” Kevin had told him, dreamily. Charles looked somewhat confused by the answer but didn’t question it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to come and live in Desert Bluffs, though. I heard about the properties of this desert and it is definitely the most theologically interesting place in the US… after Pine Cliff. It’s pretty hard to beat a place where everyone is a ghost.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we won’t disappoint. We are certainly theological and hopefully, you’ll find us very interesting. I’d love to show you around, sometime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure I will.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what are your plans, now you’re here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I heard that you recently built a college. I was hoping to settle down, get a teaching job, and raise my family.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin hummed, enjoying the idea that played in his head of this beautiful and this not-so-beautiful man starting a family together. Kevin may have been aware of his flaws, but his positivity (which he’d been working on again quite successfully) would smooth those out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation went on for a while. Charles told Kevin about where he was from and why he’d decided to move (several factors which Charles had asked to keep between them and several that he hadn’t). Charles was aware that Kevin was the host of the local radio station and seemed quite interested in listening to his broadcasts, but didn’t really want to hear his more personal reasons for leaving Pine Cliff broadcast. Kevin got the feeling that there were even more reasons, ones that Charles hadn’t even told him, but he supposed that they had only just met and not everyone would want to share their secrets or inner lives with a complete stranger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation only ended because Kevin had to leave to do his broadcast. There was an important broadcast going on today, as Lauren had called her first press conference and Kevin had to report on it as it happened. He certainly looked forward to what she was going to say and what new buildings and improvements will be the next to honor their new Desert Bluffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren had announced that they would build a library. She had not consulted Kevin on this and had Kevin been in any mood other than the absolute delight that came with a racing heart and the feeling that every vein in your body could explode with emotion, he would have been sad about that fact. He was not sad, however, he was full of determination. A quick text would obviously sort the issue and put things back onto a more religious path. Kevin didn’t think a library was a bad idea, but with Lauren being newly appointed mayor and already starting to make decisions without him, it seemed like he had to make it clear who ran the town. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On top of which, Kevin had had a vision. Visions cannot be ignored, especially visions from prophets. Especially visions from prophets from their Gods. Especially not when the town were all coming together, even in their subconsciouses, and the prophet was working with all of the collective knowledge and power of this happy town. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fortunately, Lauren changed her statement at Kevin’s suggestion (although Kevin wasn’t sure you could call it ‘changing her statement’ so much as attempting to draw everyone’s attention away from the radios and try to keep their relationship with the Church suppressed), and he was sure the town would be happy with this outcome. Kevin had faith in Lauren, even if he would have to have a word with her about who was in charge, and was sure she would handle the crowd well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the traffic report, he returned his attention to Lauren’s press conference. It had turned very sour and Kevin was regretting putting faith in her at all. She wasn’t even trying to subdue the crowd or calm them down. What was the point of her being the mayor if she couldn’t even do that? Wasn’t that her whole job at StrexCorp? She brought towns to their knees and now she couldn’t even handle a single crowd which Kevin assumed to me a minority of the people in the town? Obviously she couldn’t handle the power he’d given her and he had to fix this himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the weather played, Kevin stepped in personally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, what are you doing?” Kevin asked, watching as his friends from the Temple of Joy walked in from the other side of the room, “I thought this was what you were good at?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, I told you already, people don’t want to be ruled by the Church! They want libraries and social programs, not useless and expensive monuments to a God that some of them don’t even believe in!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They should all believe in a Smiling God. Hmm… who taught me that one…? I wonder?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing this on purpose.” Lauren gasped, looking around to the city council behind her, “Kevin, please, I just want what’s best for the town and what’s best for the people in it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s best for the town in the mudstone abyss. I say we call a vote on the matter, with myself and the temple of joy and yourself and your city council.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not a fair vote…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I suggest you </span>
  <em>
    <span>choose </span>
  </em>
  <span>to go back out there and show this crowd you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>on our side.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren looked between the men and then huffed, leading them outside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On his way home, Kevin hummed happily. He was joyous that everything was now going smoothly and to plan. He was joyous that he could share his vision, one that he had had in many ways and many times over the many years and decades but that had only recently been bound together as one coherent narrative, with his friends and family and the whole of Desert Bluffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His phone was ringing and he knew who was calling. Charles. The man who had stolen his heart in a far less gruesome way than he had imagined the next person who stole his heart to have done it. He answered and their conversation, although short, was magical. This was where he was meant to be. This was where he was always meant to end up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was happy.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aatr_2MstrI">Symphony - Clean Bandit</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. Vermillion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Charles and Kevin go on a date.</p><p>Alternate version <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/70364211">here</a>- It's the same at the start but there is a difference later on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Soft warning [not starred] - Kevin mentions not having liked sex [in the past]. It doesn't go beyond that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Today was a joyous day and it would continue being a joyous day for sure. Even Daisy and Lauren’s lack of help with his outfit couldn’t change the joy that Kevin felt. His stomach was in knots, heart racing in his chest, and everything had to be perfect. He’d settled on wearing his rabbit fur coveralls (a very classy and fashionable outfit which he had made himself) and his rainbow headband to keep his hair out of his eyes. Lauren had suggested using his hair to cover the scar on his forehead and Kevin had tried several styles. It just kept falling to one side or looking weird, so they compromised by covering the scar with the headband. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He met Charles in the town square, watching him as he walked over. The way the desert light reflected off his perfect hair. The way his teeth shined as he smiled. The way his eyes lit up when he saw Kevin. Charles was equally well dressed and even a greeting had stuck in Kevin’s throat until Charles had spoken to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Kevin replied, feeling a soft warmth rise in his body. Everything was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I booked us a table at Vermillion. I hear from a demon that it’s a nice, romantic spot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the new restaurant? It must have been difficult to get a table.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was on hold for a long time but I know they just do that to make you think it’s busier than it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin hummed in agreement, taking the arm that Charles had offered and letting him lead the way. Their steps fell quickly into sync and with all the small talk out of the way before they got to their table, Kevin was already feeling comfortable and so very alive. Charles had started asking about the Temple of Joy and the way Desert Bluffs Too was run and Kevin had explained about their recent ‘change’ in leadership and the large role the Church played in the running of their community. Charles agreed with Kevin about keeping an eye on Lauren and mentioned how she had seemed hesitant to change her plans from the library. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was nice to have someone who saw things his way. Someone who could see the importance of the Mudstone Abyss and who wanted to know more about the giant structure and Kevin’s visions. Charles listened more intently than any audience Kevin had ever had, even his most devoted followers in the Temple of Joy. Charles had apparently been studying the Smiling God, especially since he moved to Pine Cliffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know they worshiped the Smiling God there too. How wonderful! I must see if they have a Temple of Joy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, they don’t.” Charles replied, sipping his wine, “They worship the Smiling God very individualistically, but that is in part due to not being able to interact with the physical world. It’s a miracle that they were able to set up what they do have. I imagine finding ghost materials would have been very difficult. Apparently, though, all of their buildings just </span>
  <em>
    <span>became</span>
  </em>
  <span> ghost buildings. That must have helped a lot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Too true. I was wondering if Ethel still broadcasts, although I remember very little about her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Xe are. Did you know Xem?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… sorry. No, not really, we spoke once.” Kevin sighed, thinking. He couldn’t even really remember why they were talking, just that they had and when they had xe weren’t a ghost, “I don’t remember much from back then, if I’m honest with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. I can tell you’ve been through a lot. I’m here if you ever need anyone to talk to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t reply, he just nodded. There really wasn’t a reply to such a gesture. They had known each other for less than a week and already Charles was accepting him as himself. Charles was caring for him. Kevin could feel that Charles felt the same way as him and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh! </span>
  </em>
  <span>How he felt for Charles! It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in so long. Pure, unadulterated love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should change the subject for now.” Charles laughed, lighting the whole room with that soft, deep sound, “So, I converted while I was in Pine Cliffs. It’s a pretty boring story, your usual blood sacrifice ritual. Were you always part of the Temple or did you find yourself when you became the prophet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… uhm… Well, that wouldn’t be as much of a change in subject as you think, Charles. No, my father raised me in the arboreal faith. There aren’t many trees in the desert but we used to drive out to a large forest and worship there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me too! Although, my mom raised me with religion, not my dad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I still sometimes celebrate. Alongside All Smiles’ Eve, of course. That’s my main focus now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we could celebrate All Smiles’ Eve together this year. With Pine Cliff being the way it is, I’ve never really experienced the season with someone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be nice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation continued through dinner, going onto light topics and naturally progressing into heavier ones. At one point Kevin had mentioned the bank that they’d set up to help stimulate economic growth by encouraging citizens to save and invest, as well as having a specialist (Savannah) finding ways to decrease tax burdens from Desert Bluffs Too. Charles was not as impressed as Kevin thought he’d be, instead defending the need for communities to pay their taxes and suggesting that banks using trading to drive interest put themselves and the economy at great risk. Kevin argued that banks were required for free trade and the more free their trade, and the less taxes imposed, the more economic growth. Charles disagreed, stating that there would be a larger class gap and that it would devolve into the super-rich getting whatever they wanted and the super poor who would struggle to live. Eventually Kevin noticed Charles becoming annoyed by the topic and agreed to disagree.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The subjects lightened up from there, Kevin talking about the Smiling God and about the wonderful way the Church had been going. Charles spoke about his studies and how he’d decided to go into theology. They drank and drank and talked for so long that neither of them remembered the details and only the main points that each of them raised. At one point, Charles took Kevin’s hand, grinning in a way that sent shivers down Kevin’s spine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, I was thinking… Did you want to come back to my place?” Kevin asked, taking the lead from Charles’ body language. He didn’t reply but instead left a tip on their table and stood for Kevin to lead the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles seemed nervous about spending the night, despite his enthusiasm surrounding it. He asked Kevin about his likes, dislikes, what he’d tried before and Kevin had paid close attention to Charles’ answers in return. He couldn’t deny that he was feeling just as nervous as the other. It had been so long, and even longer since he’d enjoyed it. Decades for both, although several of those were spent in the Desert Otherworld, so would only have been years for Charles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, they were both excited. They had barely made it inside Kevin’s house when Charles had swept him in into a deep, passionate kiss. It was like fireworks between them and Kevin could have sworn he had melted right into Charles arms. Charles didn’t avoid scars, other than when guided away from specific ones by Kevin, and Kevin avoided Charles after confirming that he didn’t want them touched. Kevin had almost forgotten how good it felt to be so close to someone. Nothing between them. Soft. Slow. Passionate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he finally settled against Charles’ chest, he could barely keep his eyes open. Charles’ heart was racing under his fingers. The sound of its rhythmic beating sending Kevin into a restful, bar the dreams, sleep. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCdwKhTtNNw">Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood</a></p><p>;) R-rated chapter should be out next Wednesday (sorry, busy week!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. The Next Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Charles and Kevin have an enriching conversation.</p><p>Alternate  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/70721748">Here</a>[until Donovan comes up, these are only small variation]</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tiny hiatus: I'm having a busy week so 'A Small Disagreement' will be next week. I've already written 'The Girl from Franchia' for C&amp;S so that will be on Wednesday. As I have limited time this week, I'll try to update the easier fics to write (the Welcome to Dessert Bluffs series and the R-rated one for Charles and Kevin). Sorry again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kevin awoke in the same way he often did, screaming and shivering in joyous terror, although today he was joined by another scream. A beautiful scream. One that made the shivers and wonderfully awful thoughts melt away. As they finished screaming, Charles got up to splash water on his face and Kevin watched in awe and affection as he did. He could simply sit there and stare at Charles the whole morning, though, so he finally got up and made a pot of coffee for them to share. Kevin tried to make breakfast as well, but Charles had said he wasn’t hungry. It was unclear whether this was due to Kevin’s cooking abilities (he was going to make iron filling omelettes with a hollandaise and strawberry sauce) or if it was due to the dreams.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This happens every night here?” Charles asked, sipping his coffee as Kevin poured his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it has been for a while now. I can’t really remember when it started.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not… scared by that? I mean, surely they have some meaning or reason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not particularly. It’s just a simple pleasure that we all share as a community.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But people are waking up terrified and screaming every night. Isn’t that alarming?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not terror, Charles. It’s Joy! A joyous gift from our Smiling God.” Kevin explained, sitting opposite him. It had been a while since he had felt so happy talking about The Smiling God. Not that he hadn’t felt happy about it before, but it had been partially faded by knowing there was an expectation he would talk like he did in sermons which he had trouble remembering. He knew he could simply speak from the heart about these matters when it came to Charles. Charles understood, “It’s fun to know that the whole town has a shared experience, something to bring us closer together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see… but what if these dreams are prophetic? Surely there must be something else at play, maybe the Smiling God is trying to tell us something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think It may have been clearer to me if that was the case. I am after all Its prophet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose… but what’s to say that It isn’t deciding to speak to us as a collective? That It isn’t seeing the town as an extension of your love and devotion?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled at the sentiment, feeling a warmth at the idea that Charles saw this town as Kevin’s pride the way it truly was, “Well, the Smiling God is a mindless beast that’s soul goal is to devour… so I suppose It may be trying to communicate with the whole.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles smiled, finishing his coffee. He looked at Kevin with such love and joy that Kevin could almost feel it radiating off of him. Kevin looked at him the same way and he could barely contain himself, “I need to go and meet someone, but I’d love to spend more time with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Who?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a big deal.” He said. At first this worried Kevin. It worried Kevin for a few reasons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What if Charles was only in town to see how it was? He said he wanted a nice place to settle down but a nice place to settle down is not always the first place you find. Charles was used to Pine Cliff, that followed the Smiling God, sure, and may have gotten used to less blood. He definitely wanted physical contact, so perhaps that’s why Pine Cliffs couldn’t be his forever. Perhaps Desert Bluffs Too was also not what he was looking for.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What if Kevin had disappointed him? In bed or on their date, although Kevin was sure if he had disappointed on their date it wouldn’t have gone as far as the bedroom. What if Charles was meeting with someone else? Someone more stable than Kevin? Someone with something Kevin didn’t have?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of these thoughts were silenced when Charles kissed him. It was a light kiss, not the deep passionate kisses they had shared the night before, but a soft, caring gesture that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I really like you’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Then he left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as the door closed, Kevin couldn’t help but smile. All three of his mouths pulled into wide genuine smiles, not the poor mockeries they taught at the Temple but real, pure, joyous smiles. It hurt. It hurt his scars like they hadn’t hurt in a long time. It hurt as glass embedded itself in his flesh. It hurt as the coffee that was still in the pot splashed on him, scalding him. It hurt so wonderfully and the pain could do nothing to even dull this magical feeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His whole day, he wore that smile. Daisy had urged him to relax his face but he couldn’t, even as she pressed alcohol into the wounds. They would heal themselves, the problem had been that they had healed around the glass and it was very obvious that Kevin had it embedded under his skin. She had to cut them out individually. Even as she made passive-aggressive comments about how he had broken all the glass in their house as well. Even as she made him clean their house. She suggested he didn’t go out until he stopped smiling, although seemed rather annoyed with him rambling to her about Charles the whole day. Her patients hadn’t seemed to mind, so he wasn’t sure what the problem was. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<span>When his smile did finally fade, he still kept a pleased grin. He didn’t feel the need to show his teeth like he normally did, simply allowing his joy to show. Several people commented on it, saying he was glowing and mentioning how he was turning the sand to glass under his feet and gasping in joy for him. Some even pointed at his feet, yelling things like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘don’t stand on the carpet, it’ll catch fire!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Kevin, get out of here! You’re ruining the tiles!’.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KagvExF-ijc">Smile - Avril Lavigne</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. A Small Disagreement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren and Kevin argue about the Mudstone Abyss.</p><p>Alternative (it's a placeholder, sorry, it's the same as this one): <br/><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/71522217">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok, this was going to have Charles and Kevin's date too but... it doesn't. That will be next week.<br/>Sorry about last week. </p><p>Warnings</p><p>- mention of Slavery (***)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, Lauren, I understand that but </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> would it get in the way of such an important project?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re listening to me at all.” Lauren sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with frustration, tired from arguing with everyone around her about something that wasn’t even her idea. She hadn’t smiled in at least a week. She hadn’t realised just how draining it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>to smile. At Strex she’d always smile in public, always speak to people with a smile on her face, no empathy needed. Here she had to consider feelings and change her expression based on the seriousness of the situation and the emotions of the people she was talking to. It was hard. It was even harder coming home and being far too tired to even give her own wife a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>listening but you keep telling me about jobs and families and schools. You’re talking about you, not all my devout believers!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, your methods of running a cult are lacking. While you don’t indoctrinate properly, people are going to be unhappy. If they’re unhappy, you need to consider their needs. This isn’t about me, it’s about the town. I would love to be happy and smiling and worshipping…” She explained, lowering her voice to add, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“... somewhere away from you.” </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin laughed. It was a laugh of disbelief and offense but a laugh, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lauren… </span>
  </em>
  <span>I run my </span>
  <em>
    <span>religion </span>
  </em>
  <span>perfectly fine, thank you. You should remember who the prophet is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should remember who the finder of the prophet is, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kevin.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren, please. That holds </span>
  <em>
    <span>no </span>
  </em>
  <span>rank in the Joyous Congregation and I refuse to allow you to set up a People’s Church of The Smiling God.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not suggesting… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Look, </span>
  </em>
  <span>this isn’t about religion. It’s about a landmark and I agree that we need one but, I do, I just know that there is only so productive a person can be without the correct treatment and training.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <span>“Stop that.” Daisy interrupted, not looking up from her book, “People are free here, you can’t turn them into slaves Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a mandatory volunteer project, not slavery.” Kevin argued, ducking away from the cushion that was thrown at him, “Fine, we can treat them better. I won’t budge on the building, so you’ll need to reduce working hours.”</span>
</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The economy will crash!” Lauren blurted out, confused to where this idea even came from, “People will have less money, less will get done! No buying, so no demand, so no market… we’ll crumble the town.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense! We simply have to make small communes near the build site, then people will have less need for money and will share resources, work, and build bonds!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Communes? You-... </span>
  <em>
    <span>ha-...</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kevin, you can’t be serious.” She wanted to choke him, she truly did. She wanted to just ring his neck out, “You want our town to change from a completely free market system to a communist hellscape? What is wrong with you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, Lauren. The change will be temporary and we can retain the market. We keep the economy flowing, provide food for workers and keep them in their normal jobs so they don’t get lazy and then when the mudstone abyss is finished, we run friendly propaganda to remind people how much they hated living in communes. Of course, we’ll run some friendly propaganda to tell them they love their communes while they’re in them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Simple. We just move people and reduce working hours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t answer the questions, Kevin.” Lauren sighed, honestly finished with this conversation, “Ok… listen, no seizing wealth. The Congregation has enough to help, then they should help. It’s a religious monument.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re agreeable now, Lauren.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, Kevin.” She finished, waving him away. He didn’t seem to have a problem with leaving, although she was sure his presentation of this conversation would be the bigger problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She understood Kevin’s issue. Indoctrinating masses of non-believers was far harder than keeping an indoctrinated mass as one. Although everyone in Desert Bluffs Too was ‘part of the Joyous Congregation’ that didn’t mean everyone was </span>
  <em>
    <span>part of</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Joyous Congregation. While it was true that Lauren and Daisy had started attending mass, it was more out of force than anything else. Lauren never attended in Strex, at least not since she was very young, and she understood the people who didn’t want to attend. Daisy had helped her to understand those who didn’t so much as believe.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted the best for her town and at the moment, that was a public library! That had been put on hold. Yes, this landmark would be great for tourism. Yes, the Smiling God deserves a monument. No, it wasn’t a top priority. Still, the Congregation ran things. She was just a figurehead and a pretty powerless one at that. She’d abandoned doing paperwork for trying to calm people and keep the order. She’s abandoned most meetings to help get this thing done and out of the way. She’s abandoned any idea that she was more than a face to Kevin’s leadership.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It would take a while to set up the tents and things that people needed, but Kevin was used to hard work. Not to mention, he had help from the other leadership of the Joyous Congregation. They even set up a larger tent for the storage of the food and water that people would want as they dug this pit. He wasn’t upset by the pathetic amount of work Lauren had gotten done, but wondered why exactly she’d been so unproductive in doing it. This was a square, not a circle! Why would there be a square, Lauren? Do you not know how to make a circle? She probably didn’t. He couldn’t blame her for that, but he’d have to spend some time taking down these guides and setting up others. He was sure the rest of the town would help with that part. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, his productivity was even more than his usual. His mind was filled with sweet thoughts and joyous feelings. His blood was rushing so fast he could feel it as it hit his chest. He couldn’t get Charles out of his head. The way his hair fell in those beautiful thick curls. The way his eyes glowed in the light. The radiant, joyous energy that poured off of the man. Everything about him made Kevin beam. They’d already scheduled their next date and Charles had been texting him cute pictures of cats and gifs of giant spiders eating small animals. He couldn’t wait to see him again.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZUBD18g2pc">Moonsickness - Penelope Scott</a></p><p>Oh- an update - The R-rated chapter is taking a long time but I will get there. I'm sorry it's taking so long.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0065"><h2>65. A Beach Without Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin meets Donovan</p><p>Alternative:<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/71927673">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I think that’s enough for today.” Charles laughed and it was magical. Everything about the man was magical. Even as he’d just watched Kevin absolutely fail at an arcade game he’d been saying he used to play all the time, Charles smiled and filled Kevin with such heat and light and joy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose,” Kevin replied, lacing his finger’s with Charles’ as he took his hand. Charles ran his thumb over the bumpy skin underneath it but never once looked disgusted or put off by the feeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He led Kevin outside and then Kevin led him towards the beach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this really a beach, Kevin?” Charles asked as they walked across the arid landscape, looking out on sand and more sand. Kevin followed the path of the beach still, his eyes focusing on Charles more than the beautiful hills and dips that made up their beach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, there’s no body of water. Surely to be a beach you need a body of water?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Charles.” Kevin smiled, “There’s sand. So much sand. Once you cross the sand, eventually, you’ll find water. So much water. Where? Somewhere. When? That’s a matter of faith.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. One that made everything OK. One that could make even the saddest person happy again. Kevin couldn’t help but enjoy the closeness. Emotional and physical. Their hands linked. Their hearts and minds open and ready to feel joy, not just in the Smiling God but within each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, Kevin, I used to think that there would be no one who would accept me. I used to see a desert of people, all turning away. When I moved to Pine Cliffs I realised, there was water somewhere. Maybe I should have had a little faith.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, everyone in town likes you here.” Kevin assured him, although Charles’ reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. Had he said something wrong? The man’s smile faded for a moment and when it came back it was radiant, as always, but not as happy as Kevin had liked, “Maybe, you’ve found your ocean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Charles half-agreed, “Please don’t talk to anyone about this. I don’t want them to feel like I’m ungrateful for their hospitality, I just feel… I need time to get to know everyone. To truly fit in.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. We all need time to settle into new homes and new families. We all need time to adjust to new lives and roles.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you understand that, Kevin… I was-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the food trucks are just down here. Did you want to get some food?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles seemed stunned by the offer but then nodded, changing their course.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, what were you saying? I have a bad habit of interrupting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you later.” Charles told him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While they ate, Kevin and Charles discussed the messages of the Smiling God. Kevin had been getting a lot of visions of the Mudstone Abyss and having the town on board and helping with the project was certainly easing his mind. Charles had mentioned that the town seemed a lot less religious than he had previously imagined and asked if this was what it was always like but Kevin didn’t think it was. Most of the time his sermons were full, he thought, it was hard to remember as he seemed to be converting messages directly. Charles pointed out that he seemed to channel the Smiling God in such a passionate and joyous way that he wouldn’t be surprised if Kevin was literally possessed when giving them. Kevin blushed at this but didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After dinner they sat, looking out over the beach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That thing you wanted to tell me earlier?” He asked, “Maybe you could tell me over a drink. I have some wine at my place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I have to be going. It’s getting late.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is no late here, only the construct that allows us to work in efficient manners during what we call a day. I’m sure one drink wouldn’t hurt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin…” Charles started, looking down at his feet and then back into his eyes. Whatever news he was going to deliver, Kevin could tell it wasn’t good, “...you fill me with such joy and I don’t want to keep secrets. I should tell you, I have a son…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew what was said after that, but he knew he wasn’t present for it. He tried to ground himself, although he was sure that the fact he was trying to showed he was past the worst of it. A moment ago he’d forgotten who Charles was completely. It normally took a while for him to realise what had happened but it was so short that it just seemed to hit him like a brick wall. What had done it? The fact Charles had a son? That changed nothing about Charles, right… although it changed a lot for him. The fact Charles’ son could have been named anything, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and yet fate had made him fall in love with a man who had named his son ‘Donovan’? He had gotten over most of his time in the old Desert Bluffs, most of his life he’d gotten over, he was certainly over Vanessa - she hadn’t appeared in quite some time and he barely thought of her outside the anniversary of her death - but he’d not even acknowledge Donovan. His Donovan. The Donovan who could have easily been a Donna. He hadn’t acknowledged them since… since Strex. Since Lauren had brought them up. How could he be over something he had never faced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’d love to meet him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Charles said and Kevin could tell that he had seen the panic on his face, despite his smile which he had become morbidly aware of now, “Kevin. I think you would be great around Donovan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were so many feelings inside Kevin that he wasn’t sure what half of them were. Yes, he wanted to meet Donovan and he wanted to continue this relationship. Yes, he wanted more time alone with Charles to truly know him and learn every bit about who he was. Yes, he was scared of being a father, especially to a son who would constantly remind him of the child he’d lost. Would he even be a good father? There was a time where he knew in his heart that he’d be a good dad but now… now he was a twisted shell of that man. One that had had himself ripped from his own body and reassembled into a new and different person that was nothing like the old one. One that had fought so hard and lost so much. Was he even really scared of the fact that he would need to care for another being than himself or was he scared that that being could very easily and painfully be ripped away at any second with no warning? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was happy. Happy that Charles trusted him to be a part of his child’s life. He was scared. So scared. Terrified. Terrified and not in the good way. He was anxious. He was lost. He was confused. He was joyful. He was annoyed. Annoyed at himself for not showing this joy. Annoyed at being confused and sad and desperately in love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not suggesting we have to be serious right now, we can figure that out with time.” Charles continued as Kevin realised he had been staring at the man in silence, an expressionless vessel of nothingness, “Maybe we should go back to mine. I just need to pick up Donovan from Grandma Josephine. She’s been babysitting for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin opened his mouth to speak but ended up just nodding, forcing the smile back onto his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they collected Donovan, Charles introduced Kevin to him and him to Kevin. Donovan said nothing, even when Kevin offered his most joyous greeting. It was hard to do. Seeing him, this boy. He was small. Not small for a five year old but Kevin hadn’t really paid attention to the size of Savannah’s children. He was paying attention to Donovan. The drive back to Charles’ house was also quiet but Kevin kept smiling. He had to. He must. He kept counting, too. Daisy had taught him to count. To focus on a clock and try to keep to 60 each minute, or count along with the second hand if the clock had one. He tried so hard. He had to.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At Charles’ house he sat. Stiff. Tense. Watching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy played with planes and Charles spoke about his plane collection, and how Donovan wanted to be a pilot. He asked about the schools and what programs they were thinking of adding for the children. The PTA, Kevin knew what that meant but it had taken a minute to register that that was what Charles had meant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He left just before Donovan’s bedtime. Kevin had wanted to stay. He had wanted to cuddle, to feel Charles’ heartbeat, to have those soft touches that Charles had given him before. Charles said he was tired and that he’d call but Kevin wasn’t sure that he wanted Charles to call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night had been exhausting for him and it had obviously been exhausting for Charles. All of his fears and doubts that he tried so hard to push down and squash had simply risen back up and made Kevin feel them far more than he had before. Kevin couldn’t be a father. Kevin could barely look after himself, nevermind another life. Kevin could feel the tearing inside him that he simply wanted to be first in someone’s eyes… but he wasn’t. He never would be. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbNEIQvgIdg">I Lost Myself - Munn</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0066"><h2>66. Ghosting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Daisy and Kevin talk about Charles.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it's late, I'm considering changing my posting schedule. </p><p>C&amp;S will stay the same (Friday) but I'm swapping YG and R-rateds (YG on Wednesday and R-rated on Monday). I have less time on the weekends at the moment, so this is just easier for me. Sorry.</p><p>Alternative here [It's the same, just a placeholder]: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/72510441">Here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“How are things with Charles?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d hoped the question wouldn’t come up. He’d honestly assumed Lauren would want to talk about the mudstone abyss and continue telling him how terrible his ideas around it are. She just seemed to ignore that topic instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Daisy…” He started, although he wasn’t sure what he was going to continue with. He didn’t really want to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about Donovan or what had happened, although they had probably heard him talk about them on the radio, “... I’ve been very busy with the Mudstone Abyss. As the prophet, It’s extremely important that I’m there for the people and overseeing this operation. Especially as </span>
  <em>
    <span>some people</span>
  </em>
  <span> are making it harder to talk to the people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault that people don’t enjoy your ideas, Kevin.” Lauren hummed, in between two verses of the song she was humming. It was jarring on him, being a hymn from The People’s Church. He would say anything, yet, instead making a disapproving noise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you haven’t spoken to him yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Not yet. I will. I’ll call… or text… or pick up his calls.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, if you need space then you need to tell him. If you can’t handle being with him, you need to tell him. I-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to be with him, Daisy.” He turned his attention to the remote, pretending to have an issue with it, “I don’t just get to pick and choose my reactions. I’m happy with Charles. I like Donovan. I just… I hadn’t thought about it in so long, except when </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> would remind me for some reason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not a conversation you’re ready for or that you’ll like.” Daisy sighed, finishing setting up the table and taking a seat next to him, “You want a session to talk about it? I know, I know, I said I don’t want to talk about children with you, but this is obviously affecting your relationship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could always-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Daisy interrupted Lauren and Kevin looked back up to them. They seemed to be having a whole conversation by just looking at each other with a range of odd expressions. At first Lauren looked like she was saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘he needs to know’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>but Kevin couldn’t tell what Daisy’s expression meant. Then Lauren made a face like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘when?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>but again, Daisy was unreadable. Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘it’s been a long time, I love you but he’s at least stable so why are we still keeping things from him’. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Kevin asked reluctantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sweetie Belle,” Daisy said, offering Lauren a smile and a kiss then turning back to Kevin, “Lauren will be here for me afterwards. It’s not going to help you to keep this bottled up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not bottling it up, that’s sad and I am quite happy!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, but you are ignoring it. Tomorrow, come and talk to me. If you want me to talk to Charles, just tell me, but you’ll need to talk to him at some point. What if he comes to one of your sermons?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s not coming to sermons yet. He’s not technically part of the Joyous Congregation yet. He wants to, but he keeps to his ‘study sessions’.” Kevin scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Who thought that ‘study sessions’ was a good idea? Whoever is responsible for the Students of A Smiling God really didn’t think of recruitment, did they? Who wants to come to a ‘study session’.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You. They’re there because of you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I meant their prophet, Lauren.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we’re getting off topic.” Daisy interjected, giving Lauren a look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying, their prophet obviously has no idea what she’s doing. What would her parents think?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren threw her arms up, confusing Kevin completely. Lauren was never a member of the Students, so why was she so defensive of this? Daisy had given her another one of her unreadable looks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as the day's sketches were finished, Kevin went to see Daisy. It had been a good day and the support was far better than it had been in the past few weeks. They were almost ready to start digging, which was the larger challenge. With the sketches they only needed a select few people on the building site each day but in the next couple of days they would need everyone to start digging the abyss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles had called but Kevin had avoided it. He’d texted, but Kevin had no idea how to answer. What used to be so easy, talking to the perfect man, had suddenly become one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wasn’t used to not knowing what to do. He wasn’t used to avoiding someone he loved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy had made him coffee when he got there, although she seemed too on edge to need caffeine. She’d barely look at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Donovan…” She said, staring at the ground next to Kevin, “Donny… you and Vanessa were going to call your child that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. We were.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if they were a girl?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Donna.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought so.” Daisy nodded, going quiet. She was tapping her pen against her notes. The noise seemed to amplify the awkwardness of the conversation. The conversation had barely even started and it already seemed unbearably tense, “So… What… uhm… how long were you guys trying before ‘the event’.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t do that. But… We weren’t. Does that matter?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. It just helps me know whether there would be additional stressors there. If you’d been trying for a long time, you would have had the name for longer, so… it just helps me think about how to approach this. Honestly, I’m at a loss here. I met my children and it was hard enough to say goodbye to them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said goodbye? You said you didn’t…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean, when they were young.” Daisy sighed, rubbing her neck, “I didn’t say goodbye before I left, they were already gone. You probably don’t know this because you’re the prophet but most people don’t raise their kids at Strex. Strex does. Someone like me, who still had a collar, doesn’t even get to visit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… that’s not happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Although, I’m not sure they’d have been safe in Strex with me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t respond, not wanting to make things worse than they already were. Daisy looked sad. Daisy often looked sad but recently she’d looked less sad. Lauren had even mentioned Daisy being excitable and happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it really the name, or is that just making something else worse?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What would it be making worse?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How would you be as a father?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin considered the question for a moment. He knew what he thought but it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to tell Daisy. Therapy is about being open and honest to get the most help but Daisy wasn’t just his therapist, she was his friend. He didn’t want her to judge him because he, the prophet of the Smiling God who was meant to help everyone find their happiness, was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to give a child a happy life. That he wouldn’t be able to have a happy life with a child.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just want to have time with Charles. If Donovan is around, I can’t touch him or kiss him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You feel like you’re sharing his love?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daisy took a deep breath, “Well, I hate to preach to the literal prophet but… Kevin, we all share the Smiling God’s love, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Although I’m Its favourite.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right… does that mean that the Smiling God doesn’t love us? Because Its love is shared?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, It loves us all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. Charles can love you and Donovan. You need to talk to him and explain that you need to work out with him how and when he can give you attention and emotional support. Listen to him, he knows what’s possible and what’s not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin looked away, scratching his neck but agreed with what Daisy said. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to bring up the conversation when he’d been ghosting Charles for so long already. He didn’t know how to approach it and worried. What if Charles was offended? What if Charles didn’t want to give him attention too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and Kevin… tell Charles about your children. Talk about it. He should know.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVdePlY6QmQ">Ghosting - Mother Mother</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0067"><h2>67. Shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kian and Kelton have trouble at the Mudstone Abyss.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The Alternate is posted, but again it's a placeholder, so I'm going to stop linking those. </p><p>I should mention that I know a lot of Act 4 Alt is placeholder but it's because the Act 5 Alt is going to be a lot more like Act 2 Alt (In that it's completely different) and relies on the small changes and larger changes in some of the later chapters in Act 4.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything was going well, which put Kevin on edge for some reason. He had hoped everything would go well, that people would come in and help with the Mudstone Abyss and that everything would be on track but he was still on edge. </p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t spoken to Charles yet. It had been weeks, maybe even a month, since they last spoke now and as more and more time passed it got harder and harder for Kevin to even think about calling him. He’d picked up the phone several times but then just held it against his ear without typing in Charles’ number, or without pressing the call button. Each time he’d end up putting it down again and staring at it instead. At one point it exploded but fortunately put itself back together as seemingly everything in this desert tended to do. <em> Everything. </em> Sure that included him and Charles, right? The perfect man had walked into his life and he was going to ruin it over some unresolved feelings of doubt and loss? </p><p> </p><p><em> “No…?” </em> He said out loud to himself at this thought and picked up the phone again. He still didn’t dial the number. Instead he started his broadcast, trying his best to ignore the device in his hand. Instead he kept his eyes on his computer, where he was watching Lauren’s press conference with closed captions. He relayed the information to the listeners, Lauren spreading positive vibes about the outpouring of support <em> finally. </em> </p><p> </p><p>He’d seen the progress earlier, the pit was starting to get wonderfully deep, deep enough that the carving had begun on the higher parts of the monument. The Smiling God was obviously proud, as the symbols being carved were glowing with Its radiant light. What a beautiful monument, in a beautiful town, with such beautiful people. At least, the people were beautiful when they weren’t fighting. Kian and Kelton had come into the studio before the broadcast and he was honestly confused about the whole thing.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“What?” </p><p> </p><p>The man looked to his partner for a moment, making ‘uh-huh’s and ‘yeah, ok’s down the phone. He was worried about what the phone call must be about, as they didn’t tend to get phone calls here. The town was happy, which meant crime rates were extremely low, but obviously not zero. Unless it was a personal call. It could have been a personal call. </p><p> </p><p>“We need to go.”</p><p> </p><p>Alright, not a personal call. </p><p> </p><p>Kian collected his smile knife, which had been on his desk, and strapped it to his belt before following Kelton out of the station. Kelton had really explained what was going on, which made Kian extremely nervous. It wasn’t like he’d never seen crime before, after all they used to be part of the Sheriff's Secret Police back in Desert Bluffs. He didn’t remember much about it, although it was pretty boring. He just did surveillance. Mainly of showers, as he took no interest of the people in them, only of what illegal activities they might have been doing. It was much better here in Desert Bluffs Too. Not only did he have a second job, and a third one, in the Temple of Joy and the City council, but even as a police officer he got to go around the town and talk to everyone, rather than just shouting things like “DO NOT TOUCH THE BIRDS!”. </p><p> </p><p>By the looks of things, they were going towards the Mudstone Abyss, which made sense as everyone in town apart from themselves and Kevin were there. They had to be. </p><p> </p><p>The closer they got to the monument, the brighter the light that was shining ahead of them got. Kian was sure that this must be a holy light given by the Smiling God (but it was not melting their face off, so wasn’t the actual Smiling God Itself - which he was glad about as he valued his face). </p><p> </p><p>That wasn’t what they were there about. As they pulled up to one edge of the pit, they realised that the shaking wasn’t simply their old and worn out car but the ground beneath it. Out to the left of the car they could see Ryan Nichols, yelling at someone across the pit.</p><p> </p><p>“FREE TREE GNOME HONEY SACKS!” </p><p> </p><p>Kian had no idea what he meant, turning to another worker who looked extremely aggravated by this and made several odd sounds at him. He shrugged this off as simply another language, but that didn’t really explain Ryan’s behaviour. Ryan spoke English, so he should be able to understand him but he couldn’t. Instead he turned to Kelton, “What do we do?”</p><p> </p><p>“That, first.” Kelton grimaced as he pointed behind Kian, but rushed past him before Kian could take in the gesture. Two people were wrestling each other on the ground and everyone seemed to be in panic, “Cucumber! Pumpkin Vanilla fire.”  </p><p> </p><p>“What are you saying?” Kian asked but Kelton just looked at him with confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“Tyranny yellow hat racks.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yellow hat racks?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yogurt brioche wilted sun.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Kelton furrowed his eyebrows. Kain had obviously been overcome by the same thing the rest of these people had. He was talking nonsense. They had to go and inform mayor Mallard and Kevin, at the least because they would be able to try and calm and guide these people but also because they hopefully knew what was going on. Kevin had written the Book of Devouring and Lauren had been high up in the Church before The Joyous Congregation had been formed, so she might have some kind of ancient knowledge that could help.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, back to the car.” Kelton pleaded, grabbing Kian’s arm and pointing at the vehicle. </p><p> </p><p>“Watermelon bicycle!”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, buddy. It’s ok, we’ll figure this out.” </p><p> </p><p>They were quiet on the way to the radio station. When they arrived, Kian stepped out of the car first, Kelton moving around the car to guide him inside. Kian seemed confused by this but Kelton assumed it was part of his confused speech. He rushed him up to Kevin who was getting ready for the broadcast.</p><p> </p><p>“Kevin, we need you-...” They turned to each other, Kelton surprised at Kian talking normally. Kevin looked between them, but Kelton wasn’t sure what to say anymore. </p><p> </p><p>“Mind telling me what’s going on?” Kevin asked, “Something wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a bunch of fights down at the Mudstone Abyss.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, and everyone is talking funny, like saying random words. Kelton was doing it too.”</p><p> </p><p>“No I wasn’t, you were!”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, I was speaking perfectly normally. Just because you have selective hearing doesn’t mean I was speaking like you and those other people.”</p><p> </p><p>“You told me ‘banana tango alpha rays.’ What is that meant to mean? … and don’t bring that into it! I said I’d empty the dishwasher when we get home! You’re the one not listening!” </p><p> </p><p>“Ok, Ok.” Kevin sighed, waving his hands to stop the two arguing, “So you both thought you were speaking normally and the other wasn’t. That means that whatever is causing this only affects speech, not what we’re thinking.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.” Kian nodded, “I think the Mudstone Abyss is caus-...”</p><p> </p><p>“No. No, it’s not.” Kevin laughed, although it didn’t seem like a happy laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“But it’s happening near the Mudstone Abyss.”</p><p> </p><p>“Coincidence.” </p><p> </p><p>“Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Kian and Kelton looked at each other and then at Kevin. They just nodded and gestured towards the food, “We’re going to go tell Mayor Mallard so she can address the town.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe mention it in your broadcast?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll mention it.” Kevin agreed, “Although fighting is not happy news. Make sure Lauren calms everyone down.” </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Well, Lauren’s speech hadn’t gone well. Kevin had been sent a transcript and was reading it on the radio. He could see what Kian and Kelton were talking about when they said that people were making no sense. It was as if Lauren’s speech was being written by a random word generator. On the plus side, it had calmed down most of the town. Everyone was so confused, the dark shadows that were coming from the abyss were going further and further through town, making things even more widespread. It wouldn’t be long before they got near the studio, so Kevin prepared to go to the weather as soon as he realised he could communicate anymore. He wasn’t sure how long it would last but if nothing else, he could at least just replace the broadcast with pre-recorded messages. He just hoped he could hear the errors in his headphones.</p><p> </p><p>It happened much faster than he’d expected, at least wanting to get the traffic report out first. It was someone he couldn’t really miss. He tried his hardest to push through it and get the words out. He was already having a bad enough day without having to try and force words that were coming out completely wrong! </p><p> </p><p><em> ‘Fine’ </em>He thought, just taking the broadcast straight to the weather. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Crabgrass, to the Petroleum <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGCsyshUU-A">Shadows - Lindsey Stirling</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0068"><h2>68. The Impure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Charles tries to understand the spirits.</p><p>Alternative  [It's completely different!] - <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/73551567">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“There are old stories and prophecies. Felicia Good talked a lot about the Impure. Souls that the Smiling God rejects, that are unworthy of becoming part of It! It cannot clean them, even upon devouring. There used to be a prophet for them, too. The prophet of the Impure. These impure souls try to tell people that happiness isn’t important, a horrible and corrupt message that turns people from the Smiling God’s light. Of course, that’s not the prophet’s fault. Whoever they were accepted that they would become impure by teaching this but accepted the role the Smiling God chose for them.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why would they do that? Sacrificing their purity for what?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I never met the prophet of the Impure, but I would guess it was due to their undying love for the Smiling God. They did what It told them, to test the faith of our followers. Lauren would know more about their motives. This all happened before I formed the Joyous Congregation - The Smiling God’s true followers.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So, when people disagree with the congregation, do they become impure?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, no, no, Charles.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The Impure are followers who turn away from the teachings, not simply disagree. It’s my job as one of the chosen of the Smiling God to lead them back to the light of the Smiling God. They are my Congregation and I must protect them from the words of the Impure. It’s difficult, as often times it can be hard to be happy. It can be hard to smile at prescribed times, nevermind at all times. Even I find it difficult at times and I’m a ray of sunshine!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How do you manage to keep them on the right path if the easy one is the path of the Impure?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, we have a few ways. In congregations, normally we would wear a blessed hat that shroads the face. It’s a full cover, like a box, and allows us to set aside our differences and focus solely on the Smiling God’s light. It keeps your thoughts and ideas pure, so you may bask in the light of the Smiling God and see It for Its great and hungry self. Nowadays it’s only really me who wears it. I wear it to give sermons, to keep the tradition and to keep my thoughts pure. Unfortunately, we don’t have the correct materials here in Desert Bluffs Too. It’s a shame, really, I feel like the congregation has more impure thoughts without them. It’s harder to keep them pure, but I must. We all must keep our thoughts pure.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Interesting. You mentioned the prophet of the Impure, so do all prophets have labels? What are you the prophet of?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well… no.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If you asked Lauren, she’d say ‘Yes, all prophets have a role blah blah blah’, but that’s very old fashioned. The People’s Church of the Smiling God had roles for prophets, but the Joyous Congregation, who are the true believers, do not.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sorry, sorry. It’s just interesting to see the change. Do you mind if I ask what you’re the prophet of?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The Pure and True Followers. That’s how I know, with a hundred percent certainty, that the Joyous Congregation is correct above all others.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles looked back through these texts. He’d read them over and over, but they made very little sense. The words had all been replaced by new words, sounds, and strange buzzing shapes. It took a long time to try and focus on any one part or to find any relevant information. He tried to remember what they said but that also offered no solution to his issue. The whole idea seemed pointless. He tried dictionaries and textbooks, but the same issue occurred. It wasn’t just speaking that had gone, reading had too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was several hours before he tried to look at the texts again, this time getting a few sentences here and there. The souls of the Impure. A hat. Smiling God, what were the other sentences? Oh, Kevin described the hat. He wore it during sermons. That was helpful, although would have been more helpful if Charles had gone to one of Kevin’s sermons yet. Maybe that was why Kevin was avoiding him? Maybe it had nothing to do with Donovan… No. No. It had everything to do with Donovan and Charles knew it. It had only been since he had introduced Kevin to Donovan that Kevin had been avoiding him. He’d been awkward that night, seemed uncomfortable and distant. He’d seemed almost like a different person. It hurt to think about. He so badly wanted Kevin to accept Donny, but it wasn’t his choice to make, it was Kevin’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hoped Kevin wouldn’t mind him looking through his things. He hadn’t been to Kevin’s house yet and under any other circumstances, Charles would be completely against what he was about to do. His stomach was turning thinking about it, half hoping that Kevin would be home and they could talk… although they couldn’t talk. That Kevin could at least show him where it was or that Kevin was wearing it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No luck, but the door was open. The place was a mess with wine bottles, bloody bandages and shards of glass, and teeth. A lot of teeth. These obviously were not Kevin’s… were they? Charles eyed them and they looked like Kevin’s but Kevin had a full set of elongated teeth, so they couldn’t be his. That said, he also hadn’t seen anyone without teeth and Donovan had badly scratched his arm the other day and that had healed in seconds rather than days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A box stood out. It was in the corner of the room. Large and covered in golden centipedes. The box looked old but well kept. It was filled with documents, pictures, and notes that were scribbled in Kevin’s handwriting. What stood out first to Charles, though, was a picture of a girl. She looked familiar, about Donovan’s age. Dark hair and golden eyes, three. Charles was sure he knew her from somewhere, or maybe one of her relatives? He had definitely known a girl with three eyes, but having more eyes than what he had before thought was ‘usual’ (two) didn’t seem so unusual once he’d moved to Pine Cliffs. Ethel had three eyes, even if one would often blink in and out of existence at random. There was even someone with ten eyes in Pine Cliffs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He set the picture to the side and resisted the urge to try and read the notes (he was sure that it wouldn’t do him any good to try anyway). Under the documents was the hat Kevin had described. Obviously Kevin must have had everything out pretty recently for it to be on the bottom, so Charles set it back in a neat pile on the top. He took one last look at the photo, try to figure out where he’d seen the girl before.but he couldn’t put his finger on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once he was back home, he called Kevin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ice cream spraying disestablishment cat.” He tried, continuing until he was finished and then listening back to the message. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ice cream wants dad queue.” He tried again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He eventually decided that it was better to have headphones on while he did, so he wouldn’t waste time in trying whole messages over and over. When it finally worked he explained everything to Kevin. It felt like speaking to a stranger at this point. A stranger that he’d seen across the park and had fallen madly and deeply in love with and knew so much about and yet so little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thoughts were drawn from this by a movement. A dark movement. A shadow outside. It wasn’t doing anything but then again he wasn’t sure what it could do and if he should be scared of the potential that it could do something. He watched it, careful not to move, not to draw its attention. This carefulness obviously wasn’t enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The spirit turned to Charles, looking down at him and tilting its head. Although he couldn’t make out a face, he could make out the parts of a face. It wasn’t that it was covered, more distorted by itself into a shapeless yet shapeful thing. Its lips were moving but then it turned and moved away. Charles couldn’t help but breathed a sigh of relief, calling Kevin back. He explained everything to him, or to the voicemail that had recently replaced Kevin completely in his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once this was all over, he wanted to see Kevin but he wasn’t sure Kevin wanted to see him. To see Donovan. He didn’t want to feel this way. He didn’t want to hurt Kevin but he didn’t want to be hurt either. He tried his best to be honest, while still being kind. His voice stayed level. His eyes traced the patterns that decorated the outside of the hat. He could see through it just fine but the patterns were thicker. They helped to focus him. They helped to make this conversation hurt less.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles turned to slide down the wall, almost ready to hang up. Almost ready to accept that he was still alone. Accept that Kevin didn’t want them in his life. His eyes closed as he spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Better now than aquifer.” He sighed, then got confused, “Aquifer? What? I mean platter!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling God, this was not good. His eyes shot up to the spirit now standing in front of him. They were still looking down at him. They seemed to tilt their head back just to accentuate how far they were looking down at him, although Charles thought that that might just be him projecting his own feelings onto the spirit. He certainly felt small, especially around this thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even trembling, even pushed up against the wall, this hat pulled down as far as possible, Charles was curious. This wasn’t an opportunity you got everyday. An opportunity to research, first hand, a spirit that was unable to be cleaned. Unworthy of the Smiling God’s love. Someone who even the Smiling God could not bring the good out of. Even better, it could be the prophet Kevin spoke about, who was made unclean because of their love for It. Although, he wouldn’t be that lucky, he thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The figure moved towards him as he stood. It was smaller than him. It was hard to tell if it was male or female. It was trying hard to look down on him, even now that it was having to look up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fish?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t reply to his greeting. It just moved closer. Its hand raised, going completely through the hat and stroking his cheek. It seemed sad. He wasn’t sure how he could tell it seemed sad but it did. It seemed lost and alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just like he felt. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Crabgrass, to the Petroleum <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z_qf9bXfL8">With or Without You - 2CELLOS</a></p><p>This is me trying to balance knowledge that Charles would have from ST with not spoiling ST. Ahh... the joys of not writing in chronological order...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0069"><h2>69. Talking Terms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Charles and Kevin talk</p><p>Alternative<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/74050575">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you haven't read the alternative for the last chapter, it's completely different from v1. </p><p>Warnings</p><p>&gt; Child death (past - it's not starred as it's a large part)<br/>&gt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Mudstone Abyss had stopped construction. Lauren was in meetings with the city council. She’d forbid him from attending but Kian had assured him that the council would take care of things and make sure that Lauren saw the light. Language had returned and the shadowy figure that kept following him around had decided to do something else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was strange, that figure. It had kept following him but stopped each time he had. It had sat with him when he was working a few times but other times used the time to go and do other things. It had watched him not sleep. It had waited outside the bathroom while he got ready in the morning. It sat on the sacred box in the corner of the room, seeming to hiss violently whenever it did. Kevin had tried to talk to it but it never responded. Maybe it had responded and he just couldn’t hear or understand it. Maybe it was as frustrated with him as he was with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” He had snapped the other day, or thought he had. It had probably also come out jumbled, “Nobody wants you here. You’re making me very unhappy!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had seemed hurt and left. It hadn’t come back since. Kevin liked it this way, at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After work, he’d returned home earlier than usual. He’d left his phone at home and needed to call Lauren again. She would probably be in another meeting but he could at least try. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he had arrived, however, he was greeted by Charles. It wasn’t unpleasant to see him but it wasn’t as pleasant as he’d hoped. Charles didn’t look at him when he greeted him and Kevin had invited him inside. Now they were sitting with a coffee. Not talking. Not holding each other. Not happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles was the first to speak, “Sorry I stole your hat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it was a good idea.” Kevin replied. He sipped his coffee as they went silent again. He knew that Charles wanted him to speak but he had no idea what to say. Charles must have picked up on this, as he sighed and continued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should talk but I know it’s uncomfortable. I just want to know what’s going on with us. I’ve been through every possibility in my head and it all leads back to Donovan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Kevin started, trying to think of words to explain himself, “... it does. But!... But, that’s not a negative. I like you Charles. I like you </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I just… I want to be held. I want to drink wine and enjoy adult things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can still do that, Kevin. Donovan is a smart kid, he knows that I’m interested in you. He knows that I’m not trying to replace his father, that you’re not. When he’s in bed, we can drink and we can find a babysitter for when we want to visit places alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin shuffled nervously. He wasn’t used to talking about his emotions. Even with Daisy, he hid a lot of things until he was properly pushed by her. It was even harder now as he feared that saying the wrong thing would mean that Charles would leave and he would never feel that sweet comfort that comes from listening to another person’s heart beat under your head. That he’d never feel those soft touches that Charles had given him. That he’d never feel loved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-... I’ll try. I’m not sure how well I’ll do at being a father. Some might say I’m under qualified.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be a step-father yet. That’s hard, I know. I’ll help you with that. All I’m asking is that you try to accept Donny.” Charles told him with a small smile, putting his hand on Kevin’s knee, “Plus, no one is qualified to be a parent. I had the same worry when I was pregnant. If you take some time to get to know Donny, that will all go away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can certainly try. I can’t promise I’ll be the best person to have around D-Donovan but I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles was staring at him now. He looked upset. Had Kevin said something wrong? His heart stopped as Charles’ frown deepened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright, Kevin? You stuttered.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m delightful. Glad we had this talk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re crying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles’ hand raised, a thumb running over his eye socket. When he drew back it was wet. Kevin didn’t understand, he wasn’t crying was he? He was in control of his tears and his happiness and he didn’t feel sad right now. Scared, maybe, but he was mainly happy that Charles was willing to make some time for just them. He was happy that Charles believed in him, so why was he crying?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, can I ask you something? It’s about something I found when I was here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” Kevin beamed, happy for the change of subject, “Is it about my notes. I’ve not had mainly visions that don’t relate to the Mudstone Abyss but I have had a few.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As interesting as that sounds, I wanted to ask about the photos you have. There was only two bu-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One second.” Kevin interrupted, fetching the pictures from where Charles had left them. Kevin hadn’t moved them as the shadowy figure had been sitting on them and Kevin had actively tried to avoid touching it, “These?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, those ones.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Charles.” Kevin handed him the picture of the girl, his smile completely fading. He hoped Charles didn’t notice but he was sure that he had, “This is Donna, sh-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait! Of course! That’s where I know her from!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their eyes met again. Charles was smiling wide, obviously waiting for Kevin to continue. Kevin wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to Charles’ exclamation. There was no way Charles knew her because she was never alive. He wanted Charles to explain as much as Charles wanted Kevin to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s Ethel’s daughter. She looks different, because of being a ghost.” Charles told him, making Kevin even more confused, “She’s the prophet over in Pine Cliffs, so it makes sense you have a picture of her. She’s older now, though, so I didn’t recognise her to start with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin paused before he answered, looking down at the other picture, “No… Uh… Ho, Charles. Ethel looks like me, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. A lot like you. I mean, xe has longer hair and three eyes but mai-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This-...” Kevin pointed to the picture, “... is my daughter. Possibly. This is a picture StrexCorp made to show me what she would have looked like, if my wife had survived.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… Oh, Kevin, I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. This one will probably explain more.” Kevin hummed, passing Charles the other picture, “This is Donovan. They were too young to tell what sex they would have been.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles didn’t say anything at first. Kevin didn’t either. He didn’t know what to say other than what he had said. An apology felt odd, given that he’d already agreed to try with Donny. It also felt odd to apologise for grieving his child, even though he did feel unhappy and acknowledging the unhappiness it brought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not because I have a child.” Charles said slowly, “It’s because he reminds you of your child.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mainly correct.” Kevin agreed, although regretted the agreement when he had time to process not only what Charles had said but the other implications behind what he had said. He cursed himself for agreeing immediately rather than just allowing Charles to piece things together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles’ reaction wasn’t what he had expected, however. He had expected anger, or at least annoyance. He had imagined Charles calling him selfish. He had imagined Charles questioning what had happened or why he hadn’t stopped it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles did none of these things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin leant into Charles' chest as the man pulled him into his arms. Why did it feel so wrong, being held like this? Not that being held like this was wrong but it felt wrong that Charles was holding him like this to comfort him. He shouldn’t need comfort, not anymore. He had accepted that the past could not hurt him anymore. He had accepted that he had to leave it behind. It only hurt when he thought about what he lost, so surely it was better for both of them to ignore the issue entirely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat like this for a while before Charles said he needed to go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just tell me, if it gets too much, alright?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, Charles.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we could go out again soon? Just us. There’s a new Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit. Do you like art?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do.” Kevin nodded, stifling a yawn. He was exhausted, for some reason, “That sounds wonderful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get some sleep, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren was glad to see Kevin hadn’t called today. City council had resorted to threats against her but she was standing her ground on this issue. The Mudstone Abyss couldn’t continue if it meant the town couldn’t communicate. Businesses would fail, students wouldn’t learn, and it would spiral them all the way down to poverty. She was just glad to be home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was, she was glad to be home until she opened that door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” Lauren snapped, waving her arms at the shadowy figure, “It’s not my fault. It’s Kevin’s! Go bother him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t talk, Lauren.” Daisy called over, flicking through a magazine, “I brought home takeout, was just waiting for you to get back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is it here, though?” Lauren asked, mumbling a small </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘thank you’</span>
  </em>
  <span> when Daisy rolled her eyes, “It hasn’t left this whole time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I think it’s a different one. This one sits up pretty straight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least it’s not sprawled over the sofa.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren moved through it, putting her coat on the back of a chair. The figure followed her. She sat next to Daisy, taking one of the food containers and splitting the food between them. The figure followed, watching her do this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When it was time for them to sleep, the figure followed. It tilted its head as Lauren brushed her teeth. It stood at the foot of their bed when they got in. It stared and stared and stared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… the other one didn’t do this.” Daisy frowned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it didn’t. Do you want me to sleep in the living room? It should follow me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine, Sweetie… I kind of want the other one back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stared at the figure for another few minutes before Daisy took Lauren up on her offer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Lauren was still glaring at the figure. Her eyes were heavy but she couldn't let them close. She didn't want to sleep around this thing and every time she started to fall asleep, she remembered the spirit and woke with a start. It had sat across from her, on top of the TV.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mood did not improve by Kevin's presence or by what he'd come to yell at her about. At least it wasn't about the Mudstone Abyss but goodness she needed sleep, any conversation would annoy her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why is that thing here?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They're everywhere, Kevin." Lauren mumbled, putting her pillow over her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, this one is special. It kept following me around! It's their leader or something." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren moved her pillow down to stare at him. She'd hoped he'd get the hint and leave (and possibly take it with him), but as per usual he completely ignored her to continue his own rant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't feel the Smiling God as well as usual when it's around. It's making everyone so unhappy and restless. Everyone wants to get back to work and yet this thing is making everything worse!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You think this is the prophet? Oh, you must be so happy. Why don't you two go catch up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"<em>Lauren.</em> Please." Kevin laughed,  "Although <em>thank you</em> for reminding me... Why didn't you tell me Ethel had a daughter?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You knew Ethel. You knew her daughter is a prophet. You didn't think it would be a good idea to tell <em>the </em>prophet about her?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a moment for Lauren to understand what he was saying. It took another moment to understand how he'd come across this information. "Is that all you wanted?"</span>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvpoYxwI08M">Gone Too Soon - Daughtry</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0070"><h2>70. What is Happiness?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin and Charles take Donny to the amusement park.</p><p>Alternative is the same and is <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/74536851">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“It’s no good, Kevin. I’m sorry. We’re just going to have to edit our plans around Donny.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles’ words gave Kevin no comfort, although Kevin had understood now why Charles had insisted they go into the other room to have this conversation. Charles obviously thought that Kevin would react badly in front of Donny and that would hurt the child. Of course, Kevin would do that. He himself knew how terrible it was to have a parental figure despise your meer existence and he was trying his best to show Donny that they were just getting to know each other and not that Kevin didn’t like him. Donny seemed to pick up on none of this but recently Donny had been playing with his planes most of the time. Part of Kevin questioned whether the spirits would be able to look after Donny, however knew this was a bad idea seeing as they couldn’t influence the physical world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, the exhibit is adult only and we only booked two chairs at Vermillion.” Kevin said, trying desperately to think of someone else who could look after Donovan but there wasn’t anyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we go to the amusement park. Donovan will love it and there are rides for adults too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Most of them. Do you know how long it took me to get that one rollercoaster to stop? Years of screaming… it was delightful!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It… sounds it?” Charles half-agreed, not really sure what Kevin was talking about, “So, is that a yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose. Although I’m not sure how Donovan will feel about spending the whole day with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Donny adores you, Kevin. Plus, if it gets too much you can just tell me and I’ll take him on a ride while you sit down. It’ll be fun, I promise.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin gave a small smile, which is to say his smile lessened to a small smile before regaining its usual position, “Well… that sounds wonderful, then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as they arrived, Donovan’s face lit with a happiness Kevin had never seen on the boy before. He felt proud, although had internally berated himself for doing so. He didn’t know if this was an appropriate time for pride, after all Donovan was simply showing the most basic and holiest emotion. He concluded that he shouldn’t feel proud of the boy for that and he should feel ashamed he had the temporary lapse in judgement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do first?” Charles asked Donny, who started towards the roller coasters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin was unsure about Donny riding the attractions. He was small and children are easily scared. He would have no idea what to do if Donovan started crying or begging to get off. Part of him imagined that if the person running the ride didn’t let them off at the nearest safe place, he’d probably kill them but another part wondered if that was just a knee jerk reaction to the idea of being on a roller coaster with a screaming kid. The thought had confused him though. It wasn’t the kind of idea he’d normally have. The killing was, sure, but the reasoning seemed odd. Even putting it down to personal annoyance felt weird and wrong. It almost felt like someone else was telling him to feel that way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was snapped away from his thoughts as one of his centipede legs darted out, seemingly in reflex, to catch Donovan as he tripped. Charles had gone to catch him as well, and helped him regain his balance but Kevin had actually caught him, despite not even realising he was acknowledging Donovan walking beside them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice catch.” Charles smiled up at him and Kevin smiled back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have really good reflexes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, really, </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>mention it.” Kevin clarified, watching Donovan now. He wasn’t looking where he was going. Normal kid stuff, Kevin supposed. He imagined his children were the same while Daisy was taking them to… whatever Strex did with children. He hadn’t really paid attention to that, although he wasn’t sure what he had been paying attention to at that point. The Smiling God, probably. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, Donovan was watching the actors. He kept asking to go on the roller coasters but between each one he’d stare at the actors. He had a particular interest in one dress as centipede but that one had gone by the time they had finished on the rides. Still, Donny wanted to get his picture with one of them before they had lunch, so they followed the boy around as he chose which actor he wanted his picture taken with. There were a few times Kevin thought he might choose an actor only for Donovan to rush right past them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He looks up to you, you know.” Charles hummed, entwining his fingers with Kevin’s as Donny stopped and looked around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… that’s… sweet?” Kevin replied, although he was unclear how he was supposed to feel about that. He felt pressure. He felt happy. He felt… wrong. Not just wrong because he had no idea where all these parental feelings had suddenly come from when he obviously didn’t have any practice or real connection with Donovan, but also wrong because Donovan should look up to Charles. Charles was intelligent, beautiful, caring, and above all knew what he was doing. Kevin liked to believe he had some intelligence, but he certainly wasn’t beautiful, had no idea what he was doing (at least in terms of Donny), and was not the best at showing care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one!” The boy cried before Charles could reply, and so the three went over to one of the actors who was a smiling tortoise. The man was obviously struggling, gasping for air and water and looking like they would pass out at any second. Donny stood proudly next to him and Charles took a photo. It was cute, the way that Donny stood next to the man and smiled. He smiled exactly the way they taught in smile school, which was odd because Kevin didn’t think Donovan had enrolled in smile school yet. The boy went to normal school, but Kevin was yet to see the two around the Congregation and Charles had mentioned that Pine Cliffs was very individualist. Maybe it was just natural? Or maybe he’d picked it up from Kevin. The latter didn’t have the appeal Kevin thought it might, thinking again about how Donovan should be looking at Charles that way and not him, “The Sun calls for sacrifice because the Sun loves all that it sees!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donovan turned to Kevin at his own proclamation, as if asking for acceptance, and Kevin didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was talking about the light of the Smiling God and not the Sun. No, Donovan was correct too and the excitement behind this fact was so adorable that Kevin had to stop himself from beaming with pride. Charles was still taking photos, documenting the moment. A happy memory that Donny would have, hopefully, forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you mind helping me with the sandwiches, Kevin?” Charles asked as Kevin set Donovan down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Charles had seemed worried about how Kevin was interacting with Donny, but hadn’t said anything about it yet. Kevin could tell that Charles was worried, as he kept asking Kevin if ‘he was sure’ when he offered to do things, like carrying Donovan in from the car (he had fallen asleep while they were driving home but had woken when Kevin put him on the sofa). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they were in the kitchen, putting together bread and vegetables into a mini-picnic, Charles turned to Kevin, “Are you feeling alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ve had a lot of fun today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re just… I mean, you’re not acting like yourself. If you’re uncomfortable, you can slow down. Like I said, you don’t have to be a step-dad straight away. You can just be Kevin for now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand. Am I doing something wrong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…” Charles started, watching as Kevin hummed and cut the crust from the bread while wasting almost no bread at all, “I’m just confused, Kevin. You’ve been so happy looking after Donny today but with our conversation the other day, I did think-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What conversation was that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About your kids.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” Kevin started, although wasn’t sure where to go from there, “Well, I’m just trying hard because I like you, Charles.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles nodded, offering him an understanding smile, “Just be yourself, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their evening had been spent watching Donny. Charles wished he could offer Kevin more than that, that they could do something together that all three of them would enjoy and that wouldn’t be awkward for Kevin. Still, there wasn’t much that they could do together with Donovan there. Charles had planned to have a romantic evening with Kevin, to make up for missing the exhibition, but now Kevin was snoring softly against his shoulder. Donny had fallen asleep on his lap and Charles had to carefully move both of them without waking them. Once Donny was in bed, he cleared up his toys and snuggled into Kevin, letting himself fall asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s eyes fluttered open to see Donovan had cleared his toys and gone to bed and Charles was sleeping softly against his shoulder. It was something that should make him happy but he couldn’t quite feel it. It was playing on his mind. It wasn’t time for the bird dream yet, and instead his dream had started with Donovan explaining what he’d been doing at school. He kept calling Kevin ‘dad’. It had made Kevin feel useful, until he had noticed Charles sat across from him, looking sad. He had shrunken into himself, his hair having grown out and hadn’t been washed in a while. He was thin, far thinner than Charles actually was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The whole thing had disturbed Kevin beyond belief. He didn’t want Donovan to look up to him. He didn’t want to take what should be Charles. He should have his own happiness, something that gets him through the day without being dragged along by the promise of seeing Charles. Something that was dependent on the voice at the back of his head whispering the positive affirmations of Donovan’s adorableness and the pride that Kevin should feel for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He moved Charles’ feet onto the sofa, covering him with a blanket. He looked so adorable and Kevin couldn’t help but place a small kiss on Charles’ head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he raised his head again, one of the spirits was watching him. It looked between Kevin and Charles and then seemed to put a hand to its mouth. Kevin didn’t want to disturb Charles by talking to it, so instead just approached the being. It stepped back at first but then approached Kevin. They met in the middle of the room, staring at each other. Did Kevin know it? It seemed like it knew him but that wasn’t difficult, he imagined that the impure would have heard of him as well. He wasn’t sure what to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then it turned away. It led him to his car and, without even asking, got in the passenger side.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm… I’m going home.” Kevin told it, hoping it would understand. It just crossed its arms, “Right… I guess you can come too. Maybe you can tell me why you’re here. It’s not to do with the Mudstone Abyss, is it? Right?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0071"><h2>71. Giving in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lauren announces the reopening of construction on the Mudstone Abyss</p><p>Alternative <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/75204516">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I can’t. I can’t, I’m sorry.” Lauren breathed, her head spinning. She could feel her pulse in her temples and what’s more, this was absurd. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be sorry, I did say we didn’t have to. It’s just been a while.” Daisy mumbled, her head turning to face the shadowy figure who was sitting on the floor staring up at them. It flickered several times before moving to sit on the bed which made both Daisy and Lauren tense. It was staring, again. This seemed like another different one. This one had been seeming annoyed each time Daisy and Lauren were intimate. It had only settled down in the last few minutes, the two having spent the last three hours trying to get to the point they were at. It kept trying to get in the way of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On top of that, the city counsel, which Lauren had started referring to as ‘Kevin’s new friends’, had started following her around as well. Sure, they didn’t follow her inside like the shadowy figures but there was only so much being mayor she could take and at least one of them was sitting outside her house each night and she knew they could easily hear through their thin walls. The only reason Daisy had even suggested this was because it was a good stress reliever, so the presence of other beings that were causing it to be a stressful event just made it not worthwhile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted to hold Daisy, to kiss her, to make her feel special and like the only woman in the world but all of that was being ruined by beings and people not respecting that even the mayor needs her privacy! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to call Kevin. It’s been a while and they aren’t letting up. I can’t keep fighting this, even if it’s what’s best for the town. I’m just hoping that the town will refuse to work.” She told Daisy, although cringed at the last statement. Even without Strex, the idea that a person wouldn't want to work or would refuse just didn't make sense to her. Work and working was so ingrained in her that it wrong that someone wouldn't do it, “Smiling God, I can’t believe I said that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know we can’t right now, but hearing you say that is kinda hot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m being serious, Dais. Is there anything your support group can do to make it easier on people? I mean, what do people need? They aren’t like Strex employees, even the ones that came from Strex…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honey, don’t worry. People will protest.” Daisy assured her, moving to kiss her lips softly, “The society for painless living will at least. They did the first time and one of them was really shocked I wasn’t divorcing you over this whole thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren frowned at the idea. She couldn’t say that it hurt to hear, seeing as Daisy had said she wasn’t going to, but even thinking it was an option that the woman might had sparked pangs of anxiety in her chest. Daisy seemed to pick up on this and shushed her, “I’m just saying, people will rebel. I want you to stay as safe as you can but you know Kevin… staying safe probably means that you can’t actively be against the idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… I don’t want the congregation leaders beating me up again. Hmm… that wasn’t a happy day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shadow moved in an odd way, drawing their attention away for a moment but the two shrugged it off, “So, you're going to give in?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose.” Lauren sighed, playing with her hair, "I'll announce it tomorrow. The whole town will probably hate me after that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I won't."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, Daisy wasn’t wrong. Almost every organisation in town was planning a protest of some variety against the construction of the mudstone abyss. It didn’t surprise her but it worried her deeply. She’d need to give another press conference about her support for this plan that she'd essentially been forced not only into doing but into taking the blame for. She was sure that things could get worse but for the moment, while her language was failing again and she was sat behind her stage, covered from the crowd by only a thin curtain that offered little privacy past visually, she wondered if there was really any point in trying. She’d taken this role to help Kevin and to help the town. Now the town hated her and Kevin was puppeting her every move. Daisy had wanted her to take this role and now she was coming home to find Daisy distressed by the things that Lauren was having to do and the potential consequences of those things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t a quitter. She’d never quit before in her life, even when she was sure that the punishment for not quitting would be death, and yet now all she wanted to do was retire and spend her days away from the town and away from all of this mess that Kevin had caused. That she’d caused. That she’d caused in so many ways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d cause it by letting it happen. She’d caused it by shaping Kevin into who he was today. She’d caused it by training the Prophet of the Impure to be her best self. She’d caused it by not listening when she’d told her her prophecy, foolishly thinking it would come so simply when the time came to act it out and now it was just a distant memory in the back of her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked to her left, where the shadow who she assumed was the prophet was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m guessing you’re saying something about how this serves me right, hm?” She questioned, although got no response from the figure. She wasn’t even sure if she was making sense in what she was saying, never mind to the spirit, “It’s a shame we can’t talk properly. I hope we get to before you disappear again. If you disappear again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shadow flickered before it laid back, Lauren following its motion. It was nice. It hadn’t been nice when it wouldn’t leave her alone but just laying here together, staring up at the bright sky that was so full of the warm light of the Smiling God, that was nice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually the shadow stood, looking down at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ll understand me again now?” Lauren sighed. It was less of a question and more of a statement of defeat as she climbed to her feet and brushed the sand from her clothes, “Well, this isn’t going to be pretty but I’m used to not pretty.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It looked up and then to the side. Lauren wasn’t sure if she was looking for something in particular or if she was rolling her eyes at Lauren. Either way, Lauren ignored it in favour of standing tall and marching back out onto the stage to try and calm the people of Desert Bluffs Too. Her people. The people she was doing this for, even if she was doing a terrible job at the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as she took the stand, she felt bile rising in her throat. The entire crowd was screaming, throwing random items onto the stage and chanting for the separation of Church and State. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People! People, please!” She started, putting her hands in a defensive position and smiling as wide as her lips would let her, “I know that thi-... woow…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her feet seemed to slide from under her as the hand around her ankles dragged her into the crowd. The chanting was louder. Too loud. Too loud to bear. She couldn’t recognise the people around her any more. She couldn’t understand what they were saying. Her hair was being dragged backwards. Her arms held down. Her legs sat on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the tattoo gun first hit her face she tried her best to stay still, to minimize the pain from it but as she realised the person wielding it had no idea how to, pushing down so harshly that it would definitely scar over the thick black line they were creating, she struggled. She didn’t care what it would look like or how badly it would hurt. She wasn’t a quitter! She was a fighter! She was a fighter and she wanted to be pure! She wanted to be pure!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they were finished, they’d left her laying on the floor. She didn’t even try to smile. She couldn’t smile anymore anyway. Smiling would still be a frown while she had this curse on her face. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want Daisy, who had smile scars and couldn’t be impure, to see her. What was she now? She wasn’t the mayor. She couldn’t live in town. She would never be cleansed by the Smiling God.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, This isn’t what I was expecting. I mean, that said, I thought finding the child would be a breeze.” Lauren’s eyes widened, following the voice of its owner, the shadowy figure stood above her who now had some more facial details than before although didn’t look the same as how it had once looked. “Surprised? You </span>
  <em>
    <span>can </span>
  </em>
  <span>hear me right? I’m not just looking stupid in front of all my super cool followers?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I can but… how?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she’s born with it…” The prophet grinned wide, putting its hands to its face and tilting its head, “Maybe its impurity.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I remember why I dislike you, now, thank you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey Lauren, what has two legs and needs to stop making people prophets?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I haven't made anyone a prophet since Kevin!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's right, it's you!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren rolled her eyes and put her face in her palms. Of course she'd been following Lauren around doing <em>this </em>the whole time. Of course. What had Lauren expected, "I don't understand why you're mad at me about this. It saved your life."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, unless I find that child, it saved my <em>mortal</em> life... but I've been buried and <em>feeling it</em> for... Oh Smiling God, I don't know how long. And before you say 'blah blah blah' I chose this, yeah, people do that when you threaten their lives."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't threaten your life! Strex did. Nor did you chose to be a prophet, you just chose impurity."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you won’t be helping me then? Give your old friend a hand? I mean, seeing as this is all your fault anyway.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How am I meant to help. Kevin won’t listen to me, I have no title in the Joyous Congregation, and I haven’t spoken to the Smiling God.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…” She conceded, sighing, “... but you can talk to humans and that helps me a lot. I need to find someone… A child. Holy child. Chosen child.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are lots of children here.” Lauren told her, standing up again and waving her hand through the prophet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… rude. The child knows things… does anyone ring a bell?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try to get through to Kevin and ask. If someone knows he will. If he won’t talk to me, hopefully Charles can relay messages.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It turned away from Lauren, huffing, “Well, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner your town will stop acting like children.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right…” Lauren watched her, giving it a moment to settle before changing the subject, “Why are you watching us sleep? Daisy and I, you keep hovering… and flickering… every time we’re intimate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s not me. That’s Sophie. She’s a bit annoyed you’re sleeping with her wife.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, she’s my wife now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Congrats. I don’t think telling Sophie that will make things better.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtBSDagn3Q">Impure - Yuele</a></p><p>And of course, once again, The Prophet of the Impure being a child &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0072"><h2>72. Shunned</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin figures it out.</p><p>Alternative<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/75570233"> Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A note<br/>-&gt; If you're reading ST at the same time and haven't already figured it out, I suggest leaving this chapter until Friday (although I may be over estimating how obvious I'm being about TPoI). </p><p>Warning<br/>&gt; Not starred - some talk about dissociation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lauren sat at the edge of the mudstone abyss. The prophet of the Impure sat beside her, looking around the symbols carved into the side of the monument. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fitting really.” It laughed, “This makes no sense with just half the symbols, it makes no sense with how it’s written.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It makes no sense at all. How can you read that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t, that’s the point. I know what it should say, The Smiling God told me what it </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> say, but it doesn’t say anything right now. Right now it’s just a confused and scrambled message that means nothing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re saying that Kevin doesn’t know what he’s talking about?” Lauren laughed, looking over at it but then mumbling, taking back her previous statement, when she realised it wasn’t laughing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I am… kind of.” It sighed, “The Smiling God wants everyone to be happy and smile and </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Eleven stages are correct and needed to thrive as a person… or to be a halfway decent prophet. It’s just… Kevin doesn’t have sight of everything and he doesn’t accept that. He’s friends with you, reluctantly from what I can tell of what you’ve told me. He’s experienced love and he’s experiencing it again… I suppose… and passion. He’s half aware of where he’s falling short… and when he realises his shortcomings, he’ll have...” It trailed off, staring into the pit now, "... what we took from him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren stared at the symbols for a few moments, trying to take in what it was saying before looking at it again, “Kevin… is a good prophet, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s a good leader, sure. A great one. The purity here is… you can’t compare it to anywhere else. It’s amazing. Kevin, </span>
  <em>
    <span>however</span>
  </em>
  <span>, hasn’t finished his journey. I can’t say he’s not a good prophet because being a good prophet means you take the steps on this journey through your life and… I’m hoping Kevin lives a lot longer. I won't know either way but... I want him to be pure when he's devoured. He could have been further along by now. We stopped him from being. Part of me is glad but... ” It looked down at Lauren, watching her as she tried again to understand the symbols, “You can’t read them. You’ll be able to, when we find the child, but until then they’re nothing. Anyway, what are you going to do now people aren’t allowed to acknowledge you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy doesn’t listen to the radio, so she won’t know. People will acknowledge her and most people like her, so they’ll tell her where I went if I go while people are out.” Lauren told it, leaning back and looking up at the sky instead now, “I’ll leave when there are less people. Daisy has smile scars, she’ll never be impure. No matter how much she fights to be, she’ll only ever get as far as undevoured. She’ll have no problem finding someone to be with after the devouring.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It laughed, pushing her shoulder, which just went straight through and caused Lauren’s argument to the touch to come out as a random assortment of gardening equipment, “Hey, Lauren… Lauren… You want to go to the bar?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please do not make a pun, Smiling God, not right-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can have a marriage… on the rocks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren glared at her, waiting for her to stop laughing before continuing to talk, “Anyway… I don’t want her to even see me. I’m sure someone will tell her but… I don’t want to see her reaction.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think she’s going to care. Daisy. Really?” It snorted. It was looking at her as if waiting for her to tell it that she was making a joke but Lauren just continued staring at the sky, only moving to rub her eyes, “Oh… jeez… Sorry. Uh… Daisy is not going to care. She is the most impure undevoured I’ve met, Lauren… and you are the purest. If the Smiling God sends you to oblivion after the devouring… The Smiling God has lost Its mind, ok. If It purifies her and lets her live within It, It's crazy. You are… so fucking devoted and Daisy is really not. She has someone for after the devouring. <em>You.</em> If you still want to leave town, she’ll probably follow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to make her do that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You won’t have to make her. You’ll probably try to convince her not to… pointless. She loves you. At least, she had a massive crush on you before the downfall, so the fact you-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other, the prophet’s words setting in as the silence grew awkward between them. Lauren opened her mouth to argue, Daisy had been hostile to her before. They’d been friends but Daisy always made it clear that she didn’t trust Lauren and that their relationship was only friendly due to workplace proximity. Sure, they drank together and would talk far more than Lauren spoke to anyone else outside of her own department, but neither of them had anyone else. That’s all it was… Lauren was sure that was all it was before, back when they worked for Strex. If Daisy had liked her, why would she hide it? Why wouldn’t she just tell her? At least, after Kevin had killed Sophie... why wouldn't Daisy be honest?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fortunately she wasn’t given time for her words to form, as they would definitely have lost her some of the fragile purity she had left. No, instead they were interrupted by Sophie dropping down next to the Prophet, taking a far more depressed position than Lauren had ever seen on her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about a child, I haven’t been looking,” She sighed, getting a hum of agreement from the prophet, “Can we go somewhere else? I don’t want to look at that bitch's ugly fucking face.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were prettier splattered across the ceiling, honestly, Dr. Berry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait… she can hear us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charles… I have the weather report right here, listen…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Kevin! No, you listen!” Charles snapped, although made an unhappy noise following it that made Kevin think that maybe he hadn’t meant to be quite so harsh, “One minute you act like this is hard for you, which I understand! Well.. I… uh… I can’t understand but-... the next you’re acting like it’s second nature, you essentially one up me, like you’ve actually-... no that’s an unfair comment… but I can’t cut sandwiches that well and the way you-” </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t reme-...” </span>
  </em>
  <span>“- helped Donny with his grazed knee. I’ve never got him to stop crying that quickly-...” </span>
  <em>
    <span>“When-...?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>“- ...and now you’re acting like you don’t want this at all.  Which is it? I can’t… I can’t… hmm… Kevin, I can’t do this if you’re going to... “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin waited, the noise on the other end of the line making him even more uncomfortable than this conversation was already making him. It was hard enough that Charles was criticising him when he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>trying, without Charles also acting strange. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charles… you seem…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I seem </span>
  <em>
    <span>what, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears pricked at his eyes as Charles yelled at him, trying to keep his smile in his voice, “Distracted.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… uhm… Yeah, sorry, Donovan is swinging his planes around. It’s normally fine but with how erratic it’s gotten I’m just worried he’s going to break something or hit himself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charles… can we… can we just focus on us for a moment? Forget what Don-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious right now, Kevin!” Charles snapped, “We can’t talk about us without worrying what Donovan is doing! Donovan is </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That’s the deal! Ok? I know I said that I don’t expect you to be his parent yet but I expect you to understand that I still am and he will always be the most important person in my life! If you can’t accept that, then you can’t accept me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-... uhm…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to take care of my son, Kevin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Kevin could get another word out, Charles had hung up. He wasn’t sure what to do with what had been said. He could barely hear his own thoughts over the repeating of Charles’ words in his head. Tears threatened his cheeks but he couldn’t cry. He mustn’t. He couldn’t be here right now… he couldn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin rushed to the temple of Joy, growling at the other Pastors to get out as he pushed through the doors, his centipede legs extending from his back and carrying him into the main hall. Part of him didn’t care if they left or not but what came next would have been improper for them to see, to say the least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After throwing down several chairs and pushing his podium to the ground, Kevin curled up in a ball at the altar, sniffling and letting the tear flow freely from his eyes. At first he did nothing but cry, not able to focus on all the things going through his head. The multitude of voices berating him for doing so, the other side trying to comfort him and telling him to let it out, the ones in the middle telling him to think about everyone else. He couldn’t hear himself over their yelling and arguing. He couldn’t understand. He didn’t want to understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then they were silent and he was back in Charles’ bedroom. He was snoring softly as Kevin laid on him, his heart beating against Kevin’s ear. It was peaceful. It was nice. Did he really need to be the most important person in Charles’ life when even coming second meant such sweet, soft touches. Did it really matter if he had to wait for them? Did it really matter if he was an afterthought? Affection was rare and even more so from such a perfect being as Charles, someone so radiantly blessed by the Smiling God that his teeth naturally shone and light poured off of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was he really that annoyed at Donovan, or was he annoyed at himself? He couldn’t understand children and he knew how delicate they were. How easy it was for them to vanish and the pain it caused when they did. He tried to see Donovan and know what to say, what to do, but Smiling God he had no idea. All he knew is that he was bad for Donovan… he’d always be bad for Donovan… and he couldn’t even understand his interests to give even the smallest compensation for that fact. The thing was that all Donny seemed to care about was those planes. He used to be much more energetic, too, when Kevin had first met him. Now all he did when Kevin saw him was thrash those planes around. Smiling God, it wasn’t even like real planes flew… and the lack of sleep everyone was experiencing had made a lot of people get annoyed with Donovan and Charles over this. Kevin had tried to defend Donny but Charles didn’t like that either. He just had to watch those planes. That was the only way to make Charles happy… no interaction… just watch them zig-zag and crash and… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin sat up slowly. Had he fallen asleep? At some point the thoughts of Donovan had blended with those of the birds. The motions. It was as if the two were just one motion, zig-zagging and creating complex patterns and words and-... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wiped his eyes, letting his extra limbs return to his back before he stood, taking his phone out and dialled Charles’ number. It took a few times to get through and it hurt that it had, but eventually Charles picked up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, I’m busy with Don-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait. Take Donovan to the Mudstone Abyss, ok? Take his planes too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Why would I do that, all the spirits are there and we don’t know what they want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charles… that’s not completely true and we both know it. Just because we can’t speak to them doesn’t mean we don’t know. At least, it doesn’t mean that you don’t know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was silence for a moment and then a sigh, “I don’t see how Donovan will help.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His planes. He swings them around like the birds crashing in our dreams. Charles, Donovan can fix this. I believe in him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another silence but this time Charles hung up before Kevin could talk again. He wasn’t sure if he was going to take Donny, but the only way he could find out was to go himself. If Charles wasn’t there, he could probably convince Lauren to go and get him and if he was, then this would all be over soon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh Great Spirits!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is Kevin yelling?” The prophet questioned, Lauren just shaking her head as they both turned to stare at Charles'. His hands were on a boy. Donovan. His son, “Oh… Wait…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lauren stood with her but moved away from the other impure, joining the living citizens of Desert Bluffs Too, even if they completely ignored her existence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey there, kiddo.” The prophet said, the shapes of the words visible to everyone now and not just Lauren and the other impure, “Is it time already?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dads say you wanna watch me play with my planes.” Donovan said, although it had no idea that this was what had come from his lips. It simply knelt. This was a way adults often showed their interest in what children were doing, so it hoped that he realised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he swung the planes in the air, the prophet moved her hands to summon the symbols. Each one formed in an intricate and beautiful pattern, connecting the meanings and giving the people of Desert Bluffs the rest of the symbols for the Mudstone Abyss. Even as they flickered, the Impure raised their hands to help form the words and meanings that would bind everyone under one Smiling God. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Donovan.” She whispered, putting a hand on his hand as she stood and turned to Lauren, “Thank you, Ms Mallard.” then Charles, "You should be proud of him." and then it turned to Kevin. A small smile formed on its lips even though it knew it had limited time and no one could see it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t take him for granite.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7bxXjQL3cY">A Song to Say Goodbye - Placebo</a><br/>[Heavy tws so splitting them<br/>Song: Drug addiction, suicide, abandonment, Death<br/>Video: All of above - Child abuse/neglect, mental health issues, psych wards/care home]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0073"><h2>73. Proud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin is proud of Donovan.</p><p>Alternative <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/75945968">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>The crowd watched as the Impure rose and dissipated. They suddenly understood and it could be felt by each and every one of them. Kevin looked into the sky after the spirits and then down to Donovan. He was proud of him. That still felt uncomfortable and undeserved but he was proud. He wanted to call Donovan his son. He wanted to be his parent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some people had suggested Lauren be reinstated as mayor, but Kian had corrected them that this couldn’t happen. Kevin didn’t care. He had gone over to Charles and Donovan and taken the two into his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You figured it out, Kevin.” Charles said, smiling with those perfect teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Donny figured it out. You should be proud of your son.” Kevin told him, kneeling to Donovan’s level, “I’m proud of you, Donovan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once Charles and Donovan had left, Kevin went back to the studio to broadcast the news. He felt comfortable, confident, and he was hoping that this feeling wouldn’t end when he told Charles about his new revelation. He was hoping Charles might forgive him for his earlier behaviour, although the voice in the back of his head told him that he didn’t deserve Charles’ forgiveness. That there would always be a rift because of how Kevin had acted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, he returned to Charles’ house after the day and kissed him as he opened the door. Charles smiled at this, although it was a concerned smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. We don’t have to talk now. What’s Donny up to?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s gone to bed early. He fell asleep after all the excitement.” Charles explained, stepping to the side to let Kevin in, “Look, I was overly harsh earlier… but it still stands that Donovan has to be the most important thing in my life and in this relationship.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kevin said simply, knowing that Charles would have an argument for this and allowing him the time to state it before continuing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that but is that just Kevin now? Will Kevin later disagree? Is Kevin now the Kevin that lifts Donny up to see over crowds of people or is this the Kevin who wants attention?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s all one Kevin, I’m afraid… just… different versions of one Kevin. I suppose Daisy is more qualified to handle those questions and I tend to ignore her when she explains to me. More, I don’t want to admit it to myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you mean.” Charles sighed, sitting and patting the seat next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As I said, perhaps you should talk to Dr. Mallard.” Kevin repeated as he sat, “My point is… I don’t mind being second to Donovan. I understand and it was hard for me to understand because… well… I guess I’ve always been treated as second to someone, ever since Strex moved into Desert Bluffs. I equated things that weren’t equal… where second meant horribly unworthy with Strex, or with previous relationships…” Kevin opened his mouth to try and explain but found it hard to find words. Charles was patient, which made it easier, “...well, with you, even being second is amazing. I want to be second in your life, Charles.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin…” He frowned in return, “... It’s not just about being second. It’s about being one and that one working together to put Donovan first. You’re not second, you’re just also not first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin furrowed his eyebrows, trying to understand what Charles meant. How could he not be second but not be first? It didn’t make sense to him. Either Charles would be more concerned about Donovan or more concerned about him and Kevin was fine with the answer being Donovan, so what was the problem?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think about it this way.” Charles continued, taking Kevin’s hand, “If someone told me to choose who died, you, me, or Donovan, I’d pick myself. If someone told me to choose who died between you or Donovan and I couldn’t pick myself, I’d pick you. You and I are equal and we need to stand together to protect Donny. I need to know in the same situation, you’d pick me to die and not Donny.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That situation won’t-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It might. You don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charles… nothing dies here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, ok, but to feel immense pain.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” Kevin nodded, suddenly understanding everything Charles had said. His heart fluttered at the thought of it all, that they were one unit, not at all separate. He loved the idea and the feeling. It had been so long since he felt this way and he'd forgotten how wonderful and whole it made him feel. He'd forgotten how wanted it made him feel,  “I think I can do that. I want to do that. Not just because I love you, Charles, but because I love your… no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>our</span>
  </em>
  <span> son.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m happy you’re enthusiastic but it puts pressure on Donovan if we start using those labels too early. We want him to be comfortable with this as well and really he should have the last say in when you become his dad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin nodded, smiling softly as Charles pressed their lips together. It felt like heaven. Like the first time they had kissed and so much more. His hands travelled up to Charles’ shoulders, massaging softly to show Charles that pushing him away wasn’t because the attention was unwanted but because there was something more important at that moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been through a lot, Charles. I need you to know that.” Kevin started. It was hard to just admit that fact. He’d been told for so long that what Strex did to him was good and just, so every time he had to admit that it wasn’t, it scared him. It was like a small piece of him was floating away into oblivion. Like his purity would be taken. Like he was admitting defeat, “I don’t expect you to deal with me if I get too much. You give me so much comfort and joy and that’s all I could ever ask for. I can't take yours too. I can't-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh… we can talk about everything when you’re comfortable. We’ll have time. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise.” He whispered, brushing his lips over Kevin’s again, “Do you want to talk about any of it now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…” Kevin breathed, moving to straddle Charles, “... I’ll let you talk with Daisy first.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day was beautiful and the next and the next. The Mudstone Abyss was going well, Lauren was actually taking a break for once and enjoying the amusement park while she wasn’t working on the abyss, and Kevin had a lot to report. A lot of smiles and activities that he’d planned, with suggestions from the whole community, to make working on the abyss nicer and more fun for every member of the public. His evenings spent with Donovan had been fulfilling and his nights spent with Charles had been phenomenal. Everything was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, everything was perfect other than the feeling in the back of his mind that this would all end sooner rather than later. The feeling that something must be wrong. Nice things didn’t happen to him. Not nice things like this. Why would they be happening now when every time before that a nice thing had happened to him he’d had it ripped away and broken into a thousand tiny pieces? Why would this be any different. The thought bothered him deeply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, it bothered him so deeply he found himself doing something he hated and something he’d put off for several months. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s normal.” The woman told him in her uninterested tone, “Also, I can’t disclose your confidential information to your boyfriend, no matter how much you want me to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is it normal? Normal is happy and joyous and accepting the gifts of the Smiling God!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s normal because you’ve seen a pattern and you expect it to continue. It’s hard to admit that all patterns will eventually end. Plus, can’t you read the Mudstone Abyss? You know what it says.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>actually! They are holy symbols, not just some easy to read language. The Smiling God tells me what it wants me to know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well… I can’t help you on that front then. Lauren might be able to but I doubt she’ll speak to you.” Daisy told him, waving her hand in the air, “I have other clients to see, Kevin. Talk to Charles about your dissociations and you’ll see, everything will be ok this time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s easy for you to say.” He grumbled. She wouldn’t understand how hard it was to tell Charles about what was going on. He could barely understand himself. He could use his journal and show Charles but that wouldn’t guarantee that Charles understood what was happening. He didn’t want to make more confusion in a relationship that already had so much confusion. He just wanted an easy life now. He just wanted to be able to live like a normal person, one that hadn’t been through the things that he’d been through. Was that really so much to ask? He didn’t think so. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That evening was awkward. Kevin tried to broach the topic but each time Donovan needed one thing or another and Kevin happily took the excuse not to have to explain. He ran around after Donovan all evening, insisting Charles have ‘the night off’. He made dinner (which Charles had to fix, much to Charles' confusion), ran Donovan a bath (which was far too hot and needed to cool down, also confusing Charles), and made a picnic for the next day (which confused Charles the most because Kevin ruined almost all of the bread when he tried to cut it). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something is wrong, I feel like something is wrong.” He said once Donovan was in bed, laughing nervously as he pushed his glasses up his nose, “Kevin, not so long ago you were being a model parent and tonight you’ve acted like you’ve never been around a child before. I mean… I don’t know what to make of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” Kevin started, although didn’t really know where to go from there, “... What makes you think that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You seem stressed and it’s distracting you. I think. It happens to all of us, trust me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Distracted… yes, I am distracted. I’m just stressed about… work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was that a question?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles looked at him and Kevin wished he could shrink into his jumper. He had no idea what to do or say but he knew that tonight wasn’t the night to do it. It wasn’t the night to do it because he didn’t want to do it tonight. He probably wouldn’t want to do it tomorrow night either. Nor the night after… Kevin wasn’t really sure when he’d get around to doing it but he would. Eventually. At some point.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luYqWw7j2fM">Nivel Inexperto - Second</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0074"><h2>74. Kids</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Donovan being a kid (and embarrassing Kevin)</p><p>Alternative <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/76400825">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&gt; Warnings (but they are very mild, this is a fluff chapter and not like I said C&amp;S was fluff, actual fluff!)</p><p>&gt; SA mention (only when linking it back to previous chapters and completely with euphemism) - ***'d. It's only one or two lines.<br/>&gt; Euphemisms<br/>&gt; Self harm (not a euphemism, that's direct - ***'d)</p><p>- Sorry, I'm really feel awful this week, next chapter for YG and ST will be next week -</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You be good for your teachers! It’s hard for them doing shifts, especially with such low wages.” Kevin told Donovan as he put his lunch in his bag, “Daddy will pick you up later and I’ll be here after my broadcast. We’ll do your homework, have dinner, then if you've been good we'll go get ice cream.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok.” Donny agreed. Kevin could see him watching him as he sorted out Charles’ lunch and turned to smile, “Why isn’t daddy doing that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m letting him have a lie in.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear.” Kevin laughed, catching Donny’s toast and buttering it before taking it over to him, “Sometimes adults need a little more sleep, so I’m letting daddy get more sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t you calling him Charles?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m talking to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, you call him daddy and I’m calling him daddy for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin thought about this one. He wasn’t exactly sure of the answer himself, so sat with Donovan, taking small sips of his coffee as he thought, “I suppose it’s just what adults do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, my daddy says that adults call each other that when they love each other very much..." Burning. Both in his cheeks and nose as he expelled coffee from his nostrils, coughing while he fetched himself a tissue. Still, Donny continued, "...and you love my daddy very much but you don't call him daddy when he's here. You should 'cause then he'll know you love him very much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? I-I'm not sure I understand what you mean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was this lady at the shop and she called her husband ‘daddy’. So, I asked daddy why she did that because he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>obviously</span>
  </em>
  <span> not that old. Not like daddy, daddy is very old. So are you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I am ancient. That's true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly! But he wasn’t! So anyway, daddy said it was something that adults did when they love each other very much. I know you love daddy. You’re always making furniture together for other people after I go to bed. Daddy says that lots of people can’t do that unless they love each other very much. They just end up yelling at each other.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stared at Donovan, not really sure how to answer that. They hadn’t put any furniture together, so what was he talking about? He didn’t want to say something that would annoy Charles but he also had no idea what Donovan meant. He could only agree with the statement that he understood. This was definitely harder than looking after StrexCorp children but he supposed that was a good thing. Better to have an inquisitive and confusing but kind and creative young man to care for than one of the child drones he used to see in his day-to-day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People have difficulty putting together furniture, that’s true.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <span>“Daddy wouldn’t tell me if you were good at it. He doesn’t want me asking you for a treehouse. I <em>really </em>want a treehouse! I never had a treehouse and </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>the kids in Pine Cliff had ghost ones! I couldn’t even get into them, so I couldn't play! I'd just sit and watch them and it looked like so much fun! But Ms Mallard said you’re really bad at making furniture. I told her about you and daddy making stuff every night this week and she laughed and said you’re really bad at it. She said you couldn’t even make a chair for her!” </span>
</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, the burning was back in his cheeks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>what he meant… and on top of that, he’d spoken to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lauren </span>
  </em>
  <span>about it! Kevin wasn’t sure he could live that one down. He also wasn’t sure what to reply to this new knowledge. Charles had obviously meant well by lying about what they were doing but he could have at least spoken to Kevin about being quieter to avoid this conversation at all. At least Donovan was continuing, so he had some more time to think about how he was going to reply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, I don’t espect you to make my treehouse. I really want one but it’s ok if daddy is still teaching you to build stuff. I can’t build stuff either. He always says you do good, I hear him telling you he enjoyed building it with you too, but my teacher says the same about my macaroni art.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re macaroni art is good!” Kevin was so glad for the change of subject. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah but not the ones I give her. I give her the ones I don’t like because I don’t like her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do the same to Ms Mallard.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that why she doesn’t like your furniture?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin frowned, not really wanting to think about that, “Ms Mallard… doesn’t like wooden furniture. She likes plastic furniture and I can’t make that. How about I made you that treehouse? I can use wood… although, as we’re on sand, it won’t be in a tree. I can make it on a pole though. Next time we get a wood delivery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you!” Donovan smiled wide, slipping off his chair to hug Kevin tight around his waist. Kevin turned to return the hug, feeling a wide smile tugging at his face. It was odd, for once his chest wasn’t tight. He didn’t feel like life was happening around him. He didn’t feel tense. It was nice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, ok. Finish your toast.” Kevin told him, waiting for Donny to get back up to the table before writing in his notebook, “I need to go wake your daddy up in a minute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you write in that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I forget things a lot, this helps me to remember them even when I’m confused.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m really good at remembering! I can help you remember things!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be nice, but I need my notebook too, ok.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, did you promise Donovan a treehouse?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles had an annoyed tone and Kevin didn’t like it when Charles was annoyed. He had no idea what he was talking about but assumed that he probably had promised him that. His notebook confirmed this suspicion but also made his stomach do flips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Donny heard Charles and I having sex, so now I owe him a treehouse :)’. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… but </span>
  <em>
    <span>Charles, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s a kid, he needs to learn skills such as climbing and falling safely and-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not annoyed you promised it, Kevin.” Charles sighed, although this just confused Kevin further, “I’ve dropped Donny off with Grandma Josephine so that we can figure out how and where to build it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sound… not happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not you. It’s Donny.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He told me about Lauren. He’s just very chatty recently and I have to be careful what I say and what he hears, plus he’s been reading under his blanket with a torch so he’s sleeping later than I thought… ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charles, it’s alright.” Kevin offered, letting the other make a disgruntled noise, “We’ll just make sure he’s asleep from now on. I do-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want him saying something at school and telling him not to tell means he’ll say something worse like that I told him not to tell. Anyway, I need to go. I’m on my way home and I promised Grandma Josephine I’d pick Donny up before his bedtime, so we need to get planning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just leaving too. I love you, Charles.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, Fennec.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Kevin started the project, he hadn’t expected it to take so long. He’d built the first few houses in Desert Bluffs Too so quickly that he’d imagined the same would go from building a treehouse but he hadn’t accounted for having to stop when Donovan was in bed, or when it was time to eat with Charles and Donny, or when Donny wanted to play. He’d been working on it for three days now and still had so much to do. Still, he wasn’t disheartened by the amount of work, just concerned about the quality that he’d output. The longer something took the more time he had to become anxious about it. The more anxious he was about it, the less he wanted to do it. The less he wanted to do it, the faster he worked but at the cost of making small errors that needed fixing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>*******</p><p>
  <span>Charles had come out today at just the wrong moment. He’d already made several errors and the only solution Kevin could think of to stop himself making these errors was the solution Strex had had to him making errors. That is to say, Kevin had just broken his fingers and wrist with the hammer and was staring off into the distance, smiling at nothing. </span>
</p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Charles asked, having set down the drinks he had brought out and moving to cradle Kevin’s limp wrist, “Can you feel anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hurts </span>
  <em>
    <span>so wonderfully!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should get you to a doctor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What for, Charles? It will heal. The Smiling God’s light and blessing on this land will heal any injury and I as his most loved prophet will benefit first from his healing light!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin… we’re not in a sermon.” Charles reminded him, staring at his twitching hand as the bruising changed colour, “I know the desert heals quickly but you still need to look after yourself. What even happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>******</p><p>
  <span>“I hit it with a hammer!” Kevin said joyfully, “I was making so many mistakes and Donny will get hurt if I don’t do it right, so I-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did this to yourself?” </span>
</p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kevin…” Charles pulled him into a hug, keeping Kevin’s head close to his chest. The warmth and care made Kevin’s smile fade into a more genuine one. The sound of Charles’ heartbeat calming him, lulling him softly into a more peaceful state. He followed Charles as he moved inside, letting him bandage his hand and cuddling against him, “Donny is taking a nap so we can just relax for a while, alright. You’re not going to be able to help with the Mudstone Abyss today and no doing anymore work on the treehouse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Charles…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No buts.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbv5tDdxiD0">Relax - Tower B x L.E.M</a><br/>Didn't have anything fitting, so have some chill music</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0075"><h2>75. Hot Days and Lemonade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kevin is trying his best</p><p>Alternative <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/77146547">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Finally.” Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. It had taken a few weeks but with some help from the demons, the ‘tree’ house was looking ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donny’s excitement when he saw the structure was worth every second. The light that shone in his eyes. The way he rushed over to the rope ladder. The way he squatted Charles’ hand away, telling him he could climb it himself. It made Kevin feel that special flutter in his chest again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then the obligatory heaviness that came with the realisation that he’d felt it. This was a moment for Charles, not for him. Even if he wanted to be Donovan’s guardian, the boy didn’t see him that way yet. It wasn’t for him to feel good about, or for him to enjoy. This wasn’t his moment and wasn’t his happiness. It was Charles and Donovan’s. He knew he shouldn’t feel bad about that, that he had felt happy. It was natural and expected. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath, waving up to Donny as he waved from the window.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Kevin! You’re the best boyfriend daddy has ever had!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles put an arm around him and Kevin smiled, but only for as long Charles was looking at him. He couldn’t keep it any longer than that. Even Donovan’s joyous words only resonated the simultaneous punches to gut that were Donovan only seeing him as Charles’ boyfriend (although logically understandable) and knowing Charles had had more boyfriends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get us some lemonade.” Kevin breathed, removing himself from Charles’ arm and going back inside. It should have been a simple task, pouring a drink for each of them. Why was it that even the smallest task ended with him having to try hard to keep his smile. He could hear Donovan having fun, the demons were showing him all of the features that Kevin had built into the treehouse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A tear dropped on his hand but… he wasn’t crying? Was he? His hand rose to his face and it was wet but he had nothing to be crying about. He was smiling, right? He could feel his smile on his face and he could press his lips. He could feel his smile and yet he could also feel tears. He wasn’t feeling sad. He didn’t understand. Not feeling happy is not the same as feeling sad and just because he wasn’t part of this happiness didn’t mean he should be crying, so why was his face so wet? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles’ arms seemed to do nothing for his eyes, despite comforting him. He felt safe. He felt like, if he was sad he could tell Charles, but he didn’t feel sad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright.” The man cooed, stroking Kevin’s hair, “If you need to cry, you can cry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not sad.” Kevin protested as he buried his face in Charles’ chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright. You don’t have to be sad to cry, Kevin. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m enjoying seeing Donovan enjoying his treehouse. I know it’s an important moment for you two and I’m glad I’m a part of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles’ thumb traced Kevin’s eye socket in a way that felt warm and familiar, “You should be proud of yourself. You gave Donovan so much happiness today. It’s ok if those emotions are overwhelming.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kevin leant into the touch, touching Charles’ hand as he cupped his face, “It’s hard, remembering when the right time to feel happy is, especially with you. You and Donny, you both make me so happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charles didn’t reply, instead taking a moment to pull Kevin into a tight hug and then helping him finish the drinks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took a while for Kevin to settle, between his mind wandering back to his own anxieties and the anxieties that came about as Donovan did things like sliding down the rope ladder rather than climbing, it wasn’t easy for him to relax. Charles had set up a couple of chairs for them to enjoy the sun and to help Donovan skin and gut the fox carcass he had found. Kevin loved seeing him giggle as he pulled out the organs to hang on the outside of the treehouse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the end of the day, Kevin climbed up to check how painting the walls with the foxes blood was going. Donovan was fast asleep, covered head to toe with the room dripping beautifully. His hand was still resting on the wall at the bottom of a red-brown smear. Kevin had never seen another cuter in his life. He scooped Donny onto his hip, carrying him down to Charles so he could give him a shower while Kevin made dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once Donovan had eaten and was in bed, Kevin started to tidy up the house. He let Charles get comfortable on the sofa, although Charles ineffectively tried to protest this (yawning as he did). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I actually wanted to talk to you,” Charles started. Kevin never liked those words. He didn’t like those words from most people but from Charles they were even worse, “I ran into Daisy after class the other day. Well, I should say, she and Lauren have decided to take my class and stayed behind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really? I wouldn’t have thought Lauren would be interested in hearing someone else talk about the Smiling God.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, the Congregation is strict about what I can and can’t teach. I think Lauren is just doing something to pass the time and Daisy is doing it for her.” He explained, turning to watch Kevin putting Donovan’s toys away, “She mentioned something that might help you, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More therapy? No thank you. Especially after the last couple of times. She can’t lecture me about control when she’s going to freak out halfway through a session because </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘where are we?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘where’s my doctor?’.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s different.” Charles argued, although was unsure that this was the best thing to say when Kevin looked up at him with pain in his eyes, “If it’s not different, Daisy is my best chance of understanding, Kevin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand and she’s been working with me for decades. Just because she suffers too doesn’t mean she can explain.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please. If you’re uncomfortable, we can stop, but it’s worth a try, isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kevin stood, putting the last of Donovan’s toys in his toy box and sitting next to Charles. He wanted to ignore the question entirely, to take his time to decide and, honestly, for it to eventually fade into a background thought that he didn’t have to acknowledge at all. That thought was unfair and Kevin knew it. He may be having trouble differentiating what was and wasn’t fair outside of the Smiling God, but he knew that ignoring this was unfair, not just on Charles but on himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose it’s worth a try…” Kevin breathed, raising his head as Charles stroked his hair. He was about to speak but Charles spoke first.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s something to look forward to afterward, as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lauren wants to look after Donovan, so-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Kevin stated. His voice was firm, despite not knowing where it had come from. He didn’t want Lauren looking after Donovan but he hadn’t meant to say so out loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kevin, We’ll have time to watch her with Donovan and if she’s not-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’ll pretend, Charles! She can’t be trusted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy will be there and if I feel like Lauren is preten-...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daisy can’t help! She’s unreliable and unpredictable!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Kevin beamed, although he hadn’t really listened to what Charles had said. He’d heard but he certainly hadn’t taken it in. When he had it felt more like a brand on his chest or a hand around his neck. The hand that had kept him this way for so long already, “No… I just mean that if something happened, Daisy might not be capable of stopping it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call Grandma Josephine then and ask if one of her demons can help them. You trust the demons, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I do. I just don’t understand why Lauren wants to look after Donovan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll understand when you see her.” Charles mumbled, making it very unclear if this was actually a message for Kevin or just a comment to himself, “Trust me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I trust you, Charles.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And Now, The Weather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWOyfLBYtuU">Dog Days are Over - Florence and The Machine</a></p><p>I may actually put the weather for the second half of this act on the alternates because this one is going to be a lot more fluff until Act 5 and even Act 5 is going to be pretty fluffy until the actual end. The Alt is fluffy but there's a lot more... difference.<br/>Listen, listen, I don't listen to feel good songs, guys.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0076"><h2>76. Play Date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry it's late</p><p>Alternative <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/77545415">Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mild warning, not starred</p><p>&gt; Mental health talk<br/>&gt; Two characters badly explaining alters (like, very badly, don't take it as an explanation)<br/>&gt; Kevin in denial</p><p>Starred<br/>&gt; Child abuse</p><p>I'll be putting the weathers on the alternates because I can't find that many happy songs! I'm not a happy person D:</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Donny!” Lauren chimed as the boy let go of Kevin’s hand and ran over to her, “Hello, darling.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ms Mallard! I brought my favourite plane.” </p><p> </p><p>Lauren laughed softly, ruffling his hair, “Call me Lauren, sweetie.” </p><p> </p><p>Kevin kept his eyes on them, watching as the two. Lauren had taken his plane, making engine noises as they moved over to the area where there would normally be a coffee table in front of their two sofas. It had been moved, Kevin guessed this was to give Donovan more space, seeing as there were several blankets that looked far too childish for Donovan. They were baby blues and pinks. Donovan liked brighter colours. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s a bit baby mad at the moment.” Daisy hummed, watching the two, “It’s nice to see. I remember when the thought of a child disgusted her.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, so do I…” Kevin hissed, looking at Daisy now instead. He’d expected some level of worry from her, but the way she was looking at the two made his stomach turn.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re considering taking a short trip over to Red Mesa. She’s worried someone from Strex might recognise her but they’ve all cleared out of Red Mesa too.” </p><p> </p><p>“That sounds wonderful, how old were you thinking?” </p><p> </p><p>“You might be able to adopt your own children,” Kevin sneered, ignoring Charles’ comment but not able to ignore the elbow in his side, “They’ll still be young!”</p><p> </p><p>“I actually considered that,” Daisy sighed, “I called Alex and they’re all pretty happy where they are. I didn’t even ask. Also, I wasn’t sure you’d want to see them again or how you being around would affect them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that-...” Charles’ elbow collided with him once more and Kevin stopped, pouting. He decided it was best to stay quiet. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, Lauren seems to be getting on well with Donny. Should we?”</p><p> </p><p>“If you want.” Daisy smiled, gesturing to the table that was closer to the kitchen than the other two, “We can move into another room if you’d rather Donovan wasn’t in the same one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kevin is nervous about leaving him with Lauren. He wants to keep an eye on the two.”</p><p> </p><p>“That makes a lot of sense. By the way, which Kevin have we got today?”</p><p> </p><p>Kevin rolled his eyes, taking a bunch of pens from his pocket. He was overly aware that Charles was watching him but didn’t really want to look up and see how the other was reacting to what must have looked like a completely insane gesture. He found the orange pen and shoved the rest back into his pocket, holding it up.</p><p> </p><p>“So very hard feelings about Lauren and I. That’s…” It was obvious she was looking for a word other than ‘unproductive’ but the censoring just made him even more annoyed.</p><p> </p><p>“Unproductive, just say it.” </p><p> </p><p>“... good, actually.” Daisy corrected, “It means that if Lauren can win you over, then she must be good with kids. I’m biased because I love her. Charles is neutral. It’s good to have someone biased against us too.” </p><p> </p><p>“Are we talking to Daisy? You seem… too alright with this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, it’s Daisy. I just want to make sure, without a shadow of  doubt, that Lauren can handle this.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Charles interrupted, drawing both of their attention. He was looking between them with knitted eyebrows, gesturing to the space the two occupied, “I think I missed something somewhere. <em> ‘Which Kevin’? </em> And of course this is Daisy.” </p><p> </p><p>Kevin sucked in a sharp breath of air, waving his hand when Daisy went to talk, “<em> Charles… </em>You know when you said that sometimes it was like I was different people? Well, there’s one me, Charles. However, there are multiple Daisy’s and they are all very different.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not how it works, Kevin.” She argued, “Just because they refuse to have a different name doesn’t mean they’re the same as you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha! Oh… a fun thought. There’s only one me, Daisy!”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway, Charles, the point is that although there is only one me, sometimes it might seem like… another me is talking to you or something.” </p><p> </p><p>Charles looked between them, his expression only exaggerating as he was obviously trying to understand what was going on. Then it seemed to click. Or at least his eyebrows raised and his mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape. </p><p> </p><p>“Because of Strex?” He asked, causing Kevin’s stomach to flip in a way he wasn’t sure he liked. He wasn’t sure that he’d felt that kind of flip in a long time, the type that makes you dizzy and your skin burn.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>“No.” Daisy’s voice was shaking too and when their eyes met, Kevin could see that she wanted to explain just as much as he did, which was to say not at all. Still, she took a professional tone and gestured to him, “Kevin can tell you his own reasons. For me, a lot of bad things happened and I ended up with chronic pain. I was in the hospital a lot, either because of illness or because I was seeing specialists to help me read and write. It actually made me want to become a doctor, so I try to think of that silver lining… it’s not much but it’s something to hold onto.” </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>“I thought your pain was from your neural frame?”</p><p> </p><p>“It is, as well. Both hurt, near constantly. I have pain relief for that though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Charles frowned. The group fell to silence then. There wasn’t much else to say, as Kevin didn’t feel like adding to the emotional burden of the situation that was already in front of him, especially as he had no idea about what Daisy had told him until she had said it. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, although you apologising makes me pretty uncomfortable.” Daisy added to cut through the tension in the air, “I’ve never actually told anyone apart from my late wife and Lauren. I wouldn’t have told Lauren but Iris really didn’t like her, so I had to explain.”</p><p> </p><p>Another silence. Kevin moved closer to Charles to balance himself. To ground him. Charles’ arm around his shoulders did just that. He took a deep breath, putting his hand on Charles. </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe we just watch those two today. I think that’s enough new for one afternoon.”</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>“Call me Lauren, sweetie.” She hummed, taking Donovan’s plane and raising it as high as she could while making an engine noise. The laughs that this pulled from Donovan brought a wide smile to her face. </p><p> </p><p>She dropped down to the floor, crossing her legs and making the plane fly back into Donovan’s hands once he was sat next to her. </p><p> </p><p>“Lauren, we made books at school! I want to show you mine. I made it for Kevin but I know you really love the Smiling God too.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes I do, and the Smiling God loves you.” She hummed, booping his nose. He seemed to enjoy the gesture, but was focused on pulling his book out of his bag. It was a bunch of papers folded in half and tied with string through hole-punched holes. He snuggled up against her before he opened it. Donovan read slowly but she smiled anyway. He’d written a story called ‘the little centipede’ which seemed to be his own version of ‘the very hungry centipede’, a book the congregation used to teach children about the devouring. He’d changed some things, like he had mentioned the Impure and Undevoured in it, which was something the congregation certainly wouldn’t do. </p><p> </p><p>“What did you think?” </p><p> </p><p>“I loved it. You’re a very talented author. Is that what you want to be when you grow up?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m going to be a pilot!” He told her, putting the book back in his bag, “I need to work really hard at school, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you working really hard at school?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes but it’s hard.”</p><p> </p><p>Lauren smiled softly, trying to show him that she understood. She hadn’t struggled herself but she’d also been taught by world class professors. Donny didn’t have that advantage, “Maybe I could tutor you? I need a new job and I am very good at maths.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about Spanish?”</p><p> </p><p>“Soy latina.” </p><p> </p><p>“Soy latino.”</p><p> </p><p>“Si, bueno.” Lauren beamed, “Does your dad not speak Spanish with you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Only when he doesn’t want Kevin to know what he’s saying but Kevin speaks Spanish. It’s our little secret. I just get bad marks on my spelling.” </p>
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